I dreamt last night that I met The Reaper. Except it doesn't feel much at all like a dream.
In my childhood home, in my childhood bed, I awoke. Except I couldn't get my eyes to work quite right. They wouldn't focus, as I tried to check the time on a smartphone that didn't exist while I lived in that home. And when I sat up in my bed, I saw the world as though I were still laying there on my side. As though I were witnessing a memory, rather than what my eyes truly saw.
I called for my Mother, though I haven't found comfort in her presence for many years. I was frightened and confused. I needed reassurance, and that's what Mothers are meant to provide, yes?
Mom came, assuring me it was fine. I was, by this point, focused solely on the cat that was cuddling up to me. Purring away and nuzzling me affectionately as I petted her.
"Neko? My Neko is here?" I remarked. "Mom, Neko's here?! This is Koneko?"
'Of course, where else should she be?'
"No. She can't be here. She died. She died years ago, she's gone. All that's left of her sits in a little wooden box beside the sofa where I sleep. With Sesshoumaru and Winona alongside."
Only then did 'Mom' relent and reveal the truth. My time grows near, and they are tasked with collecting me. "... Have I been a good enough person? Will I go to Heaven, or Hell? Do they even exist?"
A long pause, and then 'You've been a good person. You've made bad choices, certainly, but the good far outweighs the bad.'
"And Neko... will she be there when I go?"
'She waits for you, yes. And she'll be there when you're ready to go. Are you ready to go now?'
I gazed at my sweet Koneko. With fur as soft as silk, and the most gorgeous eyes I'd ever seen on any cat. She was my heart, my reason for fighting through so many years of anguish. And I wanted to go right then. To leave this awful world behind and finally be happy again.
"I can't. I have too many things to put in order. I can't leave a mess for my friends to clean up when I'm gone. I need just a little more time."
'We understand. We can spare a bit more time for you... We'll be here waiting for you when you're ready.'
I wept as I gave Neko one last hug.
I wept when I woke from that 'dream'
And I weep now as I write this.
I'm so very tired. But I know now that, as soon as I get things wrapped up here, I can finally rest.
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