Hey Lala. Be kind to yourself today for me since I can’t be there to do it myself, would you?
Love you 💜
I'll do my best. Please know you don't have to worry about me doing anything stupid. I'd never do that to my friends.
RMH

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@theminizon
Hey Lala. Be kind to yourself today for me since I can’t be there to do it myself, would you?
Love you 💜
I'll do my best. Please know you don't have to worry about me doing anything stupid. I'd never do that to my friends.
I dreamt last night that I met The Reaper. Except it doesn't feel much at all like a dream.
In my childhood home, in my childhood bed, I awoke. Except I couldn't get my eyes to work quite right. They wouldn't focus, as I tried to check the time on a smartphone that didn't exist while I lived in that home. And when I sat up in my bed, I saw the world as though I were still laying there on my side. As though I were witnessing a memory, rather than what my eyes truly saw.
I called for my Mother, though I haven't found comfort in her presence for many years. I was frightened and confused. I needed reassurance, and that's what Mothers are meant to provide, yes?
Mom came, assuring me it was fine. I was, by this point, focused solely on the cat that was cuddling up to me. Purring away and nuzzling me affectionately as I petted her.
"Neko? My Neko is here?" I remarked. "Mom, Neko's here?! This is Koneko?"
'Of course, where else should she be?'
"No. She can't be here. She died. She died years ago, she's gone. All that's left of her sits in a little wooden box beside the sofa where I sleep. With Sesshoumaru and Winona alongside."
Only then did 'Mom' relent and reveal the truth. My time grows near, and they are tasked with collecting me. "... Have I been a good enough person? Will I go to Heaven, or Hell? Do they even exist?"
A long pause, and then 'You've been a good person. You've made bad choices, certainly, but the good far outweighs the bad.'
"And Neko... will she be there when I go?"
'She waits for you, yes. And she'll be there when you're ready to go. Are you ready to go now?'
I gazed at my sweet Koneko. With fur as soft as silk, and the most gorgeous eyes I'd ever seen on any cat. She was my heart, my reason for fighting through so many years of anguish. And I wanted to go right then. To leave this awful world behind and finally be happy again.
"I can't. I have too many things to put in order. I can't leave a mess for my friends to clean up when I'm gone. I need just a little more time."
'We understand. We can spare a bit more time for you... We'll be here waiting for you when you're ready.'
I wept as I gave Neko one last hug.
I wept when I woke from that 'dream'
And I weep now as I write this.
I'm so very tired. But I know now that, as soon as I get things wrapped up here, I can finally rest.
2023 wouldn't be complete without life throwing one more curve-ball at me. I'm now being sued for a debt that I could swear had been taken care of years ago. To the tune of $560... and I have no proof or paperwork, because it's from right before I became homeless... So like, yeah, I wasn't getting mail or anything back then, because I was sleeping on the fucking street. But I distinctly recall having insurance on that account, and making use of that omce it became obvious my life was completey fucked.
Can I get a goddamned break?
I'm still technically homeless. I can't afford housing, so I'm couch surfing between friends... I'm barely scraping together enough money to pay bills every month, and if I lose this judgment, they can either garnish my paychecks, or seize any assets that I still have...
So I'm really scared because my address on file is my friend's house (for mailing purposes) and I don't want them to try and come for his property at the house...
I honestly just don't even want o be alive anymore. I don't know why I keep fighting.
Anyway, I still have earrings available in my Ko-fi shop, not that anyone has shown any interest. But like, yeah, check it out maybe, 'cause I could really use some extra money right about now...
https://ko-fi.com/minizonlala/shop
Updated my shop
It's still little, but I added new pics and a few new colors to my shop. I need to get some good pics of the Glow-in-the-dark earrings actually glowing, but yeah... I tried to do Etsy, (or was it Marketplace?) But I was having issues setting up the listings and I just... needed to be able to do something easy for once.
Anyway, check it out, maybe? I'm open to suggestions for products, too. I wanna do stickers eventually, but I gotta figure out the logistics of that. I don't draw as much as I used to, and I've no idea where to get stickers printed for a decent price. I'm drowning in bills as it is, and trying not to ask for help anymore.
Handmade resin 'Gummie Bear' style earrings. Nickle-free earring hooks, or request clip-on style for un-pierced ears. Starbucks cups ARE N
I haven't updated in a while because it feels like it's the same thing over and over again. My rabbit passed away unexpectedly last week. He was roughly 11 years old (already a few months old when I got him), and doing well by all accounts. But he just passed peacefully in his Foster Mama's lap.
All I have left now is Noelani, and she was recently diagnosed with some severe IBS issues. She's doing better now, but they can't realistically keep her away from the kibble they leave down for their own cats.
I feel like the Universe just keeps taking everything I love away from me. I'm still couch-surfing, can't seem to get ahead no matter how hard I try, so it feels like I'll lose Noelani too. I'm behind in bills again (hours got cut at work), and I have over $2k in medical bills now.
I put my Ko-fi shop back up with what little stock I have made. I've got some workspace now, so I'll be able to try and make more things. But it's gonna take some time to get things going. I really wanna pull myself out of this, but I don't know if that's even possible at this point.
My friends are trying to keep my spirits up, and I feel like I'm faking it pretty well, but... Who knows.
Anyway, my Ko-fi shop is back up, so check it out I guess?
I've opened a Ko-fi shop. Come take a look!
And thanks for everything. I try to remember to thank everyone, but I feel like I forget sometimes. So like, even if you just listen to my whining a bit, I really appreciate you all.
Hey guys... I really hate asking for help, but if anyone can spare a couple of dollars... Between my cat passing, and an unexpected visit with the Satellite ED resulting in the need for meds, my finances have been a bit stretched. Now it looks like hours are being cut at work again, since the holidays have passed, and I'm apparently coming down with something throat-scratchy (my friend has developed a nasty flu bug, apparently. And looks like he's infected me).
I'm pretty stressed. Trying to get the resin stuff going, but it's taking more time than I hoped to get my workspace set up (it has to be cleared out first, and that'snot my stuff).
My Ko-fi is MinizonLala, and I have some earrings for sale there if you want to peruse.
My Paypal is @LAWilson83
The chances I'll need to hit up the clinic again soon are pretty high, as my throat went from 'kinda scratchy' to 'very rough, hard to swallow' over the course of an afternoon... I'm concerned about the possibility of strep forming (only had it happen once, but it was not fun)... So yeah... any help would be greatly appreciated.
I fucking hate Christmas... I was told earlier today that one of my cats (currently living with a foster family because I'm still fucking homeless, sleeping on sofas) was fading. She had a massive mast-cell splenic tumor removed earlier this year, and several mast-cell tumors all over her...
Just got the message that she passed... This is the second cat I've lost since ending up homeless. I don't think I'll get the third back either.
I hate Christmas.
Having sleep for supper tonight. Haven't actually eaten more than a few crackers in the last two days. I'm in too much pain to cook, and my friend is apparently not hungry (because he's had a big lunch I guess), which means no ordering out tonight. So yeah... I'm gonna just... go to sleep.
It's been a while, y'all. Life is going... Not great but not awful. I had an unexpected bill a few weeks ago that I'm still hurting from, and I fudged my budget this week by mistake (bad mathing moment). I've not wanted to ask for help from anyone, but I finally opened my little shop so... If you need some stocking stuffers or whatnot, check it out? It's a little sparse at the moment, but that should hopefully change soon.
Check out my little shop on Ki-fi if you'd like to help me out and pick up something cute in the process!
Handmade resin 'Gummie Bear' style earrings. Nickle-free earring hooks, or request clip-on style for un-pierced ears. Some small variation
I should have known better than to get excited about anything. The Universe can't resist reminding me how fucking worthless and unworthy of joy I am...
I need better friends. Or at least more local ones.
I keep dreaming that I'm back working at Stop and Shop (specifically the Starbucks therein) again... That was literally the worst company I've ever worked for. They nearly drove me to walk in front of the train on more than one occasion. I know I'm desperate for money, but I could never work there again.
I also keep dreaming that I'm working at a Starbucks that my dream-self recognizes as the corporate owned one I worked at, but it looks absolutely nothing like it. At all. In fact, I'd go so far as to say I've never seen a Starbucks laid out quite like this one.
I keep dreaming about my sweet Koneko, who passed away years ago. And it breaks my heart every time I wake up to the reality of her being gone.
I've been dreaming of a home I've never had. One I'm not sure I'll live to see, if it even exists. I dream often of homes and houses I can't verify the existence of, but usually they're of the whimsical 'hidden rooms and passages' kind. Not of the 'this is mine, I will never be unhoused again' sort of nature...
I've also dreamed of rescuing younglings (of the small to almost grown variety) from a zombie-infested school/hotel? And escaping a witches mausoleum, built to be an ever-changing labyrinth, meant to keep her locked inside should she ever rise from her grave... Somehow, those scenarios are less terrifying than any other I've dreamed.
For all that I dream and dream, I am so very tired. I spend more time asleep than awake, it feels like. There's little else to my life these days besides work. My health isn't getting any better. By the time I make it back to my friends house after work, I'm typically too sick and in too much pain to do much of anything...
How am I supposed to survive in this world? How does anyone? Am I going to spend the rest of my life, gradually deteriorating as I hop from one sofa to the next, never able to afford my own housing? Losing all that I have left, bit by bit, until there's nothing left to fight for?
I am so fucking tired...
Things just took a horrible turn for the more stressing and depressing...
As most of you know, my cats had to be rehomed when I ended up homeless. The plan has always been for me to get them back when I find a home of my own, but it's looking more and more like I'll be couch-surfing for a long while yet.
Tonight, I found out that one of my girls, Winona, has a splenic mass, and will be getting surgery to have it removed on Friday. She's currently on Cerenia to prevent vomiting, and it isn't working at all.
This is a major surgery. Unlike a simple spay, it carries a greater risk of death, and she'll have to be kept for observation for a few nights. The surgery alone is $600+, and that's heavily discounted due to her being homed with a vet tech.
I've already been told I don't have to worry about the bill, but the family has been through some financial hardship recently, and they've already done so much for my babies...
I don't even know what to do anymore. I'm going to try selling off what little I have that has any value, because I can do nothing else. Every time I get a little bit ahead, shit hits the fan again.
Today has been absolute shit.
Started out bad when I woke up with a really awful sinus headache that just got worse throughout my entire shift at work. When I finally got off, I ended up taking off my glasses and mask, because the pressure they put on the bridge of my nose was too much for me to handle.
My glasses went into my jacket pocket.
I got almost all the way to Ed's house (the friend I'm staying with) and put my hands in my pockets... Only to find them empty.
Cue me freaking the fuck out, and backtracking all the way to the train station I last know I had them at (I had my hands in my pockets there and felt my glasses). I have searched everywhere, retraced every step, done my best to hunt them. Even using the camera zoom trick (because I am practically blind without my glasses). I couldn't find them anywhere.
I'm going to contact Transit Authority tomorrow, in hopes maybe they fell out on the train when I was sitting down and someone turned them in... But I'm not holding my breath. I am, in fact, freaking out.
I only just got my bills caught up because I had decent hours the last week or two. I absolutely can not afford new glasses right now. It's been 6 years at least since my last eye exam, so I can't even get a cheap pair online without getting a new script.
I could literally scream right now, this is bullshit.
I'm gonna try and get my patreon up tomorrow after work, it'll be under the name MinizonLala when it's up.
I can't fucking win, no matter how hard I try, something always has to hit me when I'm down.
They cut me down to two shifts this week. That's just 8 hours for the week... with the hours from this week, if they don't call me in, I won't be able to make my next round of bills. I won't know until next Saturday, when I add up this week and last...
I fucking hate this so much. And I know it's nothing I've done wrong. Customers love me, my coworkers like me, I got Employee of th Month for March... And they're cutting hours on everyone. Two or three people have quit in the last few weeks. I've got a wide-open availability... I can't take this shit anymore, but I've had no luck with applications.
I'm hoping my friend brings me by that computer soon. I need to get my patreon going.
I really want to thank everyone who helped me out with my bills from the last post. I managed to get everything paid for now... I'm still not getting great hours. And I still haven't heard back from any of my applications.
This week and next did look great, but they've already made a substantial cut to next weeks hours, and cut me an hour off this week so far. It's hoghly likely I'll see another cut shift before the end of this week, as that's how it seems to go...
I don't know that I'll be able to pay my next round of bills. I'm fulling expecting I won't clear $50 on this next paycheck, or $100 on the following check. I'm still waiting on the computer I was meant to borrow so I can get my Patreon up and running. There was talk of a permanent computer loan, but I've no idea where I'd set it up. Still, it'd be really helpful right about now.
I am so damned exhausted... and I know things are only going to get worse. My health keeps getting worse, and I just want to give up entirely. I don't know how I haven't already, but I know your live and support has been a major factor in that.
So really. Thnak you. I love and appreciate you all so much.
Hopefully I'll have a better update next time.
I am not doing great, guys. I just got paid and it's not nearly enough to cover my storage unit and phone bill.
I hate asking for help, it feels like that's all I've done these last few years... But I could really use a bit of help right now.
It's going to be nearly a week before I can borrow a computer so I can get my patreon up and running, trying to scan and upload things with justa phone has been... Unproductive. My storage unit is already past-due, though I was able to make a partial payment.
I've got applications in everywhere, trying to find another job, just hoping for someone to call me back. If not for the fact rhat everyone is getting crappy hours right now, I'd be wondering if the were trying to make me quit, but no, this is definitely a 'corporate is screwing us on hours' sort of thing. Still, I need better employment, so I'm trying.
If anyone is willing/able to help me out a little, until I can get things running on Patreon, I would greatly appreciate it.
Cashapp and Ko-fi are: MinizonLala
Paypal.me/LAWilson83
Life update...
So things aren't going great... I got named Employee of the Month, which is nice... And yet, they keep cutting my hours. I'm getting about 8 hours a week, except this week I got cut completely.
To say I'm struggling is an understatement. I'm trying really hard just to stay positive, but I'm losing it. I'm still looking for another job, but so far, no luck.
I'm barely scraping enough money together to keep my storage unit and other bills paid, but I was really counting on the shift I was supposed to have today to make this next storage payment... It looks like that might not happen now.
I'm planning on starting a patreon, but I don't know how much new content I'll be able to post. I haven't drawn in so long... But I have to try something. I'll update when I have it running.
It feels like my whole life has been an uphill battle for survival, and it just keeps getting steeper and steeper.