The Moms And The City

A Daily Update of the trends, styles, and parenting news by Moms for Moms

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Parenthood Can Amplify Climate Anxiety - Here's How to Cope

For Lauren Simmons, it was Christmas songs that triggered her climate anxiety as a parent this past winter. "Every time I heard 'It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas' or 'Winter Wonderland,' these songs that were so critical to my core childhood memories, I felt a deep sense of grief knowing that snow may or may not be a part of my children's future Christmases," she says. Though a climate and education advisor, Simmons at one point kept a filter on her news feed to avoid stories about climate change; they were too much for her to handle. Simmons is not alone: as floods and fires become more widespread, climate anxiety has become so pervasive that there's an entire industry of therapists dedicated to helping people deal with it. And as a parent, concerns for the future of our planet are amplified by how climate change could affect those you love most for decades after you're gone. Moms and dads are asking each other for coping strategies on Reddit. For some people, it makes them rethink having kids altogether. If you are a parent, learning how to grapple with climate change distress is not only essential for your own well-being, but for your children's, too. "It's harder to show up for your kid and put your best parenting self forward if you're thinking a lot about what their future might look like and worrying," says therapist Jennifer Silverstein, LCSW. Figuring out how to manage climate anxiety as a parent comes down to feeling less alone, and more in control. --- Experts Featured in This Article Jennifer Silverstein, LCSW, is a therapist who volunteers with Climate Psychology Alliance and consults on community resilience. Pamela Templer, PhD, is a professor and chair of the biology department at Boston University, where her lab focuses on the effects of environmental change. --- How to Manage Climate Anxiety as a Parent Find Ways to Be Proactive For many parents, productive coping centers around taking action. "Any time we feel anxiety, it often stems from feeling a lack of control," Boston University biology professor Pamela Templer, PhD, says. "And so if you feel like you're making a difference, it feels more constructive." In addition to teaching young people about climate change in her professional life, Dr. Templer says that small actions at home help her (and her family of four) feel like they're doing what they can to make a difference: walking rather than driving when possible, composting, eating less meat, not using heavy pesticides in the yard, letting the house get a little warmer in the summer and cooler in the winter. "Any climate anxiety I have, I feel like as long as I put energy into doing something to fix it, then I feel better about it," Dr. Templer says. It can also help to get active in your community and beyond. Dr. Templer is part of a local tree-planting committee. Simmons suggests taking actions like advocating for a no-idle zone at your kids' school. You can go to town meetings to push for climate-friendly policies, or become part of a parent-led environmental organization like Moms Clean Air Force or Mothers Out Front. Silverstein recommends getting your kids involved in these activities, too, so you can experience it together. "You want to be able to model for your kids what collective action looks like," Simmons says. If nothing else, look up what other people are doing for the environment. "Even that might give them some alleviation of their anxiety to know that people are out there really working hard on this," Dr. Templer says. Simmons points to the idea of "constructive hope," or the belief that actions are being taken to avoid climate disaster - something that she relates to personally. "I see how bad it is. But at the same time, I see that there are very real ways in which people are trying to transform systems to address the underlying causes of climate change and environmental injustice," she says. Let Go of the Guilt of… https://www.popsugar.com/family/managing-climate-anxiety-parent-49355515?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

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How Much Does Daycare Cost in 2024? The Stats Are Sobering

Going back to work after having a baby is not a cheap thing to do. The average cost of daycare in 2024 is higher than it's ever been, marking an expensive new chapter in the decades-long childcare crisis in the United States. "Parents are paying exorbitant fees," says Cathy Creighton, who studies childcare costs as the director of Cornell University's ILR Buffalo Co-Lab. For many families, daycare prices are higher than in-state tuition at a public four-year college. If you're getting ready to send your little one to daycare when parental leave is over, buckle up - here's an idea of the costs you might be looking at. --- Experts Featured in This Article Cathy Creighton is the director of the Cornell University ILR Buffalo Co-Lab. Sean Lacey is a digital strategist and the general manager of childcare at Care.com. --- The Average Cost of Daycare in 2024 According to a January 2024 report from childcare platform Care.com, which draws from the tuition info of daycares listed on the site, the average cost to have an infant in a licensed center-based daycare is $16,692 a year, or $321 a week. Home-based daycare for an infant costs, on average, $11,960, or $230 a week. For a toddler, the average center-based daycare is $15,236 a year ($293 a week), and a home-based daycare averages $11,388 ($219 a week). For parents of school-age kids, meanwhile, Care.com found the average cost to get an afternoon sitter for 15 hours a week is $15,184 per year, or $292 a week. Of course, costs can vary widely depending on where you live. For instance, the average infant daycare cost in Washington DC is $21,788, while in Arkansas, it's $6,708. Even within a state, there can be a huge difference between the fees in a major city and a rural or lower-income area. Why Daycare Costs Are Rising These numbers are all higher than they were last year, varying between .4 to 13 percent more. And Sean Lacey, general manager of childcare at Care.com, says that fees are only projected to grow further this year. That's partially due to inflation, but mostly because of what's been termed "the childcare cliff": the end of the $24 billion in pandemic-era federal funding that supported 220,000 childcare providers. The aid expired in September 2023, so we're only starting to see the effects, according to Creighton. "You know, there's a cut, and it'll take a little while for the body to bleed out," she says. "It's going to be quite grim." Without those government funds, daycare centers - which operate on very slim margins - have to either pass that cost along to parents or shut down. Progressive think tank The Century Foundation projects that 70,000 childcare centers will close, leaving more than three million children across the country without care. Meanwhile, many of the daycare centers that continue to remain open are having trouble staying fully staffed, per an analysis from the Center for the Study of Child Care Employment. Classrooms are empty, and waiting lists are growing. "There's just more demand than there is supply," Lacey says. The Effects of High Daycare Costs For all but the very wealthy and parents who qualify for a childcare subsidy, daycare is a major financial burden. The US Department of Health and Human Services considers childcare to be "affordable" when it costs no more than seven percent of a family's income. Yet according to Care.com's findings, parents are spending an average of 24 percent of their household income on childcare, and 23 percent of respondents anticipate spending more than $36,000 on it this year. And it's not just their salaries they're using to pay for tuition. More than a third of parents surveyed by Care.com reported dipping into their savings to cover the cost of childcare - and a staggering 68 percent of those families said they only have six months or less until their savings are depleted. At a certain point, parents are forced to take more drastic measures. Cornell's… https://www.popsugar.com/family/daycare-cost-49345724?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

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How a Postnatal Retreat Helped Me Transition Into Motherhood

I have now been a mom for a little over a year - and looking back at my journey, the best decision I made for my mental health was going to a postpartum care center. Heading into my third trimester, I was scared. I didn't know what to expect in the delivery room, so I spent hours researching the labor process - what did contractions feel like and how would I get through them? While poring over baby blogs, I also kept reading about postpartum depression and baby blues and became worried about what life would be like after giving birth. I had family living nearby and was grateful that I knew I'd be able to lean on them for support, but that alone didn't ease my anxiety. Then I was introduced to Boram. Founded in 2022, Boram is a postnatal retreat designed to help new parents build a strong postpartum foundation by offering coaching sessions on topics like infant soothing, swaddling, coping with postpartum depression or anxiety, and newborn feeding (whether that's formula or breast milk). At the heart of Boram's mission is the belief that parents deserve rest, care, and support after welcoming their new baby. Prioritizing rest for new moms is popular in Asian cultures, and I was excited that finally a place like this existed in New York City. So, I reached out to Boram in November, just as I was about to enter my third trimester, about arranging a retreat. (Rates for overnight retreats vary by length of time spent at the clinic: a three-night stay starts at $1,050 per night, while a seven-night stay starts at $950 per night. Boram covered the costs of my weeklong stay.) The folks at Boram advised that I would go straight to the care center from the hospital after being discharged. That way, I could gain maximum support with recovery and receive round-the-clock care for my baby. I agreed and that was the plan. But as we all know, sometimes plans fall through. My First Days as a New Mom My birth experience was far from what I had planned and envisioned. Two minutes after my newborn son was placed on my chest for skin-to-skin contact, the nurses swept him away again. He was experiencing health complications and needed more examinations. All I remember was a rush of doctors and nurses barging in while I was in the middle of delivering my placenta. This was not what I thought my introduction to motherhood would look like. As I stared at the bright hospital lights and heard loud monitor sounds, I felt nauseous and hot. I spiked a fever. It felt like I was having an out-of-body experience, like I was watching myself in the hospital and also watching the doctors tend to my baby. Instead of checking in at Boram, my son and I were transferred to another hospital, where he stayed in the NICU for 10 days. People don't talk enough about the fourth trimester and what happens to a woman's body and mind after giving birth. As we birth a baby, we also experience a rebirth in our own way. I spent two weeks at home after my hospital stay before I was able to begin my retreat at Boram. As we birth a baby, we also experience a rebirth in our own way. During this time, dealing with a newborn and sleep deprivation challenged my patience and strength. I was drowning in my thoughts and felt like screaming at the top of my lungs for air. I struggled with conflicting feelings and postpartum rage: how could I feel so grateful and happy with this new love in my life, yet feel anxious, alone, and overwhelmed with this new identity and life? I felt lost and cried almost every day. Little did I know, help was around the corner. What It's Like to Stay at a Postpartum Retreat Center When my partner and I arrived at Boram, we were immediately greeted with warmth. The team all had smiles and brought me straight to my suite, a spacious, quiet room with a king-size bed and huge windows overlooking Midtown. Before I settled in, a care associate gave me a postpartum depression evaluation to fill out and told… https://www.popsugar.com/family/boram-postpartum-care-center-review-49339972?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

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15 Family of Three Halloween Costume Ideas

Are you celebrating your baby's first Halloween, or is this the last hurrah before they're old enough to go trick-or-treating on their own? Either way, if you need family of three Halloween costumes, then you've come to the right place. While we know it's a fun holiday, finding the right costume can be overwhelming, especially when there's a new family member in the mix. But stress no more - plenty of family of three Halloween costume ideas await! Whether you're looking to go all in on a costume, planning on buying new outfits, hoping to DIY your costumes, or on the lookout for an easy, low-effort idea, there's plenty of inspiration you can take from these inventive family costumes for three. From Disney characters to inanimate objects - like s'mores - you'll definitely feel ready to tackle this Halloween after seeing these costumes (even if it's only for Instagram). We promise you'll be taking home the "best group costume" award before the strike of midnight. And for the dog parents out there, know that it's just as easy to incorporate the four-legged member of your family into these costume ideas. See our favorite family of three Halloween costumes ahead. Related: 22 Halloween Charcuterie Board Ideas That Are Clever and Cute https://www.popsugar.com/family/Family-3-Halloween-Costumes-45180023?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

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I Hired a Postpartum Midwife, and It Changed Everything

If you've had a baby in the United Stateshad a baby in the United States, you're aware of how pathetic postpartum care is. And by pathetic, I mean pretty much nonexistent. If you deliver in a hospital, they push breastfeeding and rooming-in on you, despite whatever level of exhaustion or anxiety you're feeling after your birth experience. They give you pamphlets or show you a video on newborn care that you don't have time to read or watch because you're so exhausted and overwhelmed. If you request one enough times, they bring in a lactation consultant who shows you how "easy" it is to get the baby to latch properly when you have three people helping you. If you're lucky, you get an especially awesome nurse who'll give you a few tips before you get wheeled out the door. But if you're like me, they barely check your C-section incision one last time before sending you home to fend for yourself. When will my milk come in? Should it hurt when I move like that? Is that amount of blood normal? Is the baby eating enough? Why won't the baby sleep at night? Should I let the baby sleep so much during the day? Does that umbilical cord look OK? There are so many questions - yes, even with your second and third babies - that don't always warrant an office visit or a message to the on-call doctor but could still use answering so you can have even a tiny slice of peace of mind and avoid the terrible, scary place that is Google. And if you have actual issues, like mastitis, an ear infection, or pus coming out of your incision, you better hope it happens during office hours, otherwise you're headed to urgent care where a person who doesn't even realize you just had a baby six days ago will give you a prescription that they're "pretty sure" is OK to take if you're breastfeeding. So you call your OB to double check, and they tell you to call the pediatrician, and literally no one will give you an answer, nor does it appear anyone really cares that you're in actual pain yourself while still trying to recover from childbirth, learn how to breastfeed, and operate on zero hours of real sleep. So yeah, pathetic postpartum care. I'd been through that twice already, and I wasn't about to do it again. So when I was about six months pregnant with my third baby, I started researching and discovered that you can hire angelic humans like midwives and doulas, whose actual job it is to support you before, during, and/or after the birth of your baby. A colleague recommended Jaime Shapiro, a licensed midwife with Peaceful Passage Midwifery, and on our first meeting, we chatted for over an hour. She asked me questions about my pregnancies, deliveries, and postpartum experiences that no doctor ever had. She asked about my feelings, my total well-being, my mental state. She listened to me when I spoke and showed genuine empathy and interest. Needless to say, I hired her to help me with the postpartum period. Her contract allowed for four visits during the six weeks postpartum, plus one or two meetings before. She would also be available by call or text 24 hours a day for those six weeks (and because mine was particularly awesome, she answered my calls for a number of weeks after that as well). The cost, which was in the thousands, was (fortunately) almost entirely covered by my insurance. When I came home from the hospital four days after my scheduled C-section, she came to my house to check on me and the baby. I didn't have to get out of my bed, or even change out of my robe. Better yet, I didn't have to wake up my newborn, get her dressed in enough layers to brave the winter cold, and get to the doctor's office for an appointment that was not perfectly timed between feedings. She worked around my and the baby's schedule, which meant she stayed until feeding time to help me with my latch. She weighed the baby and confirmed she was gaining nicely, which allowed me to stop waking her up constantly to nurse. She took… https://www.popsugar.com/family/Benefits-Having-Postpartum-Midwife-45421820?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

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I'm a Better Parent Because I Have an iPad Kid - Here's Why

Like many people before they have kids, I thought I knew exactly how I would parent. And for the first year of my daughter's life, I was pretty strict. No added sugar, no screens, lots of outdoor activities, music classes, and library visits. I was trying to be the "perfect mom" I saw on Instagram, but it was exhausting. Just as her first birthday came in March 2020, so did a global pandemic. Being home all the time meant more cleaning, more cooking, and a lot less to do outside of the house. As she got older, I loosened my restrictions because, frankly, I was tired and needed a break. I think the early days of COVID-19 were hard on everyone, and the uncertainty of the world filled me with anxiety. She also was learning less from outside sources, so I used educational programming on an iPad to fill that gap. At age 2, we only watched "Sesame Street." But as she got older, more shows started being added to the devices, and screen time increased well past the recommended one-hour-per-day limit, many doctors suggest. Her day is now filled with a mix of watching educational programs like "Emily's Wonder Lab" on Netflix, learning a new language on Duolingo, playing games on an app like Noggin, and video chatting with long-distance family. Now I know what you're thinking, and yes, having a child spend too much time in front of a screen is never the move. But fortunately, experts say being an iPad kid isn't entirely unhealthy. --- Experts Featured in This Article Joel "Gator" Warsh, MD, is a pediatrician in Studio City, CA. --- "Screen time can be a valuable tool for parents, offering kids a focused activity during travel, allowing for smoother meal preparations, and providing parents with much-needed downtime," pediatrician Joel "Gator" Warsh, MD, says. "It's a practical aspect of modern parenting that, when used judiciously, can support parents' mental health and daily logistics." Plus, my daughter's screen time is in combination with her attending school full-time, learning a second language, participating in three sports, exploring New York City, and playing with the many toys in our home - something that experts say is key. "Parents can feel less guilty by ensuring that screen time is balanced with other activities," Dr. Warsh says. "It's about the quality and context of screen use, not just the quantity. Using screens as a part of a varied and balanced schedule can alleviate guilt." Most importantly, though, her screen time makes me a better parent. Just as much as she likes watching TV or playing games on an iPad, I, too, sometimes need that time to do something or to take a moment for myself and protect my mental health. I allow her to watch shows to relax and unwind so that I can also relax and unwind. On the weekends, when I want to watch a show with my husband, she is allowed to watch her iPad. When I'm making dinner and don't want her around knives and a hot stove, she is allowed to watch her iPad. When we're flying together and I'm feeling sick from airplane ear, she's allowed to watch her iPad. Just as much as she likes watching TV or playing games on an iPad, I, too, sometimes need that time to do something or to take a moment for myself and protect my mental health. If I'm able to complete a task faster while she is distracted with an iPad for a few minutes, it means I can then offer my undivided attention to her. Likewise, if I'm able to rest and recharge while she watches a 30-minute show, I'm less likely to be anxious or short with her for the rest of the day. In a very unscientific poll I did with my friends around the country, all of them, even those whose kids don't have their own personal iPads, told me they rely on screens at least sometimes - on planes, in cars, at restaurants - when they need a moment of peace. And what I gather from this is that even though screen time is looked down upon and demonized, it seems like everyone is doing it, to varying… https://www.popsugar.com/family/ipad-kid-better-parent-personal-essay-49331755?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

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Toddler Parents Everywhere Are Dreading the End of Daylight Saving Time

While I realize that daylight saving time (DST) might have been necessary once upon a time, whoever invented it clearly didn't have to deal with keeping a baby or toddler on a sleep schedule. Just when I get my son all acclimated to a strict bed time, the clocks decide to shake everything up. Sure, eventually they get the hang of things, but let's be real, it's not without a trip on the struggle bus first. It doesn't matter whether we're springing forward or falling back, my toddler will find a way to subsist on the tiniest amount of sleep possible. What is normally mommy's special evening time for a glass of wine and bad TV suddenly becomes a wave of toddler energy that swallows me whole because, according to my son, "If the sun is up, I can be up, too." Uh, no, kid, you can't. Thanks to DST, our usual nighttime routine of bath, book, and bed was upended last year. Suddenly, I was chasing a half-naked toddler through the house as he demanded to know why he couldn't go play outside. Frustrated, I didn't want to wait for him to acclimate, so I did what most parents would do: I lied. I spent the next few days trying to convince him that the sun, even though it's still shining away, is really sleepy and is also getting ready for bed. I told him that Mr. Sun was exhausted from a long day and needed his rest. I thought I was so slick, but somehow, me trying to tell him that the sun had feelings and opinions didn't change his mind. He's smarter than I sometimes give him credit for, and he just stared at me with a look that basically said, "Really, mom? Did you seriously just try that on me?" So, I went for a different, arguably worse, tactic. That's right. When lying clearly didn't work, I tried bribery. It may have gotten him to calm down and get into bed, but it did not make him get to sleep any faster. He spent that hour in his bed, tossing and turning, and mumbling loudly to his stuffed animals. If he knew how to curse, he probably would have been giving me (and the still bright sun) a piece of his mind through his bedroom walls. Obviously trying to con or lie to my son to encourage acclimation was not the way to go. There was no shortcut. In about a week, things were back to normal, meaning he was getting the sleep he needed, and I was getting my alone time. Instead of complaining about DST and trying to force him into a new schedule too quickly, I was neglecting the simple idea that what he really needed was time. You can't force someone to be tired (believe me, I tried), so as much as it pains me every year, it's more of a waiting game than anything else. Hopefully this year, with a little more understanding under his belt, he'll get that just because the sun is up, doesn't mean he gets to stay up, too. If he doesn't, I'm not above covering every window in our house with cardboard. I've tried everything else. Related: Sleep Training Doesn't Always Mean Crying It Out; Here Are 4 Other MD-Approved Methods --- Laurel Niedospialis a former PS contributor. --- https://www.popsugar.com/family/What-Daylight-Saving-Time-Like-Parents-44643370?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

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The Postpartum Phase No One Talks About

The day after arriving home from the hospital with her newborn, Lauren Cooper woke up with a massive headache. "It hurt to open my eyes," she says, recalling that she had to wear sunglasses to her son's first pediatrician appointment in order to manage the pain. Google told her it was likely just hormones. But by that night, her sister, who'd gone to nursing school, convinced her to phone the on-call doctor. That obstetrician recommended Cooper take a blood pressure reading. "I told her what it was, and she said, 'Lauren, you have to go to the ER right now. You have preeclampsia and you are at risk of having a seizure or a stroke,'" she says. Cooper was admitted to the hospital, put on a magnesium drip, and told she was one of the lucky ones: If patients ignore the symptoms and stay home, postpartum preeclampsia can potentially be fatal. It happens more often than you might think. Despite how much medical attention parents-to-be get while pregnant, once they're discharged after delivering their baby, there's a major drop-off in healthcare - even though nearly two-thirds of pregnancy-related deaths in the US happen after giving birth, according to a study by The Commonwealth Fund. Researchers call this the "postpartum cliff." --- Experts Featured in This Article Stephanie White is a certified doula and nurse care manager at the family-building support company WIN. Nicole Sparks, MD, is a board-certified ob-gyn and children's book author based in Atlanta. --- Bridging the Postpartum Cliff "Society expects new mothers to 'bounce back to normal,' with the idea that it's natural for women to have babies," says doula Stephanie White. "Mothers ignore when something could be wrong physically and mentally to care for their baby and family, and may not even recognize that she doesn't feel well or is bleeding too much." The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommends that patients have initial contact with their obstetrician within three weeks postpartum, and a more comprehensive visit 12 weeks after birth. However, "a surprising amount of people do not follow up to their postpartum appointments," says ob-gyn Nicole Sparks, MD. Others might see their OB, but never make it to their primary care provider for things like long-term chronic conditions. "And so after they're done with their OB, they're just done. And they may be sitting there with high blood pressure, diabetes, mental health conditions, postpartum depression, all of those things with no one to lay eyes on them," Dr. Sparks says. There are a number of reasons why postpartum patients skip their appointments. Sometimes it's because insurance doesn't cover enough of the costs. Sometimes there are transportation or childcare issues. "Or they literally just forget because they're tired and sleep-deprived and overwhelmed," Dr. Sparks says. Dr. Sparks admits that after having each of her three kids, she developed postpartum depression and barely followed up with her own medical team. "I just didn't want to leave my house. It was too overwhelming to get in the car and go somewhere," she adds. Yet not getting the necessary care can be dangerous. Just after giving birth, the most common serious health problems are excessive bleeding, infection, and preeclampsia and high blood pressure (which might seem to be under control prior to discharge only to skyrocket after going home, according to White). Even up to a year later, cardiomyopathy, or a weakened heart muscle, can be fatal, the March of Dimes reports. Meanwhile, the National Institutes of Health estimates that postpartum depression affects about 15 percent of those who give birth while reported rates of postpartum anxiety range from 13 to 40 percent, according to a study in "Infant Behavior and Development." Experts suggest patients contact a provider if anything seems wrong after leaving the hospital. In particular, Dr. Sparks says that a headache that won't go away or vision… https://www.popsugar.com/family/postpartum-cliff-49393676?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

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Selena Gomez’s Grief Resonates With My Infertility Struggles

When Selena Gomez recently told Vanity Fair that she's unable to carry children, it hit home. In particular, it brought back a gnawing resonance of "what might never be" when she said, "I unfortunately can't carry my own children. I have a lot of medical issues (lupus) that would put my life and the baby's in jeopardy. That was something I had to grieve for a while." When I was 20, I experienced one of the worst weeks of my life. What was meant to be a routine STI check-up - something I do often, regardless of my relationship status - turned into a nightmare. I was initially told I had syphilis, and days later, they suggested it could actually be HIV. My world crumbled for about 72 hours. I had only been in two sexual relationships at that point. Thankfully, it turned out to be a false positive but an impromptu diagnosis. After visiting three hospitals and the lupus specialty clinic at Bellevue Hospital, I was eventually diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called antiphospholipid syndrome (APS). APS, also known as "sticky blood," is an autoimmune disorder where the immune system mistakenly creates antibodies that increase the risk of blood clots in veins, arteries, and organs. People with APS are often at risk of developing other autoimmune conditions, like lupus. As a condition that disproportionately affects women, it's unfortunately no surprise that research and funding for APS in the US is relatively limited. Even in a prosperous state like New York, where I was born and raised, there are only 38 providers who treat patients with APS. However, even the APS Foundation of America's website states, 'The doctors on this list may not be "experts" in APS, but someone along the way has had luck with them.' So when it comes to this condition, nothing is ever promising. That's a reality I still face when explaining to any medical professional what my condition is, only to watch them Google it in real time because of how rarely it's discussed on a wide medical scale. At the time, I was one of the youngest to be diagnosed at the clinic. For the following few years, I spent every six months in and out of the rheumatology department. Each visit started the same way: "You're young, but in case you're considering family planning, you should know that, unfortunately, it won't be an easy pregnancy and could be life-threatening." No one ever explicitly told me I couldn't have a child, but the insistent warnings forced me to consider a future without bearing a child. The risks included an increased chance of miscarriages, stillbirths, and preterm births due to blood clots restricting the placenta. I also face a lifetime of blood tests with false positive results and a higher risk of strokes, deep vein thrombosis, or heart attacks due to clotting problems - things none of my peers were facing as we barely stepped into young adulthood. As a kid, my mother never taught me to fear becoming a parent. Instead, she emphasized the importance of considering the implications of making life-altering decisions, like having a child. As she'd say, "Para las mujeres dando luz es un momento entre la vida y la muerte" - childbirth is a moment in a woman's life when she's between life and death. One foot on both sides of the border of life and the beyond, bringing in the new but at the risk of her own life for the love of her child. Her words echoed loudly in my mind every time the doctors left me in the room to discuss my blood test results. The thought, "Wait, do I want kids so much that I would risk my life for it?" was something I only allowed myself to consider during my visits to the clinic. For the last decade, whenever the subject has come up with partners or friends whose clocks had started ticking, I'd exclaim, "I don't want kids because I can't have kids." In situations where I felt like explaining my reasons, most women compassionately understood the severity of my circumstance, but men often… https://www.popsugar.com/family/selena-gomez-inability-carry-children-resonates-49392475?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

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5 Mistakes I Made When Booking My Disney VIP Tour (So You Don’t Have To)

Booking a Disney VIP Tour can be an absolute game-changer for your trip—no long lines, exclusive experiences, and personalized attention. But as magical as it is, there are still a few things that can trip you up if you’re not careful. After learning from my own experience, here are five mistakes I made when booking […] https://www.rookiemoms.com/5-mistakes-i-made-when-booking-my-disney-vip-tour-so-you-dont-have-to/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

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What Is Authoritative Parenting? Experts Explain the Solid Approach

There are plenty of parenting styles out there, and the right one for you ultimately depends on your personal preferences and your family. But there's one style that's consistently praised for its approachability and the behaviors it helps instill: authoritative parenting. What is authoritative parenting, exactly? At its core, authoritative parenting involves listening to kids while still requiring that they follow rules set by their parents. The concept of authoritative parenting has been around for decades, and even the American Psychological Association (APA) gives it props, noting that "children raised with this style tend to be friendly, energetic, cheerful, self-reliant, self-controlled, curious, cooperative and achievement-oriented." So, what does authoritative parenting involve and are there any drawbacks to the approach? Below, experts break it down. --- Experts Featured in This Article Robert Keder, MD, is a pediatrician who specializes in developmental behavior at Connecticut Children's Medical Center. Mayra Mendez, PhD, LMFT, is a licensed psychotherapist at Providence Saint John's Child and Family Development Center in Santa Monica, CA. --- What Is Authoritative Parenting? Authoritative parenting is a mix of gentleness and firmness, with parents being nurturing, responsive, and supportive, but with clear limits and rules set for kids, the APA explains. (This is quite a contrast from, say, permissive parenting.) "Authoritative parenting is where there is a high concern for the child, but the parent is trying to direct control," says pediatrician Robert Keder, MD. With authoritative parenting, parents try to shape a child's behavior by thoroughly explaining and discussing rules and boundaries in place, says psychotherapist Mayra Mendez, PhD, LMFT. "It allows for teaching, education, implementation of rules, and understanding why rules exist and why we have to be governed by them," she explains. "These parents teach the guidelines of the world to the child, but also listen to the child." Dr. Mendez says authoritative parenting hinges on communication, without parents losing their sense of authority. "There can be a lot of respect rendered to the child as well, especially as they get older," she says. Authoritative Parenting Examples Dr. Keder refers to authoritative parenting as the "Danny Tanner style of parenting," referencing the "Full House" patriarch. Authoritative parents will help kids who are facing a challenge by saying something like, "I know this is hard and you can do better. Let me give you a hug and a kiss, and let's work on this," he says. "Authoritative parents hold children to high expectations, but are reasonable about it," Dr. Keder says. "They're not giving demands that are way outside the child's skill set." Authoritative parents will also allow their kids some freedoms, like spending the night at a friend's house, but reiterate the rules in advance and make it clear that the child is expected to behave a certain way, Dr. Keder adds. "It's the sweet spot of where you're negotiating your needs and the child's needs to help them prepare for things," Dr. Keder says. This parenting style isn't free-range, where kids have a lot of freedom, or authoritarian, where parents are rigid and lay down tough rules - it's somewhere in the middle. Authoritative Parenting Pros and Cons Authoritative parenting has a lot of positive features, Dr. Mendez says. "Parents can demonstrate a sense of flexibility and, with that comes a sense of mutual respect," she says, adding that the parenting style conveys,"This is a young person growing up who still needs guidance, but we respect each other." Authoritative parenting also encourages parents to speak on a child's level when discussing important topics, so that they understand the rationale behind decisions, Dr. Mendez says. This style also makes expectations clear to children. "Rules are not random," she says.… https://www.popsugar.com/family/authoritative-parenting-49339334?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

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Is Free-Range Parenting For You? Experts Assess the Approach

Finding the right parenting style is a delicate matter. Helicopter parenting, for example, can stunt a child's emotional growth, leading many parents to look for a different solution. Enter: free-range parenting, a style that's been around for years but is now seeing a resurgence. Free-range parenting has been jokingly compared to a more laidback approach to child-rearing common in the '80s and early '90s. But what does free-range parenting entail exactly, and what are the benefits and drawbacks of raising kids in a more relaxed manner? Here's what experts want you to know before diving in. --- Experts Featured in This Article Mayra Mendez, PhD, LMFT, is a licensed psychotherapist at Providence Saint John's Child and Family Development Center in Santa Monica, CA. Robert Keder, MD, is a pediatrician who specializes in developmental behavior at Connecticut Children's Medical Center. --- What Is Free-Range Parenting? At its core, free-range parenting is a style where parents give kids a little more freedom to live and explore on their own terms. "It's raising children in a way that promotes their ability to explore the world without necessarily having the parent always there, watching and guiding," says psychotherapist Mayra Mendez, PhD. "It goes back to the old days where kids could go outside and play and not have to have so much protection and guidance." "The old term was laissez-faire parenting," says pediatrician Robert Keder, MD. The term "free-range parenting" was coined by blogger Lenore Skenazy, who was criticized for letting her 9-year-old son take the subway in New York City alone at his request. Skenazy later wrote a book called "Free-Range Kids," which was published in 2010. Dr. Keder says free-range parenting popped back up again over the last decade. "It is much more flexible and child-directed than helicopter or tiger parenting, which is very rigid." Mendez says that free-range parenting focuses on finding opportunities for kids to test the skills that they've been taught, like looking both ways before crossing the street, being smart with money, and steering clear of strangers. "They can problem solve and have an open range to be able to experiment, try things out, and explore stuff on their own in the process," she says. Mendez stresses that this lack of constant supervision isn't used on babies, toddlers, and preschoolers. "We're looking at 8-, 9-, 10-year-olds that can better fend for themselves," she says. What Does Free-Range Parenting Look Like? Kids whose parents practice free-range parenting may be allowed to roam their neighborhood alone or with friends, with the understanding that they will be home by dinnertime, Mendez says. Parents also may be more comfortable letting kids walk to the store alone or play in another area of the home unsupervised. For younger children, free-range parenting may mean allowing toddlers to figure out how to solve a puzzle or use a toy on their own. "It doesn't promote jumping in and solving everything right away," Mendez says. Free-range parenting can also include letting infants and babies demonstrate to their parents when they're ready to stop nursing and allowing older children to pick what they do and don't eat, Dr. Keder says. Free-Range Parenting Pros and Cons Free-range parenting encourages creative play, Mendez says, which is beneficial for developing minds. "You don't have to tell the kid how to be creative. You let them know that this is the toy and how you play with it, but they can go on and do their own cognitive processing of what they'll do with the toy." Creativity is how kids learn, Dr. Keder says. "It helps develop problem-solving skills on both the thinking level and emotional level." This style "gives kids permission to experiment and explore," Mendez says. Free-range parenting also helps kids understand cause and effect, she says. Meaning, if they don't remember to put on sunscreen before playing… https://www.popsugar.com/family/Free-Range-Parenting-40755879?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

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Is It Safe to Get the Flu Shot While Pregnant? A Family Medicine Doctor Explains

Flu season can feel scary even when you're not pregnant. But anxiety around getting sick can increase when you're growing a human, especially considering pregnant people are more likely than others to develop severe symptoms if they get the flu. In some rare instances, it can even be fatal. And having the virus can harm the developing fetus, as well, per the Cleveland Clinic. So, it's strongly advised that pregnant people protect themselves against the flu by getting immunized - aka by getting the flu shot. The Centers For Disease Control and Prevention and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists agree that this is the best course of action as flu shots can significantly reduce your risk of catching the flu and can make your symptoms less severe if you do end up coming down with the virus. Still, being pregnant can add an extra layer of caution to everything you do. It's natural to want to be sure that it's safe to get a flu vaccine while you're expecting. As with any health-related questions you may have when pregnant, it's always a good bet to talk to your doctor and get specific recommendations directly from them. But PS also spoke with Sabina Kobylinski-Tognazzini, DO, a family medicine practitioner in California, to ask her about getting the flu shot during pregnancy. And she reaffirms that pregnant women should get the flu shot - and that it's overwhelmingly safe for them to do so. --- Experts Featured in This Article: Sabina Kobylinski-Tognazzini, DO, a family medicine practitioner in California. --- Is It Safe to Get a Flu Shot While Pregnant? Yes, it's actually very important to get vaccinated against the flu if you're expecting, says Dr. Kobylinski-Tognazzini. "Pregnant women are likely to become much sicker after catching the flu than nonpregnant women due to changes in body chemistry," she tells PS. And catching the flu can be potentially harmful to an unborn baby. According to the Mayo Clinic, getting a fever caused by the flu in early pregnancy can increase the risk of fetal birth defects. The good news is that getting the flu shot during pregnancy offers protection for your baby, too. "Pregnant mothers who are immunized with the flu vaccine can pass along protective antibodies to their babies after birth," Dr. Kobylinski-Tognazzini says. When Should Pregnant People Get the Flu Shot? "Pregnant women can receive the flu shot in any trimester," Dr. Kobylinski-Tognazzini tells PS. So in general, you can go by season: the CDC notes that September or October are typically good months to get vaccinated each year, so you'll be protected all flu season long. But of course, it's always best to bring up any questions you have with your healthcare provider, including those about the flu shot and when you should get it. --- Melissa Willets is a POPSUGAR contributor. --- https://www.popsugar.com/family/Can-You-Get-Flu-Shot-While-Pregnant-45458977?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

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40 Age-Appropriate Chores Your Kids Won't Hate Doing

If you're a parent who feels like they're doing literally everything around the house, including picking up after your very capable kids, we know how you feel. It makes some parents feel guilty to give their children mundane responsibilities like taking out the garbage, and some can't help but think, "If I do it, it'll get done faster and better." But the truth is, our children can - and probably should - handle more than we think. Chores can actually be very beneficial for child development, according to The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. From learning time management and organizational skills to accepting family responsibility, age-appropriate chores set a foundation for independence. It's also a good way to introduce routine and consistency if life at home has been a little hectic. In fact, an ongoing, multigenerational Harvard Research study found that children who do chores may be more successful as adults. We're not suggesting you turn your child into a regular Mrs. Doubtfire, but there are a bunch of tasks around the house that can be completed by children based on their age, like putting their toys away or helping set the table. If you're looking to set your kiddos up with a chore chart to help them learn about hard work and having responsibilities, there's something every child can help with. Scroll through for a list of manageable household chores for kids based on their age. Related: 9 Different Styles of Parenting, According to Experts https://www.popsugar.com/family/Chores-Kids-Age-42114265?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

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IVF vs. IUI: What's the Difference and Which Is Right For You?

In theory, trying to have a baby is simple: you find a partner, have unprotected PIV sex for a few months, and get pregnant. In reality, the process can be a lot more complicated for some people. You might have a same-sex partner, for instance. You or your partner might have a condition that affects your fertility, like polycystic ovary syndrome, or PCOS. Or you might be one of the roughly 12 to 15 percent of couples that experience infertility, defined as not being able to get pregnant after a year of trying. These are all reasons your doctor might mention IVF or IUI. These are both methods of reproductive assistance. In other words, they're meant to make it easier for you or your partner to get pregnant. They do that by placing sperm directly into the uterus (IUI) or by using sperm to fertilize an egg outside the body then inserting that fertilized egg directly into the uterus (IVF). They both have pros and cons, and a doctor can walk you through what makes the most sense for you and your unique situation. But making decisions about reproductive health can be stressful and confusing, so we asked a few experts what you need to know about these two popular options for people trying to conceive. --- Experts Featured in This Article: Jane Frederick, MD, is a reproductive endocrinologist and the medical director at HRC Fertility in Orange County, CA. Adrienne Neithardt, MD, is a reproductive endocrinologist at Boston IVF. Iris Insogna, MD, is a fertility expert at Columbia University Fertility Center. --- What Is IUI? IUI is an acronym for "intrauterine insemination." With this medical procedure, healthy sperm is placed in your uterus as close to the time of ovulation as possible, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). Sperm can come from your partner or a donor. Having sperm placed directly in your uterus at or near ovulation (which can be determined through tests such as an ovulation predictor kit, or OPK) already increases the chances of conceiving. But doctors can take additional measures to make conception even more likely. "Many times, I add a medication called Clomid to make sure ovulation will occur," says Jane Frederick, MD, a reproductive endocrinologist and the medical director at HRC Fertility in Orange County, CA. Clomid works by increasing levels of the hormones that make eggs mature, causing ovulation. "It allows me to time the cycle," Dr. Frederick says. With IUI, "it's like having more horses at the gate," Dr. Frederick says. There's also a technique called "sperm washing," where individual, healthy, motile sperms are isolated from the semen before being used for IUI, in the hopes of further increasing the chances of fertilization. What Is IVF? IVF, which stands for "in vitro fertilization," is a little more complicated. It's done in cycles, per ACOG, that can include: * Obtaining an egg. Patients are usually given medication called gonadotropins to trigger ovulation and produce several eggs. Once the eggs are ready, they're removed from the ovaries with a needle. * Fertilization of eggs. The sperm can be added to the eggs in a lab, or a single sperm can be injected into each egg. * Embryo transfer. A few days after fertilization, one or more embryos is placed in the uterus through the vagina. Any healthy embryos that aren't transferred can be frozen and stored for future use. IVF is primarily done for women with infertility caused by damaged or blocked fallopian tubes, severe endometriosis, or other unexplained fertility issues, per ACOG. IUI Pros and Cons IUI is "less involved and less invasive than IVF," says Iris Insogna, MD, a fertility expert at Columbia University Fertility Center. Plus, if you're struggling to conceive, a lot of times your insurance will dictate that you need to try a certain number of cycles of IUI before you can move on to IVF, says Adrienne Neithardt, MD, a reproductive endocrinologist at Boston IVF.… https://www.popsugar.com/family/ivf-vs-iui-48947404?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

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13 Tried-and-True Birthday Party Ideas For Teens

It can be hard coming up with birthday party ideas for teens. The guest list can be problem enough, but even once you've settled on the right number and the right mix of friends, coming up with teen birthday party ideas that finicky teenagers will actually love is a whole other challenge. Tweens and teens definitely want a party that expresses their new maturity and budding individuality, after all. And parents want birthday ideas for teens that won't cost a fortune, require a year's worth of planning, or end in tears (although that's truthfully sometimes out of our control). That's a tall list, but we're up to the task. Here are a several birthday party ideas for teens, all of which will celebrate your kid's milestone and make sure all their closest friends have fun too. (Plus, we've got great suggestions for the best gifts for tweens here.) Birthday Party Ideas For 13-Year-Olds Night Games and a Bonfire If your tween or teen is looking for a coed party, start with a barbecue and then play some familiar games. (They'll seem more mature when they're being played after the sun goes down.) Think ghost in the graveyard, kick the can, and capture the flag. You can close out the night with a bonfire if you have the space and your kids are old enough to properly practice safety. Who doesn't love roasting marshmallows and making s'mores? Pool Party If you have access to a pool in your own home or neighborhood, have a pool party. The tween birthday party idea is easy - swimming and splashing (although it requires a watchful eye for safety; even better if you have other parents on hand to chaperone). Win cool points by adding some festive floats to the mix, like a unicorn or slice of pizza. And you can always end the party with a barbecue or pizza feast. Take a Field Trip Round up the kids, and go to the beach, the zoo, the ice rink, or a hiking trail or even try catching an outdoor show. Rent a van big enough to schlep everyone to the event, and make a festive playlist for the drive. Movie Night Outside Rather than heading to a theater, create a mini drive-in feel by setting up a cozy space to hang out, providing snacks, and picking out one or two movies to feature. Slime Party If your tween is still loving slime, celebrate their birthday with a party dedicated to this slippery substance. You can make a variety of slimes and even fête your tween with some edible slime . . . although they'll likely still want a cake of some sort. Birthday Party Ideas For 14-Year-Olds The Classic Sleepover Don't knock the standby classic of a slumber party as a birthday idea for teenagers. Since the kids are all older, you likely won't have to deal with separation anxiety in any of your guests. Activities can include making pizzas, decorating cupcakes, an ice cream–sundae bar, and watching a movie. Be ready to create a memorable breakfast, like Funfetti pancakes or a waffle charcuterie board. Gaming Party If you've got a gamer on your hands, embrace it and book a mobile gaming truck for their birthday party. These trucks often feature an iconic gaming theater with stadium-style tiered seating, high-def TVs, and laser and neon lighting that will make all their gaming dreams a reality. Spa Party Hello, sheet masks and pedicures! Step it up a notch and provide cucumber slices for their eyes while they lounge about. You can hand out slippers or nail polishes as party favors. Why not dedicate some time to a DIY and make a sugar scrub? Karaoke Night Rent a karaoke machine, and let the kids go to town belting out their favorite songs. Pull out old costumes and accessories so each number can be sensational and silly. They might think they're all grown up, but playing dress-up is kind of ageless. Birthday Party Ideas For 15-Year-Olds Hotel Sleepover If you don't want to host a classic sleepover, then move the party to a hotel. Having a hotel sleepover will put you at the… https://www.popsugar.com/family/Birthday-Ideas-Teens-Tweens-30863246?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

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How Much Does a Babysitter Cost in 2024?

When it comes to childcare, parents are always looking for the best option for their families. But with the childcare crisis and daycare costs on the rise, it's hard to know where to even begin with finding a babysitter - let alone knowing a fair price to pay them. For this reason, the big question for parents has become: how much does a babysitter cost? Unfortunately, the answer isn't so simple when you have to factor in variables like location and experience. Although babysitter pay calculators may help you get a quick estimate, they tend to be broad, sometimes leaving you with more questions than answers. That's why figuring out how much a babysitter is requires more than a Google search. With help from experts, let's dive into what to take into consideration when calculating the costs. --- Experts Featured in This Article Kristen Szapka is the founder and owner of A Nanny Match, a premiere nanny agency service that matches nannies with families. Sean Lacey is the general manager of childcare at Care.com, an online service that connects families with caregivers. --- How Much Does a Babysitter Cost? On average, babysitting rates across the United States typically range between $20 to $40 per hour, says Kristen Szapka, owner of A Nanny Match. According to Sean Lacey, the general manager of childcare at Care.com, the national average hourly rate for a babysitter is $24.05, according to the company's job post data. It's worth noting these numbers are purely an average estimate, meaning it shouldn't be what you immediately decide on without factoring in other considerations. "Think about their experience, how many kids they're watching, and if they'll need to handle things like transportation, laundry, or pet care," Lacey says. "These added responsibilities can definitely bump up the rate, so it's important to weigh everything together to find a fair wage that appropriately reflects the work they're doing." For example, if a babysitter is watching more than one child, "it's common to add around $5 extra dollars per hour for each additional child," Szapka says. However, in some cases (like their age), Lacey says adding at least $1 per hour for each additional child can be sufficient too. You also have to factor in the cost of living, and where you are located. "Rates in urban areas like NYC start at around $30 per hour for one child when hiring a professional nanny, whereas rates in less urban areas start at lower rates," Szapka says. Again, experience will also play into the hourly rate of how much a babysitter costs, so make sure to take that into consideration as well. The more experience someone has, the higher their rate will likely be. For Natalie Hammon, a nanny in Mission Viejo, California, her starting rate is $30 per hour. With 10 years of nannying experience, four years of special education preschool experience, and a bachelor's degree in psychology, she says her level of expertise "definitely play a role" in the price that she charges. For someone like Zoe Kampf, however, a babysitter with one year of experience in Charlotte, NC, she charges $21 an hour. Lastly, you have to consider added responsibilities. Do you want a babysitter to handle the laundry? Grocery shopping? Cooking? If that's the case, expect to shell out some more money. For North Carolina resident Kristine Miller, she says she plays more of a "household manager" role. For $23 an hour, she does kid drop-offs, pick-ups, grocery store runs, cooking, and more. At the end of the day, if you're not sure what's a fair price to pay your babysitter, Lacey recommends having an open and honest discussion to figure out a rate that works for both of you. Then, once you've agreed upon a rate, put together a contract that clearly states responsibilities and compensation. "A clear contract can turn potential confusion into a smooth, worry-free experience for everyone," he says. Related: What… https://www.popsugar.com/family/how-much-does-babysitter-cost-49389888?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr