Unopened Soul

24.

[theneverside]

I can't breathe.

It's August 31st, and it's been 51 hours since he last messaged me. I was the one who did not respond right away but all the same.

I am giving him until today to message me. If he won't, I'm considering us over. It hurts a lot. I love him, you know? I really do. But with all this? Respect is no longer being served on the table and I have to leave.

There's a lump in my throat that I can't let go. It's hard to hold back tears that I so desperately want to flow down my cheeks. I told myself that this year will just be focused on me, but he came anyway. I am not regretting this because at last, I felt what it was like to be loved and to be in love. It was a magical thing. And to be honest? I would gladly go over it again even if it will end with me crying in a corner for something I had.

To you. So this is it, then. Thank you for the six months of all sort of rollercoaster ride we had. I don't regret loving you. I chose you. Thank you for choosing me, too. But now, you're losing me.

[theneverside]

It's my 7 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

Oh wow, 7 years!!!!

[taylorswift]

It’s here. It’s yours, it’s mine, it’s ours. It’s an album I wrote alone about the whims, fantasies, heartaches, dramas and tragedies I lived out as a young woman between 18 and 20. I remember making tracklist after tracklist, obsessing over the right way to tell the story. I had to be ruthless with my choices, and I left behind some songs I am still unfailingly proud of now. Therefore, you have 6 From The Vault tracks! I recorded this album when I was 32 (and still growing up, now) and the memories it brought back filled me with nostalgia and appreciation. For life, for you, for the fact that I get to reclaim my work. Thank you a million times, for the memories that break our fall. 💥🐉🏰  Speak Now (MY VERSION!) is out now. 

http://taylor.lnk.to/SpeakNowTaylorsVersion

PC: Beth Garrabrant 

[theneverside]

🥹🥹🥹

[theneverside]

My gut feeling is eating me alive. What now? I'll go back to this post sooner or later. Idk what to feel.

[theneverside]

And here I thought you will be making me happy for a long time. If not indefinitely, just for a long time. It was my fault I trusted you that fast, I trusted you with my happiness that I decided to just take down the walls I set between us instantly.

There is only me to blame, Dobby, there is only me to blame. 

[theneverside]

Course over?

I am literally failing two quizzes and I have been thinking if I've chosen the right path for me. Will I survive? Stay tune for the next three years.

[theneverside]

Damn, for the next weeks, I will be informed if I am still in the program. I'm deadass nervous. Please please please.

PS. Past self, you made it this far. Congratulations.

[theneverside]

Kinda long overdue but bitch you made it HAHAHAHAHAHA congratulations! Past self, you are officially a **A student. Congratulations.

[theneverside]

GIRL WHAT??? YOU GRADUATED ALREADY CONGRATULATIONS IM SO PROUD OF YOU! WE MAY COME SO CLOSE TO GETTING THAT LATIN HONORS BUT STILL, YOU SURVIVED.

[theneverside]

09/16/2022

This is a very symbolic day for me. I am officially a degree holder. My bachelor's degree was conferred to me, albeit virtual, while I got my first paycheck as the official breadwinner of the my family. I worked before, but never the only one working in the family. Now, I will be carrying my family's expenses in my shoulders while also struggling to review for my licensure exams so that I can give them a better life.

I also had a hearty lunch with Jollibee takeout with my favorites. This is a tribute to the child in me that will be gone as I go on to this battle of adulthood.

Cheers, my younger self, you will be destroyed and damned, but you will fight harder than you ever had. Things will be better, and when they are, you can once again go back to the child that you are. For now, be the adult your family needs. The foundation that will keep you all standing. You cannot afford to falter. Weep if you must, but never to give up.

To more challenges you will face, to the icebergs that will freeze your heart, to the child that's afraid to be the adult, let's not fall down. To the class of 2022! 🍻

[theneverside]

✨manifesting that i will graduate this year with latin honors✨

[theneverside]

The way my country can make an easy and intelligent choice but refused to do so.

My feelings are hurt, my hope vanished into thin air. If by some miracle we can make a complete 180°, I wish it to be right now.

The light is now flickering, maybe it'll die out, too. As the blood of the past and future pours, I will forever remind you that it is all your doing.

[theneverside]

A year has passed and a lot of things happened and changed. I am writing this as I sit on my desk for work at home. Getting so sleepy but can't log out because of the pay.

I have moved on completely. It may be a little too late because I guess that's what happens when you're stuck with the same routine everyday, inside your head. When I started my job, I got to interact with lots of people and my days become unpredictable. It took my mind off things.

Of course I will never forgive him but I am at peace. I have tried to be in the pool again but nothing really lasts. The problem is either me or them. But still, who cares lol.

I hope the coming year will be a turn around for me. More good things. CPA things, I hope. Please. Cheers!

[taylorswift]

I know some of you thought that would be like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there’s no right answer BUT…you played it good & right. Congrats pals, you guessed the correct titles and feature artists on Red (my version). The vault tracks will feature Chris Stapleton, Phoebe Bridgers, Mark Foster and the first song Ed Sheeran and I ever wrote together the first time we met in 2012❗️I can’t express my gratitude enough to these artists for helping me bring these songs to life. I can’t wait til we can dust off our highest hopes and relive these memories together. We’ll also be making a bunch of new ones too, since Red (Taylor’s Version) includes so many songs you haven’t heard yet. Til then, I’ll be counting down and picturing it all in my head. In burning red.

Red (Taylor’s Version) out November 19. Pre-order now: http://Taylor.lnk.to/redtaylorsversion 

[theneverside]

Me az a dumb swiftie who just waited until everyone figures it out 👀

[theneverside]

Thank you, Ian. Thank you for being someone I can share this news with. Thank you for always cheering for me. Thank you. 💜💜💜

As much as I wanted to bring back time and call you while looking for my name since I was so nervous and anxious, I know it is for the better that I didn't because if this won't turn out the way I wanted to, this moment I am supposed to cherish and reminisce happily would be a scarring one, for it wouldn't have been complete without you.

[theneverside]

One year later. Good call, past Angel. Buti di mo ginawa hahahahahahaha

[theneverside]

Six months passed and I don't know why I'm still hurt. Maybe because I did not let myself heal normally. I rushed it, I forced myself to be okay. I was not okay, I was far from being okay. I have to stop it now. Taylor Swift's tolerate it really bugged the hell out of me.

[taylorswift]

The vault door is about to be as unhinged as you’ll think I am after you watch this video. 

Level: Expert

Happy decoding! 

[theneverside]

Taylor stop my brain is absent

[theneverside]

Course over?

I am literally failing two quizzes and I have been thinking if I've chosen the right path for me. Will I survive? Stay tune for the next three years.

[theneverside]

Damn, for the next weeks, I will be informed if I am still in the program. I'm deadass nervous. Please please please.

PS. Past self, you made it this far. Congratulations.

[theneverside]

Kinda long overdue but bitch you made it HAHAHAHAHAHA congratulations! Past self, you are officially a **A student. Congratulations.

[theneverside]

I'm happy with what we have. We are exclusively talking, that's established already. Whatever we think we are, I guess we are happy with it. I just hope this is not the calm before the storm, considering that I had a blissful week with him and today's the start of his first term. But like any other day, I will be more understanding. We give each other our free time, so it's time for me to be assured that we are still good. We are always good. Thank you, Ian. 💜

[theneverside]

Thank you, Ian. Thank you for being someone I can share this news with. Thank you for always cheering for me. Thank you. 💜💜💜

As much as I wanted to bring back time and call you while looking for my name since I was so nervous and anxious, I know it is for the better that I didn't because if this won't turn out the way I wanted to, this moment I am supposed to cherish and reminisce happily would be a scarring one, for it wouldn't have been complete without you.