7th Annual Brady’s Top 10 Things of the Year
Longest one ever for a fucking tough year. I tried to lay it out chronologically because weirdly this year was a lot of cause and effect for me. Enjoy.
The Inciting Incident
Towards the beginning of the year, I joined a team at work tasked with redesigning another firm’s new store design for a client. We spent weeks trying to make their work feasible and budget friendly. Unfortunately, the work wasn’t connecting. I was very frustrated with the situation and worked myself up into a panic attack and an ulcer.
The client then gave us the opportunity to scrap the existing design and start from scratch. In my rage, I designed 5 new options in a few hours. One of them combining the client’s program with a bodega to shift the story from selling product to selling content. We moved past the ideas I had presented and toward an unconventional idea that transforms a store into a coffee bar with an emphasis on service and the day before the presentation, my studio director asked that we make sure and include my bodega design as an option.
The day of the presentation, roughly 5 minutes after it was over, I got an email from one of the graphic designers who was attending the meeting.
‘HE LOVED IT”
I ran downstairs and cried because, a design concept that I am 100% responsible for was chosen as the brand’s new physical aesthetic and would potentially roll out to stores across the country. When I called my mom to talk to her about it, she told me, "Of course they chose your design." because my client is the same company my grandpa worked for his whole life. Devotees will remember that the reason I got into architecture is because of the time I spent with my grandpa as a kid. I see myself carrying on his legacy in a real tangible way.
Over the next few months, the team and I made my concept real. It almost won me the Rookie of the Year Gensler Star Award, but another new kid split the vote with me and someone from Workplace won. As a consolation gift, Amberlee took an old star award and attached a sticky note that said “Lifestyles Rookie of the Year 2015." It sits proudly on my desk.
When the project moved into the construction document phases, I worked on an overseas experience-focused exhibition project and a pop-up on 5th Ave in Manhattan resulting in a memorable Saturday evening of buying every carabiner Loews sells and (allegedly) installing spotlights in a soffit. Design/build is weird.
The store first store with my concept opened in November. I took 300 photos and cried again at my celebratory dinner with Andrew that night… Andrew puts up with a lot of tears from me. In my year and half at Gensler I’ve have 5 stores I’ve worked on open, but I can clearly see my design intent conveyed in this store. Even if every other rollout store of this type gets value-engineered into a garbage factory, I made something weird and cartoony and different which is what I set out to do when I got into architecture.
I Find my Confidence and My Community
After my ulcer, I decided to start taking my work-life balance and my health more seriously, but I was tired of exercise feeling like a chore and wanted to do something I was excited about. I had heard about Gotham volleyball through Luke at Albatross but had stopped myself from pursuing it. I decided to try an open play and I’ve since been fully indoctrinated into the cult. Dave Holmes has a theory that everyone joins one big club in their lives. They become really obsessed with it and it defines them. It’s the reason that boring, straight people still talk about the fraternities that they joined. Gotham is pretty definitively that for me and now I’m going to talk about it.
When I talk about playing sports in high school I usually tell the story of my 3 athletic records: 1. Basketball: Most Minutes played without an assist. 2. Tennis: Most 2nd Singles Matches Played 3. Tennis: Most 2nd Singles Matches Lost. I talk about how much I hated playing sports and how during basketball my senior year Turd Daly told me how it seemed like I wasn’t having a good time and I really should quit. I hated playing sports. But, at this point, I play 3 times per week. I’ve made friends, built my confidence, improved my health, lost weight, been competitive, and found a place in this community. So far, my teams, the Bikini Bottoms, won the Fire Island beach volleyball tournament in our division, the First Spikes Club came in second in the summer league and first in our tournament, and Pumpkin Spiked Latte ....did pretty good also.
I also marched with my teammates at the pride parade and in between holding back tears, I peppered my way down Fifth Avenue. To borrow a phrase from Theresa; volleyball is my joy. It’s the thing I look the most forward to every week.
Enter Best Friend
I met Alex at David’s birthday party at Albatross. I was instantly attracted to him… as was everyone else in the bar. He spent most of the evening fending off flirting Albatrossians while regaling us with tales of the gross stuff he has to do to horses on a regular basis.
A few weeks later he asked me to join him at his birthday party. When I walked in, he was quietly heckling the comedian on stage. A few minutes later, he was loudly heckling the comedian on stage. Alex and I spent most of the night talking. Trying to figure out who we both knew in Columbus and catching up on the 27-ish years we spent apart. It should be noted that he also invited 2 other gentlemen who were A. Not speaking to one another B. Both trying to get into Alex’s pants and C. Giving me some evil eyes for taking all of Alex’s attention and forcing them to interact with one another.
I don’t think we’ve spent a day out of contact since then.
I will share my favorite Alex and Brady adventure so far: Brady and Alex are returning from a night out in the city. Alex makes eye contact with a cute boy on the train. He sits next to him and strikes up a conversation. A few stops later Alex walks back over to me laughing. “How’d it go?” I ask. “He said, ‘This isn’t my stop but I’m going to get off here so I don’t have to talk to you anymore.’” The boy was joking and Alex would soon become friends with him.
About a month later Alex asked me to join him at this boy’s cabaret. The boy warned him that Alex was mentioned in one of the songs. We arrived after some pre-cabaret drinks. Alex’s expression changed when we sat down. I would later find out that Alex had gone on a date with and ghosted both of the boys who were sitting at the table next to us. I would also later learn that those two boys were on a date with each other. I would then learn that Alex and those two boys had all at one point or another tried to hook up with the boy who’s cabaret we were attending. “Where are our drinks?” was said no fewer than 6 times before the show started.
When the show did start, it was not bad. The boy had a beautiful voice. Then he went into a story about how we try and live out the fairy tales we’re read as children. His favorite was The Monster at the End of This Book. Then he sang a fun song from Sesame Street. I thought to myself “haha what if at the end he says ‘I’m the monster at the end of my book’ Then he told us how he had not been single for the last ten years. Cool. Then he said the following phrase, “If we’re living out the fairy tales we’re read as kids then ‘Bibbity Boppity Boyfriend!” I stared down Alex harder than I have ever stared down anyone. Alex, in response, looked directly at the piano player, who was an old man who was not that good at his job. A few numbers later, he sang a song about the boys he would never date and he worked in a verse about the vet who works with horses every day and how he told him “Nay.” Alex politely applauded after the song was over and then said just a little too loud “We never dated.” Alex only made eye contact with the piano player for the rest of the evening.
Oh and then the show ended and the boy said “…Well, would you look at that; I’m the monster at the end of my book.” Before he finished the word “monster” I was kicking Alex as hard as I could under the table.
Alex is my constant companion. He has been present for the best, weirdest nights of my life or been the first person I texted after they happened…(Until I met Andrew, but he’s a very close second). He has defended me against assholes who forget my existence and dickbags who think being mean constitutes a sense of humor. He has bought me so much fucking vodka and sushi. To paraphrase a text I sent to him after he treated me to the best birthday ever (See Below) Alex is the Barbra to my Judy, the Iliana to my Abbi, and the Sriracha to my Thai food.
In which I buck the constraints I’d placed on myself
This summer my drag queen friend Sutton Lee Seymour hosted a drag virgins show for Pride at my home away from home, Albatross. I signed up excited and nervous about this new experience… Then 49 of my brothers and sisters were brutally murdered in Orlando and I am absolutely shattered. I spent most of the days following crying and experiencing symptoms of survivors guilt. I took me a while to put my feelings into words. But I did, I wrote about everything I was feeling on facebook... As I wrote, I realized that I wasn’t scared, I was angry and determined and any shred of hesitation or self-hatred or internalized homophobia I had was gone. I decided that if my life could end in a second I couldn’t spend one more second hiding. I lived in fear for far too fucking long.
I spent my evenings practicing walking in heels and trying to invent some choreography. I made a mix of songs that made me feel fierce. I invited friends and family and co-workers to watch me perform. I chose a character and an aesthetic. She’s a housewife in the DC comic’s universe and she wants to be a super villain but has none of the requisite skills… That may not have come through in my performance but that’s fine….I practiced my makeup and took a half-day to make sure I had plenty of time to paint my face. I re-listened to the episode of Throwing Shade that was released after Orlando. Bryan said that it was more important that ever to be out and loud. Something along the lines of “if you’re a bossy bitch queen bottom then own it. Wear that T-shirt.”
I tried not to cry again and smear my eyes, which were really fucked up anyway because the Sephora lady gave me a liquid liner with a paintbrush tip and not the chisel that I wanted, but I pulled on my Lichtenstein 50’s housewife dress and red wig and said aloud to my reflection in the bathroom mirror “if this isn’t my fucking t-shirt I don’t know what is.” I left the apartment and immediately almost fell on my ass outside. Walking on pavement outside in heels is a lot different than walking on tile inside. Nathan and his fiancé greeted me outside. Alex lost his shit when he saw me. I made a word balloon/fan that said “I don’t know why you all gagging” and showed it off as I waived during my introduction. Kristen said I looked like my Grandma.
I had an amazing time on stage. Sutton introduced me as “The queen you’ve all been waiting for! She lives here just like the rest of us…” and my mix of off-broadway nonsense, Smash, more Smash, the First Wives Club, and Liz Lemon had the crowd’s interest peaked.
It didn’t fix what I was feeling. But it made me feel part of something. It made me feel strong and powerful and happy.
Whenever I think about Orlando, I immediately think of the drag queen was live tweeting a rally in Manhattan. The crowd was chanting “We’re here. We’re Queer. We’re Fabulous. Don’t fuck with us.”
In which I go outside my comfort zone and find my literal strength
After my show at Albatross, I hung out with Anthony and some of the volleyball boys. Anthony mentioned his Fire Island house and said that they usually let people sleep on their couch. I asked to join immediately. I’d only been for one weekend the year before. But I was emboldened and a little desperate to experience the things I’d stopped myself from doing.
The days I spent there were magical. I found my way around my first vacation that wasn’t with family. I gained confidence in my body. I made new friends. I did drag again and took the photo of Brandi descending the staircase that piqued Andrew’s curiosity, and then cried as the Gay Men’s Chorus led a crowd of the entire Pines in the National Anthem finishing with “O’er the land of the Queers and the home of the Gays!” Because I felt at home.
And during my last visit of the summer, I did something completely different than anything I’d ever done before:
I ran into two friends at Sip and Twirl. I introduced them to one of my housemates, Steven. Friend A and Steven kind of hit it off. However friend B was acting a little odd, being kind of aggressive for having just met my housemate. Regardless, we invited them to join us at the house later.
So, a while later, they show up at the house. And Steven started speaking with Friend A again. Friend B mentions that Steven thought he was aggressive and asks why in a very aggressive tone. Steven explains that he was being weird citing some specific examples. Friend B begins throwing the word “bitch” around and after a few back and forth’s Steven goes outside. Friend B follows and, ignoring the other activities happening around the pool, throws a punch. It misses and then Friend B throws Steven into the hot tub. I saw the punch and ran out after him. I put Friend B in a headlock and yelled “Calm the fuck down and get the fuck out!” he relaxed and Friend A apologized and walked him out.
I’ve never done that before, but now I know who I am in a crisis.... I’m kind of a hero… all of this allegedly because everyone was drinking.
In which I celebrate how far I’ve come
My birthday started with a visit to the fixture manufacturer for my new store. They had begun building my fixtures and setting up a prototype for the new concept I designed. Do you guys remember that episode of the office where Jim surprises Pam with the house he bought her and she’s silent the entire time he’s showing it to her and then when he starts apologizing after the tour she freaks out and is so excited that Jim bought her a house? Yeah, I had that reaction. I touched everything because it didn’t seem real. The fixtures looked just like my renderings.
Kate dropped me off that afternoon and I met Alex for my birthday dinner in Chelsea. The food and company were the perfect birthday gift... made even better by the drunk woman at the bar that was trying to look cool while holding her and her friend’s drinks. She looked like she was posing for a photo no one was taking.
After getting into the wrong Uber twice, Alex and I stopped and his place and he surprised me with a cake. We took it to Albatross and shared it with the other “clientele”.
My full birthday party took place that Friday evening. I invited friends and family for a pregame session at my place and karaoke at Albatross. I put all my songs in at once assuming they’d be spaced out over the night. Instead, I ended up singing Poor Unfortunate Souls, Piece of My Heart, and Hold On by Wilson Phillips all back to back. I was a bit of a mess but I had an amazing night.
Birthdays are introspective occasions for me. A time to reflect on my growth in the last year. This year I got to see the fruits of my labor in a tangible way, I got to see the way my friend group had expanded and the amazing people that I had the opportunity to welcome into my life over the last year, and more than anything New York started to feel like home.
Exit Boys Who Were Not Right for Me
Perhaps the reason I was open to meet my Andrew was because I spent a lot of time this summer finding closure for my old relationships. The one I thought I was meant to be with and I reconnected, resulting in a Throwing Shade Jumbotron and a realization that neither of us felt that thing that made us feel like we were supposed to be together. We went our separate ways and from what I can tell he’s happy with someone now too.
A night of gay volleyball karaoke resulted in running into an ex that intentionally or unintentionally preyed on my approval issues by being withholding with his emotions. We spent a few hours catching up and just when it seemed like there may be a chance to try again, he made it clear that he was unwilling to move past what had happened between us. It took a lot of support from my friends but I made it past those feelings and made the decision to never feel like that in a relationship ever again.
I righted the ship with friends on whom I’d placed misguided feelings. I spent so much of my early out years trying to distinguish between romantic feelings and friendship. Which is confusing because you know that thing where you’re closeted so you don’t actually have feelings for girls but you’re in deep denial so you equate friendship and sexual attraction and then after you actually do come out you have to reteach what the difference between the two is? Yeah, it was that thing.
By no means am I in any kind of perfect place, but I’m doing the work to get through the things that are holding me back.
Enter Man I Love
I met Andrew on OkCupid in August. On our first date felt different. I never wanted to stop talking to him. At the end of the night, I gave him a huge bear hug and texted Alex about the great date I just had and how excited I was to see him again. A few days later we went on our second date. He took me to the Oculus at the World Trade Center. We ate chocolate as he talked about makeup and I talked about retail design. Weirdly both in our elements at the same time. I felt butterflies in my stomach as we held hands in the cab on the way to the SeaGlass Carousel. We found our way to Astor Place and I made him listen to me explain my thesis project. He must have liked me a lot because I’ve gotten lectures on architecture on dates and they are never as exciting for the listener as they are for the lecturer. That evening I met his Chihuahuas and unlocked the bathroom door that he had accidentally locked from the inside. We sat in his backyard and talked until six in the morning. We cuddled all night. He invited me back the next day and we’ve been doing the same ever since.
A few of my favorite moments from my first few months with Andrew: One night we were watching Zootopia and Andrew said “Did you know that otters hold hands so that they don’t float away from each other? Here, hold my hand and pretend like we’re floating… but not away.” The way he helped me work through my panic attack on election night and my emotions the following days. The time we were at dinner and he said something sweet. I held out my hand to hold his over the table, blocking the dessert menu from his view. he said, “Honey do you mind? This is important.” Playing Guess Who? with my brother at Thanksgiving. The time he defended me when I was compared to the ugly fat kid. Watching the surprise and love on his face as I drew moments from our relationship onto our advent calendar. The time we got stuck on a roller coaster at six flags and eating an entire bag of cereal in the car afterward. Halloween, him as a genderswapped Monterey Jack from Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers and me as the leader of the Kars 4 Kids band. For Christmas, he framed a bunch of drawings that I’d made of him and me to hang around his apartment. The support and love that I felt in that gesture were completely different that anything I’ve felt before. Most of the things I feel when I’m with Andrew are completely different than anything I’ve ever felt before.
Andrew told me that he doesn’t know why I’m smiling in my sleep when he wakes me up at 4 am to get me to stop snoring. It’s because I get to sleep next to him.
What I Learned About Creating
This year I discovered something about what my art means to me. In September, Nathan asked me to start drawing on the mirrors at Albatross, and after the election, I felt peace for the first time, while drawing a drag queen turkey and pilgrim with a piece of Funfetti cake. I sketched a picture of Alex for his birthday cementing our friendship and landing me a job designing his company’s logo. For Christmas, Andrew came up with the idea to draw an advent calendar on his chalkboard-painted door and I used to it to tell the story of our relationship.
I use my art as a way to escape and clear my head. I use it to reaffirm connections and build intimacy. I use to it tell a story about what I’m going through... that’s why my thesis project was such a transparent interpretation of my coming out process.
One of the strangest parts of this year was realizing that despite all the stuff I’ve created over the years, I’ve never hung any of it on my walls. Andrew’s Christmas gift to me was really emotional because I’ve never felt my work to be “wanted” in that way. Which is really sad but also really kind of a breakthrough for me. I’m gonna add that to the list of things to talk to my therapist about in 2017.
What I Did to Survive 2016
This year fucked me so hard. I have been heartbroken and had panic attacks and felt completely hopeless more than I have in my entire life, but the reality is that the terrible shit motivated me to move forward. As a result, I finally feel like I’ve found my place.
I’ve never felt so at home in my own skin. The other day I felt genuinely sexy for the first time ever. That’s not a milestone anyone should have to reach, but I did it and it was fucking cool.
I feel at home in New York. I’ve found the things that make me happy. I’ve taken opportunities to have experiences I couldn’t have anywhere else and discovered the weird, beautiful things that make this place so special. And as exhausted as I am I’m not going anywhere for a while.
I found my people. There is literally no way that next year isn’t going to be full of just as many devastating, terrible things, but I feel like I’ve found my team and that we will face this uncertain future together.
I’ve built a new support network, I’ve carved myself a role in my company, I’ve started therapy, and I’ve made my happiness a priority. I still have a lot of work to do, but right now I feel like I’m home.
Happy 2017 everyone. It’s probably gonna be terrible, but I know it’ll be less bad with all of you holding my hand.
TLDR; I give myself an ulcer stressing about work; I decide to join gay volleyball; I meet the best friend I’ve ever had; I do drag; I go to Fire Island and feel comfortable in my own skin... and then put someone in a headlock; I have the best birthday ever; I get closure with the boys who things felt unfinished with; I meet the man I would fall in love with; I find the meaning behind my art; I realize that I’m home.
Previous End of Year Posts:
2010:http://bradywilliamginn.tumblr.com/post/2547735151/top-ten-things-of-2010
2011: http://bradywilliamginn.tumblr.com/post/15071004662/bradys-best-things-of-2011
2012: http://thenewbrady.tumblr.com/post/39340579898/bradys-top-ten-things-of-2012
2013: http://thenewbrady.tumblr.com/post/71695919656/bradys-top-ten-things-of-2013
2014: http://thenewbrady.tumblr.com/post/105133102262/the-5th-annual-bradys-top-ten-things-of-the-year
2015: http://thenewbrady.tumblr.com/post/135305609837/the-6th-annual-bradys-top-ten-things-of-the-year
