The Nick Bennett

Sometimes I need to remind myself why I have been bartending for the past decade. These are a few of the reasons.

[thenickbennett]

Stay Inspired

I have managed to find ways to keep myself busy while inside these past weeks but to be honest, it has gotten a little difficult to stay inspired. What life is missing right now are those little elements sparking creativity that come from social interaction and coming up with believable stories to avoid social interaction.

Those of us fortunate enough to be in the hospitality industry can usually find inspiration thanks to a screaming, red-faced authority figure or the steady stream of culture walking though our door reviewing us with two stars.

That’s why restaurant workers are so alert. If you are not paying attention, then you might accidentally knock a cocktail over, spilling the drink on a guest or breaking the glass into the ice. Then as you bend over to burn the ice hear a "thwhip! fwump!" sound, only to discover a knife wobbling in the wall behind you, meaning you have become entangled in yet another web of international espionage and intrigue in the middle of Friday Night Happy Hour.

This stimulus keeps us constantly ready to solve problems before they happen. For example, employees in bars and restaurants have to constantly be on the look out for the Department of Health, whose belief is that, as a safety precaution, you should never serve anything, including cereal, without gloves or a welding helmet.

Most managers will use this underlying constant dread to create better systems for handling produce, lines of communication between the front and back of house, and elaborate plan usually involving smokescreens and body doubles should the DOH ever step through the door.

So I don’t want to loose the creative spark that comes when surrounded by so many stimuli. To help keep myself inspired I have been studying flavors and attempting to recreate drinks at home. This is hard because I don’t have the resources or tools I normally have at work but it is helping me reevaluate recipes and reinvent them so they can be made by anyone with dubious hygiene and wearing sweatpants.

Recently I was looking through my copy of The Fine Art of Making Drinks, and I found a recipe for the “Daiquiri De Luxe.'' I was very interested in making this but the problem was that some of the ingredients, such as Cuban rum, were hard to get, and another called Crème d’Ananas was obviously made up.

Not a problem! I simply looked around my home kitchen for appropriate substitute ingredients, and I was able to adapt the recipe to meet my specific needs, as follows:

Daiquiri De Luxe De La Nick

8 Parts Cuban Rum (Set aside)

2 parts citrus (How long has this lime been here? Is it still good?)

1 part Crème d’Ananas (Google it. Holy crap it’s a real thing?)

Procedure

1. In a large tin, store all of your cookies.  

2. Rummage through tin for any Girl Scout Cookies left over from a previous purchase.

3. Pour milk into a medium glass.

And there it is!

Admittedly I have been consuming more milk and cookies than making cocktails but it is important to keep practicing to stay fresh. When this pandemic blows over I plan to re-enter the work force with a fresh set of eyes and a recipe book full of new ideas. I look forward to seeing you at my bar and serving you this cocktail well deserving of both stars:

The Bold Fashioned - Similar to the classic Old Fashioned recipe but substitute the bitters with just a hint of mayonnaise.

[thenickbennett]

The History of Bartending, Part 1

Everyone has his or her reason to follow bartending as a career. There is the financial security, the social growth, and the prospect of touching sensitive parts with another person. 

But what has really kept me interested in this career is its history.

Bartending, or “pouring things into things” as it is more commonly referred, is one of the oldest professions next to prostitution and snake charming. A craft that harkens back to the good old days, when our grand parents and their great-grand parents would gather around a fire, weave a tale of hearty American ingenuity, and attempt to distill horse urine.

You see, before you can even begin to scrape the surface of the History of Bartending you need to fondle the under carriage of Distillation. Unlike wine and beer, which are historically connected to early advances in civilization like the cultivation of crops (i.e., grapes and barley), spirits require a very specific second step after fermentation: distilling, which is historically connected to civilization’s decline (i.e., WhiteClaw and Boozy Milkshakes).

While fermentation can happen completely by accident, distillation requires a very specific set of intentions. Anyone can stumble upon slightly fermented grain, but it takes a very special kind of mind to think turning it into moonshine is an improvement.

That’s where bartending really begins to take shape. Using flavors that some might find unpleasant and combining them with other ingredients (citrus, sweetener, bananas shaped like dolphins) to create something completely original. These early cocktails may seem basic compared to the kind you might find on a menu today but they laid the foundation for the classic cocktail formula many experienced bartenders follow to this day: one part ice, one part glass, and the rest part whatever else you can find around the house.

The cocktail possibilities are endless but where did this idea to combine ingredients originate?

Cocktails, as we know them today, were inspired by British punches. These were large bowls made of spirits mixed with fruit juice, spices, and other flavors. Punches were created in the early 17th century to mask the flavor of inferior spirits coming from newly discovered parts of the world and to cover up the harsh realties of being British.

Despite its potency, it wasn’t uncommon for large parties to empty dozens of punch bowls in a single sitting. George Washington once ran up a bill that included seven large bowls of punch, along with 60 bottles of claret, 54 bottles of Madeira, 8 bottles of cider, 8 bottles of whiskey, and 22 bottles of porter. The tab was so large that it was impossible to accurately split the check. Washington knew that one of the other founding fathers, probably Dave, had a few more ladles of punch than he was letting on.

It was around this time our nation began shrinking these large flowing punch bowls to individual sized punches, or, as it would come to be known, the boll weevil.

I’m sorry, I meant the Cocktail.

Recent evidence has shown that the term “Cocktail” likely came, and I am not making this part up, from the practice of inserting a piece of ginger into a horse’s backside. This practice caused the horse to “cock its tail,” giving it the appearance of youthful vigor and alertness. With this idea in mind bartenders would combine spirit, sweetener, citrus, ice, and bitters while trying to stay atop a now bucking horse trying to expel a wad of raw ginger shoved up its rear. This is also how shaking cocktails was invented.

Remember this was during simpler times when men where tough, women were homely, and both had full mustaches.

In the next installment of the “The History of Bartending” I will discuss the forefathers of the American Bartender, the kinds of cocktails they established that exist to this day, and what other ingredients our grandparents were mixing. (Hint: It’s more urine).

[thenickbennett]

Home Economics

My wife and I don’t always see eye to eye on TV shows. Her interests tend to lie with British sitcoms like Downton Abbey or The Crown while my interests are more sophisticated and narrated by David Attenborough. Luckily we can both agree on the Great British Baking Show. It is a wonderful program and caters to both our love of English muffins and English narration.

I do wish that I were better at baking of this quarantine though. Most of what I know, which is next to nothing, I learned taking Home Economics in high school. You see I went to school during the Clinton administration, when schools were just starting to experiment not separating boys into Shop Class and girls into Home Ec - code name for "cooking and sewing". Teachers separating students based on gender was no longer allowed. They were also not allowed to put students' heads in vises and tighten them, which I heard our shop teacher, Mr. Alynwick, did to Jon Kalish in the ninth grade after Jon found a very inventive use for a screwdriver.

After hearing this rumor I was too scared to take Shop because I, as a teenage boy at the time, would have been duty bound to come up with some more inventive second use of the words “screw” and “drive.”

Under the guidance of Mr. Alynwick students were able to carve out hundreds of the ugliest most useless things you could have imagined. At least I’m assuming there was imagination behind these creations. Mr. Alynwick did all of the designs, and students sure knew better than to ask any questions.

These items would eventually wind up as Christmas presents for parents grateful that their children still had a full set of fingers.

I regret today that I didn't follow through with Shop Class in high school, because while I have never once found a scenario where I have had to write a five-paragraph essay at the grocery store, I could use carpentry skills to repair objects in my apartment.

My typical method for repairing an object is to start by observing what the problem is. For example, we had a broken shelf at my apartment that I deduced was broken after 6-12 weeks of observation. What I found was that every time I tried resting something on the shelf the object would be hurtled across the room.

The next step I take when repairing something is a method that I have perfected over the years. I look for a likely trouble spot and whack it with a blunt instrument. This often works on electronics. It does not work on shelves.

Fortunately, by this point, it had been several months and our lease was up so we decided to move.

But if I were going to really get into home carpentry, I would need a home workshop, which is defined as a very useful place to store various categories of dangerous tools. Having spent a significant amount of time on the HomeDepot website I have found that there are basically four different categories of tools you could store in a workshop: Tools You Can Hit Yourself With (Hammers). Tools You Can Cut Yourself With (Saws). Tools You Can Stab Yourself With (Chisels). Tools That, If Said With the Right Inflection, Sound Hilarious (Nut Drivers).

I do have enough tools to get by, but I don’t have a workshop I can fill up more dangerous ones. Our New York apartment doesn’t have the square footage. What we do have is a decent sized kitchen, filled with all the pots and pans that I need. I really have been able to take advantage of this during my free time these past few weeks. I have been cooking up a storm and using everything I can remember from Home Ec baking mediocre bread.

This is a great place to be held up during these unsafe times. I would really hate to leave it. But I have noticed that our television has been leaning a little recently so we will probably have to move if whacking it with a hammer doesn’t work.

[thenickbennett]

How to Win an Argument

I know that we are all trying to find ways to improve our lives right now. I have heard of some people picking up a second language, while others are learning an instrument, and even more baking mediocre bread. We have the time now so the only thing stopping you is you.

And lack of talent.

If you are looking for something to practice I am happy to help. Now would be a good time to practice arguing. I argue really well. If you don’t believe me, come at me.

Unlike learning an instrument, which requires specialized equipment and hopefully soundproof walls, you can practice arguing anytime. Simply call a friend or tell your roommate to stop breathing so loud during the movie and it’s off to the races.

Here are a few helpful tips to get you started:

Drink Alcohol

Imagine you are on a videoconference and some hotshot intellectual is talking about the difference in the mating rituals of African and Asian peacocks, a topic you know nothing about. If you are only drinking a health conscious fruit smoothie you will probably hold back, afraid to display your ignorance. But fill that glass with several martinis and you’ll discover you suddenly have very strong opinions about the peafowl, its common name. You will not only be comfortable displaying your ignorance but will flaunt it like a peacock fanning its feathers during mating season.

Use Important Sounding Words

If it looks like the other person is making a great point and winning the argument, try using weighty sounding terms. Here are a few examples:

Vis-à-vis

Per se

Ergo

Vice Versa

Quid pro quo

It helps if they are in a foreign language because it adds a sense of substance to your nonsense.

Suppose you want to say, “Peafowl are forest birds that nest on the ground, but roost in the trees.” You will never win an argument with a point like that. But you will win if you say, “Now let me put it to you this way. In terms of roost to nesting abilities, vis-à-vis the peacock and peahen, these forest birds as it were may per se nest on the ground but find a quid pro quo relationship with trees in terms of roosting, and vice versa.”

Only a fool would challenge that.

Make Things Up

My wife is a lawyer. She is smart, attractive, and most importantly will probably read this at some point. She wins arguments based on merits and facts.

You and I don’t have this luxury.

So don’t get too held-up on facts to win your argument. Say you want to argue the peacock population is on the decline because they aren’t mating enough, a position based solely on the fact that you aren’t getting any and will be damned if a bunch of birds are getting busy more than you. Don’t open with, “The peacock population is on the decline.” Instead say, “The average peacock mates 127 times a week during mating season, but current trends have them mating only 11 times during optimal canoodling seasons, which has led to a 47% decline in peafowl omelets on menus across the globe.”

Back your point up with numbers. If that doesn’t work ask your opponent to prove you aren’t making it up. I mean, how many menus have they seen peacock omelets available on, and do those restaurants take reservations?

If you are still arguing by this point, it will probably be time to excuse yourself and refill your martini. By the time you return you will find your friends have either hung up or left the room.

Declare yourself the winner!

Keep practicing your argument skills until your friends stop picking up the phone.

Next week we will discuss the importance of hiding any sharp knives or possible weapons when practicing with your spouse or roommate.

[thenickbennett]

A New New Yorker

I was on the roof of my New York City apartment recently, for a change of scenery and a much-needed breath of fresh air, when a pigeon suddenly approached me, mugging me and flying off shouting obscenities. Just another classic New York experience.

I’m kidding of course. I don’t really consider myself a true New Yorker. I haven’t been in a shouting match with a politician or run in the New York City Marathon, and when tourists ask me for directions I will point them anywhere rather than admit I don't know how to get there.

But what makes a good New Yorker beyond a guest appearance on Law & Order?

This very topic was brought up a few weeks ago at brunch. Now, the fact that we were at brunch should be a good sign we had no idea what we were talking about. To prove the point, everyone at the table agreed it was tote bags.

The argument is if you see someone walking around with no tote you can assume they are from out of town. Conversely, if they have one or more they are probably carrying files from a nearby job or groceries from the local green market.

While I don’t completely agree, I will argue if you find someone in Manhattan with four or more totes you can assume they are waiting for a car to take them home in one of the five boroughs. No New York resident would even consider getting on a train with that many bags. First, they will take up an extra seat, which should be an offense punishable by a lifetime sentence riding the smelly car.

Second, if you can afford four tote bags you can afford hailing a car.

I think knowing where to stand on the subway platform is a better indicator, at least better than tote bags. This is a skill that I have never been able to really develop. Knowing when you are directly in front of the opening doors when the train arrives, as far as I can tell, is pure sorcery. Somehow I always manage to stand directly between the two cars when they arrive, or right behind the person not wearing shoes.

Considering how many people stand right in front of the door whenever I try to get off there must be a way to learn however, like finding an available seat or knowing what that smell is, I seem destined never to know.

I do excel in other areas of NYC living. One thing I am particularly proud of is avoiding street petitioners. It is something I get great pleasure out of while walking around New York City in the summer, that and seeing adults riding toy scooters.

The trick is noticing the petitioner well in advance, so you have to be alert. When you spot them a block away you can get behind someone else on the sidewalk.

It’s that simple.

Plus, there are few things more pleasurable than watching someone else get caught by a street petitioner. Seeing their discomfort at having to refuse a signature for bringing back bandanas or donating to Red-Ants-Eat-Your-Eyelids Anonymous. This is one of those small, guilty pleasures that I just can’t seem to get over. Working in a Culture of Hospitality I know I am not supposed to enjoy other peoples’ discomfort or, at the very least, admit to enjoying it.

But why shouldn’t I admit to enjoying it? I also enjoy going to the top of the Empire State Building and visiting Time Square. I miss visiting these places, and an embarrassing amount of other tourist traps across the city that we can’t go to right now.

And it was then, right at 7pm, while I was looking out over the city that I started to hear all of New York yelling at the medical professionals passing by and banging pots and pans in celebration and thanks for their hard work. These people are putting their lives on the line and working tirelessly to help fight the spread of COVID-19 and this city is responding to it. It was a heartwarming moment that I was happy to be a part of and I felt like I was part of this city.

I have finally come to think of myself as a nearly average New Yorker, the kind that can survive anything the world throws at me.

But when all this is over, I am still going to cross the street if I see anyone walking towards me banging pots and pans or shouting obscenities.

[thenickbennett]

Shower Thoughts

I don’t want to alarm anyone in this time of uncertainty but you are going to want to sit down to read this. I realized something recently that has absolutely shaken me to my core.

There is no such thing as the Florida Ceiling Window.

This kind of epiphany is more commonly referred to as a shower thought but since COVID-19 has forced everyone indoors I have been a little lax with the regularity of my showers. As a result from this my shower thoughts, no longer confined to the shower, have been occurring with more regularity throughout the day. They will happen while brewing my coffee in the morning or while standing at the window idly staring into my neighbors’ apartment.

Which is how I was able to learn that I had been saying ‘Floor to Ceiling Windows’ wrong for years.

Now, if I were in the market for windows as large as the ‘floor to ceiling window’ I would hope that it would come reinforced somehow. You could forgive me this misunderstanding, knowing what you find throwing things through windows in Florida. If there were ever a style of reinforced glass that could withstand a branch being hurled into it because of hurricane force winds or someone on bath salts it would be a Florida Ceiling Window.

Additionally, with floor to ceiling windows you run the risk of someone being able see much more of your home from the outside. The Florida Ceiling Window would be the kind of glass that protects you from snooping eyes. It is very likely that whoever would ask for these installed would likely be cooking meth, not wearing pants, or cooking meth in their underpants.

These aren’t the kind of homes that are featured on HGTV though, so when I heard someone say that their new home had to have them it made me realize my mistake.

My entire understanding of windows has been upturned because of this revelation. I figured how much I had been watching these home renovation shows recently would have given me a pretty good grasp of them.

A young couple would appraise potential house for their growing family.

“It’s nice and all, but it doesn’t check off all of the items on our ‘Must Have’ list,” the prospective buyer would say. “The kitchen is a little small for when we host the entire New England Patriots. Plus, we are really looking for an open concept bathroom.”

These shows are a direct view into the minds of real Americans. With all of this free time I have on my hands I am looking to these shows for my home improvement inspiration. How can I brighten up any empty walls, is there a better way to use cabinet space in my New York apartment, why does everyone want shiplap?  

Between the time of day when I drink coffee and the time of day when I drink alcohol all I can do is try to improve my immediate surroundings and myself.

For now, all I can do is stand in my own apartment and look out my window to the world I cannot go into without protective masks and social distancing. I miss interacting with my friends and neighbors, getting a look into their lives and visiting their homes. I long to see how my neighbors set up their home, what they make for dinner, live their lives, and - Oh crap!

I think my neighbor just saw me staring into his apartment.

[thenickbennett]

April Fools Day – I Am Not A Fan

It’s Wednesday night, as far as I can tell, and you know what that means!

Neither do I.

Today we live in uncertainty and fear the likes of which our country rarely feels the rest of the year. Like most Americans, I am worried about something that causes us to avoid everyone we come in contact with. If we step foot outside we keep a safe distance between others and ourselves. The sound of something as unassuming as a sneeze behind us sends us into an uncontrollable panic.

I am of course talking about April Fools Day.

Now hear me out, this day is the worst. Even before we started social distancing we would spend this day every year looking over our shoulder for someone to sneak into the produce isle of a grocery store with a rubber snake, attaching an air horn to the bottom of some poor persons chair, or enlisting you into a pyramid scheme.  

Now, with COVID-19 on everybody’s mind, anyone even considering playing the old prank of spraying the back of a persons neck while making a sneezing sound should be shot out of a canon.

How we got into this annual tradition of practical jokery is unclear. It probably has to do with the history of this custom being told by the kind of cretins that stockpile fake boogers and have a collection of spring loaded peanut cans. In a word, the worst.

A possible association between April 1 and foolishness can be traced as far back as the 1300’s. In Geoffrey Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales, a vain cock Chauntecleer is tricked by a fox on “Syn March bigan thritty dayes and two.” This line can be interpreted to mean, "two days past March 30", or April 1. However, it is never made clear that Chaucer was referencing April 1st because if Chaucer wanted to make sense he would have used proper English instead of that unintelligible gobbledygook.

As a speaker of the English language and someone that didn’t even have to look up the spelling of the word ‘gobbledygook’ I am confident that I can speak with some authority on correcting Chaucer’s English.

He should have written “Syn March bigan thritty dayes and two LOL.” That would have gotten his point across about April Fools Day.

I have never been a fan of AFD, probably because I am modern man and know how to appropriately abbreviate things (approp abriv thgs), but also because I was never a great prankster.

The extent of my shenanigans involved intentionally adding a few extra lines to my farewell when ending a transaction with the person at a deli counter or j crew. I would say “Thank you have a great day I’ll see you later.”  The reason for this is to politely cover all the bases on my end, and to confuse the cashier just enough to make their response a little absurd. You too they will say, or you’re welcome, completely forgetting the part about seeing them later.

Got ya! I will exclaim, delighting in the befuddled look they would give me which could mean anything from I just got ‘got’ or that they have already called security to remove me from the premises.

I always feel a little jealous when I hear stories of someone pranking their school by disassembling a car then reassembling it in the teachers lounge or releasing a flock of live pigeons in an office. If I were to attempt this level of prankery the car would never be reassembled and there is a strong chance the flock of pigeons would not make it out of the office alive.

Fortunately we all have the excuse to stay home and not prank each other. We are terrified of anyone touching us. By today, a good portion of the population will have been cooped up in their homes for several weeks, talking to their houseplants and reminiscing about what it was like to go to restaurants or take showers regularly.

I look forward to a time when we can all get back out into the world and feel comfortable. When we can hug and high five our friends without having to immediately wash our hands and sanitize our clothes in flames. But until then I will keep to myself, and keep trying to be productive.

Got ya!

I haven’t worn pants in four days. I think I am going to take a nap now.

[thenickbennett]

The Nick Bennett turned 6 today!

[thenickbennett]

Cocktails at the George Washington Bar, and a PAC-Man suit. Saturday night date night done right. #legonickatlarge (at Freehand New York)

[thenickbennett]

Cheers to 40 years of slinging drinks at the Corner Bar. Uncle Jim created a legacy bar that will hopefully continue for the next 60 years. (at The Corner Bar)

[thenickbennett]

@k8d84 and I love making Irish Coffee at home, we get to add as much whipped cream as we want. (at Williamsburg)

[thenickbennett]

Thank you @stilonyc for the book. I have been meaning to read the @mixography Bartender Manual for some time and now I have no excuse. (at Porchlight)

[thenickbennett]

14 months. Oh man, it is good on a snowy night. (at Williamsburg, Brooklyn)

[thenickbennett]

I am not really good at maintaining social media (unless I can can sneak a lego figure into it). I usually don’t think of taking a picture until it is too late. That doesn’t make the moments any less enjoyable. The Fig Smash and Martini Service at @saxonandparole were enjoyable. (at Saxon + Parole)

[thenickbennett]

Redheaded

Today is National Redhead Day (yes, really). To help celebrate, here are six fun facts about redheads:

1. The highest concentration of redheads is in Scotland (13%), followed by Ireland (10%), and television work place sitcoms (4%).

2. People with red hair are more sensitive to pain, but are more considerate to others than to test their tolerance to pain.

3. Redheads probably won't go grey. That's because grey is the color of decay and redheads are practically immortal. They are more likely to go white and start to look like wizards or elven royalty.

4. Redheads most commonly have brown eyes. The second least common eye color is blue, followed by that deep rust color everyone painted barns in the 16th century.

5. Bees have been proven to be more attracted to redheads but neither have the confidence to ask each other out.

6. Being redheaded has its health benefits so if you have blond or brown hair try eating a few mouthfuls of red hair to boost your immune system.

[thenickbennett]

Saturday nights cocktail at home. An @oldduffgenever Negroni. (at Williamsburg, Brooklyn)

[thenickbennett]

Family meal is a great time to taste new products with the rest of the bar team. Today we are trying Swift Single Malt Texas Whiskey. I really like this product and I am excited to have it on our back bar. (at Porchlight)