From A Mess To The Masses! @thenils-blog - Tumblr Blog

sooner or later,

we will have to bring out your clothes and books safely tucked in my room. we will have to bring them to your house or put them in boxes for your flight. we will be exchanging kisses and hugs good enough to last us until you visit again.

i will feel that excruciating sense of longing once it hits me that you won’t be here in my room for quite some time. i will feel lonely knowing that i could’ve shared this dish of uni with you at 2am after a gig. i’ll be rapping Solo. the distance between you and me would be oceans away and not within arms reach as i wrap myself around you while you sleep. we will have to endure.

you’ll come back and i’ll be holding a sign that says, “welcome home, glowbug.”

stranger things

we co-existed in a platform where we found refuge hiding away from demons that sought to destroy our faith in things we believed in

some of them were successful some of them haunted us trying every single time to break us

we did though we got broken and yet we’re here now through our mind blurbs formulated within a 140 character limit we acknowledge each other through favorites being content with that slight chance of eventually crossing paths -- co-existing in a single space at a single moment in time

eventually it did and despite being complete strangers to each other one thing was certain

we felt familiar.

to anyone in particular

i have made questionable decisions in the recent past unconsciously using my loneliness as an excuse to constantly fill the void that was once filled. in that process, i’ve lost a lot.

i’ve always said to myself and to my closest friends that i wanted the “quiet lyf” and yet i found myself being bombarded with unnecessary noise and clutter that i actually chose to entertain because i was lonely. not everything was clutter, mind you. something good also happened but then i wasn’t so good at keeping it or making it stay. maybe because i wasn’t completely honest with myself and with the people that surrounded me during that time.

to say i was selfish might be an understatement. but to keep it simple yeah i really was fucking selfish.

so to anyone in particular, i just want to say i’m sorry.

8-bitfiction

9/20/201?

you were in a rough spot. you loathed your job. you had two consecutive shitty weeks. you went to gigs alone thinking, “maybe this isn’t a big deal.” you’d shrug off that feeling of loneliness that has been creeping inside of you since God knows when. your loneliness was always self-inflicted.

the next thing you know, you’re drunk. ciudad is up next. they set-up, you down your pale, then all of a sudden a song you haven’t heard in a long time fills the room. “monica, i need you, isn’t it great to be with you?” you shouted those words as if you wanted to let your 2006 self hear how miserable you were at that point in your life. but you knew to yourself you didn’t even have to be that miserable. you had no reason to be.

you’re still drunk. you tell yourself “ok lang toh. at least napanood mo ulit ciudad.” *G-C-Am-C-D* *everyone is bouncing then everyone stops to chant the first line that goes...*

“INVITING SOMEBODY OVER IS SUCH A JOKE SO IT’S SOMETHING I DON’T TRY!!!!”

this has been your favorite line since the first time you heard it when you bought their CD in 2008. only this time it meant something. this time it made sense.

ciudad just ended their set. you down your fifth pale. a bottle close to your threshold for that exact amount of melancholic drive home. all of a sudden your phone rings and you get an invite to drink again. “Sigeyyy. Sunod ako.”

fast forward to this year. you’re writing this and realize how much things have changed. it’s different, for sure. but you can’t simply proclaim that you’re happier now. you just know it’s different. and that’s fine.

i haven’t been this scared and happy for the longest time i might be exaggerating but whatever

right now

i’m the most toxic person i know is this the price that i have to pay? or have i been thinking too much again? how many will leave how many will i have left or maybe i shouldn’t have any at all

no movement

surrounded by wolves with their eyes hungry for blood i am slowly consumed by fear each time they advance but i remain calm for in fact, i haven’t done anything yet

trubabe

I’ve been waiting on our lives together I’ve been patient for a long time We’ve been hanging out in dives forever We never get it on the first try

Alvvays - Dives

i have this knack of making new friends and eventually, almost always, fall for them. i hate it.

a friend, 2015

do i really wanna wonder forever

or is it easier to just start over?

#frankie cosmos

Official video for Smashing Pumpkins song “Perfect” from the album Adore. Buy It Here: http://smarturl.it/fyiq2z To expand on the similarities between "Perfe...

I know we’re just like Old friends We just can’t pretend That lovers make amends We are reasons so unreal We can’t help but feel that something has been lost But please you know You’re just like me Next time I promise we’ll be Perfect Perfect Perfect strangers down the line Lovers out of time Memories unwind So far I still know Who you are But now I wonder who I was… Angel, you know it’s Not the end We’ll always be good friends The letters have been sent on So please, you always Were so free You’ll see, I promise we’ll be Perfect Perfect strangers when we meet Strangers on the street Lovers while we meet Perfect You know this has to be We always were so free We promised that we’d be Perfect

missing

yell, only the corners of my mind can hear

outrage, only the chambers of my insides can feel

unrest, only the nerves of my aching self can endure

memoria

is it foolish to spare one last thought?

to admit my selfishness, i assume more than i should

but i can’t let you stay (i know you won’t)

i’d rather be sad of not having you (even if i want to)

it is what it was not

although, it was more than what i have hoped for.

puzz

time plays for fun

solving puzzles out of pieces may it be compatible or incompatible

all for the sake of just putting things together

all for the sake of doing something just to waste its own

with no intention of correctly putting them together

swaved

i am washed ashore

i braved storms that which no one could have ever imagined; could have ever felt

my mast, as sturdy as it was, could not bear the weight of the wind as its sails tirelessly struggled not to take me off course.

then i saw a light amidst the salty mist that slightly blinded my vision of possible sanctuary.

as it was slowly fading i knew i had to make a choice

so i jumped.

the waves welcomed me like a son that took so long to come back home

now i am.

so i paddled as hard as i could with every stroke yearning to shorten the distance.

as long as it meant getting closer to you.

farewell to the ship i’ve worked on for so long to build. farewell to the safety and comfort of its moss-stained cabin walls. farewell to familiarity.

suddenly i lost control. my breathing intensified, my vision blurred, my hearing deafened. everything.

i am washed ashore

but i didn’t get to reach you. maybe i didn’t need to.

now i’m writing this, hoping my message safely reaches to where you are.

i wouldn’t be here,

if it weren’t for you.

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