The Nonsense Revolution

Welcome to The Nonsense Revolution, a social media pet project where I will post my thoughts, feelings and concerns. 50% sarcastic and satirical, 50% deathly serious. I just haven't decided which half is which yet.

[thenonsenserevolution]

Email Marketing Learnings

Email marketing is something that most people are familiar with, but don’t know about it in great detail until you work on it. I’ve managed the email marketing in two of my roles, including my current one. In my previous role, I worked for a company who made scientific research instruments. For their email marketing, I was mainly informing recipients of special offers and discounts available on products. In my current role, the email marketing I undertake is B2B, as opposed to B2C like I was doing previously.

An interesting aspect of email marketing is establishing customer preferences. Depending on what type of company you’re working with, you will need to adjust things such as the tone of voice used, the frequency by which you send out your emails, what kind of content to include and so on. From my own experience, I’ve had to change the tone of voice that I used in my previous role to better suit my current role. As my current email marketing is B2B, the tone of voice is more informative, as opposed to sales-like.

Timing is another aspect to take into account. If you have readers in different geographical locations, or simply readers who read their emails at different times, it can be a challenge to identify an ideal time to send out your emails. When I’m working on my B2B email, I tend to send it out mid-week between 10am – 11am, because people are often at their desks, have settled into work for the day, and are able to take a few minutes to read an email. However, if you’re targeting consumers, you may want to send emails out in the evening or at weekends. Many email marketing platforms have introduced a feature called “send time optimisation”, which allows email marketers to send emails at times that the recipient reads them. For example, one reader may receive the email at 3pm and another at 5.30pm, based on their previous activities. This has shown to increase open rates and click through rates.

Like any aspect of digital marketing, it is important to set goals. These goals should be quantitative, and should lead to the achievement of a KPI. Goal setting in email marketing can be more complex than other goal setting in digital marketing. For example, you may want to increase open rates by 10%, but you also need to take into account how many new readers you have added recently. Depending on the goals of the business, it is better to have a recipient list of 250 and an open rate of 50%, then a list of 800 recipients and an open rate of 15%.

[thenonsenserevolution]

Google Analytics & Digital Marketing Strategy

As part of my digital marketing module, I am undertaking some lessons with Google Garage, a useful tool that allows you grow your knowledge of all things digital. The lessons I focused on were concerned web analytics, what they are and how they can help businesses grow through insight.

Web analytics, according to Google Garage, involves using data that you can collect from your website to give insight about your business. The amount of data that can be tracked through a company’s website is staggering, and there are many vital lessons that can be learnt through analysing this data in an effective way.

Google Analytics is a powerful tool and vital to any company who have a digital marketing strategy and an online presence.

The below are my main takeaways from undertaking web analytic lessons on Google Garage:

Vital to Business:

As previously stated, there is so much insight that can be gained through web analytics. It can provide metrics on pretty much everything you can imagine to do with your website, such as visitors, where those visitors are from, what kind of device they are visiting the site on, how long they browse for, what pages they visit – and the list goes on. When analysed properly, this data can provide valuable insight into the online performance of your business.

Need to have Goals:

In order to make the best use of web analytics, business owners must have clear goals that they wish to achieve and understand how analytics can help them achieve these goals. The data gained from analytics is powerful, but you need to make informed decisions, underpinned by this data, in order to make meaningful progress in your business.

Importance of Understanding Your Data:

Using Google Analytics can be an over-whelming experience due to the sheer amount of data accessible to you. It’s very easy to get caught up in metrics that don’t have as much of an impact on your business as others would. Due to this, it is very important to identify early on what areas and type of data will give you meaningful information that you can put into action to help grow your business’s online presence.

Action needs to back up Data:

This is fundamental. There is no point in having a lot of data, metrics, charts, spreadsheets and so on if you don’t use it to make changes to your business and identify areas for growth and improvement. Bridging the gaps between having the data at your disposal, analysing and understanding that data and letting that data underpin business decisions can take time and practice. Not every decision you make when implementing your digital marketing strategy is going to pay back (either in revenue, customer acquisition, followers on social media and so on). But it is important that future decisions made are underpinned with information and data taken from Google Analytics.

[thenonsenserevolution]

LinkedIn - Professional Social Media for the Modern Employee

I first made my LinkedIn account back in 2013 for one of my 1st Year modules. The task was to set up and popular your profile, and then connect with 5 people. The lecturer reassured us that this would be an easier task – “just connect with your friends!” However this further complicated the task, knowing that making friends was now involved.

Fast forward almost 5 years and I have quite a well-developed LinkedIn profile. My number of connections currently stands at 388 (and somehow 389 followers).

The process of developing my profile has been quite long. The profile was left relatively bare and un-updated as I worked through the first two years of my degree as I didn’t have a use for it. However, I found myself re-vamping it as I was applying for more professional internships and graduate jobs. I feel like having an out-dated or very clearly unmonitored LinkedIn profile is worse than having no profile at all. Especially when you’re either still in college, or recently graduated, as employers expect you to have a professional presence online.  

I have my LinkedIn profile listed on my CV, which I would definitely recommend. Even if the employer doesn’t visit your profile, they at least know you have a presence online. This has become more important for employers, as staff are no longer just staff – they are brand ambassadors with their own audiences, which can impact the organisation.

The main reason university staff and academics recommend LinkedIn is for the job prospects. I personally haven’t experienced this, however it does seem to be an excellent platform for, at the minimum, allowing yourself to be exposed to new opportunities, should you choose to take them.

I have seen the benefits of LinkedIn as a networking tool in 2 ways – information gathering and networking. LinkedIn has proven an excellent tool, allowing me to stay up-to-date with industry news and develops that I would not have been privy to otherwise.

Putting yourself out there in a more professional sense is quite an unusual feeling at first. In my current role, I undertake a lot of communications and promotion for the programme that I work on, and I use LinkedIn to post this content. Trying to find the right tone of voice, length, layout and so on remains a challenge. On one hand, those on LinkedIn are more willing to read posts and articles but it is still a social (esque) network, where you are competing with other users for the attention of your audience. However, it seems to become a necessity for modern employees, especially those working in a digital, social or communications type of role.

[mullered]

I Need Your Help!!

Would you guys mind terribly doing a survey for me? It’s for one of my college classes and I need a minimum of 50 responses to be able to complete the assignment so I’m in desperate need! It’s about copycat branding but it’s all just based on your own opinion so it’s super easy and will only take 5-10 minutes!

If you complete the survey send me a message and I’ll follow you (if I’m not already) and will sing your praises until my dying day!

Please click on this link to take the survey: https://mubusiness.eu.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_9BwEwnhPPqp2w6h

[thenonsenserevolution]

This is my survey that I need people to take for a college class of mine. Please fill it out if you have a few minutes to spare! Thank you!! <3

[thenonsenserevolution]

What Happened to Rory Gilmore?

The Gilmore Girls Revival, “A Year in the Life” premiered on Netflix this week. I’m a relatively new fan of Gilmore Girls. As in I binge-watched the series on Netflix rather than watching it week-by-week when it was airing, which is a way I hear people watch TV. Weird. Nevertheless, when Netflix and the Gilmore Girls production team announced they were producing a revival called “Gilmore Girls – A Year in the Life”, I was so excited. I had “Gilmore Girls Day” marked in my diary and scoffed at an email I received from Netflix reminding me it was being released. As if I needed a reminder.

That excitement did come to fruition, but not in the way I would have expected. The revival overall was very good in parts and very poor (and somewhat confusing) in others. It also left a gaping open door at the end. But I’m not here to talk about my overall thoughts on the revival. That would take a while. I’m here to discuss what the hell happened to Rory Gilmore?

I’ll start with brief introduction to Rory for those who haven’t seen Gilmore Girls. She is the sole daughter of then-teenage mother Lorelai. She, by the end of the series, graduated top in her class from Yale University with a degree in journalism, having interned at local newspapers and was editor of the Yale Daily News. After graduation, she was heading on then senator Barack Obama’s campaign bus to be a political reporter. She was intelligent and driven, and you rooted for her. She was flawed, as any good character is. She was naïve, selfish and patronising. However, she was also incredibly intelligent, kind-natured, and hardworking so it balanced out.

Until the revival.

Rory left me with a bitter taste in my mouth after these episodes. The virtues she had during the original season that made her so likeable were all but gone during the revival. Currently she’s 32 years old, so it’s been 10 years since she graduated from Yale. However, she has next to nothing to show for it besides a thought-piece published in the New Yorker and a sort-of book deal (not contractually binding) with an eccentric English woman. That seems to be it. For a Yale graduate with a decade’s worth of work experience under her belt, you’d expect more. Especially consider she has three phones, one of which was specifically dedicated to work (what work that was, however, remains to be seen). She’s 32, graduated YALE AT THE TOP OF HER CLASS TEN YEARS AGO. And Rory’s no idiot. But when she has that meeting at Condé Nast she can only mention the above, but apparently, that’s enough to make the executive she meets (who maybe works for GQ or is part of the bigger Condé Nast hierarchy? The lines of his job description – much like Rory’s – were blurred). They give her the green light to write a story about people who wait in lines to get the “next big thing” (cronuts, eh?!), but abandons the task because it didn’t speak to her. But that’s not before she falls asleep interviewing one source and sleeps with another. But those things are less shocking than the fact that she gave up an opportunity to write for G-freaking-Q!!! Rory really needed to suck it up and give that story a decent crack. She literally had nothing to lose and could have potentially ended up with an article published in GQ! Like, my god, we all have to write things we aren’t exactly overly-enthused bby – just ask any university student! When I was watching that scene, I could hardly believe that this was the same girl that hounded the editor of a local Stanford-based newspaper for a bottom-of-the-barrel barely-paid writing job. It was so disappointing.

A mini-arc at the beginning of the revival was this Bustle-style online publication looking to get Rory to work for them. They have been trying to recruit Rory for months, but she wasn’t interested. Fair enough. But then her life goes even more downhill and she caves, puts on her lucky outfit and goes to interview for a writing job with them. But in that interview, she can’t give one solid idea that she wants to write about for the publication. Seriously? She’s a journalist who, in this position, seems like she would have pretty much free creative reign over what she produces, and the best she can come up with is a piece about girls who go to Comic Con to sleep with guys in costumes? (Also, a bit sexist but I won’t touch that). I’ll be honest, that’s pathetic. Her meltdown on the phone with the magazine editor when she was told she didn’t get the job was also bizarre. Like, was Rory present for the terrible interview she gave? She gave the impression that those monkeys with the typewriters from the Simpsons could produce more engaging material than she could.

Maybe Mitchum Huntzberger was right. Maybe Rory Gilmore doesn’t have it. Maybe she just isn’t a very good journalist.

Oh, and who could forget her grotesque “love life”. She’s been dating this guy Paul for two years at the beginning of the first episode, and they don’t breakup until the last minutes of the last episode (meaning their relationship lasted a total of about three years). She regularly cheats on this boyfriend (who she keeps meaning to breakup with but she can’t remember to!! Because he’s so forgettable!! Ha Ha Ha!!) with her ex-boyfriend from college, Logan. Who also happens to be engaged to a French girl. This is the 2nd time (that the audience is aware of) that Rory has knowingly slept with a man who is in a relationship (Dean in the original series, for anyone who doesn’t remember). That is not a good look for anyone. Plus, this a regular occurrence. She stays with Logan whenever she’s in London (which seems to be often, and for what? Why is she constantly in London? And why does she only stay there for like three days before flying back to the USA and flying back to London AGAIN?!). Much like her professional life, Rory’s love life made me wonder was I watching the same character that appeared in the original series. This was the girl who turned down Logan’s proposal so she could achieve the big dreams she had. Now, she’s not much more than a glorified booty-call for that same guy.

Also, one of her phones is too big, it looks like she’s speaking into an iPad. I couldn’t take any scene seriously where she used that thing.

Seriously, look at that thing. I’ve circled it but it’s not like that’s needed.

Rory Gilmore was a Rockstar in the original series. A modern-day heroine for the 21st century girl. She was hard working. She set goals and accomplished them. She made mistakes but she corrected them and bounced back even stronger. She proved that you could be a beautiful, intelligent, hardworking woman, with or without a boyfriend. She was an epitome of hope for the Gilmore Girls generation. To see her reduced to this entitled, directionless, unmotivated, and uncreative shell of the girl she once was is so disappointing. We should have looked up to Paris Geller instead.

[thenonsenserevolution]

Art History for Dummies

I’m a big art and art history fan. Unfortunately, between college, work, and other commitments I don’t get to create to a decent standard as much as I’d like to but I hope to return to that once the little issue of getting a degree is out of the way. Through time spent looking for work to blatantly plagiarise and actually studying artists’ work for the Leaving Cert., I’ve picked up a decent amount of art history knowledge. If I ever need to give a TED Talk style presentation on something it would be on my favourite art history movements. Although who can tell whether this is because I’m actually a little knowledgeable this field or I’m just incredibly stupid in others.

Regardless, below is a brief outline of not only four of my favourite art movements, but four of the most important and significant art movements in history. Designed to give the art history rookie a decent understanding into art’s biggest movements, you can now be confident that if you ever find yourself in an art gallery, you can charm your way to impressing whatever party you may find yourself with.

Impressionism

Characterised by: Small, visible brushstrokes, use of light, ordinary subject matter, use of and representation of movement

Championed by: Claude Monet, Edgar Degas, Camille Pissaro, Pierre-Auguste Renoir

Impressionism is a 19th Century art movement which came about essentially when a group of artists, tired of the stuffy and outdated standard of art expected in Paris at the time, decided to go in a different direction, in terms of subject matter, technique and style. To make any sort of decent living as an artist at Paris at the time (the place to be for art, what’s changed?) your best bet was to submit a piece of work to the French Salon, Paris’s official art exhibition. However, the selection committee for the Salon were quite particular in what they would display, preferring art done using traditional styles perfected by the old masters and specific subject matter (generally religious or inspired by monarchy in some way). Meaning that anyone who dared to submit anything that varied from this strict set of ideals was fresh outta luck.

Édouard Manet was the artist responsible for bridging the gap between the previous major art movements of romanticism and realism, and the new movement, impression. His piece Le déjeuner sur l'herbe (the luncheon on the grass, pictured below) caused a fair bit of a stir in the art community at the time. Mostly because of the naked prostitute in the forefront (Pro Art History Tip: if there’s a naked woman in a painting from the 19th century, you can be fairly confident she’s a prostitute). This did not sit well with our stuffy friends at the Salon, who when upon seeing this exclaimed “Oh my word, what is this?!” while clutching their pearls (or so I’d like to imagine). It was described as “ugly” and “risqué” in terms of its subject matter (to which I’d say no sh*t Sherlock, that’s the point”). But it did pave the way for true impressionists to make their mark (while Manet was a key figurehead in the impressionist movement, he wasn’t actually an impressionist painter himself).

Claude Monet is the father of Impressionism. His piece Impression Sunrise, featured below, inspired the name of the art movement and truly captures the characteristics of the movement:

Interestingly, a lot of these Impressionist artists were active in Paris at the same time and would often hang out in Parisian bars drinking absinthe (inspiring a Degas piece by the same name). When they all (predictably) were rejected from the Salon, they gave them the ultimate f*ck you by setting up Salon des Refusés, which literally translates to “the exhibition of rejects”, where they could display their work. This went down about as well as you’d expect given the circumstances. Ballers.

Post Impressionism

Characterised By: A more developed use of colour than that of impressionists. Post-impressionists use colour as a way of expressing emotion and are less concerned that things are accurately represented colour-wise. Subject matter is quite ordinary and are not always depicted to scale.

Championed By: Paul Cézanne, Paul Gauguin, Vincent van Gogh, and Georges Seurat.

Despite the (ironically) less than creative name, post impressionism is a really interesting point in art history’s timeline. Impressionism marked the moment that art really started to change rapidly. Post-impressionists rejected the limitiations that impression presented but still took influence from it. Post-impressionism artists continued using vivid colours, often thick application of paint, and real-life subject matter, but were more inclined to emphasize geometric forms, distort form for expressive effect, and use unnatural or arbitrary colour.

Arguably the most famous post-impressionist (and my personal favourite artist) was Vincent Van Gogh, whose huge arsenal of work is recognisable worldwide. Van Gogh famously suffered with mental illness during his lifetime and this is evident in his work, which can border on sinister at times. If you can deal with science-fiction, I’d recommend the Van Gogh episode of Doctor Who (Episode title “Vincent and the Doctor”, season 5), which does an excellent job of portraying Van Gogh’s inner turmoil and why his work remains so influential today. Also, if you’re ever in Amsterdam, do yourself the biggest favour and go to the Van Gogh museum. Splurge and get the audio guide. It’s an incredibly enriching and educating experience. I had a moment in that gallery, I’m not going to lie.

If you don’t have time to watch that Doctor Who Episode in its entirety, at least watch this clip from it (although why they didn’t film this scene in the freaking Van Gogh museum remains a mystery to me):

Vincent Van Gogh “Wheat field with Crows”

Georges Seurat “A Sunday on La Grande Jatte”

Cubism

Characterised By: Subject matter that is rounded, reassembled and almost 3D looking.

Championed By: Georges Braque and Pablo Picasso

Cubism followed post-impressionism and is considered one of the most influential art movements of the 20th Century. In Cubist artwork, objects are analysed, broken up and reassembled in an abstracted form—instead of depicting objects from a single viewpoint, the artist depicts the subject from a multitude of viewpoints to represent the subject in a greater context. Cubism was a turning point in the art world, leading to multiple diverse art movements that would have been unprecedented before.

The most famous artist of this movement was Pablo Picasso. Some people (who are wrong) may put forward the (incorrect) viewpoint that Pablo Picasso wasn’t a very talented artist. These people are (you guessed it) wrong, and if you hear anyone verbalising such an opinion you are responsible to hit them with the FACTS. Pablo Picasso was an incredibly gifted artist, and this included his technical skills. Even as a child he could paint images so realistic you’d think they were a photograph. But he (and pretty much all the other artists I mention here) didn’t limited in the way they created and wanted to branch out in different directions. Some people may look at a piece of art and say that it required no technical skill to complete (which I can place a firm bet that if they tried to do so they’d fail – not because they’re untalented but because we’re talking about the greatest artists of all time here) but that isn’t the point. The point is that these artists we the first people to create art in this style. It’s easy to say it’s nothing special now, after 100 years of looking at this style. But truth be told movements like cubism were nothing short of ground breaking.

Pablo Picasso “Three Musicians”

Pop Art

Characterised By: Influence of mass culture – comic books, advertising, cultural figures and mundane cultural objects.

Championed By: Andy Warhol, Jasper Johns, Eduardo Paolozzi, Richard Hamilton and Robert Rauschenberg

Pop Art is an art movement that took place throughout the mid to late 1950’s that uses elements of popular culture as inspiration. Pop Art is widely recognisable and remains a popular movement in not just art but fashion, TV and social media. Pop Artists often use their work to express certain beliefs (sometimes political), which differentiates it from movements previously discussed here. Its use of recognisable images and people really shifted the direction that modern art was heading in.

Andy Warhol “Campbell’s Soup Cans”

[thenonsenserevolution]

Get Your Krav On

I’ve recently taken up Krav Maga. For those who don’t know what that is, which seems to be a lot of people, Krav Maga is a self-defence system that was developed by the Israeli Army. It’s very “real world” focused, so while it does take influence from other self-defence systems such as judo and aikido, Krav Maga prioritises getting home safely, by any means necessary.

I think I should reflect a bit on my athletic background, and how I came to take up Krav. Because I, the small white girl, is probably not the most likely person to be doing this kind of thing.

I’ve always considered myself quite athletic. Mind you I’m no Serena Williams, but I’ve played competitive sport for pretty much my entire childhood and teenage years. Whenever I took part in PE in school, there was never any activity or sport that I struggled with and I was consistently a top performer in that regard (although I can’t say there was that much competition). I never struggled much with the bleep test, and was consistently chosen for teams within the school. Combine this with the fact that I’m competitive to a fault, I’m basically one of those unbearable people who took PE and basically anything else I could turn into a physical competition way too seriously.

Fast-forward to university where there isn’t scheduled time for me to pelt those less fortunate in the athletics department with dodgeballs to the face, I was looking for a new way to exercise. I’m not a big fan of the gym (which in hindsight is good because I don’t have one near me). I’ve tried free gym trials before and while they’re great for the weights and other machines (I want those Michelle Obama arms), I hate them for cardio. You’re either looking right at yourself in a big mirror (I don’t look good when I work out, stop subjecting me to this) or out at the rest of the gym so you get to see some big guy lifting weights or some small girl on the stepper.

I initially took to running and I absolutely love it. I do it all outdoors so it serves as a mindfulness thing as well as a fitness regime. If all goes well I go for about 45 minutes 5 -6 times a week. What people say about exercise is completely true, by the way, you feel amazing after it. I’ve gotten to the point now where, if I don’t go, I feel like a human sack of garbage.

Recently, however, I wanted to diversify my work out a bit and decided I wanted to take a class. I quickly settled on some form of self-defence class for three main reasons:

1.       I hate those Zumba/TRX style classes. For me to find working out enjoyable, I need to feel like I’m not working out. And whenever I do classes like those I mentioned, all I can think about for the entire hour is how tired I am and how much I want it to stop. And that isn’t any fun.

2.       I keep threatening to fight people so I need to learn how to if anyone ever decides to take me up on my offer.

3.       Hitting things gives me inner peace.

I ended up stumbling upon Capital Krav Maga, an organisation that runs classes throughout Dublin. I saw that they were running a beginners Krav Maga course near me so I signed up and hauled my ass there. The course was an intensive four-week programme that taught me the basics in Krav Maga. Once those four classes were over, I moved into a slightly more advanced class and I’ve been absolutely loving it. The class sizes are great, generally there’s about 10 – 20 people at the class I go to. The instructors are great and super knowledgeable (and they didn’t even pay me to write that!) They often say that they go on refresher courses run by Krav Maga’s organising entity to make sure they’re up to speed on all current techniques being used. One of my instructors recently progressed up a level, and his exam involved him being on the mat defending attacks for 6 – 7 hours. That is insane, but pretty badass too.

I’ve been learning how to defend myself against various attacks like front and back chokes, knife attacks and headlocks. They also want to instil a fighting response in us so we do a lot of punching and kicking of body pads which leads to wonderful and insightful quotes such as:

“The eyes are the testicles of the face”

And

“When you punch, really punch. Imagine that you’re trying to punch something here, behind his head. And you need to punch through his head to get there”

On a personal level, it’s been great for me also. While I was joking when I said that hitting things bring me inner peace, it does help relieve some sort of tension for me that running is not able to achieve. In a weird way, it’s almost therapeutic. The class environment is really positive and people really help each other out with the new techniques we’re learning. It’s also given me a certain sense of confidence and peace of mind, knowing that (touch wood) if anything was to happen to me that I have the tools needed to defend myself.

I’m planning to continue my Krav Maga training (and my hunt for Michelle Obama arms). I’m hoping to train to eventually take an exam and graduate up to level one and beyond. I’m really excited to improve my skills in something that I really enjoy.

Best,

Anna

[thenonsenserevolution]

11 Twitter Accounts You Should Follow Right Now

I’ve been a big fan of Twitter for years. I entered this big bad social media platform when it was just gaining momentum (I paved these roads). The one thing I’ve learned about Twitter during that time is that the site is all about who you follow. Below are 11 twitter accounts you should hit that follow button on. And who may make seeing your friends’ tweets about how hungover they are a bit more bare able.

Also, sorry to disappoint but @MN329SocMedia did not make this list. Please send all complaints to @_mullered (me, who also didn’t make the list).

1. Dublin Girlo (@dublin_girlo)

Using "It's Halloween" as an excuse to eat 14 packets of meanies

— Dublin Girlo (@dublin_girlo)

October 31, 2016

Dublin Girlo’s bio advertises “The trials & tribulations of being a South Side Stunner” and boy, does she deliver. She serves up hilarious tweets and any Dublin stun hun can relate to.

Why You Should Follow: To get your daily dose of that ever-so delicate Dublin humour we all know and tolerate.

2. Jeremy Clarkson (@JeremeyClarkson)

I don't have confidence in either of them pic.twitter.com/nbBbCp3yJN

— Jeremy Clarkson (@JeremyClarkson)

October 17, 2016

Love him or hate him, Jeremey Clarkson is damn funny and I miss him on Top Gear #RIP

Why Should You Follow: Sick Richard Hammond and James May burns.

3. Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious)

can't believe Han Solo is being renamed Stan YOLO to appeal to millenials

— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious)

November 1, 2016

You know those funny tweets you see and tag your friends in on Facebook? Yeah, Fred Delicious is the source of those tweets.

Why You Should Follow: To finally be able to say “yeah, I’ve seen that before” when your friend shows you a funny tweet, finally establishing yourself as the true alpha.

4. WomenAgainstFeminism (@NoToFeminism)

Why I’ll Never Date A Feminst 1. Too many opinions!! 2. They like women. that’s bad 3. None of them would ever date me 4. number 3 again

— WomanAgainstFeminism (@NoToFeminism)

September 9, 2016

This is a satirical twitter account outlining all the “reasons” that this woman has turned her back on feminism. Funny in a “if I don’t laugh, I’ll cry” kinda way, but still funny all the same.

Why You Should Follow: To be reassured that your belief that men and women should be equal is valid despite what some angry people on the internet might want you to think.

5. WeRateDogs (@dog_rates)

This is Nimbus (like the cloud). He just bought this fancy af duck raincoat. Only protects one ear tho. 12/10 so h*ckin floofy pic.twitter.com/SIQbb8c3AU

— WeRateDogs™ (@dog_rates)

November 4, 2016

People send in pictures of their dogs and this account rates them. All of the dogs are excellent. 12/10 would follow again.

We You Should Follow: Do I need to go through this again. THEY POST PICTURES OF DOGS!!

6. FC Bayern US (@FCBayernUS)

Same. pic.twitter.com/iKwAKm2xBp

— FC Bayern US (@FCBayernUS)

November 5, 2016

A bit of bias on my part may have landed this account on the list. But despite my bias (which I’ll freely admit by the way, FC Bayern are the best football club, fight me on this) I feel like this account is a must follow for any football and/or social media marketing fan. The FC Bayern USA twitter account takes a more unorthodox approach as compared to its sister and competitor accounts, but is a great example of how tailoring content to your audience can increase brand awareness, loyalty and engagement.

Why You Should Follow: To join the “Joshua Kimmich for Ballon D’Or 2017” campaign.

7. John Oliver (@iamjohnoliver)

Here's our piece from last night on the scandals that have dominated this election....https://t.co/2kpA47rgyS

— John Oliver (@iamjohnoliver)

September 26, 2016

John Oliver is an English comedian, most famous for being the host of excellent late-night talk show “Last Week Tonight”, in which he runs down the big current events stories of the past week. He posts segments from Last Week Tonight on his twitter page which tackles topical and sometimes controversial issues in a humorous and informative way.

Why You Should Follow: To be victorious whenever you are challenged to a debate about anything news related.

8. Faces in Things (@FacesPics)

Roof is very high pic.twitter.com/mKJEdZMIXk

— Faces in Things (@FacesPics)

October 28, 2016

Posts pictures of things that aren’t faces but look like faces.

Why You Should Follow: inexplicably funny

9. Shut Up, Mike (@shutupmikeginn)

I hate it when people complain a movie doesn't make sense. look around you dumbass, nothing makes sense

— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn)

October 29, 2016

Similar to Fred Delicious in the sense that it’s just funny tweets.

Why You Should Follow: Like I said, funny tweets.

10. Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds)

You've come to the right place, Dirk. Celebrities are the gold standard for relationship advice. https://t.co/Lxx5ju8rDw

— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds)

October 12, 2016

Obviously, you know who Ryan Reynolds is. But apparently, he’s funny too! Damn, handsome, funny and married to Blake Lively. Everything’s coming up Milhouse for this guy.

Why You Should Follow: Hilarious commentary about his daughter growing up.

11. Jomny Sun (@jonnysun)

JAY Z: kanye i need help with a lyric…wats scarier than a ghoul? KANYE: hm…a zombie with a conscience…? JAY Z: [eyes light up] WAIT I GOT IT

— jomny sun 2 days (@jonnysun)

November 2, 2016

More funny tweets. What can I say? I give the people what they want.

Why You Should Follow: Memes, memes, memes.

[thenonsenserevolution]

The Prodigal Daughter Returns to Mid Price Nonsense

So, I’ve recently re-entered the wonderful world of retail after a year-long hiatus which consisted of me doing my undergraduate internship. Before this I had done two years of very similar women’s fashion retail. Ever since this triumphant return I’ve been dealing with a serious case of déjà vu, because I’ve come to the realisation that the retail experience and customer has remained largely the same.

Now I should put a disclaimer here, both my current and previous retail jobs are and were in medium sized stores serving just female clothing to middle-aged women. Thus, I’m certainly not about to complain to the United Nations about the fruits of my labour being exploited. Far from it. My line of retail is quite easy. Sometimes it’s made out to be harder than it is, and granted I am the lowest, saddest sales assistant on the totem pole, but it simply isn’t that hard. So, I’m certainly not complaining. I enjoy working in retail as much as someone enjoys any part-time job they work at while at college to pay for their leap card top up, McDonald’s student meals and vodka. In addition, I’m not working at one of the most notoriously hard-going retail stores. I’m not at Penney’s, where the stock in one store could comfortably clothe the entire population of Malta. I’m not at Next, who start their unbelievable (in more ways than one) Christmas and mid-season sales at 5:30 am. I don’t work at those random stands in the middle of shopping centres who are forced to adopt “traffic stopping techniques” a.k.a. a legal form of human torture. All in all, it’s not that bad.

That’s doesn’t mean it’s all that good though.

Some of the people you get in retail are incredible. I don’t know what it is about retail stores and shopping centres that causes people to lose all previously functioning motor neuron capabilities. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been rushing through the store only to have my own motor neuron capabilities tested because I’ve had to grind to a literal halt because a customer in front of me has decided to inexplicably stop. “Oh god I’m sorry!” I exclaimed. “That’s okay,” the customer replies, as they continue walking at a pace where if they were going any slower they’d be going backwards. Que my inner monologue: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S ‘OKAY’? IT’S NOT OKAY! I’M OKAY! OH, MY GOD”. But as all good sales assistants do I put on my lovely customer service smile and grind my teeth instead.

I’ve often said that if three years ago I suffered brain damage and chose to study psychology, I’d be doing a thesis on the psychology of your average retail shopper. For some people, when they come through the strangely tall doors of my shop, the given rules of society no longer apply. For example, of one my riveting tasks involves taking clothes out of the stockroom, putting them on a rail, railing that rail onto the shop floor and seeing if we’re missing any sizes that I’ll then put out. Now, please note that this rail would be very difficult to interpret for an actual display rail. The janky thing has what looks like police tape on it. It’s dented. It’s a total mess. Plus, any item on this rail is displayed in the (quite small) store. And you can almost guarantee I’m standing at that rail sorting out the clothes. But customers seem to think that this is the holy grail rail, that there is an absolute gem of a €35 sweater on this rail and that I must purposely be trying to hide it from them. So, they do what any irrational retail shopper would do, passive aggressively nudge me out of the way while avoiding eye contact so they can look at what’s hanging on this rail for 30 – 45 seconds before they proceed to walk away. This makes me blood boil but I think (and desperately hope) that I’ve developed a better retail poker face. My tactic for dealing with this now is to look into an imaginary camera like I’m the great Ben Wyatt from Parks and Recreation.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that people love a sale. They live for it. There is a much larger group of people exist that you may think, that exclusively shop sale. They won’t even look at another part of the store. We could be running a 20% off promotion and they’ll still only look at the 3 sale rails that consist of all the crap that didn’t sell at full price. Now, I’m not about to begrudge people for wanting to save a few bucks. You can get some good value things on sale and if you like something that just happens to be marked down by 40% then happy days. After all, we’re all just out here, doing our best and trying to have a good time (or maybe that’s just me). But some people take it way too far. I’ve had people walk into my store and straight to me with almost a weird amount of intense eye contact. “Do you have a sale section?”, they’ll ask. “No, not at the moment but we have markdowns every Thurs-“. No point in even finishing that sentence because they’re already back out that door. The shopping centre I work in also occasionally runs these “Secret Sales”. Not quite a secret though, I’ve seen less promotion for the Super Bowl. Basically, during these sale nights, stores will run promotions, generally 20% – 30% off all items in store. While these nights don’t quite reach the levels of crazy that Black Friday in the States achieve, they’re still insane. They normally take place on a Thursday evening from 6pm – 10pm. People will flock to these things. You’ll struggle to find a place to park. Queues for the till and fitting rooms will extend around corners and outdoors. (Which, side note, if you’re shopping a secret sale, why would you bother trying stuff on? Time is of the essence, just buy the thing and return it later. That 28-day return policy is your friend). After all this, people will gush about how much money you saved and I’m always left thinking “but you didn’t save any money?”. You’ll also get people on the opposite end of the spectrum, who weight up the pros and cons of buying a €40 shirt for a half an hour. Occasionally they’ll come to the till seeking my obviously world-class advice on whether they should buy it. “Well you can always return it if you change your mind,” I’ll say. They’ll continue to stare at this shirt. “Could you hold it for 30 minutes for me please?” they’ll ask. Sure, no problem, but you can guarantee you’ll never see them again.

When working in retail you encounter a lot more children that you’d think. I quite honestly didn’t even know there were this many children in the world, let alone in the specific shopping centre I work in. I’m honestly considering contacting the architect who designed this shopping centre and recommending he start designing opera houses instead because the acoustics are simply outstanding. There are plenty of screaming kids in this centre, and you can bet your bottom dollar that you’ll hear every single last temper tantrum thrown. Sometimes I’ll be lucky enough to witness a tantrum being thrown right in front of my very eyes. And when this happens, sometimes I’ll get to make a guest appearance. “Now don’t do that or the lady will come and give out to you!”, the parent will tell their child. Don’t worry kid, that’ll never happen, because I don’t appreciate being used as a weapon against a child who is probably living their worst nightmare right now. Following their mom around a clothes shop? God that must suck. The tantrum should be completely expected. Justified even.

Speaking of children in retail (or just children), has anyone determined when they develop spatial awareness? This is a legitimate musing of mine. The amount of times I’ve been walking and a child will dart out of whatever shady corner they’ve claimed as their own and ram right into my legs is astounding. When I’ve been in work, I’ve seen kids walk right into rails, walls, the till, other people, trolleys, their own pram... Granted it is entertaining for all of seven seconds and temporarily distracts me from my no doubt truly monotonous task at hand but at some point, it’ll become concerning.

Also, unlike most of the great population of Facebook, this rant is certainly NOT over.

Retail, sigh, what a load of nonsense.

 Best,

Anna

[thenonsenserevolution]

Welcome to...Whatever This Is

So as the blank space after this post indicates, this is my first blog post as part of a project for my Social Media module in college. When I heard that we’d get credit for creating content on the internet I thought “great, finally something that plays right into my strengths, posting ridiculous content that no body cares about”. I just needed to decide what my blog should be about...

So I considered what I like and what kind of blogs seem to be popular. Health & Fitness? No I can’t lie to the internet like that, after all I have integrity. Fashion & Beauty? No way, the last thing the world needs is another sub-par beauty blogger. Sport? Nope. Between final year of university and working part-time, watching live sporting events regularly is a luxury I can no longer afford.

So this got me thinking, what can I write about that will give me plenty of material and not bore me half to death in the process? That’s right kids, my own glorious thoughts and opinions. Hold your celebrations, I know, this is a big moment.  

I’ll be gathering topics to write about from Tumblr and other social media sites, Reddit Threads, current events, pop culture and general points of conversation and expanding on them in the only way I know how: slightly sarcastic, possibly satirical and most definitely rant-y. That’s where The Nonsense Revolution comes into play. We’ll be “breaking ground” here (exhibit A - sarcasm right here) but it’ll all be complete nonsense. But hey! One things for certain...