Coffee Addict and Professional Procrastinator

Veterinary pathologist, dead things and disease are my bread and butter

[theoddvet]

I believe my adopted son may have the same brain that I have

[theoddvet]

Eyes like a shallow tropical reef, this one

[theoddvet]

6 weeks out from taking my (hopefully) final exam to become a specialist and I made the mistake of thinking I was ready for a mock exam...

I was not.

I apparently know nothing.

Good lord, the holes in my knowledge base are astounding.

[theoddvet]

When the depression hits on a cellular level

[theoddvet]

I do think it's pretty neat that I am just living my life with a little carnivore who lets me kiss her on her little head and boop her nose whenever I like.

What I did to deserve this privilege, I shall never truly know.

[theoddvet]

Nothing can really prepare you for the fact that the more knowledge you gain in a subject does not automatically mean you will feel more confidence in that subject.

Especially with clinical pathology.

In fact, in pathology, the more you learn about it the LESS confident you are likely to become because it starts to dawn on you that SO MANY THINGS can look EXTREMELY similar and it's basically just an elaborate guessing game based on a rather unnerving combination of pattern recognition, clinical context (which is most often extremely limited), and gut feeling.

Training in clinical pathology has been the most humbling experience of my life. You've got to become very okay with being wrong with relatively alarming frequency.

Of special note are the time I got a diagnosis of a lipoma wrong, the time I somehow missed raising the possibility of an epitheliotropic lymphoma in a skin impression smear that contained exfoliated lymphocytes, the time that I mistook a plasma cell tumour for a possible melanocytic tumour, and the time I mistook lymphoplasmacytic inflammation for a plasma cell tumour.

I've never taken being wrong well but Ive managed to finally reach a point, after 4 years in training, where I am actually okay with making a call and potentially being wrong. Doesn't mean it won't play over and over, again and again, in my mind for as long as I shall live. But I'm okay with it.

[theoddvet]

Holy megakaryocytes 😍

[theoddvet]

Finally met the lead footed fiend that's been stomping around on my tin roof lately

[theoddvet]

[theoddvet]

Decided to paint my family's longest lasting furry member, Rosie. She reached 22 years old despite her failing kidneys and outlasted all the other pets and all the kids moving out. I reckon she did it just to prove she could and to enjoy an actual retirement without the chaos of family life.

[theoddvet]

I know doctors can be frustrating or scary for a lot of people but please, if you can, please keep your check ups regular. Don't fuck around when it comes to your health. Especially concerning any regular screening tests for certain parts of your body like your colon or cervix. They're regular and recommended for a very good reason.

A lot of health issues arise slowly and insidiously and you often don't know they're there until it's difficult or impossible to treat.

Take it from someone who is only 28 years old, yet has just had possible pre-cancerous cells detected on my latest cervical screen. Take it from someone who lost my thyroid function at 25 years old. Take it from someone who has had to step up and initiate my own health care sometimes because general practitioner doctors are mostly just a gateway to more specialised services and sometimes need to be pushed.

Youth isn't a barrier against disease or dysfunction. Keep your checks regular and make them hear you and act if you have any concerns.

[theoddvet]

My new favourite photo of Zak

[theoddvet]

Pleas enjoy this urothelial carcinoma cytology as celebration for my passing of my Phase I board certifying exam in veterinary pathology!

[theoddvet]

My tiny queen decided she'd had enough of her feeding tube after her neck got so itchy that she scratched it out the other day. Thankfully, she has enough of an appetite to eat almost normally again and is back to her semi-aloof, loud, and weird self. What a wild ride this has been.

[theoddvet]

Life is so strange.

A person walking past you at work with a small smile on their face could be spending all their free time at home trying to nurse their sick pet back to health.

A stoney-faced person bustling past you on the street could be rushing home to call their partner who had just told them by message that they are giving up.

A person smiling up at a tree with leaves dancing in the breeze could be one mistake or one bad thing away from losing all hope.

There is so much hidden pain behind people trying to find little things to hold on and maintain some degree of connection and normality.

It is human nature to keep going despite the pain, but only if they are able to find the comfort they need in those little things.

Life is as strange as it is sad and wonderful.

[inkskinned]

fucking hate it when the stuff everybody says "actually works" does actually work.

hate exercising and realizing i've let go of a lot of anxiety and anger because i've overturned my fight-or-flight response.

hate eating right and eating enough and eating 3 times a day and realizing i'm less anxious and i have more energy

hate journaling in my stupid notebook with my stupid bic ballpoint and realizing that i've actually started healing about something once i'm able to externalize it

hate forgiving myself hate complimenting myself more often hate treating myself with kindness hate taking a gratitude inventory hate having patience hate talking to myself gently

hate turning my little face up to the sun and taking deep breaths and looking at nature and grounding myself and realizing that i feel less burdened and more hopeful, more actually-here, that i am able to see the good sides of myself more clearly, that i am able to see not only how far i have to grow - but also how much growth i have already done & how much of my life i truly fill with light and laughter and love

horrible horrible horrible. hate it but i'm gonna do it tho

[maculategiraffe]

[lasenbyphoenix]

[theoddvet]

Low key Im starting to think feeding times ("time to feed the blanket") are becoming her favourite parts of her day. She follows me around shivering, dejected and pathetic, while I get it ready and the moment I sit down she starts purring and making biscuits and settles right down for the goop. Even has a nap right after on my lap. Ridiculous.