welcome to my mind @thepigwilllearntofly - Tumblr Blog

lilflowerkiddo

some asks 🌿

• 1. have you ever been in love?

• 2. who is your favorite artist?

• 3. what is your favorite music genre?

• 4. have you ever had a penpal?

• 5. are you single or in a relationship?

• 6. what color are your eyes?

• 7. what is your favorite word?

• 8. do you play any instruments?

• 9. what is your favorite color?

• 10. do you have any nicknames?

• 11. what is your favorite flower?

• 12. what qualities do you find attractive in a person?

• 13. do you have any pets?

• 14. have you ever traveled outside of your home country?

• 15. what language(s) do you speak?

• 16. who was your first crush?

• 17. do you wear glasses?

• 18. what is your favorite pastry?

• 19. do you prefer swimming in a pool or in the ocean?

• 20. bright, dark, or pastel colors?

• 21. what is your favorite social media app?

• 22. what is your sexuality?

• 23. do you have any siblings?

• 24. what is your favorite scent?

• 25. where do you want to travel to?

• 26. what is your favorite film?

• 27. who do people say you look like? (celebrity/family member)

• 28. who is your best friend?

• 29. what is your dream job?

• 30. do you know how to drive?

• 31. who is/was your favorite teacher?

• 32. are you a feminist?

• 33. what is your zodiac sign?

• 34. do you enjoy reading?

• 35. do you have any hidden talents?

• 36. have you ever dyed your hair?

• 37. what is your favorite thing in your bedroom?

• 38. what is your biggest fear?

• 39. can you whistle?

• 40. do you make your bed every day?

• 41. do you have any tattoos and/or piercings?

• 42. have you ever been on a roller coaster?

• 43. surfing or skateboarding?

• 44. are you a dog or a cat person?

• 45. what is your favorite animal?

• 46. do you have a skincare routine?

• 47. what time do you typically go to bed at and what time do you wake up at?

• 48. what is your favorite memory?

• 49. how tall are you?

• 50. what is the best gift you’ve ever received?

• 51. do you have a garden?

• 52. do you like bugs?

• 53. what is your natural hair color?

• 54. what is your favorite food and drink?

• 55. do you want kids?

• 56. what is/was your favorite class?

• 57. what color shirt are you wearing?

• 58. if you could time travel, what year would you go to and why?

• 59. what is your skin color?

• 60. hugs or kisses?

• 61. have you ever drank alcohol?

• 62. have you ever done drugs?

• 63. netflix or youtube?

• 64. ice cream or frozen yogurt?

• 65. succulents or flowers?

i haven’t been this low in years. i just need people to be around again.

honestly like, thank god for awesome metamours.

i think part of me will always be a little jealous. because they got to live with you, come home to you, be in your life in a way i never will be. sure, i love what we have. but there’s a part of me that wishes that could even be a possibility, which it’s not. it’s hard, fighting the feelings of wanting to see you every day. wanting to experience what it’s like to fall asleep next to each other more than once in a blue moon. what it would be like to share a couch, be reading in the corner with my legs sprawled out on you as you scroll on your phone. what it would be like to have you make me lunch the way you did with them, go on actual dates together outside of our spaces, be that close. part of me is sad i can never have that with you. it’s something i’m working on letting go of.

crushsuggestions

y’all ever just aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Chey Tank Therapy and recovery help For the past year and a half, my mental health has been incredibly poor. I’ve struggled with OCD, depres

help a broke mentally ill queer afford the help they need 🖤🖤🖤

retroject

I found a lovely snail at work who was dried out so I let him have a shower and he seemed to enjoy it!! 🐌🚿

paceees

@drukhari 🐌🐌

thepigwilllearntofly

i often think about the ways in which i felt encouraged to engage in unhealthy drinking habits at age 18. i think about how i was (or feel) coerced into getting drunk and making out with people, which feels very messy as far as consent goes. i think about the ways in which my girlfriend at the time would shame me into drinking so she could have sex with me, because she told me she only enjoyed sex with me when i was drunk. i think about the person who said i was too young for them to date, but would giggle and laugh as i got drunk and then heavily flirt with me and kiss me.

i think about all of these things often, because honestly, they fucked with me. but, because i didn’t feel harmed by them until much later, or stifled those feelings because i wanted to have people in my life, it feels like i’m not allowed to say “that wasn’t okay.” it feels like it isn’t serious enough for me to say “this harmed me, i need you to take a look at your past actions and make some serious changes, if you haven’t already.” and i hate that i feel fucked up about it, and hate that i feel like i shouldn’t say anything, and hate how quick i am to dismiss my own feelings by saying to myself “well, they didn’t mean anything bad.”

the fact is, i look back on those experiences and feel my skin crawl. i feel scared whenever someone wants to drink with me, when someone is drunk and starts acting “too friendly,” and i remember those moments.

thepigwilllearntofly

additionally, trauma unrelated has left me with so many gaps in my memory, to the point of barely remembering anything from age 3-8 and 16-21. so my mind goes, “well maybe you’re remembering it wrong.” “maybe there are important parts you’ve forgotten.” and these thoughts keep me from reaching out and saying something

i often think about the ways in which i felt encouraged to engage in unhealthy drinking habits at age 18. i think about how i was (or feel) coerced into getting drunk and making out with people, which feels very messy as far as consent goes. i think about the ways in which my girlfriend at the time would shame me into drinking so she could have sex with me, because she told me she only enjoyed sex with me when i was drunk. i think about the person who said i was too young for them to date, but would giggle and laugh as i got drunk and then heavily flirt with me and kiss me.

i think about all of these things often, because honestly, they fucked with me. but, because i didn’t feel harmed by them until much later, or stifled those feelings because i wanted to have people in my life, it feels like i’m not allowed to say “that wasn’t okay.” it feels like it isn’t serious enough for me to say “this harmed me, i need you to take a look at your past actions and make some serious changes, if you haven’t already.” and i hate that i feel fucked up about it, and hate that i feel like i shouldn’t say anything, and hate how quick i am to dismiss my own feelings by saying to myself “well, they didn’t mean anything bad.”

the fact is, i look back on those experiences and feel my skin crawl. i feel scared whenever someone wants to drink with me, when someone is drunk and starts acting “too friendly,” and i remember those moments.

i hate this version of existence. of panicking whenever i have to be out in public. of being afraid to check social media. of preparing myself for the worst at events, which i rarely ever go to. of worrying constantly that if they don’t answer in the morning, they’re gone. of trying not to check in too often, but knowing what happened last time i didn’t. of wanting to fight the world for being so cruel, of refusing to see the human in people.

i’m so tired.