The Plump Bumblebee

Just a silly place for silly thoughts

[theplumpbumblebee]

Nightingale: *raises eyebrows* Seawoll: The fuck did you say?!

[theplumpbumblebee]

Peter: I'm sorry. Please talk to me. Beverly: Peter: Hello? World's most amazing mother-to-be?? Sweet pea? Precious cinnamon roll that's too good for this world, too pure? Beverly: 'Sorry' doesn't bring back my fucking M&Ms.

[theplumpbumblebee]

Peter: Oh wow, this shop has everything my heart desires!

Mysterious shopkeeper: Yes, I will warn you... every item comes with a price.

Peter: Yes, I know how shops work.

Shopkeeper: The price may be more than you expect to pay.

Peter: Yes, I know how taxes work too.

Shopkeeper, increasingly exasperated: I'm trying to tell you that I'm evil and offering these wares with no regard for the harm they do!

Peter, also increasingly exasperated: I know what capitalism is too goddamnit.

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*Phone rings

Peter: Hello?

Lesley: I see you.

Peter:

Lesley:

Peter: Well do I look good?

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Peter: *trying to buy a Father's Day card* Peter: Excuse me, do you have any that just say "You are my dad?" Associate: Well, I- Peter: How about "You banged my mum?" Associate: No... Peter: You know what, I'll just get a blank one. Peter: *writes* You are a father. This is a day. Here is a card.

[theplumpbumblebee]

Nightingale: Are you ever going to listen to me? Seawoll: Yes. Absolutely. Nightingale: When? Seawoll: When you're right.

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Peter: We have fun, don’t we, Sahra? Sahra: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.

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Peter: *Kicks the door open, looking panicked* Nightingale: What did you do?! Peter: NOBODY DIED! Nightingale: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

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Peter: Sir? You just drove through a stop sign without stopping. Nightingale: I'll stop twice on the way back.

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Lesley: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its “intelligent” and “really cool”. But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.

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Peter: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something. Abigail: You don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.

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Nightingale: I know you snuck out last night, Peter. Peter (thinking): Play dumb! Peter: Who's Peter? Peter (thinking): NOT THAT DUMB!!!

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Seawoll: Let’s write Nightingale a friendly note, shall we? Dear... Incompetent... Dumbass...

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Peter: What the hell is wrong with you? Lesley: I have this weird self-esteem issue where I hate myself but still think I’m better than everyone else.

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Peter: I have a cunning plan. Sahra: I have Dr Walid and Nightingale on speed dial.

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*Nightingale and Peter skipping stones across a river* Nightingale: It’s such a beautiful evening. Peter, whispering: Take that. And that. And that.

[theplumpbumblebee]

Dr Walid, setting down a card: Ace of spades Peter, pulling out an Uno card: +4 Abigail, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you Nightingale: What are we playing?