the daily prophet

Welcome to The Quidditch Beat, an offshoot of The Daily Prophet, your one stop publication delivering you all of the latest news, photographs and interviews with your favorite players, teams and coaches in the British and Irish Quidditch League. Our services include syndication of everybody's favorite gossip columnist, The Golden Snitch and exclusives from Scoops from the Hoops as well as the opinions of The Daily Prophets esteemed team of professional Quidditch experts and up and coming writers. Got something to contribute? The Quidditch Beat is always looking for more writers, photographers and artists to submit their work and share with us their passion for the game and it's players. [DISCLAIMER: This publication is not liable for the means in which any information posted under the writings of The Golden Snitch is obtained, nor the validity of such claims. Any and all concerns can be addressed directly to Barnabus & Fitch Ltd. Yes, that includes you Mr. Jones.]

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SCOOPS FROM THE HOOPS: Auld Lang Syne

The Golden Snitch, The Evening Edition of the Daily Prophet.

While the mice are away, the managers will play — or so the rumor goes. While this Snitch spent the past two weeks recovering from the celebrations (and scandals) that only a New Year can bring, it seems that the players of the League weren’t the only ones misbehaving this New Year’s Eve. Spotted leaving that debaucherous fun house that Puddlemere United manager, Harry Hollingberry, reportedly raked in massive profits for luring unsuspecting citizens into was none other than the host of the party and the notoriously overprofessional manager of the Appleby Arrows Desdemona Wright. 

With rumors flying thick and fast about a steamy connection between Hollingberry and Arrows Keeper, Morgan Noel, one has to wonder what game it is that Hollingberry is playing at. (Lest we forget the fate of the last man who dared find himself in numerous Arrows beds, a quick Merlinspeed to former-Quidditch Quarterly staff member, Theodore Edgeminton, may your balls lie in peace in whoever’s pickle jar they finally ended up in.) 

It seems, however, that Miss Wright wasn’t the only Arrow to wind up in Puddlemere sheets — spotted leaving celebrations in a decidedly inebriated state of canoodling were Puddlemere Chaser, Charlie Roberts and Arrows Chaser, Holly Oddpick. With Quidditchers gone wild to bring in the new year, it’s no wonder that those who were supposed to be reporting their antics may have slid down that slippery slope with them.

The Prophet’s own Scout Valentine deserves an honourable mention, spotted with no fewer than three Wasps over the course of the night in varying states of debauchery, including what we’ve heard was a very passionate romp in the backrooms with the usually media-shy Arcturus Fawley and getting up close and personal with Madison Noel on a bartop. In which case we congratulate our esteemed colleague, that’s one way to get a leg up on the competition.

Also falling victim to Hollingberry’s house of (highly questionable) delights was Arrows Chaser, Oscar Newcombe, last spotted rehydrating after sampling a few too many of the generously offered ‘party favours’ and missing ever since.

As always, our Wasps didn’t let us down on the debauchery — Miss Madison Noel, notorious Wasps sweetheart, lost her dignity, her date (someone tell Art Fawley that you should at least buy a girl a drink if you’re going to fondle her in a dark corner) and her shirt on a bartop for the most of the night, while her date for the event spent most of his time stripping anyone who crossed his path and imbibing half the bar, if his erratic behaviour was any indication. Regular troublemaker Fortescue seemed in far gloomier spirits, picking fights and spending most of his night sprawled over any surface available when he wasn’t kissing unsuspecting victims.

And while some had to adjourn to other countries to escape the uncomfortable aftermath of their New Year’s rampage (here’s looking at you, Fortescue, and that curious new curse wound this Snitch spotted on that famed torso) others still were conspicuously missing from the event, namely Wasps partyboy, Corvus Quintin and a certain recently turned eighteen Puddlemere Seeker, now there’s a match made in disaster.

With a new year ahead this Snitch only hopes that some of our players can learn from the mistakes of the year behind them and with any luck make some worse ones. Enjoy your 2015.

[thequidditchbeat-blog]

Could rumours of a Fortescue army be true? Turns out that Felix Fortescue's mystery companion on the beaches of Ibiza has children, and the pair of rascals share the distinctive reddish-blonde that we know so well.

An anonymous tip to the Editor's desk.

[thequidditchbeat-blog]

spotted: Seen dancing on bars and snogging fellow chaser, Art Fawley, Wasp's Maidson Noel seems to have taken a leaf out of her sister's book.

An anonymous tip to the Editor's desk. 

[thequidditchbeat-blog]

spotted: Puddlemere's Hollingberry and Arrow's Noel getting down and dirty on New Year's Eve. Another instance of Morgan's desire to screw anyone wearing her opposition's colors? Or just another Arrow in Hollingberry's bedpost - he was also seen leaving the party with Arrow's manager, Desdemona Wright.

An anonymous tip to the Editor's Desk.

[thequidditchbeat-blog]

SPOTTED: The King of Ibiza returns — Felix Fortescue looking considerably chirpier than he has of late was spotted vacationing in the designated party hotspot of Ibiza. After rumors of a booze-fuelled rampage on New Year's Eve, it sounds like he was overdue for a break. And more to the point who's that girl he was spotted frolicking in the waves with? 

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The Puddlemere United New Year's Eve Bash is officially over!

As the sun rises on 2015 the abandoned paper factory and it's plethora of dirty secrets are left behind but with dawn comes more than just your average hangover: reality looms over the repercussions of all those drinks (and various substances) that were consumed and not everyone can duck responsibility in the way that they hoped. To 2015, a year to remember, and a New Year's Eve to forget.

This event is officially concluded! You can all feel free to continue conversations/paras that happened at the event to their natural conclusion.

[thequidditchbeat-blog]

MEDIA EVENT: PUDDLEMERE UNITED NEW YEAR'S EVE BASH

When it comes to finding new and exciting ways to rob the League blind, Harry Hollingberry has stumbled upon another genius scheme as the New Year approaches. After all, there's nothing quite like Quidditch players and an open bar to draw the public eye — what better way to sweeten the deal than to smear them in paint and turn off the lights?  With an open invitation extended to all the teams of the league (yes, unfortunately even the Cannons) he's laid the perfect bait for his real target: the general public. With tickets selling for exorbitant prices under the guise of charity, Puddlemere's New Year's Bash is sure to rake in a fair amount of cash for his woebegone club — as long as those rowdy Quidditchers don't drink all his profits dry of course.

Dorset has never lacked for stunning coastal venues which is probably why most of the lucky ticketholders of this event may be a little perturbed to find themselves standing in front of what appears to be a very rundown and very abandoned paper factory. With the few glass panes that remain cracked and grimy and an exterior that's falling to pieces, one might suspect that they had lost their way, but upon testing the screeching metal door it's clear that a few .. renovations have been put into place on the interior. The dark interior hides all manner of sins, which is precisely the way Harry likes it. After all who doesn't love a blacklight party?

You guys know the drill! Please tag everything from this event with ‘OOYL E007’. Feel free to get creative with how you participate! 

This event will conclude at Midnight EST on Friday the 2nd of January. Have fun guys!

[thequidditchbeat-blog]

Spotted: Fawley's tumultuous temper devastates Diagon Alley after a violent confrontation with rival Chaser Newborne. Whatever could they have been fighting over? Not Fortescue's heart, I hope. Rumor has it that Fortescue's relationship with Newborne has been confirmed after the couple were spotted on a romantic outing together.

An anonymous tip to the Editor's desk.

[thequidditchbeat-blog]

Spotted: Blue and Yellow clash again! Hospital or love nest? Seeker Blackburn and Beater Quintin were spotted disappearing behind drawn curtains in the emergency ward at St. Mungos with Quintin sustaining concerning injuries. Did Puddlemere make a mistake with their poaching or are the Wasp boys that irresistable?

An anonymous tip to the Editor’s Desk.

[thequidditchbeat-blog]

Spotted: Fawley and Fortescue sucking face at the children's ward of St. Mungo's long after the mistletoe stopped screeching. The pair then left together. How will Miss Noel find it in her heart to forgive this particular indiscretion?

An Anonymous tip left to the Editor's Desk.

[thequidditchbeat-blog]

Scoops From the Hoops: Sing We Joyous, All Together

The Golden Snitch, The Daily Prophet; Evening Edition.

Deck the halls, it’s that time of year again and as befits the season, Santa Snitch comes bearing gifts to all the naughty boys and girls of the British and Irish Quidditch League. Christmas is a time of forgiveness and celebration, which is why I’m delighted to announce a breaking piece of news as a gift to our readers tonight: the surprise retirement of the much talked about (current) Arrows Seeker, Frankie Westenberg.

Frequently found in the pages of this publication, Westenberg has had a season of increasingly erratic decision making that has left long time fans of the gifted Seeker scratching their heads. With recent allegations made by her former Wasps teammates stirring the pot (and heavily rebutted in that recent article by the Prophet’s own Scout Valentine) the mystery of what happened to Frankie Westenberg has plagued the league over the last few months, but no longer.

Rumor has it that Miss Westenberg stepped down from her role on the Appleby Arrows just last night, hot on the heels of a drunken rampage through the nightclubs of London that was hurriedly hushed up by Arrows management. In response to owls from the Prophet, Miss Westenberg has issued the following statement:

I believe that it’s time for me to move on from the British and Irish Quidditch League [..indistinguishable Scottish brogue..] to seek new opportunities abroad.

The vagueness of said statement has been attributed to the distinct smell of gin that liberally accompanied said statement, but this Snitch has further uncovered that Westenberg may have been offered a coaching position by the Sweetwater All-Stars. Now the question remains — after another disturbance in their line-up so hot on the heels of losing their last Seeker, can the Arrows find a replacement before the Quidditch season recommences after the holiday break? 

To the Arrows we wish all the best of luck this holiday season. Let us hope you don’t receive (another) lump of coal under the proverbial tree this season.

Hail the new, ye lads and lasses.

[thequidditchbeat-blog]

REBUTTAL

This is Madison Noel setting the record straight on Objection, Your Honour. 

I was trying, not only out of respect for my sister but also to protect her from her new teammate’s wrath, to stay quiet in all of this. But despite hopes that our performance in our last match would give everyone something new to talk about Miss Valentine’s pointed threat in her last article has forced me to stop being silent. There is no conspiracy of any sort. The lads you see in the public are just the same as the lads I see in the locker room. Every one of my current teammates have been nothing but helpful to me as I learn to navigate the Quidditch world. I have never felt the need to hide friendships from any of them. Or felt pressure to become someone I’m not. Nor have I felt afraid of any of the lads. I work hard and I respect them and they in turn respect me. I’m not some special case. It hardly takes a genius to know that if you don’t respect the people you work with they in turn won’t respect you. I would encourage anyone who believes anything from Miss Valentine’s article to look at the Wasps prior to Miss Westenberg becoming captain. The troubles that have plagued the Wasps under her leadership were not something that happened under Peakes’ prior leadership. Including the difficulty of hanging on to a third chaser.  Miss Westenberg is an admitted liar who only tells the truth when cornered and then only if it suits her. Why anyone would believe her account of things is beyond me. But then the Prophet is allowing her current boyfriend and a woman whose relationship with a Wasp ended badly to be the ones telling her side. It’s shocking to know that there’s more journalistic integrity from Witch Weekly then from the Prophet. Finally the Wasps are not a boy’s club, we’re a Quidditch team. A fact we proved in our last match. And for the record, Miss Valentine, Wasps don’t sting other members of the nest.  Madison Noel

[thequidditchbeat-blog]

Objection, Your Honor

Scout Valentine, The Daily Prophet

The court has come to order. Witnesses were cross-examined, the prosecution has stated their case – the jury is ready to reach a verdict, but one side of the courtroom has been silent thus far.

Silence can be more damning than an affirmation, and Frankie Westenberg’s silence is more damning than most. After her former teammates’ accusations of abuse, Miss Westenberg has pointedly avoided sending in a rebuttal, or even expressing her dismay at what’s been printed about her. It leaves us assuming only the worst – guilt. Can the Kraken really have more bite than we’ve anticipated?

This reporter took it upon herself to settle the case, yet it turns out that Westenberg has not been hiding at all.

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my time as a Wasp, it’s that no matter what you say toward them, they’re going to turn around and accuse you of worse,” shares Westenberg. She accepts my offer of firewhisky, but does not drink a drop. What accusations could she possibly throw at the Wasps? “See, what the fans get for face to face is one thing. What happens in the locker room, that’s absolutely different…They like to shove out everyone they can what’s not male or precisely what they want them to be.” She pauses, shaking her head. “Ever noticed how new Chasers rarely last long? They push them out as fast as they can, I swear. And if ye don’t adhere to their every want, they push and push and push until ye give up and go elsewhere. God forbid ye have a personal life the team doesn’t approve of.”

Miss Westenberg’s vow of silence is finished – it’s time for her to air some grievances of her own. Rumours of mounting tensions in the locker room are not entirely untrue, but the Arrows’ new Seeker vehemently denies any instigation on her part.

She insists that the claims of her harassment are unfounded. The punch she’d thrown at Arcturus Fawley had been an isolated incident in which he received a warning beforehand, and had his medicine within easy reach. “D’you really think Downson would have kept me about if I was that poisonous to the team?” Westenberg asks. It’s a good question; one that some of us have been asking, though not quite as loudly as it deserves. “Nah, they wouldn’t let that go on, not for that long. I broke it off with Dodderidge when the Wasps threw a hissy over it, I kept my Arrows friendships quiet for the entire time I was on the Wasps knowing they’d throw a hissy over them. Hell, I cleared dating Archie with management before that started just to be safe. There’s a reason my temper was so high all the time — bet ye can look back at my indie record and you’ll find I didn’t get into a single brawl from the time I left Hogwarts until I joined the Wasps.”

Indeed we did just that, and Miss Westenberg’s record is pristine – right up until she signed a contract with the Wasps. Our resident psychologist assures us that violent psychopathic traits take time to grown and manifest. If Westenberg is truly as brutal as her former teammates say, there would have been signs long before she sunk her claws into them.

The more questions we ask, the less answers we seem to find. How did Darcy Downson miss any signs of the treatment that her team endured at the hands of Frankie Westenberg, if what they claim is true? Could this be simply an attempt at revenge for leaving the team without a Seeker when Westenberg changed her yellow robes for the Arrows’ blue? And, most curious of all, why did the Wasps eagerly reveal all details of Westenberg’s alleged abusive behavior as soon as she defected, only to refuse to discuss it any further now?

“The truth isn’t what gets shouted the loudest. We know what it is, it’s none of your business,” was Mr. Fawley’s icy response. Nothing has been shouted louder than the story that the Wasps themselves have told. If that isn’t the truth, then what is? When questioned about the unity of the team, Fawley added, “Hard to be a team when your team’s full of international smugglers and traitors.” An interesting choice of words, Mr. Fawley. One would assume that the Wasps would be more concerned with recovery after Westenberg’s reign of terror, but their priorities evidently lay elsewhere.

Mr. Fawley is not the only one with that attitude. There is no grief in Felix Fortescue’s expression when Frankie Westenberg is mentioned. There is no sadness in his eyes, no righteous anger at what the team has been through. “Our former Seeker was a habitual liar who threw a tantrum, never apologized and then jumped ship,” he comments, making no reference to any of her actions outside of switching to the Arrows. Miss Westenberg’s greatest sin seems to be betrayal of the Wasps, which is something that neither of the lads in question are afraid of admitting.

Westenberg’s boyfriend, the Beat’s very own Archibald Wieland, asks yet another question: “Frankie was a member of the team for years and it’s only until she leaves that they complain? That’s quite shady, if you ask me.”

The witnesses may not have been cross-examined in full. The Wasps are angry, but the Wasps have been betrayed. Where Miss Westenberg’s record is clean, the team’s record is practically written in red. Their penchant for ruthless hazing, excessive drinking, and holding grudges may have come off as charming, but perhaps it is time to wonder if it has gone too far.

A female Keeper deported out of the country; a female Seeker’s reputation slandered as soon as she dares escape the toxic atmosphere of the Wasps’ influence. The Wasps are a boy’s club if there ever was one, and we know full well how much they like to sting.

Watch out, Miss Noel. You might just be next.

[thequidditchbeat-blog]

Say Yes To The.... Ibiza?

E. Knightly, Witch Weekly

Sorry to those of you who were hoping to find Felix Fortescue under your tree this holiday season, it looks like he’s already wrapped up and sequestered away under someone else’s but whose is the real question we’re all asking.

A long game in the brisk Winter air brings a sort of rowdiness to the crowd at Falmouth Stadium this weekend as a prolonged game of Catch-The-Snitch-Before-Next-Year left the audience feeling restless during it. Among them, a blue-jerseyed chap we haven’t seen rear his head yet this season made his love known to England with proclamations of love towards our favourite Wasps Chaser, Felix Fortescue in a crude but endearing sign reading, ”Yes, I’d love to.”

Now what, we ask, is the question he’s agreeing to? You’re all probably thinking it’s Ibiza but here at Witch Weekly, we always dig deeper to provide you the truth and a direct source says that Mr. Fortescue himself is a known and practicing polygamist breeder under suspicion of hoarding lovers on the small island of Ibiza to amass his army of golden-haired children. However, not all of his conquests share the same philosophies about love and after witnessing Chaser Art Fawley’s quick exit from the stadium, we’ve got to wonder if this revelation is shaking up the ramshackle foundations of the Wasps club house.

Fortescue’s widely known playboy status has left him with a plethora of lovers this year alone, of those including his fellow chasers, Madison Noel and Arcturus Fawley of whom we suspect haven’t any idea of his double (triple?) dipping into the blue. With all of the animosity flying around after the defection of their Seeker, one would think that Fortescue would walk on the side of caution for once— but we’ve got to commend him for his moxie.

In an interview with Arrows chaser Oscar Mancomb, he woefully admitted that he hadn’t the first clue as to what he was signing up for when he hopped into the sack with Fortescue as he goes into excruciating detail about his secret love affair with our favourite golden boy, from short lusty encounters to long, romantic evenings filled with longing looks, Mancomb was completely arse over teacup over the dimpled-adonis regardless of their team’s obvious hostility towards each other but it turns out that Fortescue had been less than honest with our outback hunk and has left him in utter ruin when he proposed a threeway marriage with Fortescue’s (surprisingly) current girlfriend and teammate, Madison Noel.

Mancomb’s concession was made known during the game in hopes of bolstering Fortescue’s confidence during the Wasps game where they emerged victorious— sixteen hours later. 

[thequidditchbeat-blog]

The Wimborne Wasps vs. Falmouth Falcons Game Is Officially Over!

The cold sea breeze did nothing to deter the Wimborne Wasps who clearly had a point to prove. Perseus Peakes was back in legendary form once again, blocking the Falcons from scoring a single goal while it seemed the Chasers have finally found a united team dynamic. With the Wasps successfully making it through a long and gruelling game against one of the most violent teams in the league with only a few bumps and bruises to show for it and a win on their hands (even if the Falcons seeker was the one to end the game and that .. noticeable fumble midgame) it seems like they're in good position to be staging a comeback.

This event is officially concluded! You can all feel free to continue conversations/paras that happened at the event to their natural conclusion. In addition, be on the lookout for the big plotdrop!

[thequidditchbeat-blog]

GAME FOUR: WIMBORNE WASPS VS. FALMOUTH FALCONS

Heads up Wasps, your next opponents may not be top of the League material but they've never let that stop them from breaking a few bones. The Falmouth Falcons are in high spirits after winning their last match after a .. questionable .. potshot at the Kestrel's Keeper and they'd love to make the Wasps their next victims.

FORECAST: There's a cold sea gale taking over Falmouth Stadium on this Wintery afternoon and the crowd promises to be a rowdy one with incensed Wasps fans turning out in full force to support their stumbling team and Falcons fans buoyed by their favourite's rare win. And as the Falcon's motto says, "Let us win, but if we cannot win, let us break a few heads." Good luck Wasps.

This is our fourth official QUIDDITCH GAME of the season — HERE’S HOW IT WORKS: You guys know the drill when it comes to events by now: Participation is key! Get creative! Opposing teams: make a nuisance of yourselves.

Please tag all starters, paras and anything created for this event with ‘OOYL E006’. 

THIS EVENT WILL CONCLUDE: Wednesday the 10th of December, Midnight EST. 

[thequidditchbeat-blog]

SCOOPS FROM THE HOOPS: Faster, Higher, Stronger.

— The Golden Snitch, Scoops from the Hoops. The Daily Prophet, Evening Edition.

Citius, altius, fortius — is the phrase that Wasps Coach, Peter Pyrites, has cited to describe his teams tailspin out of control over the past few months in a fit of delusion this Snitch hasn’t seen the likes of since those memorable few weeks in which exiled former Wasps Seeker Frankie Westenberg sent numerous rebuttals to this paper regarding her rendezvous with Arrows Captain, Janus Dodderidge (and we all know how that turned out.)

But with the Wasps camp under lockdown on the eve of their second game of the season, even Pyrites cannot be reached, so this Snitch has taken it upon themselves to impress another, more apt, phrase upon the fans of the yellow and black: Acta non verba. 

Wasps fans have been given little faith to cling to over these past few weeks, the triumphant return of Perseus Peakes having been overshadowed by that recent defection of long-time captain and Seeker, Frankie Westenberg.  Following quick on the heels of that nasty bludgering by Puddlemere's own loose cannon, Georgiana Fox, that nearly put Felix Fortescue out of commission for the season, the Wasps have a tough climb back to the top of the table if they want to make an impact this season. For your average team this would mean keeping your head down and practicing hard, but the Wasps work ethic has never been so questionable as it is of late and it seems they aren’t willing to crash and burn quietly.

As the carnage piles up this Snitch is only too happy to dish the dirt on the biggest trainwrecks in the League.

With none other than the Daily Prophet’s own Archie Wieland having been spotted exchanging blows with notorious Wasps hothead, Corvus Quintin, it seems even members of the press aren’t safe from their ire. (Though eyewitness accounts of the encounter suggest that Wieland may have been responsible for instigating that particular fight. A sweet blonde who wished to remain anonymous insisting that the reporter was “spoiling for a fight” and “out of control.”) 

Quintin isn’t the only Wasp who’s been spotted causing a ruckus in the magical community.  It seems that Fawley and Fortescue’s hiatus from their old shenanigans has been called off with the pair being spotted together numerous times over the past few weeks. The drunken wreckage left behind by their partying estimated by one Diagon Alley shopkeeper to have cost her almost an entire shop’s worth of stock. Mavis Birchoff, proprietor of Blitzen’s Christmas Grotto, recalls the night in which the Wasp chasers invaded her store “drunk as bloody skunks” and wreaked havoc on her displays, causing an estimated 357 galleons worth of damage.

Speaking of doing some damage, it seems the blows keep on coming for the Wasps, notoriously delicate Arcturus Fawley having been spotted on the receiving end of a sucker punch from new Arrows Chaser, Oscar Newborne. On the eve of a Wasps match one has to wonder if poaching isn’t the only dirty tactics the Arrows are pulling out this season. (Nobody tell head office.)

The lads aren’t the only Wasps to have been creating a buzz around town, with the usually quiet last lady standing, Madison Noel, having been seen out on numerous occasions over the past few weeks with and without Fortescue, whose relationship is rumoured to be on the rocks since that scandalous expose at Halloween. Personally this Snitch can’t help but wonder whether these players are finally cracking under the pressure of a season gone horribly wrong.

As tension mounts in Wimborne with the impending game, the Wasps face uncertain times — for a team with close ties to the top of the table, what is the cost of their line-up being shaken up once again. The mystifying choice of promoting unknown, Atticus Blishwick, to their line-up only serving to concern those fans who’ve stayed loyal to them.

With the Wasps surely regretting time that would have been better spent on the pitch these past few weeks, I suggest a better slogan to Coach Pyrites; Ad astra per aspera.