The Raven Cycle characters as John Mulaney quotes
Gansey: “I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. It’s exhausting”
“you could pour soup in my lap and I’d probably apologize to you”
Blue: “you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair”
“I am very small, and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under”
Ronan: “sometimes babies will point at me, and I don’t care for that shit at all”
“I’m very gay, I’d like a few dollars”
Adam: “I’ll keep all my emotions right here. And then one day I’ll die”
“In terms of like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroine”
Noah: “I don’t look like someone who used to do anything. I look like I was just sitting in a chair eating saltines for 28 years and then walked right out here”
“What’s new pussycat?”
Henry: “I am a proud Asian American woman, and you will treat me with respect”
“I hear you honking, and I also don’t want me to be doing what I’m doing”
Bonus:
Kavinsky: “eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs”
Maura: “this is an office...” *looks at Ronan and Adam* “could be a nursery”
Mr. Gray: “one black coffee”
Malory: “Everyone get out of my way! I just want to sit here and feed my birds”