Submissives crave structure. If you create a world where the decisions are made, expectations are clear, and she knows what to expect, your submissive will do everything in her power to please you. The thing is that you’ll hear a lot about structure and consistency, it’s eluded to all the time, but you’ll rarely hear people talk about what that it looks like.
Structure is more than a set of rules, though rules are a great start. If it’s structure you’re after consistent behaviors are the building blocks. Structure is built by the Dominant, and maintained on both sides. For submissives there’s freedom in knowing what to expect. It may seem boring to most people, but I love knowing that my days will start and end in exactly the same way, and I think most submissives would agree. So it’s down to the nitty gritty… taking a look at what structure looks like.
Disclaimer: It’s not the same for everyone, and that’s okay. Relationships are different, and these examples are to give an idea to those who are struggling. They are not meant to be the be-all-end-all, that defines structure. Also I use feminine pronouns for subs and male for Doms, not because I’m silly enough to believe that’s the only way it goes, but because that’s the sort of relationship I personally am in.
Does she wake up knowing the first thing to do? Is there a message on her phone from you? Is she supposed to let you know that she’s awake? Should she start the coffee while you’re in the shower?
When she goes to get dressed is there a reminder of you? Do you pick out her panties each day? Does she send you a picture for approval? Are skirts expected on certain days?
She’ll be late home tonight. Does she call and let you know? Leave you a text message? Is the note scribbled on the calendar enough?
She wants to make a purchase but she can’t get in touch with you. Does she make it anyway and tell you after? Can she decide to spend, but only up to a certain limit? Does she wait unless it’s an emergency, even if she’ll miss the sale?
She knows you like her legs shaved and smooth. Keeping them smooth is a rule. Does she shave every day? Every other day? How about when she has her period?
So these might still seem like just rules to you, but how about this…
Is it safe for her to come to you when she’s disobeyed. Sure, she should expect punishment, but does she know that your reaction, and her punishment will be rational and equitable?
Does she know that you will call if you’ll be late?
Is she sure she’s doing well because you tell her consistently? Or show her with your affection? (Structure is about eliminating doubt too)
Do you hold her when you’re falling asleep? Do you realize that when you don’t she might worry she’s done something wrong?
If she journals for you, does she know that you’ll read it within a certain time-frame? Do you let her know when you have?
Does she know when to worry that you haven’t contacted her? Does she know you’d never miss a goodnight message unless something is wrong? Or does she assume you’ve fallen asleep or not charged your phone and give you time? How long? 12 hours? 24?
When these questions have answers it’s a sign that a submissive has structure. She knows what to expect, and she knows what is expected. A lot of it is about having rules, and what @instructor144 calls ‘defaults’ (Knowing what to do when you’re not there to ask. ex: If she sends you a picture of her outfit for approval and you don’t respond within 20 minutes, then the outfit is automatically approved).
Some of it is about being predictable as a Dominant. Predictably strict. Predictably observant. Predictably fair. Predictably affectionate. All these things stacked one on the other create the structure that makes a submissive feel safe, loved, and cared for.
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