Spider Central

[therearespiders]

Sunday, 2nd December

Today’s been way too quiet, speaking as someone who’s trying to document all the spiders he sees. Henry was gone this morning for some reason so that was already out of the ordinary. I don’t think I can remember a single day that’s gone by without Henry beside my bed. 

Thinking about it, that’s already a little odd cos those guys should only live for like a week or something, right? I’m pretty sure they’ve all been the same spider since forever. They all move the same way. Henry will always be on the move, right? But he does it so slowly that if you weren’t looking properly then it’d look like he wasn’t moving at all.

Georgia was gone too, but that’s less surprising. She’ll often go off on adventures and come back when it suits her. She’ll be gone for like 3 days, I think. That’s how long she usually takes. What she does in that timeframe is beyond me. Probably eating exotic flies and gambling in spider vegas or something. 

What do you think Spider Vegas would be like? I imagine it’d be this huge thing of interconnected webs and stuff. Probably inside somebody’s shed. Somebody who never uses it so they didn’t get caught. And if they did, why would they care? They know that their sheer numbers would scare the humans shitless, right? Spiders are intelligent creatures.

They’d probably gamble on fly races with really witty names like “McFly” and “Webbiscuit”. They’d import different flies from all around the world so that everybody got to try them. Spiders don’t have a currency, I don’t think, so communism’s their only real option to avoid complete anarchy. Spider communists. There’s something I didn’t think I would be thinking about when I started this off.

Moving on, I only left the house to go shopping today. Picked up some groceries and ingredients for the week as well as a Christmas present for Minnie. She loves unicorns and I found this unicorn/hot water bottle hybrid that she is going to adore.

No spiders during the entire time I was out nor were there any more when I got back home and set about making lunch: burgers. Minnie and I got sick of them a while ago because it was the only thing Dad would ever make for lunch until I just stopped buying them. He liked it. Even smiled. Minnie looked like she wanted to turn her nose up at them but I guess hunger won out in the end because she ate them.

I have school tomorrow so I’m in between homework assignments that definitely aren’t due for tomorrow, I swear, but Henry is still out at Spider Vegas with Georgia so...I don’t really know what to make of that.

Speak to you again tomorrow,

Webster.

[therearespiders]

Saturday ,1st December

I was right about the spiders loving the festive season, I think. There were like double the amount that I saw yesterday, I swear.

My alarm went off at 10am cos if I can sleep in then you can bet your bottom dollar that I will. Henry was halfway up the wall when I first saw him but he had moved back up to his usual spot by the time I went to work about half an hour later. Sidenote: another house spider in the bathroom that I had to get rid of so that my sister, we’ll call her Minnie because she’s really into the whole Disney scene. Georgia was mucking about near the topmost hinge.

Got to work and waved at the huntsman spiders in the woods around where I work. I work at a garden btw. Well, the restaurant in the garden really but whatever. The point is there were three spiders on my way into work.

Did a full day, had to move some pholcidae around the dry store because I needed more hot chocolate powder but other than that, nothing really there. It was dark when I left so I didn’t get a chance to see if the spiders from this morning were still around which was a little disappointing considering that I've even gone so far as to make this blog to document their existence. The least they could do is show up.

James, probably my best friend, drove me home. He’s still learning to drive though, so I was fearing for my life until I distracted myself with my phone. nothing in the car

Georgia hadn’t moved but Henry had moved down towards where he was when I woke up this morning.

2 more atrica wandered into our house over the course of the evening but they now live in the hedge at the end of our drive. Minnie was also fairly quiet about them today. I think she’s finally noticed the frequency at which they small dudes and dudettes end up under our glasses.

Dad was fine.

Played a couple games with my friends and wrote today’s post. Henry hasn’t moved.

Pretty normal day, despite the whole thing with hoping that james doesn’t somehow manage get us T-Boned by a van or whatever.

Speak to you again tomorrow,

Webster.

[therearespiders]

The Beginning

Hey guys, this is gonna sound a bit weird and I realise that it’s really unlikely that anybody’s ever gonna see this but hello all the same.

I’d tell you my name but this is the internet and I gotta say, I trust exactly zero of you so you can call me Webster. That wasn’t meant to rhyme but looking back at it, it looks like it does a little. what do you imaginary people think?

That’s enough getting sidetracked from me, however, and time for me to tell you exactly what this is all about.

In essence, I see a lot of spiders. I see them pretty much wherever I go, school, work, my own house isn’t even sanctuary from the hairy little dudes and dudettes. I once went on holiday skiing in the French alps and there was this massive one about the size of one of my finger bones that just sat above my bed and stared down at me. Thankfully, I didn’t notice it until the end of the holiday because I don’t think I would have been able to sleep properly if I knew that she was about to drop down on my face while I was sleeping and try to crawl down my throat like I heard they want to. That’s still a thing right? The whole “you eat 8 spiders a year while you’re asleep” thing? I’ll google it later. I’m doing this right now.

Back on topic though.

Basically, this is going to be my log of spider-sights stroke my diary, you know? It’s more for my own benefit than anybody else’s but I don’t really care if anybody else sees this. Boiling it down, see a spider, onto this blog it goes alongside a rough outline of the daily timeline. I’ll start with today's.

Woke up at 8, normal time, saw a daddy-long-legs sitting above my bed. His name’s Henry, he’s usually there.

Was out of the house at 8:10 to catch the bus and saw another of those pholcidae (I can’t stand the whole ‘Daddy’ thing and calling the spiders that just makes me feel weird. Like it’s wrong but I can’t quite tell how) hanging outside the front door. Georgia. Also normally there.

Next few were at school and there is kind of a rotating group that all mess around in the same area by the front gate that I walk through every morning. They were an assortment of different money spiders.

Got out of school about 4 cos I had a 6th period and they run after normal school hours because of course they do but I didn’t see any more till I got home about an hour later and said hello to the one from outside my front door this morning. She’d moved over to the doorbell.

Said hi to dad and henry before heading onto my computer to try to do homework (read: play games with my mates) which was interspersed with no fewer than three giant house spiders, or eratigena atrica, as Wikipedia calls them, at different points in the evening that I had to get rid of so that my sister would shut up about them, and decided that this blog would be the best course of action to keep myself sane.

That’s about the end for today but tomorrow’s Saturday and the start of December so I imagine that they’ll be out in full force because I have no doubt that the little guys love the winter festivities like you wouldn’t believe, despite the colder climate moving away from Halloween, their favourite time of year.

Speak to you again tomorrow, 

Webster.