I Will Overcome

@theredsoldier

Lieutenant Colt reporting for duty.

2,780 posts

sleightlyoffhand

"Hey, hey Joe!" The Soldier suddenly called as he ran after his friend. Oddly enough, the big guy held a bunch of official looking papers under one arm, and was waving one of the sheets above his head. "Lookit, I got proof!"

Joe sighed and slumped slightly as he stopped. This again? Fixing a small smile on his face, he turned to face Colt and held out his hands in a helpless gesture, waiting to see the papers.

sleightlyoffhand

"You did. Well, now what do you want to do? Keeping in mind, of course, that I am not going to be running around nude under the full moon with you." The fact that he managed to say that with a completely straight face was a relief for him. He didn’t need to upset his friend again. "You get to pick, okay?"

"I j- no. I don't want to see you na- I mean... uh... I- you're good l- uuuh..." Frantic to distract the Spy, Colt stuck out his tongue and poked him in the gut. "I w-uuh- we should watch TV or something, alright?"

#sleightlyoffhand

sleightlyoffhand

"Hey, hey Joe!" The Soldier suddenly called as he ran after his friend. Oddly enough, the big guy held a bunch of official looking papers under one arm, and was waving one of the sheets above his head. "Lookit, I got proof!"

Joe sighed and slumped slightly as he stopped. This again? Fixing a small smile on his face, he turned to face Colt and held out his hands in a helpless gesture, waiting to see the papers.

sleightlyoffhand

Skimming the papers quickly, the Spy handed them back to Colt. The words didn’t mean much to him. After all, the administration was completely insane anyway. However, he merely nodded and smiled at the Soldier and patted his shoulder. If he pretended to believe him, perhaps the young Soldier would let the matter rest and move on to other things. “You win. Proof.”

Now that he'd gotten Joe on his side, Colt seemed rather relieved, and even refrained from shoving more of the papers at his friend. It felt good to finally have someone on his side who actually believed a word he said.

"I told ya."

#sleightlyoffhand

sleightlyoffhand

"Hey, hey Joe!" The Soldier suddenly called as he ran after his friend. Oddly enough, the big guy held a bunch of official looking papers under one arm, and was waving one of the sheets above his head. "Lookit, I got proof!"

Joe sighed and slumped slightly as he stopped. This again? Fixing a small smile on his face, he turned to face Colt and held out his hands in a helpless gesture, waiting to see the papers.

Apparently, it was this again. Smiling broadly, Colt shoved the paper right against Joe's chest once he'd caught up with him. "Here, look it. It's right- it's- uh- it's on the thing. I forgot to hand them out and shoved 'em under my bed but I found 'em and now you can read 'em and have proof'n stuff."

#sleightlyoffhand

do-you-want-a-second-opinion

Boku no fortress was a great manga

Killer’s kabuto

musings-old-main

Moooooom, a weird lady with a skull on her head told me to take you these wet balloons and ask you about them.

I zhink zhey call zhem ‘Vatah Balloooon’. I don’t know. Ve didn’t haff balloooonz during zhe var.

musings-old-main

Oh! Eazy: You unroll it zo it’z long und you put your penis in it. Zo vhen you ejaculate, zhe semen getz caught in zhere zo it doezn’t go inzide zhe voman und make a baby.

... Okay. And guys can't catch the baby, right?

musings-old-main

Moooooom, a weird lady with a skull on her head told me to take you these wet balloons and ask you about them.

I zhink zhey call zhem ‘Vatah Balloooon’. I don’t know. Ve didn’t haff balloooonz during zhe var.

musings-old-main

*drawn out sigh* I get it, I get it. Becauze you veren’t a baby you zhink I said you don’t exist.

Nein! You exizt. You’re a special case. Juzt—- Condomz are to stop yourzelf from making babiez. Get it?

... No? how do wet balloons keep babies from being babies?

musings-old-main

Moooooom, a weird lady with a skull on her head told me to take you these wet balloons and ask you about them.

I zhink zhey call zhem ‘Vatah Balloooon’. I don’t know. Ve didn’t haff balloooonz during zhe var.

… I don’t think they’re water balloons. -frowning, he held out a handful of the weird things the lady had made rain on his head.- She called them condos and it sounded like they were very important.

musings-old-main

Vell, condoz are houzez zo— *looks at the ‘balloons’* Oh, condomz. Vell I don’t know about important but I don’t zleep around much. *mutters under his breath* Not zhat anyvone evah showz much interezt in me anyvay…

… So… do you know what they’re for and what they have to do- uh- with…

You know?

musings-old-main

Haff to do vizh vhat? *beat* OH! Oh, it’z a zex zhing, ja. It keepz you from impregnating vomen, zhat’z all.

… I don’t get it. The lady said it has something to do with werewolves…

How does a balloon do the baby and werewolf stopping?

musings-old-main

No verevolf shtopping. Juzt baby shtopping. Verevolvez don’t exist, Sohn, only babies.

... But- I thought-... I thought I exist...

#rejectmedic #sad Soldier noises

musings-old-main

Moooooom, a weird lady with a skull on her head told me to take you these wet balloons and ask you about them.

I zhink zhey call zhem ‘Vatah Balloooon’. I don’t know. Ve didn’t haff balloooonz during zhe var.

… I don’t think they’re water balloons. -frowning, he held out a handful of the weird things the lady had made rain on his head.- She called them condos and it sounded like they were very important.

musings-old-main

Vell, condoz are houzez zo— *looks at the ‘balloons’* Oh, condomz. Vell I don’t know about important but I don’t zleep around much. *mutters under his breath* Not zhat anyvone evah showz much interezt in me anyvay…

… So… do you know what they’re for and what they have to do- uh- with…

You know?

musings-old-main

Haff to do vizh vhat? *beat* OH! Oh, it’z a zex zhing, ja. It keepz you from impregnating vomen, zhat’z all.

... I don't get it. The lady said it has something to do with werewolves...

How does a balloon do the baby and werewolf stopping?

#rejectmedic #CONFUSED SOLDIER NOISES

musings-old-main

Moooooom, a weird lady with a skull on her head told me to take you these wet balloons and ask you about them.

I zhink zhey call zhem ‘Vatah Balloooon’. I don’t know. Ve didn’t haff balloooonz during zhe var.

… I don’t think they’re water balloons. -frowning, he held out a handful of the weird things the lady had made rain on his head.- She called them condos and it sounded like they were very important.

musings-old-main

Vell, condoz are houzez zo— *looks at the ‘balloons’* Oh, condomz. Vell I don’t know about important but I don’t zleep around much. *mutters under his breath* Not zhat anyvone evah showz much interezt in me anyvay…

... So... do you know what they're for and what they have to do- uh- with...

You know?

musings-old-main

Moooooom, a weird lady with a skull on her head told me to take you these wet balloons and ask you about them.

I zhink zhey call zhem ‘Vatah Balloooon’. I don’t know. Ve didn’t haff balloooonz during zhe var.

... I don't think they're water balloons. -frowning, he held out a handful of the weird things the lady had made rain on his head.- She called them condos and it sounded like they were very important.

Joe showed up at Colt's room, dressed as his best Dr. Jekyll. With a smile, he knocked lightly before letting himself in anyway. "Colt, are you ready? We have a dance to go to, remember? You don't want to be late to your first dance."

"… No." The Soldier sighed sadly when he approached the door with his fake ears in hand. He’d done his best to bend them so they’d look more like dog-ears, but he’d only managed to snap it.

He opened the door with a morose look on his face and extended his broken headband to his friend. “I tried to make them look more like they oughtta…”

sleightlyoffhand

He looked from the ears in Colt’s hands to the poor Soldier’s face. “Werewolf, right? Maybe I can help. Come into my office.” He took the ears, then gently tugged the Soldier’s arm to lead him to his room. “I have a lot of stuff for costumes, you know. We might be able to find something to help you look more like a werewolf. If we can do it, do I get one of those famous smiles of yours?”

"Really?" Hopeful, but still upset, the Soldier followed along after Joe at his insistence. He did desperately want to go to the party as a werewolf, especially after making such a big fuss about it. "If you got all the stuff, I'll even give you a hug!"

#sleightlyoffhand

One; I have no idea what a condo has to do with anything and why I have to use it.

Two; I already have a home. I bought it and it is an awesome old missile silo thing. I do not need to buy a condo.

And…. uh… the next number; I’m already a werewolf. I don’t think I can become a were something else. It’s fun. I get to pee on things and don’t have to wear pants. You should try it sometimes.

youjustgotmerasmused

"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS EVIL-!" He cut himselff off and concentrated, letting a small condom rain take place over soldier. "NEVER HAVE SEX WITHOUT THESE, AND DON’T COME NEAR ME DURING THE FULL MOON OR I WILL PUT YOU IN A CAGE LINED WITH SILVER AND WOLFSBANE.”

Now he was really confused when a bunch of foil-wrapped things fell on his head. "Alright, alright already!" Sheesh, ladies got super weird when they got super old. Nose scrunched in confusion, the Soldier picked up one of the little things from his shoulder and only got more confused after he opened one up.

"Ma'am, these aren't condos. They're.. balloons." Now he was real confused.

"... wet balloons. Did you spit in these and close them back up or something?"

#youjustgotmerasmused

Joe showed up at Colt's room, dressed as his best Dr. Jekyll. With a smile, he knocked lightly before letting himself in anyway. "Colt, are you ready? We have a dance to go to, remember? You don't want to be late to your first dance."

"... No." The Soldier sighed sadly when he approached the door with his fake ears in hand. He'd done his best to bend them so they'd look more like dog-ears, but he'd only managed to snap it.

He opened the door with a morose look on his face and extended his broken headband to his friend. "I tried to make them look more like they oughtta..."

#sleightlyoffhand

youjustgotmerasmused

…Right.

I doubt you’ll ever have sexual relations with a were-being but use a condom, Soldier. I don’t want to imagine a were-raccoon version of you running amok.

One; I have no idea what a condo has to do with anything and why I have to use it.

Two; I already have a home. I bought it and it is an awesome old missile silo thing. I do not need to buy a condo.

And.... uh... the next number; I'm already a werewolf. I don't think I can become a were something else. It's fun. I get to pee on things and don't have to wear pants. You should try it sometimes.

#youjustgotmerasmused

youjustgotmerasmused

theredsoldier replied to your post:Merasmus magical creature tips

… What, really? So, like, if I get a nosebleed while I… uh… they’ll get it, too?

You don’t even know what sex is, do you?

Yep. I uh- I'm not sure if I'm supposed to tell you this, but I- you know- did the... it once.

I think.

#youjustgotmerasmused #It was very confusing and things happened

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