There Is Only Black Coffee

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Tell em' Dale Cooper

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New Method Coming Soon

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The award for the most badass coffee mugs goes to @kaffikaze

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Looking for a great coffee related twitter account to follow? Look no further than @coffee_dad. Some Coffee Dad gems include:

March 30, "coffee #and"

March 23, "#a little sunday coffee#

March 10, " Going through old photographs. They may be faded, but my love for you never will. We miss you sweet son. Always and forever"

March 1, "Coffee"

February 28, "coffee"

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Bill Groundhog-Day, Ghostbustin'-ass Murray drinks his coffee black!

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The French Press

Beloved throughout world, the French Press was my very first brewing apparatus. The concept is beautifully simple. Coffee goes in the beaker, water goes in the beaker, the plunger is inserted and compressed to filter the grounds. The result is a rich, viscose cup of coffee that kicks the shit out of the swill emanating from that sad sack drip machine that takes up all of your counter space. 

Be warned, the french press is a finicky bastard that is not without a few niggles.

- If you don't serve all of the coffee immediately after brewing, the coffee remaining in the beaker continues to brew and when you pour yourself another cup you will be greeted with what can only be described as your french press shitting in your mouth. Alternatively if you are just brewing for your self, you could pour the extra coffee into a carafe which would keep the flavour of the coffee consistent.

- Often times you can get sediment from the bottom of the beaker in your cup which is a nasty-ass surprise for you after enjoying a nice cup of coffee.

- IT IS A BITCH TO CLEAN 

METHOD

Grind your coffee on the coarsest setting and use water 15°F below boiling so that you don't burn the coffee, rendering it bitter at f*** and you a dumbass.

Use a coffee to water ratio of 35 grams per 500 ml.

Pour 50 ml of water over the grounds completely saturating them and allowing them to bloom for 30 seconds. Blooming is when the grounds purge themselves of carbon dioxide, which allows for the maximum extraction of oils and flavour from the beans.

Pour the remaining water into the beaker, stir twice, allow the coffee to brew for 5 1/2 minutes, press gently and pour immediately. 

Enjoy your brew black.

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You're god damn right Jules!

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My deep unbridled love for the exquisite black nectar of the gods began at a staggeringly young age. Remarkably I was not stunted to  4 1/2 feet in height, nor do I have uncontrollable caffeine tremors and I do not have a mouthful of grossly discolored teeth. Either I beat the odds on all counts or these are bullshit anti-coffee scare tactics. I tend to lean towards the latter.

Black coffee is quite simply the best thing in the world. It can and should be consumed with and between every meal. The complexity of tastes and aromas coupled with the sheer artistry that goes into crafting a truly great cup make coffee more than just a drink. Coffee is a lifestyle. 

Check back often for coffee related news, fun, brewing methods and shaming of those who would bastardize our beloved brew. 

DISCLAIMER: If you are someone who insists on desecrating coffee with milk, sugar, syrups and god knows what else this blog is not for you. Not only that but you are probably a Philistine so go away.

Post script to the Disclaimer: If you are Italian and indulge in Cappuccino, Macchiato and the like, then you are not on my shit list. I respect your heritage too much and also your steadfast rules prohibiting dairy in coffee past noon hour.