Never Going Back Again || Jemma
After the first day, time stopped being counted in days.
Emma hadn’t even remotely peered at a calendar in ages. Not since she’d left home however many days ago. She just hadn’t felt the need. Seeing how much time had gone by would only - well, Emma wasn’t sure what it would do. The fact that she had picked up and left, had run away yet again, wasn’t lost on her. There was no way it could be. Not when Emma had done the absolute worse thing she could have done before leaving.
See Jay.
If she was honest with herself, Emma knew the reason for her back and forth between guilt and contentment. She knew it exactly but saying that her only regret laid with her best friend, was simply a recipe for the kind of trouble Emma wasn’t ready to face. So she ran. She did what she thought was best. Did it hurt? Yes. Was it the hardest decision she had ever made? Definitely. But some decisions have to be made versus want to be made. In hindsight, it was more than obvious that she wouldn’t go unnoticed. That her disappearance would raise questions but Emma hoped that maybe, just maybe, they’d all learn to live without her. After all, in the last few months, all she had caused was trouble. Maybe a new start for her, would mean one for them.
Emma Miller wasn’t a careless girl though. Before she left, she made sure to leave behind notes - things that people might find with time. After they went through her room and picked through her things. They’d find their peace then. Once that happened, Emma figured she might call. Just a quick ‘hello’ to say she was okay. It was all very morbid when she thought of it but life was harsh that way. Maybe it was finally catching up to her.
For everyone.
Emma had arrived in upstate New Jersey a week ago. It was a small suburb that she had thrown a pencil at on some map in a hotel in Maryland but it worked. The life was easy to settle in, the people were kind, and generosity had found her a small room to live in for a week while she got in her feet. It wasn’t New York or a high rise apartment but it helped the ache. The farther she was from Berry - from Jay, it hurt less. It was enough for now.
Settling into her chair, Emma looked up to see another cup of coffee being brought to her and smiled. She had knocked back at least four in the last hour, knowing she had more travel ahead of her at some point. Sleep would only set her back. With a sigh, Emma pushed the cup to the side and continued twirling her pencil, aimlessly drawing the outline of a face while rain gently slid down the glass of the window beside her.
Jay wasn’t sure at what point he thought of the book.
Now that Emma wasn’t around, he had a lot more time to think. Now that she wasn’t around, he realized just how much of his time was spent with Emma. Even if they met for coffee and sit with one another while working on seperate assignments, at least they were still together. Now that Emma was gone, Jay just felt lost. He’d stopped working on his book about their adventures out west and spent his time lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling counting the cracks. He spent hours staring at the Miller house until someone, whether it being her parents or her younger brother, came out to tell him to go home. He’d even seen Michael, who too asked of Emma’s whereabouts. He wished he knew. He wished someone would put her face on every milkbox in the country like it was 1920 but even then, Jay wondered if that would bring her back. Sometimes he wondered if she was even real at all.
Emma had always been too good for Berry, but he hadn’t expected that to mean she would just leave without a word. Without any words. For all Jay knew, she couldn’t been kidnapped or on the side of the road begging for a ride. He almost wished it but he knew it wasn’t true. Emma was too smart for any of that nonsense.
His mind wandered, as it always did, this time while he skimmed through his notes from the summertime. When they made it to Louisville, Chicago, and New Mexico. When they slept outside under the stars. Las Vegas. The Ocean. All of it seemed light years away. Him buried in his journal on the ocean’s pier, looking up to see Emma. Her hair blowing in the salty winds, her camera up to her eyes as she looked through the lense. God, she loved that camera. She took so many...pictures.
It was odd how it hit him. How Emma had switched between cameras that day on the pier, and several times on their trip. She used her usual digital, but took several hard copies with a throw away. He’d poked fun at her for doing so but now...now he remembered he’d never taken the time to look at them. She’d developed them, that much he knew for sure, but he hadn’t seen them. He wasn’t sure why, but he knew he needed to see those pictures.
Leaving his house quickly, jumping in the vehicle that had managed to take them to California, Jay quickly started it up and was down the street. He had to go to the Miller’s house. He had to see the pictures.
Maybe Emma wanted to be found.
