The Rus Diary

The Rus Diary is a fitting name for two reasons. One, "Rus" kinda rhymes with "loss", and if this was a physical diary of Rus Bartmon, it would inevitably be lost. Two, "Rus" kinda rhymes with "floss", and his dads a dentist!

[therusdiary]

September 1, 2012, Saturday

3:09pm:  (text message)  How did you come up with your website names? "Special devision" and "lucid tees."

Just to fuck with him I send him a really long text that has nothing to do with his question:

Well, it all began as an adult parlour game in Victorian England. Jasper Finch McDonahue filed the original patent application for the game in 1888 and applied for the trademark Tiddledy-Winks in 1889. However, competition was quite fierce. That didn't stop ol' Jasper. The game has never taken a strong hold outside the UK and North America. The focus of British tiddlywinks is still at Cambridge. In America, there has been a tradition of tiddlywinks in Washington DC, Boston, Eastern Ohio, and Ithaca, and a renewal of winks through the MIT Tiddlywinks Association.  And that's how I came up with the name Special Division.

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August 25, 2012, Saturday

2:30pm:  (We haven't seen each other in three months.  This is the first thing he says to me...)  My key doesn't work.

Things he asks as he moves in to his new apartment:

3:52pm:  Do your outlets work?

4:36pm:  Does your internet work?

5:20pm:  Can I borrow some toothpaste.

5:46pm:  (I walk into his room to see how he's doing.  All I see is an abundance of toilet paper and fire crackers.)

6:54pm:  Can I borrow your audio cord?

7:16pm:  Do you have milk?

7:21pm:  Can I borrow your audio cord? (again)

7:22pm:  Do you have an eyeglass repair kit or small screwdriver?

8:07pm:  Where's Yonkers, New York?

8:33pm:  What was the name of that adobe web design program?

9:00pm:  Who is this?

[therusdiary]

May 11, 2012, Friday

1:51pm: You ever see that video of that girl pissing in a can? (Completely serious.)

1:58pm: (On the phone with his mom.  There's a long period of silence.)  No I've been combing it.  It looks fine.

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May 9, 2012, Wednesday

3:20pm: What?

3:54pm: I'm taking this chair.

4:14pm: (Hey, you remember when you threw that bag of clothes away?) Uh, no I didn't. (Yeah you did.)  No, they're in the dumpster.

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May 3, 2012, Thursday

7:02pm: Can I get some water?

7:13pm: Can I get a toothpick?

10:17pm: Can I get a lint roller?

10:32pm: I'm sweaty as fuck.

10:54pm: Hey, what are those nuts for?

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May 2, 2012, Wednesday

3:51pm: I slept through both my alarms.

4:03pm: If a project is due today, do you think I can turn it in tomorrow?

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May 1, 2012, Tuesday

10:50am: Your room smells like moth balls.

9:34pm: What the hell are Sockem Boppers?  I thought they were called Bopper Sockems.

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April 28, 2012, Saturday

3:03pm: I never want this moment to end.

3:18pm: (Out of nowhere.) How much is an air horn?

3:45pm: The only thing I've eaten all day is Tic-Tacs.

7:16pm: Crunchatize me capt'n.

[therusdiary]

April 27, 2012, Friday

4:11pm: (Walks into my room, immediately stops, has a confused look on his face and starts messing with his crotch.)  Wait, what's this?

4:26pm: Does my hair look even?

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April 26, 2012, Thursday

5:55pm: What's wrong with these dicks?  My dick must be messed up and these dicks must be normal.

6:00pm: Oh shit, this closed on me!  Oh wait, I hit cancel.

6:25pm: (Watching a TV show about snakes on National Geographic.)  Is that a monkey?

[therusdiary]

This man was once compared to Martin Luther King Jr. for giving someone $5.  It's been a long day for him.

[therusdiary]

April 23, 2012, Monday

6:21pm: (Tries to comb his hair with his hat on.  His hat fall into the trash can.)

11:26pm: Hey, how do you spell "trippier"?  Is that even a word? Never mind.

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April 21, 2012, Saturday

2:32pm: I actually learned that the hard way when I pooped my pants.  I had to waddle up the stairs, and I was like, this blows.

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April 19, 2012, Thursday

5:50pm: I swear there is a needle in my ass.

6:17pm: How long did your oil stay wet?

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April 18, 2012, Wednesday

6:40pm: (Hey Rus, where would you go to buy those pens with little spy cameras on them?)  What?  (Where would you buy…)  Yeah.  (Pens with little spy cameras on them?)  Where would I buy pens with cameras on them?  (Yeah.)  I don't know, I'd try Delta Airlines.

[therusdiary]

April 17, 2012, Tuesday

10:16pm: (I walk into his room.  I find him tucked in bed watching "16 and Pregnant" on his massive TV.  We look at each other for a moment but no words were exchanged.)

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April 16, 2012, Monday

10:56pm: (Overhearing him talking to another dude.)  Yours is huge compared to mine.

11:40pm: I don't want any wet coco puffs.