okay. let us ALL have a chat about Hogwarts sortings, yes?
I am, like, a CRAZY LEVEL Harry Potter fan. I know it’s kind of shitty to say I know more than most people about Harry Potter but I do. It’s my one claim to brilliance, my only skill set– HARRY POTTER TRIVIA AND GENERAL KNOWLEDGE– so let me have that. Everything else I concede to being a dumbass. BUT HP I WILL FIGHT YOU ABOUT.
I see a lot of fighting in the 100 fandom, oh yeah it’s one of those posts, about who would be in what house. And I’m just gonna set the record straight AND ALSO DRILL SOME HP KNOWLEDGE INTO SOME HEADS.
First and foremost, before I begin my rant, let us all have a chat about Slytherin, mmk? They are NOT the bad guy house. As many, if not more, witches and wizards throughout history who have been labelled bad came from Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. Harry Potter takes place in the 90s. It’s a SNAPSHOT IN TIME where an evil overlord happened to be in Slytherin and recruited his friends. Slytherins are not all bad people. You get a biased view because of a war that children were coerced into by their parents. AND did you know that many, MANY Slytherins fought in the Battle of Hogwarts? That they fought for the “good guys”. So shut your god damn mouth with this Slytherin hatred. Saying that Slytherins are evil. You sound stupid. (I mean, so do I. I’m ranting about Hogwarts houses. What has my life COME to?)
Slytherins are clever, ambitious, resourceful and FUCKING LOYAL TO THEIR OWN. They will CUT a bitch for their people. But they’re also extremely private. Like super, SUPER private and so they have a tendency to be aloof or smug af to cover up what is really going on in their heads. Because love is weakness, bro. OH yeah. The 100 talk starts now.
LET US START WITH OUR GRYFFINDORS.
General rule about Gryffindors. They are NOT heroes. Our hero of Harry Potter happened to be a Gryffindor but they are NOT the hero house. Destroy that harmful, annoying crap. As a Gryffindor, a real one, I reject that bullshit Gryffindor talk. REAL GRYFFINDORS are annoying af. Oh yeah. They’re loud, loyal, DARING and have NERVE. That is what JK Rowling says. They have NERVE. Hermione and Harry are the exception not the rule to Gryffindors. The Weasleys, Seamus, Dean: they are the stereotypical Gryffindors. When you talk Gryffindor THAT is what you are talking about. And I’m sorry but they are impulsive little fucks who are extremely self destructive. Always. They just don’t know when to stop. It’s endearing as hell. I’m a Gryffindor. I think our obnoxious nature is cute.
Which brings us to the 100 Gryffindors.
Bellamy Blake. He is Gryffindor AF. Don’t argue. That boy is outrageously loyal to his own AND ONLY HIS OWN. He is strong, has a quick temper that cannot be checked and he is brave. Hell almighty is he brave. He is that obnoxious puppy of a Gryffindor. I mean….he would fit right in with that rowdy bunch. Hell, he already basically adopted all of his little delinquent babies.
Octavia Blake. Girl is Ginny Weasley. Book Ginny. You wanna fight about it? Well don’t. I could write a seven page, properly formatted paper on why Octavia is a Gryffindor. The Ginny Weasley kind. Moving on.
Jasper Jordan. That boy is a Gryffindor. He’s impulsive, he’s self destructive and he’s goofy. Which is also a Gryffindor trait. That’s why they’re so rowdy. They’re just goofs. Think Fred, George, Seamus. The list goes on and on.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand believe it or not that’s it for Gryffindor. I know, it’s almost like NOT EVERYONE IS A GOD DAMN GRYFFINDOR.
You remember my Slytherin rant from earlier? Good. Keep that in mind. Because I am tired of Slytherin shaming. I am NOT a Slytherin but I’m sick of hearing JK Rowling defend them. Let’s just get over it and remember that they’re not the bad guys.
Clarke Griffin. Okay. THIS is the controversial one. And this is also a dumb controversy. Clarke Griffin is as Slytherin as Slytherin can be. She is clever, resourceful, DIEHARD LOYAL TO HER PEOPLE and cunning. Clarke is a little manipulative. That’s not a BAD thing. It makes her complex and interesting and an effective leader. People follow her because she has the ability and capacity to lead. She is a Slytherin. In no world, NO fucking world, would Clarke Griffin be able to tolerate a Common Room full of Gryffindors all day long. Sure, she has her token lions who she loves but all of that screaming and yelling and bullshit ALL DAY LONG? She’d snap.
And before you say anything about Bellamy. Bellamy is a grandpa. He’s grumpy, also a Gryffindor angst thing (see: Harry all of book five), but he adores his rowdy children and loves them anyway in a wistful way that is so Gryffindor. Like ah yes I remember youth. That truck scene top of season three is the most Gryffindor reaction ever. ANYWAY.
Nathan Miller. Miller is STEREOTYPICAL Slytherin Quidditch punk. That smirk, that self assuredness, that silent judgement. Miller is the popular Slytherin guy who everybody wants to be and he’s just like wtf I will beat your ass if you don’t step away from my beanie. He’s loyal but not in that reckless Gryffindor way and he’s clever. The Slytherin smirk everybody in HP fandom talks about (see: every Malfoy ever but ESPECIALLY SCORPIUS) happened when he was telling that ghost story. That boy is THE Slytherin fuckboy.
Lexa. Lexa is Slytherin as FUCK. Lexa wrote the book on being Slytherin. Did you know that Slytherins and HUFFLEPUFFS, according to JK, have a lot in common? Mhmm. But Slytherins have buried that warmth way down so that no one can hurt them. They are extremely passionate and loving but only with the people they trust. They keep everything under their cool exterior. Because everyone else is an idiot and could hurt them if they open up. AN IDIOT. Lexa is cunning, loyal and ambitious. That uniting the twelve clan things? please. she’s a Slytherin. End of debate.
Ravenclaws are nuts. They’re brilliant (not necessarily book smart, okay? they’re brilliant in whatever way they’re brilliant: artists, inventors, poets, etc. Not everyone in Ravenclaw is book smart. Destroy that harmful ideology. Look at Luna. LOOK AT FUCKING LUNA LOVEGOOD). They’re guarded. They’re too smart to be anything but. They’re curious but about life and stuff…which means they’re pushy and often extremely, EXTREMELY bossy. They’re confident and secure in themselves about most things but when they have self doubt it’s crippling. Because they’ve analyzed everything in their head a million times. A million.
Okay. Raven Reyes. Raven Reyes is a Ravenclaw. Sure, she’s brilliant but that’s not why. Raven is confident and sure of herself but she’s also harder on herself than anyone else could be. Why? Because she knows she could do more, that’s she capable of more. And she can’t do anything about it. She’s curious and pushy. Ugh. She’s so bossy. Raven is a Ravenclaw. I think everyone mostly agrees just not for the right reasons.
John Murphy. Murphy is INCREDIBLY smart. Sure, he’s got a lot of Slytherin in him, I could see the argument and this is the one I’m willing to perhaps have my mind changed on, but Murphy feels like a Ravenclaw to me. He’s pushy and guarded and plays at confidence well but nobody needs to hate Murphy because Murphy hates himself. But he’s too smart to die. He just feels too Ravenclaw to me with his self loathing. SURE slytherins can be self loathing but Ravenclaws are the masters. The absolute masters. Too smart for their own good.
HUFFLEPUFFS. LEAVE THIS FUCKING PERFECT HOUSE ALONE. ugh. Let’s just jump in, shall we?
Monty Green. I’d like to remind everyone of the Hufflepuff Cedric Diggory. Remember him? Before the Internet made a MOCKERY of Hufflepuff? Before it became the reject house? I’m not sure HOW that happened. JK Rowling always says people should aspire to be Hufflepuffs. Why do we shit on them? Anyway, Cedric. He was brilliant. FUCKING SMART AS HELL. He was picked for the Triwizard Champion of Hogwarts and won every challenge. Every single one. It was only because of Harry that Cedric died. Cedric was fierce with his friendship, brilliant and kind. He never needed to be a jerk because he was comfortable with who he was: faults and all. AND THAT IS MONTY. My baby is going through some stuff right now with his mother but he’s a beacon of light. Not because he’s a precious cinnamon roll (but he is that) but because Monty chooses everyday to wake up and be the good guy. Or at least the guy who does good. THAT is what makes him a Hufflepuff.
And for all of those reasons and more…that is why Lincoln is a Hufflepuff. He believes in peace and truce and a better world. He always bends to love before his own life (moment of silence for Lincoln). His love for OCTAVIA and his people and the promise that tomorrow might be better. The HUFFLEPUFFS ARE THE GOOD GUYS. And not in that oh they’re so sweet way. In that these are fiercely loving individuals who do their best everyday. and I think there is something to take away from that mentality.
Now, I get it, sorting is a personal thing. But….guys hat stalls are NOT super common. Not proper hat stalls. (Google it). People’s houses are typically pretty black and white.
BUT if you hate my sorting (which I obviously would disagree with) I am a reasonable Harry Potter fan. And I will always concede to the thought that the sorting hat will let you choose your house. Because at the END OF THE DAY you get to decide who you are.
(But these little 100 fuckers are awful consistent).
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