The Self-Help Diary

This isn't a real blog, it's just a bunch of stuff I probably shouldn't say out loud. There should be a support group for this

[theselfhelpdiary]

Never in my fucking wildest dreams did I imagine that the ex boyfriend that took me years to get over would show back up 15 years later.

It doesn’t matter any more, but it is funny to me that I’ve had to constantly reject his advances every few months over the last two years.

If only the absolutely shattered and heartbroken 21 year old me knew. I probably wouldn’t have believed it tbh.

What a sick joke that I don’t even want him any more as a crash out over someone new who will never know me as well as he did.

[theselfhelpdiary]

For my 30th birthday I’m buying myself Botox and a psychic reading.

[theselfhelpdiary]

Almost 9 years later and I’m still getting Botox, but I’ve given up the psychics

[theselfhelpdiary]

It’s weird how people meet, like each other, fall in love, and then stay in love for at least a year. Like, that can’t be real.

[theselfhelpdiary]

I still feel this

[theselfhelpdiary]

I went through two breakups in less than a year, which is more breakups than I’ve had over my lifetime, so that’s cool.

This last breakup is hitting me pretty hard. It’s not the same as the more serious one that happened before - that one made me feel like I was dying, but I also had so much hope for a new beginning. I don’t have that kind of hope this time around. I also don’t feel like I’m dying, I just feel empty and alone.

[theselfhelpdiary]

I had my first tear steaming ugly sobbing on the subway moment this morning so doing great over here

[theselfhelpdiary]

Depression is so fucking lonely

[theselfhelpdiary]

Tumblr is cool bc it is a catalogue of all of my traumas and emotional breakdowns over the last 10 years or so

[theselfhelpdiary]

Being in love with someone for two years and having it slowly and then suddenly pulled out from under you is a fucking trip. I thought this breakup would kill me, I woke up sad every day, for 3 weeks, when I realized he wasn’t in bed next to me, and he never would be again. I decided that I wasn’t going to be sad about this forever or for long. I know you need to grieve, but I know how I am, and that could last a lifetime. I started sleeping in the middle of my bed, so there is no spot where he should be. I slept with a stranger because I was having fun, and I normally wouldn’t do something like that, but I don’t have room in my heart to love someone again right now, and I wanted to remember what it was like to be with someone who wasn’t him, someone I didn’t love. I loved him the first day I met him, and I loved him when he told me he wasn’t in love with me and hadn’t been for months. I loved him last week, and maybe even yesterday, but I just realized I don’t love him any more. So in case you ever found my tumblr that you so desperately wanted to find, I don’t love you any more.

[theselfhelpdiary]

I don’t know if anyone sent breakup vibes, but if you did, thanks.

[theselfhelpdiary]

I feel like tumblr isn’t a thing any more, but I can’t stand to look at Facebook or Instagram, all I can really handle is this sad disappearing place, and Twitter, which is a strange hellscape I will never understand. I wish my boyfriend would just break up with me already. Send breakup vibes or whatever.

[theselfhelpdiary]

It's weird how people meet, like each other, fall in love, and then stay in love for at least a year. Like, that can't be real.

[theselfhelpdiary]

Today is fucking rough and I am so angry and so sad and want so badly to lash out at the people whom I feel utterly betrayed by. I've lost all respect for my friends and family who voted for trump and I'm worried I won't be able to forgive them. I'm also completely overwhelmed because I didn't prepare myself for this outcome. I didn't think this was possible.

[theselfhelpdiary]

For my 30th birthday I'm buying myself Botox and a psychic reading.

[theselfhelpdiary]

When you’re so depressed that talking to anybody about anything is actually physically exhausting.

[theselfhelpdiary]

I'm seriously over having roommates. Anyone who uses the last of the coffee (that they didn't even buy, mind you) and doesn't immediately replace it, so that there is coffee available the next morning, is dead to me. From now on I am only buying coffee for myself and hiding it like the monster that I am. I am no longer about this communal life. I am grumpy and selfish and roommates are fucking awful.

[homurrsimpson]

[sasaq]

[rolodextra]