i don't need anyone @theshanemartis - Tumblr Blog

meet shane martis

SHANE MARTIS ( ERANA JAMES ) is an EIGHTEEN year old teenager from NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK. SHE is known around the island as the MESS because they’re SMART and HARDWORKING but can also be SELF DESTRUCTIVE and ADDICTIVE. SHE reminds of messy hair, tired eyes, crushed pills.

#intro #i left my daydreams at the gate;; headcanons

blackhart43

#my face is full of spiderwebs;; fc

alexaxlevy:

Alexa was surprised, to say the least. It was obvious on her face too, she absolutely did not expect to hear the words she was now offered. Shane seemed…tired. And although Alexa’s shoulders relaxed out of sheer relief, she couldn’t help but feel worried about the other at the same time. The apology offered back confused her, but it also made her feel like a little less of a fuck up. “I…did not expect this to go so well but...” finally a soft smile will creep onto her lips and she will step closer to her still and then lean against the tree as she lifted the hurt ankle out of the way to sit down. “I’ll take it. And no, I do not accept your apology, because you have nothing to be sorry for. At least not with me. You didn’t force me to go get them. I wanted to. I thought…” a pause “I don’t know what I thought, I guess that’s the point….I don’t think I thought anything over at all until it was too late, ya know? But it’s not on you. You just wanted your friends back, and you trusted me to help and I…I just made everything so much fucking worse.” even now, talking about it left a bitter taste in her mouth. But then Shanes words hit her by surprise. Mostly, because she didn’t really speak to the others since they got back. “What do you mean? Are they not happy at all to be back?”

...

shane turned the axe around in her hand a few times, mostly to have something to fidget with. it was obvious that she didn’t do well with talking about feelings, anyone could assume that. it was even more so awkward with lex who shane has had a rocky relationship with. she gave a huff of a laugh out of her nose when lex said she didn’t expect it to go well. if she was in a better head space, she’d probably make some sarcastic joke about how there was still time to fuck it up. but she kept that thought inside. “i was a bitch to you though. like, tensions were high and we both said things we shouldn’t have,” shane pushed. shane was so on edge the day that lex and izzy went to find joss and erin that by the time she learned what really happened, she handled everything so badly. even if lex didn’t accept her apology or think she needed to, shane still felt guilty for it. she wasn’t sure why she assumed lex would know what happened between her and joss yesterday considering lex has been avoiding everyone so much, but she assumed she would have heard about it by now. shane set the axe down on the ground to stop messing with it. “joss and i got into a big argument yesterday about a bunch of shit and apparently she blames me for dragging them back to camp and all tension with everyone else. like i didn’t consider if they wanted to come back or some shit.”

#c; alexa

alexaxlevy:

Her heart was racing fast, and she was biting at the insides of her cheeks as the anxiety built up within. Funny how she had to apologise so many times and it only got harder. Maybe she was more grown now, more sincere. Or maybe she was half-expecting Shane to tell her to fuck off, so she wouldn’t have to apologise or go through this turmoil of emotions right now. Words were not coming, so when the other asked what was up, she stood silent for a moment.

When she was confident enough, her eyes passing the others features, she finally mustered the courage. “These past few days have felt like…like a fever dream. I spent time thinking about…everything that happened, what I said and what I did and…people I hurt.” a step closer. “Shane I –” with tears building up, she’ll take another step closer. “I cannot begin to explain how sorry I am o-or how much I regret everything I said or did. You didn’t deserve that. None of you did. And I know that I can be so…so fucking ugly sometimes but, you deserve an apology. A real apology. And this is it, this is best I can do. I’m sorry Shane.”

...

“it’s fine,” shane said quickly once lex had her apology out. lex has tried to apologize before for things but always had a tendency to turn around and continue to do shitty things. it had become almost annoying to watch her go through these cycles. but after a second, shane let out a sigh. shane had her own cycles, maybe she should break them and stop holding so much shit against everyone, lex included. not to mention, shane’s friend group has been getting smaller and smaller as the days went on. “i appreciate the apology. i still don’t like that you lied and shit but the whole situation was fucked up and i shouldn’t have come at you like i did.” they both fucked up and shane let her anger get the better of her. that was her problem, she either showed no emotions or too many and sadly, lex has been on the receiving end of her anger far more than any of the others. “i guess i should apologize too, for yelling at you and making you guys go out there for me. i shouldn’t have done that to you guys, so i’m sorry.” shane let out a sigh, never very good at apologies. “it’s not like it mattered in the end, i should have listened when you guys said they didn’t want to come back.”

#c; alexa

alexaxlevy:

Alexa was always somewhat scared of Shane. She wasn’t always the nicest or the easiest person to be around, but she did care. Shane cared more than she let on. And she showed it, time and time again. At least that’s how Lex perceived it. And it’s the fact that she knew Shane cared as much as she did, that made their argument eat away at her without reservations. It also made her dread this interaction. With Shane, words held power, and one had to be very careful choosing the right ones. With Lex, on the other hand, words were just a thing that slipped out reckless and unfiltered, for the most part, they held very little meaning. It’s no surprise to anyone then, that their interactions happened to be unpredictable. And no surprise that Lex approached exe-bearing Eve with utmost caution.

“I uh, I just wanted to see if maybe you needed some help?” she then looks down at her ankle and bites her lip, unsure as to why she lied so effortlessly when it wasn’t even necessary. “Actually, no, that’s not why I came. B-but I am willing to help if you got a job for me.” so onto the real reason, which in their true fashion could not be spoken in English. “I wanted to talk to you, if you got a minute?”

...

looking up to see lex standing above her, shane was a little surprised. mostly because the last time they talked one on one, shane was pretty pissed off and caused lex to run off and avoid the group. not that shane didn’t blame her, shane had been a fucking cunt to her. and now, after her fight with joss, she felt like and even bigger cunt for how she treated lex. she had yelled at her for something that joss didn’t even want in the first place. shane should have never sent lex out to go get them and she should have never forced joss back to camp.

she couldn’t help but cock her head when lex asked to help, lex has never offered to help with physical labor around camp in the nearly three weeks they’ve been here. but then she went on and told her the truth of why she was over. shane lowered the axe to her lap and stopped what she was doing. the switch to french told her all she needed to know about what was going on. it was weirdly their thing but they hadn’t used it in awhile. “what’s up?”

#c; alexa

elisejaegar:

It was a generous offer that Shane had expressed, something that Elise herself had thought she needed from time to time: someone to listen, and yet it was a struggle to get any words out past the lump in her throat. “We can take turns sharing our problems if you want, I’ll feel a little less like this is an unconventional therapy session that way, if that’s okay.” She tried to smile a bit but it still couldn’t hit her eyes. “Maybe not the whole starving thing, feels a bit obvious.” Shane seemed so sure that they would make it through, an oddly almost optimistic thing for Shane to say. “How do you know?” The last word hung in confusion, was there something going on that Elise wasn’t aware of?

...

shane couldn’t help but let out a huff of a chuckle. while she was encouraging elise to talk about her problems, shane did not want to do the same. a bit hypocritical. but maybe it would help them both to talk about it. not to mention she trusted elise more than most of the eves. “okay, fine, we can take turns. so what’s eating you up?” she said finally, picking up a leaf from the ground and fidgeting with it in her hands. “yeah, the starving thing is kind of a given. though, it was nice to finally have meat again and i think oona was able to save most of it yesterday.”

shane was not optimistic, in fact, she was probably one of the most pessimistic of the group. shane was just really good at lying and pretending like everything was going to be okay for the sake of the group. plus, she didn’t want to trigger elise by being honest. the last the she wanted was for the other girl to go running off into the the jungle again. “i don’t, but it’s not going to help us if we’re negative and just give up. we have to keep trying.”

#c; elise

divyawelby:

The sense of accomplishment Divya felt invigorated her. Like she’d just had the most delicious sip of ice cold water and a fresh breeze just passed by. It wasn’t often that she felt capable around camp, always more than willing to taking the backseat or some feeble no-brainer task, so this was a big deal to her. “I most certainly think I can,” Divya said with a spirited nod of her head. “Bring them here. We’ll be streamlining this before you know it. A two-person factory, you and I.” She chuckled.

Divya barely felt time pass as she and Shane worked together to rid the branches of their bumps and oddities. The last time she’d zone out this happily and filled with purpose was when she was back home playing Animal Crossing. God, she missed her Switch but this probably far better for her than sitting on her bum all day. “Right then, are there any more?” She asked, looking over at Shane and then where the pile usually was. There wasn’t anything there anymore though. “Have we got all of them?” She asked, more so out of surprise than curiosity.

...

“hell yeah, we got this.” shane knew that divya could do it, she always seemed like the type of person who was nervous to try things but after a bit of encouragement, she would be great. maybe if she treated everyone like divya rather than just yelling at them to do things, people would see her as a leader. she should be kinder to people, softer with them. but then again, she needed to listen to jenny and stop taking charge in the first place, stop taking on everything before she finally cracks. this was what shane was thinking about while she worked, breaking off twigs and things from the branches as much as she could by hand before piling them up for divya to do the finer touches to. when they were all done with preparing the wood, shane looked up at divya. “time flies when you’re in the zone, huh? that’s it for now, probably good enough to make one or two right now. it’s going to take a lot of collecting but i figured this would be enough to make a trial bed.” she explained before getting to her feet and brushing her hands on her pants. “wanna try and set it up and see how it goes?”

#youre perfect #we can do the thingy we talked about #c; divya

ofjcnnys:

“ Because the sand’s to blame. ” Jenny replied with a nonchalant shrug, a soft exhale of a chuckle coming through their nose as they glanced over at her. However they rolled their eyes as Shane accurately described their arms, playful scoff coming with it as they looked forward again. “ Wow, I think you mean super strong and sexy noodle arms. ” They said, correcting her in teasing tone. “ Like, come on, I gotta have a big head remember? What happened to the compliments? I can actually feel it deflating as we speak. ” They continued, lifting free hand to the side of their head like they were checking that their head hadn’t shrunk already from the one comment.

“ Totally innocent. I’ve never tried to distract you. Ever. ” They claimed boldly, shaking their head with smug smirk sitting on their lips. Had everything that happened yesterday not happened, they probably would have kissed her. They definitely would have bitten her neck a little harder. But given everything, they thought better of it, and tried not to feel a way about being somewhat secret again. It was for the group, and it was for Shane too. They chuckled softly when she called them an asshole, their hands holding onto one another. A few moments later the gaps in the trees spread further apart and revealed with beach, that looked completely strange when it wasn’t littered with Eves. “ So, what’s first? ” They asked, coming to a halt once their feet reached the sand, looking to her again. “ Signal fire, right? That’ll be the quickest. ”

...

“you’re right, silly me,” shane played along. she grabbed their bicep with her free hand and gave it a light squeeze. “your super strong and sexy arms can definitely hold me up, i trust you. and i’ll tell you anything you need to keep your head nice and inflated.” honestly, she would do anything for them, but that wasn’t the joke on hand. she was glad that no matter how bad things got inside shane’s mind, she could always rely on jenny to joke and make her feel better. but they were more than just a distraction, they were the only person she wanted to spend her time with. which may be unhealthy but considering her friend group was dwindling, she didn’t want to think about how unhealthy that was.

“mm, if you’re innocent then i’m innocent and you and i both know that is so far from true,” she teased. as they stepped on to the beach, shane stopped with jenny, looking out at the sand in front of her. she didn’t know what to expect considering they hadn’t seen the beach yesterday, but shane’s stomach felt like it was in knots as she looked out at the beach, driftwood and the remains of their shelter was scattered across the sand. it felt like everything joss had said to her the day before was suddenly staring her in the face, all the worry she had over shane being missing. no wonder she was so upset. she was filled with guilt again. hearing jenny’s words pulled her out of her thoughts. “huh? oh yeah, signal fire. that’s a good start,” she agreed with a forced smile before starting to walk further down the beach to collect some wood.

#c; jenny

ofjcnnys:

Jenny grinned widely and nodded their head. “ Uhuh, ” They said, mind wandering just a touch but they managed to stay mostly on the joke at hand. “ It’s the big head– and not being on sand. ” They said, pointing a finger as they made their point. Referencing back to the same conversation Shane was, again, a little distracted by the memory but continuing anyway, “ I can do anything, totally unstoppable. ” They assured, goofy smile continuing to pull at their lips as they joked away with confidence. As if a couple compliments and steady ground overpowered their general muscle composition and lack of nutrition.

Stupid, satisfied smile threatened to pull at their lips but they tried to contain it as they started to walk again. Looking forward as their hand moved from her waist to her hand again, close to dragging her along behind them. What she said threatened to pull the smile out even more. “ I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about. ” They teased, looking over their shoulder back at her, unable to hold back the smile as eyes landed on her. “ Stop trying to distract me, we’ve got a big day. So much to do. ” They grinned, looking forward again. Playing completely innocent to what they’d just done, their part in delaying the plans.

...

“you’re always going to blame the sand, huh?” shane teased them some more. “not your weak little noodle arms?” of course they’ve had this conversation before but she was never going to let them live it down. she pressed her lips together, trying to fight her own smile when they looked at jenny’s face. their smile and laugh was always so contagious, it was hard to not mirror them. “unstoppable,” shane repeated their word as they lost the battle to their smile.

she should be embarrassed by how easily jenny can read shane and know just what to do her to short circuit her brain, but she couldn’t bring herself to care, not with their hand taking hers and pulling her along down the trail. “mhm you’re totally innocent?” she said, rolling her eyes but, again, she lost the battle to her own smile stretching across her lips. “me distract you? i was just trying to have a conversation, you’re the one who’s trying to distract me.” a real chicken or the egg moment they had here. who distracted whom first? “come on, you asshole,” she urged, picking up the pace same, mostly to stop herself from any more distractions. which wasn’t easy when it came to jenny. there was a reason they spent most days sneaking away to make out.

#c; jenny

divyawelby:

With Shane offering to show her how it’s done, Divya thought on it for a beat before ultimately giving a nod her head and agreeing. It would be useful after all for her to learn how to wield the axe and use it. Watching Shane, Divya paid close attention. She didn’t want to hurt herself or Shane after all. It seemed easy enough but people who were good at things always made them look easy. It did look rather fun though… Maybe she could give it a try. The smile Shane offered helped sway Divya’s decision. “Right, I’ll give it a go,” she said, taking the axe from Shane and settling down on the ground. “We’ll see how I do with one branch. If no one’s bleeding after it, I might do a second one.” She joked. And then another and another after that as long as no one was hurt or bleeding and Divya wasn’t positively terrible at smoothing down branches.

Branch at the ready and axe in hand, Divya cautiously raked the axe’s blade against the wood. Away from herself. Just as Shane had instructed. Several shavings in, she didn’t think she was doing all that bad. She wasn’t bleeding yet. Neither was Shane. That was a good sign, right? She went on until the stick of wood was more or less smooth with no pokey bits or protrusions. “Okay, not trying to jinx myself but I think this came out respectable.” She showed the branch off to Shane for her thoughts. “What do you think?”

...

“i believe in you,” shane said, with a wide smile as she passed the axe and branch over to her. in a weird way, it made her think about to those first days on the island, when she and divya went down to the wreckage for the first time and how they helped push each other to try their best to make it. it feels like a lifetime ago since that happened and in some ways, the two of them have grown so much since then. shane watched as divya started working, mostly keeping and eye on her to make sure she was doing it right and wasn’t about to cut a finger off or something, but div seemed to have the hang of it pretty quickly by the time she held up the branch to show shane. “not bad,” she said taking the branch to look at it. “that’s perfect dude, exactly like that.” she set the branch down with the couple shane had already finished before grabbing a fresh one. “think you can handle more? i can work on preparing them and then start setting them up once you have enough shaved.” it would go faster if they had a second axe, but obviously they can’t do anything about that.

#c; divya

ofjcnnys:

“ Duh, ” Jenny responded, letting their shoulders bump together as Shane held their arm and thus held them closer for a moment. “ I’ll be so much better at picking you up when I’ve got, like, a giant, floaty air head full of compliments. For sure. ” They grinned, a chuckle following their words. Again, hearing the total stupidity of what they were saying and just being amused and at ease being goofy with her instead of embarrassed. They gave a soft laugh when she said she’d support them no matter how many times they came out. It would be sort of touching– it was sort of touching but it was a stupid joke. One they would keep making for at least a while longer. It was a little ironic, the statement that they didn’t need to come out to the group. When on the plane they’d sunk further into their seat as someone suggested pronouns as a part of the already horrific introduction game. Making sure their headphones were visible so no one would question them for not participating. With smirk still on their lips their head tilted, trying to get a better look at the marks as they walked. Free hand reached out, hooking their own fingers around Shane’s collar, their pace slowing a little as they did. Mainly so they didn’t trip over their own feet. “ It looks like they’re starting to fade, ” They noted, playing innocent like they were simply observing. “ Wouldn’t it be a shame if someone just– ” They cut themselves off by using the grip on Shane’s collar to pull her closer. Letting go of her hand but only to rest against her waist as their head quickly dipped to her neck. Relying on Shane to make sure they didn’t run into anything, and their mouth open like they were going to give some very dramatic bite. But they only bit softly, playfully before they pulled away with another smile. Letting go of her collar as they pulled away but their other hand remaining on her waist for just a second.

...

shane couldn’t help but laugh, her grin growing on her lips with jenny’s words. “oh yeah? can i trust you to not drop me this time?” she teased them lightly. she didn’t care if it was just some stupid joke, shane didn’t want it to stop. just like the day before, shane wanted to stay in this little bubble with jenny. to forget all of the drama back at camp, to ignore the guilt in the back of her mind that they are yet again disappearing to be alone. of course, today was for an actually good reason and not because they were dunk and wanted to hook up, but that didn’t stop the thoughts from prickling the back of her mind. but with every little touch, every joke, every smile, shane was starting to feel lighter, as if it was going to be okay. and when jenny’s finger released her own on the collar of her shirt, shane’s mind when completely blank. “uh-huh,” shane hummed, watching jenny’s face. as they started leaning in, shane’s feet stopped, bring them to a halt as she felt jenny’s lips on her neck. closing her eyes, shane’s breath hitched in her throat as their mouth opened, anticipating a repeat from the other night, but when all she got was a soft bite before they pulled away, shane could help the annoyed whine that slipped out. jenny let go of her shirt and she opened her eyes again, rolling them as she did as she started walking them again. “you’re an ass,” she said in a frustrated voice but with no true anger behind it.

#i also dont think i have a fitting gif so we shall continue next #c; jenny

ofjcnnys:

Grin spread unabashed on their features, satisfied that they’d gotten her to break. And yeah, it felt good to hear that sort of thing. Sue them! It felt great! In attempt to calm smile a little they tried to contain it by biting their lip lightly a moment before a laugh escaped them as Shane claimed this was all going to go to their head “ Yeah, that’s my plan. Get a giant head, completely full of air, and float away. ” They joked, looking over at her with smile that revealed they knew just how stupid they sounded. Inspired by some thing their mom said when they and their siblings were little. Their little sister still got it sometimes. Their brows raised playfully as she pretended to think on it for moment, whether or not Jenny had to call first dibs on Shane’s stuff. Satisfied smile coming to their features when she said they did. Though the likelihood of Shane’s bag washing up was probably next to nothing, it was fun to talk about it, joke about it. Another laugh, though softer, left their lips when she called them gay. It sounded a little different than it had in times before. More affectionate than teasing. “ I am. I really, really am. ” They replied, looking over at her. Though their tone was light, they looked at her with such affection. So grateful that Shane had actually taken them up on their offer, that they could both just relax a little. Just for a moment. Without the others. But they broke a small moment later, unable to let it slide without a joke. “ I dunno how many times I’m gonna have to come out to you. ” They teased, shaking their head. “ Like, you’re catching up to my parents real quick. ”

...

shane’s grin matched jenny’s for a moment. it felt good to see them happy, to know that she made them happy. to made her feel warm inside. using her free hand, shane reached over and held on to jenny’s arm that was holding her hand, keeping them close as they walked. she let out a small chuckle at their joke. “will you at least take me with you when you float away? i can give you more material to fill that pretty, little head of yours,” she said with a glint in her eye as she looked up at them. after a moment, she focused back on their walk, making sure they didn’t end up tripping on some hidden root or something. shane let her hand drop from jenny’s arm but kept the one that was interlocked in their hand in place. and just as shane expected, jenny made a joke again about coming out. one day it would be come over used, but for now, it still made her chuckle. “no matter how many times you come out, i will always support you,” she said, squeezing their hand as she continued the joke along. “but the good news is, i don’t think you need to come out to the others, you made it pretty obvious that you’re gay as fuck,” to punctuate her sentence, shane hooked a finger around the neck of her shirt and pulled it down to bring attention to the marks jenny had place on her neck and collarbones. maybe she was being a little shit by reminded them what they did the other night, but can you blame her?

#c; jenny

ofjcnnys:

Shane’s words left Jenny unable to wipe stupid little smirk from their lips. “ Oh yeah? What was that? ” They teased, bumping their shoulder into her’s lightly as they walked. Enjoying the small lapse to something that felt sort of normal. Teasing, being affectionate. They were used to privacy for their own benefit, but in the last day it had felt like it was more for the benefit of the group. Which didn’t leave them feeling great. But this moment, they weren’t thinking about it. They were just enjoying it, trying to let the rest all melt away for a moment. “ So, do I have to call for first dibs, or is that a given or …? ” They asked in jest, looking over at her with cheeky look in their eye. They couldn’t help but think about what might be in Shane’s bag. What items she brought for what was supposed to be a weekend retreat in Hawaii. Jenny could barely remember what they’d brought, but they knew it would all scream comfort. A lot of their wardrobe did, but given the last minute nature of their packing it was just whatever they could find and whatever was clean. As Shane promised she wouldn’t go on some mission to retrieve what was relatively worthless, they relaxed again. Momentary worry eased by the shifting of her hand. Using their interlocked fingers to lift her hand, pressing a series of quick kisses to the back of it before they let their hands fall again, swinging down between the two of them.

...

shane tried to fight her smile, teeth biting down on her lower lip to stop the corners from turning up. she would hate to admit it but she loved when jenny teased her, especially like this. forcing her lips into a pout, as if she wasn’t going to play along with their little game, shane lasted a full ten seconds before she cracked. “you’re hot, okay? you’re hot and you look hot in my clothes. this shouldn’t be new information to you,” she said with a playful roll of her eyes. “watch it, this is all going to go to your head.” now it was her turn to teased them, nudging her elbow into their side. and this was why she liked them so much. it was easy with jenny. easy to be herself, easy to forget her problems, easy to be with them. they made her more comfortable than she’s ever felt before. joss may have gotten it in her head that she fucked up, that she should be guilty for choosing them over the others, but no one will understand. “mm maybe...” she said as if she was giving it some real thought, but after a few more seconds, she couldn’t keep it up anymore. “of course you can have first dibs.” she thought back to the things she had packed before leaving. it was the day after her birthday, the day before they left. it was mostly just activewear that she would wear on any normal day anyways, tshirts, a cut off, running shorts. but there were a couple outfits she had packed in case the vibe of the retreat were more fancy and put together than they were lazy. she could see jenny it pretty much all of her clothes. some of the images in her head she knew that she’d want them out of the clothes the second she saw them in them. but she kept those thoughts to herself, smiling to herself a little as they continued walking. her smile only grew when jenny pulled their hands up to their lips and started kissing her hand. “you’re so gay,” she said, but her voice lacked any teasing, now it sounded more like a lovey dovey song. she knew that jenny would just make a joke about coming out again, but it was the only thing she could say instead of the three other words always threatening to come out.

#c; jenny

jocelyn-king:

Joss was combing her fingers through her hair mindlessly, in an effort, albeit mostly in vain, to tame it so that she might be able to pull it into somewhat of a neat bun and away from her face and neck. She didn’t like the humidity in the jungle, she felt like she was sweating more now than she had on the beach or even in the cave and she just felt sticky. Always sticky.

“What the fuck?” she said out loud as her fingers snagged on a knot in her long hair and pulled out a clump of strands as she pulled them away. She stared at the hair for a moment or so before shaking it off of her hand and letting it fall to the ground, “Great,” she chimed, “My roots are showing, my skin is falling off, I’ve got a break out on my chin and now I’m going fucking bald- next my bloody teeth are going to fall out,” she whined, frustrated with the week’s events and the unpleasantness of their new camp’s locations. “I’m so over this,” she muttered to herself.

She took a deep breath, trying to collect herself and moved closer to the center of camp then,

“Can somebody braid my hair please?”

...

she tried to ignore her. shane just wanted to keep her head down, pretend that joss didn’t exist, and keep focused on the bed she was making. she and divya made some good progress earlier in the day, but making beds for 18 eves was a lot of work and shane had too much pride and guilt to ask someone for help. so when joss started complaining about her appearance, shane just kept working. god, what she would give to have her airpods, blasting some music to help her focus on her task.

of course it’s hard, even if they say they’re done with each other, she can’t just turn her heart off like that. everyone may assume shane doesn’t have feelings, but she does and they were hurting. she cared about joss and 24 hours wasn’t enough to make her not care anymore. it’s not until joss moves closer to the center of camp, and asks for someone to braid her hair, that shane’s jaw clenches. it was literally last week that she and joss had talked about braiding hair, shane had even offered to do it for her but the two had gotten distracted and never got around to it. she’s sure joss doesn’t even remember that conversation but it still irks the hell out of her. logically, she knows this isn’t want joss was doing, she liked to believe she knew her better than that but it feels like salt being poured into an open wound. with an irritated huff, shane threw the branches she was working on down on the ground and stormed off without a word.

#c; jocelyn

ofjcnnys:

“ You’re the one that said I look good in them, ” Jenny reminded with cheeky grin pulling at the corners of their lips as Shane pinched at the shirt. But yeah, fucking duh, if Shane’s bag washed up they were calling first dibs immediately. Not just because Shane’s style was much more aligned with their own than Lex’s or Elise’s, but because they wanted to wear more of her clothes. Feel close to her just through an item of clothing. “ I’d support you. ” They said, pressing lips together so their laugh didn’t immediately tumblr out. “ I’d silently be like super fucking confused and maybe wishing it had been Jude’s bag instead, but surface level? Total support. ” They teased, grin spreading into smile as a small chuckle came with their words. They wouldn’t care if Shane liked more feminine things, but it would unfortunately mean it would be another bag full of things that Jenny would rather rip their skin off than wear. Brows furrowed momentarily, confused by Shane’s offer. Looking over at her, they realised she was being serious. “ No, that’s– ” They had to think, because for a moment all they could think about was Shane being pulled into the ocean like half their shit the morning before. Unable to swim back. They tightened their arm around her’s, a small squeeze and closing the space between them again in a small moment. “ It’s cool. I don’t want you going out there again, not for– ” not for me. They couldn’t handle that guilt. “ Not for like a couple more baggy t shirts and I don’t know, I think I packed a pair of jeans. ” They chuckled.

...

“you do look good in them,” shane reiterated with a dumb smile on her lips. “pretty hot, actually,” she tacked on, almost as a mumble under her breath. she never thought she would be that type of person, who liked seeing her partner in her clothes, but hey, she never thought she’d have a partner in the first place. but there was something so nice about seeing jenny wearing her shirt. even if that shirt was the same gross, dingy shirt she’s been wearing for over two weeks. as jenny went on to say she would be supportive if shane turned out to be secretly feminine, she couldn’t help but let out a huff of a chuckle. she thought about keeping the joke going, to keep playing along. but she knew the second she did, she would burst out laughing. not even she can keep that joke up. “i appreciate the support, but you wont have to worry. i’m pretty sure everything i packed would be right up your alley.” maybe some of it would be a little small, but at least it would probably be their style. feeling jenny’s arm tighten against shane’s, she looked up at them to see the concern on their face, wondering what they were thinking. of course she should have known that their fear of the ocean would become stronger after yesterday. even if the guilt of everything was eating away at her, she was glad they had left the group only for the fact that jenny didn’t have to wake up in the water for the second time. their hornieness saved them from that fate. “okay, i wont, promise,” she reassured them, wiggling her arm out of their tight grip, but only to let her hand slide down their forearm until she could reach their hand, intertwining their fingers together and offering them a small smile.

#c; jenny

grace-pasienca:

“I bet you could,” she genuinely thought that, in fact. Shane seemed like the type of girl who could pick up any sort of ball or board or other type of sports equipment, take a few pointers and then hit the ground running with it. Maybe a minute or two of finding her balance and then she’d be pushing around like a pro- or something close to it, anyway. She couldn’t help but chuckle at Shane’s wording. Grace had moments of despair, moments of anguish and angst but she couldn’t say she’d ever really felt the need to actually yell at somebody, not really. She’d consider just yelling into the treetops, maybe but yelling at somebody? Nah, it wasn’t for her. “Or even just like, scream at a tree or throw a rock at a log or something,” she suggested but maybe that wasn’t enough for Shane.

She smiled and shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know man, I mean, I try to have good ideas but like- it’s hard out here, I gotta get my head right,” Grace was trying to be proactive, trying to be a useful component of the group, especially with the others having mental breakdowns, getting injured or just straight up gladiator battling each other but it wasn’t an easy role to step into, especially not for somebody like Grace. “-but I’ll help with the shelter and beds and shit, for real, I gotchu,” she promised.

...

“maybe,” shane said with a shrug. she’s never really thought about trying before. she’s never thought about trying anything but soccer. even her back up plans revolved around the sport. if she can’t go pro, she’ll coach, go into sports medicine and help others. even if grace didn’t think it, shane actually admired her for the fact that she seemed to do something she liked because she liked it, not just revolving her whole life around it. of course, that was just from an outside perspective. she really didn’t know much about the other girl. “i dunno maybe i need to. i feel like i have two modes: bottle everything up or explode. hell, most of the time it’s both. i don’t really know how to control it sometimes.”

“you sell yourself too short. i mean, shit, you kept the shelter together before. sure, whatever the fuck happened this morning proved to be too much for your work, but how were you able to know that was going to happen?” the same thing she has told joss in their fight. no one could have guessed this was going to happen, not her, not grace, not joss. shit just happens sometimes. “yeah man, that would be dope. maybe we can draw up some plans and work it out tomorrow.” 18 eves, that’s a lot of beds. even if they doubled up, that’s still a lot of work.

#c; grace

ofjcnnys:

The touch itself wasn’t shocking in any way, they had hoped for it, it only caught them off off guard after the few minutes of walking without it. They looked to the touch when they felt it, and adjusted to it with ease once they saw it was in fact Shane’s hand on them. Pulling it through their arm so their elbows were closer to one another, forced by the position to walk closer to each other, arms bumping as they did. They hummed softly in agreement to what she said, comfortable with their new position. “ I’d kill for your suitcase too, I think. ” They said, tone light as they looked over with a smirk. As if they needed any more excuse to wear Shane’s clothes. “ I don’t think there’s any way mine is gonna wash up, it’s not even a proper suitcase. It probably filled with water and sunk right to the bottom of the ocean the moment it hit the water. ”

...

feeling jenny pull her hand through their arm, thus pulling shane closer to them as they walked, shane felt much of her tension leave. it was always easier with them, even in her worst mental states, jenny had a way of easing some of the thoughts going on in her mind. “mm so one day in my shirt and you’re already planning on stealing more of my clothes?” she teased them, emphasizing her point by using her free hand to pinch at the front of the shirt they were wear, giving it a light tug. “what if my suitcase is down there and it’s full of a bunch of femme clothes?” she asked with a dumb grin on her face. as they kept walking, the considered how jenny’s bag was probably lost at the bottom of the ocean. “i could always try and look for it if you want,” she offered. “i didn’t really see any bags when i went down to the wreckage before, but i was more focused on the plane itself at the time.” though, after how crazy the tide seemed yesterday, who knows if anything was in the same place as before. the plane may still be down there but a duffle bag could easily be moved around with the changing of tides. but she would still try, she’d do it for jenny. she’d do anything for them.

#c; jenny

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