Suffering, Stagnating & Fresh Out Of Luck @theslimewave - Tumblr Blog

I need to learn polyrhythms

Thinking of the time I got to hang out with Lucy and Baffy (Lucifer and Baphomet) for an entire day before going to a metal show. The perfect pregame.

Crumbling, tumbling.

I’m out of control.

Can’t stop the thoughts.

Spiraling, plummeting.

I wish I could cry.

I haven’t in years.

Fuck the noise.

I want the noise to stop.

I yearn to return to the trees and waste away.

#words

#doodle

First time rolling my own sushi, good stuff

#doodle

Weeks of crashing followed by weeks of mania.

When the mania strikes at least I accomplish things.

Not life goals, not societal goals, but my bed gets made and the garbage and detritus removed from the floor. No longer a solid piece of the tapestry I weave, now just another thread.

I run low on thread.

I Dropped My Fries and Then I Hurt Myself // Sludge Nexus

#Youtube #music #sludge nexus #more music coming soon #it’s all gay and indie like this lmao

Pain

Why is it so hard to put to words?

When it’s sharp, poignant, even pointed…the descriptors flow freely. But what about when it’s soft. Dull. Not a singular point but an enveloping motion.

Pain is being unable to get out of bed. Pain is wanting to hurt physically because you can’t accurately convey, even to yourself, what is wrong internally.

Pain is knowing the doctor wants you to see a specialist but barely having the money to scrape together rent. Pain is working 40 hours a week and being told you are less than anyone in the offices upstairs. Pain is silence when you want to scream.

Give me a van, some mountains, idle time. Give me someone to hold, someone to hold me back. Give me anything, cause three years of spinning wheels just digs the hole deeper.

Pain is knowing, despite it all, that there are others who hurt so much more.

To be funny

The goal is to bring joy and laughter, but who knew it could hurt so bad when the opposite is true?

A room full of half smiles waiting for the monkey to dance. The show is not permissible, but it is what’s expected.

Week by week the performance improves, the highs begin to outweigh the lows.

There’s a comfort in characters, the ability to hide from negative response, the disconnect of being a character rather than one’s self, the ability to very literally stay on script.

Here I stand bare, no defenses. I am the butt end, please laugh

Too many years separated.

Last time we met, kindness was not the forethought to action.

Nothing malicious, but an unwillingness to be understanding.

Today they’re disconnecting the machines, the tubes, the medicine.

I wish I had a chance to change the previous interaction.

Peace is all I wish for you. Know that just because we weren’t speaking, that doesn’t mean you will not be missed.