Do you ever work with clients who are giving their baby up for adoption? Do you have to do anything differently when working with them? Also, who pays for the birth/pregnancy expenses- the birth parent(s) or adoptive parent(s)?
I do occasionally work with people placing their babies for adoption. It’s a very different scene. While a lot of the positive imagery I use when working with laboring patients is talking about how soon they’ll see their baby, how soon they’ll be able to hold their baby in their arms, that’s not the sort of thing to talk about when someone’s deciding on adoption.
I try to have a conversation with the nurses, in particular, outside of the room to talk about the appropriate language to use. There’s a lot of misunderstanding about adoption and what it means for the biological parent, so I try to go over some basics about adoption:
Please don’t say “giving your baby up,” or “giving your baby away.” I stick with saying that the baby is being “placed” for adoption. Recently I heard some people taking issue with that, but I haven’t heard any suggestions for better terminology yet.
Adoption is a decision that biological parents make out of love. It’s an exquisitely hard decision to make, even if it’s the only decision that person can make.
It’s not irresponsible to decide to place your baby for adoption - it’s usually a decision that is made entirely for the reason of being the most responsible. People who place their babies for adoption often do it expressly for the sake of the child.
Ask ahead of time what the parent wants after the baby is born. Do they want to see and hold the baby? Do they want the baby whisked away ASAP so they don’t even hear it?
Ask the parent how they most prefer to refer to the baby. Is it ok if we call it “your baby”? Is there a name we should use for the baby? For a lot of birth parents its very important to have the recognition that the baby is theirs and they are making the decision for another family to raise it.
At my hospital and when working in NYC in general, I most prefer to work with Spence Chapin, an adoption agency with wonderful policies and programs.
Birth parents have all their healthcare covered by the agency
Adoptive parents are not chosen until after the birth parent gives birth and decides for sure that they want to place for adoption
After the birth, the baby is placed with a temporary foster family for 30 days as a trial for the birth parent. This family will never permanently adopt the baby, and that way the birth parent can see what it feels like to not have a baby without worrying about the adoptive family’s emotional state should they decide against it in the end.
Spence Chapin strongly encourages open adoptions in which the birth parent stays in contact with the child throughout its life.
The birth parent is vital in choosing which adoptive family their baby is placed with.
Spence Chapin has reduced their adoption costs for adoptive families and removed the professional services fee all together so that anyone willing to open their home to adopting a child can do so.
origamiaround
dailybridgerton
snowghoul
izzy806
discoholicmusic
