So Waylon has always been tiny. That’s just who he is. But his new PCM after his old one retired got very serious about his growth at his appointment back in November. I acknowledge that he was falling off his curve, for sure. But she was very aggressive about it and it rubbed me the wrong way. But so he’s classified as failure to thrive, critically underweight. So she basically told us that if we can’t get him to gain weight she’s going to take him off his ADHD medication. Which, yes, suppresses his appetite. But also makes him a functional human being. We finally found our med groove. We got our first positive parent teacher conference ever in his elementary school career, without even a mention of concern related to ADHD. We have figured out what works for him and it’s amazing. But, to ensure she doesn’t pull him off meds I’ve been basically force feeding him. And, at her request, having him off meds when he isn’t in school (unless we have something going on where he needs it, like the day of my grandmas funeral).
Now, obviously things are more chaotic on the weekends, but it is what it is. Surface level, I’ll trade that for not having medication for school. During winter break, Waylon got stuck in a horrible anxiety loop about rabies. Which I won’t lie, at first I thought it was just silly, because when I reassured him that there was no way he could have rabies, he would acknowledge it, laugh, and move on. But it became a constant thing. I was reassuring him multiple times a day about the vaccine status of our pets, that there’s no way a wild animal got him while he was sleeping, etc. In addition to rabies, I’ll also throw in his other significant recurring medical anxieties: tetanus and appendicitis. But it was to the point where he wasn’t able to sleep. At bedtime he just panics about the possibility of dying, about what if he contracted a fatal disease. I brought it up to his therapist, and kind of as I suspected, he said he wasn’t at all surprised to hear that his anxiety ramped up like that being off his medication because his mind is just totally free to wander. His emotional regulation is also completely off without it. It’s just a perfect storm. And he was telling me that if it continues to be a problem where he’s not able to sleep then he would recommend telling the pcm to reevaluate her stance since lack of sleep also has an impact of physical wellbeing in addition to mental. That being off his medication can be more detrimental than the appetite suppression.
But yeah, here we are, another unmedicated Saturday and we had a panic attack bedtime. He told me he just suddenly got hit with this fear about dying. This time not anything in particular, though while we were doing relaxation exercises he started talking a lot about poisonous mushrooms and how “well, I don’t think I’ve eaten a deadly nightcap, and they’re really fast, so it’s been long enough, we would know.” Now to be clear, he has not eaten any wild mushrooms at all. And he wouldn’t even consider it. That’s where these anxieties are not based in any sort of reality. And when I talk him through it, logically he understands that it’s not possible. That the grocery store doesn’t sell poisonous mushrooms, the only mushrooms he eats are from the store, therefore he hasn’t eaten a poisonous mushroom. But it doesn’t help the anxiety. And I just hate it for him so, so much!
The good news is he gained 5 lbs in the 6 weeks from his November appointment to his first follow-up growth check. And he’s gained another 2 since then. So I think I have a leg to stand on when I say I don’t think we should keep skipping meds on weekends.