Whispers

Learning to speak.

[thesweetabsinthecure]

San Francisco last weekend

[thesweetabsinthecure]

[thesweetabsinthecure]

There’s nothing so delicate as a rose beginning to bloom. Soft like lips and areolas. Fragrant, alluring, an ephemeral fantasy.

[thesweetabsinthecure]

Feelings (again)

Going from highs to lows

Brimming with life a few days ago, 

Literally just vibrating with energy

like I was in sync with the flow of things

maybe even a little like…

I was in charge. Chosen.

Sleep didn’t arrive,

left behind with the moon tonight,

So I stayed awake through this fever dream

Working on five dreams at once

Frenzied and desperately trying

To make them all come true.

Spent the day in a daze

Feeling the secret sauce drain out of me.

As the fire burns out, I cradle the last flames.

And here I write with what remains

To remind myself to rest

For the work will not be done in one day

[thesweetabsinthecure]

Maps of my Infinity

Contemplating my life in moonlight 

Memories coated in the glow

and my heart swells with emotion

Like the sleepless nights of love

There is a pang of pain at

Suffering caused and experienced

Only a reflection, a reflection thank God

In the pool of my mother’s tears

Not like those rivers that come and go with the seasons

This longing is generations old

A birthright and a curse

Yet it is there and so I am content

Destiny guides these instincts -less animal than 

Spiritual maps of capriciousness within a calm

The touch of hands on my back

But I’m riding, directing your nature

Paths of love -I know them from my past lives

If you listen to the way I dance

You would read a story my mother never told

They are written in the moonlight

Yet there is something in me that wonders at my road

In rebellion, in amazement, and finally in acceptance 

In the way it has crossed yours and changed mine

Slowly, meditatively, and forever -now it is my own

[thesweetabsinthecure]

Contemplating my life in the darkness of the new moon,

Covered by a blanket of secrets unsaid but deeply known

Trust grows in the dark hours of the dawn

[thesweetabsinthecure]

There are times when you might become small and afraid

Curled up like a child, you shelter your heart from attack-

Hands wrapped around your arms, gentle, soothing,

while arrows fall from above.

Well you know, there's nothing worse than the voices in your head

Snide remarks and sneers, slithering down your ears

Slowly rising up from your throat to choke you,

Again.

What was it that I was supposed to do again?

Reach out for help, find a friend, take a warm bath

Regulate my emotions, check and reflect and change

But I remain stubbornly confused and paralyzed

For how long will you remain in this purgatory

Unable to choose between life and self-destruction

Clock ticking in the dark apartment, each moment aching

...You await your next move.

[thesweetabsinthecure]

Its easy to recognize love now

I see it now when it comes unbidden

but always welcome

On a quiet moment in the early afternoon

An instant relaxing of my arms

My heart settling into a sofa, purring

Light vibrations traveling across my skin

[thesweetabsinthecure]

What has changed?

In all ventures, the shine of novelty dulls with time

Avoided realities return to the surface

Awaiting a fresh coat of paint

(or perhaps another trip to another island in paradise)

How long do we fight the feeling

This time, this time I've figured it out

I've fought my fears, I've lived my dreams

But I keep running, running....from what? to where?

I am not the same as I was ten years ago

I am the same as I was ten years ago

Butterflies in my stomach, in distress

Staring at the void, the abyss

[thesweetabsinthecure]

[thesweetabsinthecure]

[thesweetabsinthecure]

I walk home alone at night itching for a fight

Ready to provoke

and to be provoked

Angry at someone...you!

That I was born only to die

Hand on the hip, the other holding

my cellphone blasting music

Angst, rebellion

and maybe redemption

[thesweetabsinthecure]

I remember when I used to be jealous of long blonde hair and familiarity. 

Today I love the way my curls bounce to my music. 

[thesweetabsinthecure]

Lucifer

It’s the spark 

that I love and hate

that pushes and pulls.

Enlightens and destroys.

Does it

embrace or trap,

Spin silk or lies.

Mischief or heartbreak,

don’t want to lose

the spark.

[thesweetabsinthecure]

Rose

Your aesthetic is fine lines and color. I love the mane of your hair, the fragility of your skin. You smell like rose water and taste like coffee -your strength is ever-present. The way you pout and the way you dream. I am exasperated and in awe of you. By the delicacy of your lines, the razor thin tight rope you walk on without thought. Then you jump. Then you float. Then you fall. 

[thesweetabsinthecure]

When I wear this velvet for you, I imagine warmth spreading from the first spark of pleasure. Every inch of me in velvet for you. A night’s cloak for my fire. 

[thesweetabsinthecure]

Stranger

My body seems to be carried from place to place by a stranger, and the frenzy of activity leaves me dizzy. We stay out at bars until 5 am while she flirts with men who can finally see her. Her silk and satin willing and ready to slip off her skin. She glows with a wildfire that she doesn’t want to contain and she moves and she moves without rest. Like she’s powerless to stop. Because I am helpless to that soft touch. The rough, the tender, the gnawing and reaching of the hands finally connecting. Her heart is candy for your soul, an antidote for your heartbreak. Her words spark, her body burns into yours. You can run but I can’t. I watch the way she flutters and smiles wondering when she’ll fall and how I’ll catch her. 

[thesweetabsinthecure]

Literally the best way to spend time is jamming to music all afternoon.