I almost didn’t write this, because revisiting last summer still makes my eyes sting with tears. But if there’s the tiniest chance you stumble upon our story, it would mean so much to us that just maybe you read it… l will start by saying I have been a huge fan of yours since 2007 and feel like I’ve literally grow up along side of you! I hang onto to your every word, every song, and your music has gotten me through every chapter of my life since I was 19.
Last year our family was expecting to welcome our little girl into the world in September, but my pregnancy derailed unexpectedly at only 28 weeks at the end of June. It was terrifying as I went to a routine prenatal appointment and was told I had to admit to the hospital right then and there. Our baby girl was born at 28 weeks and 6 days and only weighed about 2 pounds. Things got worse before they got better, for both of us, but eventually I was okay enough to be discharged from the hospital. Sawyer needed continuous breathing support. We couldn’t even wrap our minds around the journey ahead, it was really only the beginning.
Sawyer was in the NICU for 65 days and every day was a new roller coaster ride. Our home was 30 miles from the hospital, so each morning we had take turns doing the commute back and forth, at all hours of the day. By the time August rolled around, you had just started dropping hints of new music coming and I remember being SO excited to check Instagram each day and see what in the world was going on?! I had missed you SO MUCH. When you released LWYMMD, I remember the EXACT spot I was driving home in the car at 1 am, and the line “WHY? OH… CAUSE SHES DEAD” and I smiled so DAMN big, so damn big for the first time in I don’t know how long. Ahh the strength in that SONG. I was SO excited for what was to come.
Our biggest obstacle was teaching Sawyer how to drink from a bottle. Babies actually don’t develop that suckling instinct until near their due date, and she was still weeks away from hers. The only thing keeping us from getting to bring her home and starting to put the pieces of our family back together was that she had to drink all her bottles for 3 days in a row. Being like her mama, she liked to only do things on her own time, and most times would only finish bottles, slower than the allotted feed time, and it was usually only for me. The nurses tried so hard to help and constantly asked, what is your secret?? What can we do to help her finish bottles so you can get rest, and she can prove she’s ready to go home? And really I didn’t know at first, until I mentioned to a night nurse that I sang her your songs while I fed her, and it really seemed to work.
That night I cried all the way home. I felt helpless and exhausted and had no idea how I could keep up these commutes and days upon days with little sleep. I crawled into bed at 2 , and I got a text message with a picture of an empty bottle first thing in the morning, captioned “Look What You Made Me Do!” (pictured above!!!) from our witty little night nurse and from then on, the doctor actually put orders in her chart to sing Taylor Swift songs at feedings. And. It. Worked. Taylor. It. Worked. Every. Time. She. STANS. 😂
And she came home with us 3 DAYS later. And we’ve never looked back. She will be a year old this June!
Like every swiftie, I hope and pray you stumble upon our posts and see what you mean to us. Sawyer’s entire bedroom and wardrobe is of course inspired by you, and I’ve had a lot of fun making her outfits and sharing our pictures. You even LIKED one on of them in January (still/not/okay/omg).
This is the first year I’ve ever shared this much about myself online, but I’ve always been here. Cheering for you, bawling when you give speeches and win awards, memorizing every song and freaking out over every Easter egg.
The best part is, I get to see you in 10 short days now! I saved up and bought myself a pit ticket this tour!!! As a “treat yo self” cause I have been to every one of your tours but never been in pit before! I am so excited, I can’t handle it. My family and I are driving up as a little road trip from Oregon to Seattle so that I can go. And if you’re reading this, thank you. Thank you for being part of our family. Thank you for keeping me strong. Thank you for coming back. I don’t know where I’d be without you. Where our family would be without you.
See you soon friend, I’ll be screaming and dancing in the pit.