Memento mori.

Lemony Snicket's blog is so secret, it can only be found on the internet.

[thethirdsnicket]

It is often that I wonder whether fantasy hardware stores are called ‘The Gnome Depot.’

[triggerbond]

+10;

[triggerbond]

A man that did not want to be found. Or rather, at the very least, shy in the fact of being recognized. The man across from him was certainly very good at hiding what may have been his true feelings, but it was the slight movements they really keyed Bond in on how uncomfortable the other man really was.

    Careful to mask his own features, he continued giving the other man a polite smile, noticing the pitch change as the other spoke once more. A man of shadows, then. The agent could very easily relate.

    “Bond. James Bond.” He tells the other in return. A slight pause, “I…work for the government.”

[thethirdsnicket]

There was a moment of silence as Lemony processed the information and stroked a metaphorical beard, in order to attempt to connect thoughts and trains of action. This man was being polite enough so far, and hadn't attempted any type of burning, slicing, murdering, arresting, trying to force terrible cooking on unwilling participants, or any other unpleasant things to wake up to one morning. Yet, he was still wanted in thirteen different countries for various murders and jaywalking violations, all of which were definitely and completely totally unfounded and downright inaccurate accusations. Lemony sniffed lightly, his eyes widening for a split second before he shifted his weight from one foot to the other and folded his hands together, taking a moment afterwards to nervously untangle his hands from each other and adjust the brim of his hat, pulling it slightly lower.

"Ah. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Bond. Just for your information, I have certainly never murdered anyone." Lemony smiled, his features respectfully casual and polite.

[thethirdsnicket]

?

I AM DYING

but no seriously I've been puking up my guts and having contractions and yeah

it feels like there's a monster inside me

[cxnsilium-deactivated20140629]

«❮ ANALYZING:

 gender -- male     - race :: human     - danger level : ...Calculating...  registering actions  registering tone of voice      - ERROR :: :          || contradictory ||     - calculating response       danger level :: : :: recalculating        . . .

             NOTE: DO NOT PANIC         ◎ INITIATE::-- [confused response]                         [appropriate actions:: :                          such as the following:: :

        INPUT » <|| There is a slight pause in Q’s mannerisms as he is quite stumped by the other’s response— both the verbal and the physical combination had caused Q slight confusion. He is hesitant when he forms an answer, eyes watching the man warily. ||>

        ◎ RUNNING PROGRAMS::--             -- - IDENTIFICATION ❯»

{ ≙ } — - "Is that a yes or a no?"

[thethirdsnicket]

Lemony stared into the distance, which was odd because in the distance there was simply a wall, and there was nothing even remotely interesting on the wall, pardoning a very offended spider hanging grumpily in the corner where the ceiling met the painted surface.

"Neither, I'm afraid. Or perhaps both."

[fvsilier-blog]

          ‶I'm — I'm afraid I'm a bit lost, could you help?″

     What he wants to say: why is this bloody city so bloody confusing;         why the hell did I decide to come to America; why can’t the map        have any sodding coherency?

     But he’s polite, unlike some people he knows.

[thethirdsnicket]

It has said that being lost is a feeling which can only be helped by one of two things. The first, of course, is being found. This is due to a fundamental theory that is taught in most beginning mathematics and algebraic classes, called the commutative property. The commutative property dictates, in most cases, that a + b = b + a, but of course this property only makes sense if you are believing both 'a' and 'b' to be variables that represent numbers, because ab clearly does not equal ba, and not only because both ab and ba are not words, except in the latter's case being perhaps an abbreviation of the sound a sheep makes when it's being taught to children.

The second, however, is much more complicated, and requires third level mathematics and elementary statistics to explain. Lemony lowered the newspaper sitting in his hands a fraction of an inch and peered over the top, raising one eyebrow at the stranger.

"I'm certain that depends on where you want to go."

[thethirdsnicket]

I am always wanting to write Rated R material threads but I’m never sure of who would be comfortable doing so. Can roleplayers please reblog this post if you are fully comfortable writing mature subjects in your threads? { Blood, Gore, Rape, Murder, Alcohol and drug use, Hack&Slash etc. } I’d like to find out by this post who IS comfortable with these types of roleplays rather than making someone uncomfortable just by asking. Thank you!

[triggerbond]

+10;

[triggerbond]

“No, no. I’m quite certain I’ve seen you before. Or rather… your voice is rather distinct. I’m in the business of not forgetting certain individuals, and you sir, or somebody I seemingly didn’t forget.”

[thethirdsnicket]

Lemony paused, uncertain of how to respond in a manner that would decrease his alarm at being recognized, an occurrence that was ordinarily not a good thing and ended in either being chased through darkened streets, asked for an autograph in a highly irritating manner, or served an overcooked steak with a side of civil papers.

Other than attempting to convince the strange man otherwise, though, which is a move that usually only works on those that are less certain in their individual identity and children who still believe in Santa Claus, Lemony nodded cautiously, and slipped his hands into his pockets, rocking back on his heels. He stood for a moment, tilting his head in a manner to indicate curiosity, and asked his next question in a slightly deeper tone in order to alter the recognition his voice might bring.

". . And who might you be, then?"

[inboxshenanigans]

Send me a ☆ and a URL and my muse will impersonate their muse

[thethirdsnicket]

morrignu replied to your post:hey hey remember when cats

I - …don’t remember if rona adopted a bunch of stray cats or adopted a bunch of monsters in the way one would adopt stray cats or if I’m off the mark help me or were they cats?? rona was a rabbit one time

I was just remembering how lemony hates cats

and how he just came home and rona had a cat and he was just like

no rona

[thethirdsnicket]

hey

hey

remember when cats

[thethirdsnicket]

Wee thing.

LITTLE THING;;

"I dislike those without faces. It makes it far harder to draw their portrait surreptitiously."

[thethirdsnicket]

Little thing

LITTLE THING;;

" -- Sometimes I don't want to go to sleep. Not because of childish inclinations to stay up past my bedtime, either."

"You seem like the type of person to understand."

[virinonesse-blog]

Misfortune || Lemony and Sherlock

[virinonesse-blog]

Sherlock watched the back of the other man as he walked away, a slight smirk on his face as he pushed up the collar to his coat before walking away in the opposite direction, eventually crossing the street and disappearing into an alley way. He heard his men rush past, their shouts echoing down the alley way to him.

He knew at the next street, waiting for Lemony was another one of his men who would push him towards another man where they would corner him until he was forced down a certain alley way where Sherlock would intercept him once again.

At the pace that Lemony had been going he knew he would be reaching that street soon. He began to run, rushing to get in place. He waited near a building on the corner of said alley way and waited. He closed his eyes, taking in slow, deep breathes. Before he knew it he heard shouting and then the pounding of feet against pavement coming towards him. His eyes flew open just as Lemony emerged from the alley way and he grabbed him, pulling him over, placing a hand over his mouth, and shushing him before pulling him towards a doorway for some apartments which he found unlocked and he pulled him inside, pushing him up against the wall next to the door as they heard his men shouting as they emerged from the alley way themselves.

[thethirdsnicket]

All pretenses were dropped as Lemony scurried through the rain, fear clouding his pupils, a word which here means "the black portion in the center of his eye," and not "children who are supposed to spend their time learning but instead ordinarily spent their time generally being irritating and developing vaporous relationships between themselves." His feet pounded against the pavement as he ran down the alleyway, his head jerking itself upwards and his body attempting to ignore the laws of inertia as he skidded to a stop due to the sudden appearance of another individual, one who looked very frightening. You see, my friend, it is usually very bad and not at all kindhearted to judge a book by its cover, which is a phrase that refers to the impression you get when you look at a person and see certain aspects of their personality - such as their gender, their clothing, and whether or not they seem to be donning a ridiculous clown costume or instead are wearing an intimidating snarl, along with other traits that it is completely wrong to judge a person on. Yet, as Lemony felt himself being surrounded and corralled towards another dark alleyway, words on the tip of his tongue and yet unable to produce themselves, he found himself very hesitant to think that the tall, intimidating men chasing him were merely desiring a cup of tea and a conversation over a good book.

After all, reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another.

So Lemony ran down the alleyway, as fast as he could without allowing the documents stuffed inside his coat lining to slip out and fall in a scattering of burnt papers and flimsy folders. His mind was on evasion. . how, precisely, would he manage to slip away? They had made a mistake putting themselves all behind him, but. . Lemony's train of thought was interrupted in surprise as he found himself face to face once again with the stranger he had collided with moments earlier, and he balked, the hesitation, alarm, and suspicion he suddenly experienced giving the man just enough time to forcibly pull him into an unlocked - conveniently? - apartment and shove him against the wall. Lemony remained silent, startled and uncertain as to whether the man was friend or foe as he stared in surreptitious stealth.

[thethirdsnicket]

?

[thethirdsnicket]

Visit Original Link

“Taking one’s chances is like taking a bath, because sometimes you end up feeling comfortable and warm, and sometimes there is something terrible lurking around that you cannot see until it is too late and you can do nothing else but scream and cling to a plastic duck.”

Incredible thanks to Venrir for the amazing voice acting.

[kiwiwatermelonsupreese]

oh wow I’m so intimidated

[thethirdsnicket]

really?

[kiwiwatermelonsupreese]

I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I

[thethirdsnicket]

i'm going to book you so hard olaf