Tomorrow, I'll be sober. Because I've run out but mostly because I'm ready. I've allowed myself to indulge without feeling guilty or shameful. And now I can be free from temptation and addiction. I've always known that I have an addictive personality. So I stayed away from alcohol. Until I was legally able to drink (which was 20, in Europe). Because somehow when it's legal, it's ok, and that MUST counteract your addictive personality. Right? Then marijuana became legal in Colorado. And later I traveled to Amsterdam. Enjoyed some space cakes. Wandered freely, gobbling up inspiration. Created a newly beautiful relationship with myself through fine art portraits and nude yoga. Self love blossomed. Edibles became a medicine that I could utilize to reach a deeper level of creativity. That's how it was... for a while. I'm not against marijuana... I'm all for it. It's a great medicine when used responsibly. But I started to abuse it. I can't remember the last time I went to sleep sober. It took over my life. I tried to stop, but I couldn't. It was my escape from a life I felt so unhappy with. Things that were out of my control. I could ignore it. All it took was an edible. But the next day I would wake up in the same unhappy situation. It caused anxiety, deepened my depression, caused fights which were caused by the biggest mood swings imaginable. I thought it relaxed me. Made me more present. So, I don't remember what it feels like to go to sleep sober. Only in the last week have I felt loved again. By myself. Somehow I've found the strength to heal and to become sober. Only by loving myself can that be a success. And really, as I lay with Havok today... I knew that I can be infinitely more present for my cuddlebug when I'm sober, and I don't want to miss another moment with him, caught in a haze. And so... Tomorrow I will be sober. 💜 P.S. If you struggle with any form of mental illness, take a peek at @wearyourlabel & @iandioutfitters ☀️ #TheToplessTour subido por primalrevolutions