ShitpostGalore

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[akashicrecord]

me using my jailbroken wiimote to anally pleasure a man in kentucky 400 miles away

[presidentialspock]

I HAVE CHMAGD MY PROFILE 6 times and everytime I open the app its back to default!?!? Tumble gods why do you forsake me with this hell?

[presidentialspock]

???????? I went to check notifs and came back and it’s gone again !?!?! Am I destined to be a bland no name loser like my father..? 🥺

[presidentialspock]

I HAVE CHMAGD MY PROFILE 6 times and everytime I open the app its back to default!?!? Tumble gods why do you forsake me with this hell?

[dogpuppy]

[i-am-a-fish]

my boobs are watered and my crops couldn't be more bountiful. the world is my oyster, life is a highway, and I'm gonna ride it all night long

[enki2]

[dogpuppy]

[dogpuppy]

[i-am-a-fish]

I've been sending beams and rays at random passerbys for years now

[dogpuppy]

[dogpuppy]

[i-am-a-fish]

I am sick. this sucks balls. my will is made of iron but my immune system couldn't keep up. I'm going to eat a pop tart and sulk for the rest of the day

[i-am-a-fish]

I had a creatively enriching day instead. can't even sulk right

[i-am-a-fish]

just cleaned my room >:(

[dogpuppy]

[smol-ghosts]

They’re stupid your honor

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

had a vivid, creative, engaging, compelling, horrific nightmare i was taking the "Tumblr SATs"

[noisywizardshark]

please elaborate?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

it's all an excruciating blur but the question that finally jolted me awake was: "explain the physical properties of ball bearing mechanisms in the most deniably-horny way possible"

[tryingtobecoollikeyou]

I mean, is there a non-horny way to describe rubbing greased balls together?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

thank you for your contribution! i am going back the fuck to sleep

[homunculus-argument]

Friend group chats are fun. Today one of my friends, who keeps pet crayfish, found babies in a tank that was supposed to be a males only. No choice but to empty out the whole tank to fish out the babies of unknowable origins. But lo and behold, there was a culprit: one teeny tiny little female had somehow escaped containment, evidently specifically going out of her way to break into this all male tank to get railed by like 15 males twice her size. Possibly completely different breed, too. Monsterfucker supreme.

So for a good solid hour or so, the whole group chat was focused on. slutshaming this one specific little crustacean. With like 300 babies.

[pukicho]

ever since I started following you weird bruises have been appearing all across my body even when I haven't bumped into anything. Why

I am tenderizing you for fun because I'm bored.

[reallystupidwizard]

this has actually started happening to me to. what are you doing to your followers