I hate my job.

[thetta-is-tired]

Introduction

So my name is Thetta, and this is my account. i made this blog to talk about the state of the prison and some of the struggles the guards go through. We’re desperately trying to unionize, someone send help (/hj)

also because i’ve learned waaay too much for my comfort and honestly if i have to see this shit, so do you. 

A little bit about me:

- Im 23

- Im a gaurd at the Prison, usually in charge of maintenance in the cell. I also man the cameras at times.

- i’ve signed several NDA’s involving the prison, preventing me from talking about... well, a lot of the stuff going on there. i’ll see if i can somehow find a loophole or something, but i’ll have to keep things vague for legalities sake.

- We currently house two prisoners (#001 and #002). Again, because of a nondisclosure agreement, i cannot disclose the identity of #002, but i can indeed confirm #001 is who you all know as Dream, the war criminal. 

- i live somewhere in the badlands. Near the prison, maybe a few acres away. I moved there near when the.. ah, egg shit began.

- Prior to living in the badlands, i lived on the outskirts of L’manburg. My previous home was destroyed.

- I have three cats! (Saturn, Mars, and Stitches).

- I doubt i’ll get many questions about this, but yes! Badlands leader BadBoyHalo and Antfrost were indeed my coworkers. They have been fired for obvious reasons, but i cannot overtly state them for privacy’s sake.

- i get a day off every two weeks because we are severely under-staffed and our boss has very apparent trust issues.

- I make very good smoothies! 

- I am bi, :)

- Im a phantom hybrid! Just thought i should include this. i tend to get odd looks on the street.

[ Author stats:

- Author of this blog is 15.

- You can call me Bez :)

- anything OOC on this blog will be in brackets, not parenthesis.

- i am an artist and a writer. any content about Thetta will most likely be posted here.

- my main is Bezroukoff456.]

[lyrasnowchester]

"It was being confirmed that the two prisoners of the Pandora's Vault have escaped the facility. The satellite imagery obtains by other news sources confirmed it. Technoblade the anarchist is being spotted on an mountain a few meters on the entrance of the former lands of New L'Manberg. Citizens are advised to stay indoors. And Pray for the Ender Gods and Prime for the evitable storm that strucked our lands."

Media Anon.

WHAT THE FUCCJGJGJHFKGFJKHKFH????

hey is anyone from the anarchist arctic looking for a roommate id like to be under mr minecraft's protection<3

[thetta-is-tired]

im legally obligated to say that one of the two prisoners (at the very least) has indeed escaped confinement

in other words? Im literally a walking target, so lowkey looking at real estate in snowchester tbh /hj

atleast they have nukes :/

[lyrasnowchester]

SO. TO GET MY MIND OFF OF WHATEVER IS GOING ON WITH MR PRESIDENT SOOT.

the slime has left my garden. GLORIOUS. POGCHAMP!

someone rbed me telling its name is charlie ? is this true is the screaming green slime atrocity named fuckig Charlie

[thetta-is-tired]

idk man my boss told me it was named slime. Which seems stupider tbh, so charlier seems pretty ight.

[thetta-is-tired]

@dsmpprison 

we may, in fact, be out of a job.

[thetta-is-tired]

Pro tip for new guards: don't look in the warden's locker.

Just... Don't.

You don't want to know. Trust me.

[dsmppotions]

dont speak to me or my wife if you work for a certain creeper…

[dsmpprison]

This feels targeted at me. We literally met 10 minutes ago and then suddenly this gets posted.

[thetta-is-tired]

Can't have shit in the dsmp /lh /j

[thetta-is-tired]

I haven't posted lately cause we've been kinda busy. A lot of maintenance has had to go on recently because one of the sewer pipes below the prison burst, causing a minor flood in the halls. It's been mostly taken care of, but apparently there's a fair bit of rust in our water dispensers.

So that's been a. Headache and a half.

Anyhow, it's mostly fixed by now. Besides a bit more overtime, I should be more available to post :)

[thetta-is-tired]

Just watched my boss have his third emotional break of the day, what's up

Certainly not him

Cuz he is d o w n.

And by that, I mean we collectively drugged him. He is asleep.

For once.

[dsmpprison]

Do you think we need to force him to go to therapy? Or a doctor?

[thetta-is-tired]

he is a raging insomniac. and a workaholic.

i think the answer is obvious /nm 

[thetta-is-tired]

Just watched my boss have his third emotional break of the day, what's up

Certainly not him

Cuz he is d o w n.

And by that, I mean we collectively drugged him. He is asleep.

For once.

[thetta-is-tired]

@dsmpprison wait so you know how our boss made that robot thing? I think its name was Sam book or whatever???

Does

Does that make him a dad

More importantly

Does that make him a dilf-

[lyrasnowchester]

hey so has anyone else stopped by lmanberg recently,,

yeah what the fuck was up with those flying pigs. hello?? can anyone hear me???

[thetta-is-tired]

Flying what

[lyrasnowchester]

i am not kidding thetta, flying Pigs

and ppl are saying they saw fucking mr innit and ONE OF THE FIANCES OF LAS NEVADAS' PRESIDENT. SOME PPL ARE EVEN CLAIMING THEY SAW MR BLADE.

i am in shambles. lemon demon through the pain

[thetta-is-tired]

i really need to get outside more-

[lyrasnowchester]

hey so has anyone else stopped by lmanberg recently,,

yeah what the fuck was up with those flying pigs. hello?? can anyone hear me???

[thetta-is-tired]

Flying what

[thetta-is-tired]

so i was taking my bosses tools to the blacksmiths (my neighbors) and they were very confused as to why the durability was so damn low on them.

gonna be honest here i don’t know either

and i don’t think i want to know :/

[thetta-is-tired]

its really slow today, so i figured i’d list some of the funny shit thats happened here

1. One time someone spiked the water cooler with caffeine. it tasted like absolute shit, but it still worked, somehow.

2. For our boss’ birthday, we all pooled together to get him a charm of a key to put on his com. surprisingly, its been there ever since.

3. We have drills n stuff for training, so we also have showers in the locker room. one time someone spiked the issued shampoo with hair dye. That, my friends, is why Antfrost was pink for a week.

4. We’ve started this tradition every friday night to have a mini-gamenight of sorts. We usually play monopoly or uno, but sometimes we play trivia. Our boss has tried to bail multiple times, but we have ways of making him stay.

5. Sickness spreads like the plague with us, cause we’re always in such a hot area, so our boss makes it mandatory to stay home if you have a fever. It’d be sweet if those didn’t count as vacation days.

6.our boss passes out a lot. working himself into an early grave, yknow? so one time we all took markers and drew on his face. i am very surprised we weren’t all fired, honestly, cause that was the same day Kinoko-kingdom official Sapnap came to visit.

there are many more, but i’ll leave those to my coworkers to spill.

[dsmpprison]

7. One time someone spiked the water cooler with a speed potion. This made us start bringing our own drinks because it was so easy to spike the water cooler.

[thetta-is-tired]

if i had a nickel for every time someone spiked the water cooler, i’d have two nickels. Which, isnt a lot, but its weird that it happened twice.

[thetta-is-tired]

its really slow today, so i figured i’d list some of the funny shit thats happened here

1. One time someone spiked the water cooler with caffeine. it tasted like absolute shit, but it still worked, somehow.

2. For our boss’ birthday, we all pooled together to get him a charm of a key to put on his com. surprisingly, its been there ever since.

3. We have drills n stuff for training, so we also have showers in the locker room. one time someone spiked the issued shampoo with hair dye. That, my friends, is why Antfrost was pink for a week.

4. We’ve started this tradition every friday night to have a mini-gamenight of sorts. We usually play monopoly or uno, but sometimes we play trivia. Our boss has tried to bail multiple times, but we have ways of making him stay.

5. Sickness spreads like the plague with us, cause we’re always in such a hot area, so our boss makes it mandatory to stay home if you have a fever. It’d be sweet if those didn’t count as vacation days.

6.our boss passes out a lot. working himself into an early grave, yknow? so one time we all took markers and drew on his face. i am very surprised we weren't all fired, honestly, cause that was the same day Kinoko-kingdom official Sapnap came to visit.

there are many more, but i’ll leave those to my coworkers to spill.

[dsmpprison]

Update: it was not just a cold. I hate this. So much wasted time.

[thetta-is-tired]

uh, if it gets worse, i can reccomend you to my primary?

dunno if you have insurance, but Mx. Ponk has some over-the-counter remedies too. the oils work wonders for congestion.

[thetta-is-tired]

i clocked in this morning and the first shit i hear is my boss once again refusing to let snowchester official Ranboo into the prison and ONCE AGAIN reffering him to the therapuffy office.