Sam Pay Me More

Not Canon DSMP Prison Guard Read description for details and Picrew used for PFP, Unreality Warning

[dsmpprison]

Hello! Just wanted to let you know that this is a fan account based on an oc. This character is in no way canon to the Dream SMP.

Name: Ryan(has never stated last name)

Pillager Hybrid

Occupation: Prison Guard

Lives: Three

Age: Just turned 18

Gender: Trans Demiboy(Pronouns: He/They)

Allegiance: Pandora’s Vault, No Country

Arrived: Post-November 16th, Before December 16th

What he does when Sam is on vacation: Admissions, Scheduling

Normally works on keeping people out/Security<No access to cameras>

Worked at the prison for around a month

<Please refer to Ryan as Mx. as they do not like the term Mr.>

Main account: @briflora

Picrew used for Profile Picture:

Character Creator

Twitter: https://twitter.com/SangledHere There's a lot of customization, so if you ever see the color (paintbrush) or move (arrows) tool, f

[dsmppotions]

dont speak to me or my wife if you work for a certain creeper…

[dsmpprison]

This feels targeted at me. We literally met 10 minutes ago and then suddenly this gets posted.

[thetta-is-tired]

Can't have shit in the dsmp /lh /j

[dsmppotions]

cant have shit in the dsmp if you’re a prison guard

[dsmpprison]

We really can’t have much but basic respect is, surprise, something we can have.

[dsmppotions]

dont speak to me or my wife if you work for a certain creeper…

[dsmpprison]

This feels targeted at me. We literally met 10 minutes ago and then suddenly this gets posted.

[dsmpprison]

Sorry I’ve been gone, Guard duty has been very stressful.

[thetta-is-tired]

Just watched my boss have his third emotional break of the day, what's up

Certainly not him

Cuz he is d o w n.

And by that, I mean we collectively drugged him. He is asleep.

For once.

[dsmpprison]

Do you think we need to force him to go to therapy? Or a doctor?

[thetta-is-tired]

@dsmpprison wait so you know how our boss made that robot thing? I think its name was Sam book or whatever???

Does

Does that make him a dad

More importantly

Does that make him a dilf-

[dsmpprison]

Thetta it is not the time to be wondering whether our boss is a dilf. Also I think Sam Look or whatever works for Sam.

[thetta-is-tired]

its really slow today, so i figured i’d list some of the funny shit thats happened here

1. One time someone spiked the water cooler with caffeine. it tasted like absolute shit, but it still worked, somehow.

2. For our boss’ birthday, we all pooled together to get him a charm of a key to put on his com. surprisingly, its been there ever since.

3. We have drills n stuff for training, so we also have showers in the locker room. one time someone spiked the issued shampoo with hair dye. That, my friends, is why Antfrost was pink for a week.

4. We’ve started this tradition every friday night to have a mini-gamenight of sorts. We usually play monopoly or uno, but sometimes we play trivia. Our boss has tried to bail multiple times, but we have ways of making him stay.

5. Sickness spreads like the plague with us, cause we’re always in such a hot area, so our boss makes it mandatory to stay home if you have a fever. It’d be sweet if those didn’t count as vacation days.

6.our boss passes out a lot. working himself into an early grave, yknow? so one time we all took markers and drew on his face. i am very surprised we weren’t all fired, honestly, cause that was the same day Kinoko-kingdom official Sapnap came to visit.

there are many more, but i’ll leave those to my coworkers to spill.

[dsmpprison]

7. One time someone spiked the water cooler with a speed potion. This made us start bringing our own drinks because it was so easy to spike the water cooler.

[dsmpprison]

Update: it was not just a cold. I hate this. So much wasted time.

[thetta-is-tired]

uh, if it gets worse, i can reccomend you to my primary?

dunno if you have insurance, but Mx. Ponk has some over-the-counter remedies too. the oils work wonders for congestion.

[dsmpprison]

I have insurance, got it right after Doomsday. Probably will go see a doctor. I just hope I can work before I run out of sick days.

[dsmpprison]

Update: it was not just a cold. I hate this. So much wasted time.

[dsmpprison]

Just passed out from exhaustion for the third time this month. I might also be coming down with something due to exhaustion.

[thetta-is-tired]

Do you want me to bring over a thermos of soup? i know a few homemade recipes n stuff. i get sick like that often.

[dsmpprison]

I’m good, thanks for the offer. Seems to be just a normal cold.

[dsmpprison]

Just passed out from exhaustion for the third time this month. I might also be coming down with something due to exhaustion.

[dsmpprison]

The warden is back, finally. I am done dealing with visitors. Though I will miss the kinder ones, goodbye to dealing with the annoying ones.

[thetta-is-tired]

thank god, clocking in soon

[dsmpprison]

I’m happy that he finally went on a vacation, but we have been suffering. Hopefully we can have one day without someone passing out on the break room couch.

[thetta-is-tired]

now thats just wishful thinking aint it

[dsmpprison]

Yep. Not one day can go without that. Because we’re all workaholics who think we can’t take days off.

[thetta-is-tired]

imagine being able to go on strike? as if

i dont think thats even legal for our occupation

[dsmpprison]

Imagine being able to strike. Imagine being able to get sleep. Imagine not relying on coffee.

[thetta-is-tired]

if our boss found these accs he’d prolly do that first part for us lmfao

[dsmpprison]

Probably- and by proxy we’d get the other parts. Or we’d die.

[thetta-is-tired]

i propose a striking strategy:

being passive aggresive as fuck

hide the ibuprofen. redirect the karen’s to the warden. leave notes in the break room.

[dsmpprison]

Redirect all primers to the warden. That’ll do it.

[thetta-is-tired]

fr why do we get so many primers... He’s atheist??? to my knowledge???

[dsmpprison]

I would think that they have the knowledge of “it’s a prison, they’re not looking for religion.” but apparently not??

[dsmpprison]

The warden is back, finally. I am done dealing with visitors. Though I will miss the kinder ones, goodbye to dealing with the annoying ones.

[thetta-is-tired]

thank god, clocking in soon

[dsmpprison]

I’m happy that he finally went on a vacation, but we have been suffering. Hopefully we can have one day without someone passing out on the break room couch.

[thetta-is-tired]

now thats just wishful thinking aint it

[dsmpprison]

Yep. Not one day can go without that. Because we’re all workaholics who think we can’t take days off.

[thetta-is-tired]

imagine being able to go on strike? as if

i dont think thats even legal for our occupation

[dsmpprison]

Imagine being able to strike. Imagine being able to get sleep. Imagine not relying on coffee.

[thetta-is-tired]

if our boss found these accs he’d prolly do that first part for us lmfao

[dsmpprison]

Probably- and by proxy we’d get the other parts. Or we’d die.

[thetta-is-tired]

i propose a striking strategy:

being passive aggresive as fuck

hide the ibuprofen. redirect the karen’s to the warden. leave notes in the break room.

[dsmpprison]

Redirect all primers to the warden. That’ll do it.

[dsmpprison]

The warden is back, finally. I am done dealing with visitors. Though I will miss the kinder ones, goodbye to dealing with the annoying ones.

[thetta-is-tired]

thank god, clocking in soon

[dsmpprison]

I’m happy that he finally went on a vacation, but we have been suffering. Hopefully we can have one day without someone passing out on the break room couch.

[thetta-is-tired]

now thats just wishful thinking aint it

[dsmpprison]

Yep. Not one day can go without that. Because we’re all workaholics who think we can’t take days off.

[thetta-is-tired]

imagine being able to go on strike? as if

i dont think thats even legal for our occupation

[dsmpprison]

Imagine being able to strike. Imagine being able to get sleep. Imagine not relying on coffee.

[thetta-is-tired]

if our boss found these accs he’d prolly do that first part for us lmfao

[dsmpprison]

Probably- and by proxy we’d get the other parts. Or we’d die.

[dsmpprison]

The warden is back, finally. I am done dealing with visitors. Though I will miss the kinder ones, goodbye to dealing with the annoying ones.

[thetta-is-tired]

thank god, clocking in soon

[dsmpprison]

I’m happy that he finally went on a vacation, but we have been suffering. Hopefully we can have one day without someone passing out on the break room couch.

[thetta-is-tired]

now thats just wishful thinking aint it

[dsmpprison]

Yep. Not one day can go without that. Because we’re all workaholics who think we can’t take days off.

[thetta-is-tired]

imagine being able to go on strike? as if

i dont think thats even legal for our occupation

[dsmpprison]

Imagine being able to strike. Imagine being able to get sleep. Imagine not relying on coffee.

[dsmpprison]

The warden is back, finally. I am done dealing with visitors. Though I will miss the kinder ones, goodbye to dealing with the annoying ones.

[thetta-is-tired]

thank god, clocking in soon

[dsmpprison]

I’m happy that he finally went on a vacation, but we have been suffering. Hopefully we can have one day without someone passing out on the break room couch.

[thetta-is-tired]

now thats just wishful thinking aint it

[dsmpprison]

Yep. Not one day can go without that. Because we’re all workaholics who think we can’t take days off.

[dsmpprison]

The warden is back, finally. I am done dealing with visitors. Though I will miss the kinder ones, goodbye to dealing with the annoying ones.

[thetta-is-tired]

thank god, clocking in soon

[dsmpprison]

I’m happy that he finally went on a vacation, but we have been suffering. Hopefully we can have one day without someone passing out on the break room couch.