theuncoolguy

Waiting for the end.

[theuncoolguy]

12/17/25

uh its been so long since i wrote something. my life has changed a lot in past couple of months. i feel like im hanging somewhere in between and honestly i dont know what to do. i started doing drugs and it has changed the way i used to see life. drugs make you meditate they said, idk if you really call this as 'clarity of thoughts' but i dont think so. ig im going numb, i dont feel my emotions anymore. as if i want to say but my throat is choked. im about to graduate and now ig the real 'life' part starts where you have to face it all. Drag yourself out in the real world just to prove that you are worth giving fucks for. Even love feels temporary, even though its all perfect. I dont know whats wrong anymore, i dont care about anything but my life. everything seems so dull. As if the world has lost its beauty. There are somedays when i feel i dont want anyone around me, not even her. Somedays i cant do without her. its so weird, as if im not in control anymore. I feel empty, i feel numb, dark and dead. Like a living corpse just hanging in there. I dont feel like doing anything, not even drugs hahaha. But yeah im trying my best to keep up, not to let down, not to fuck up my relationships even though i hate em. whenever im alone I feel like im about to cry, but i cant, i cant let it out. this is the part of my uncool life, the uncoolguy, signing off....

[theuncoolguy]

Sometimes the world feels a better place with your eyes closed.

[theuncoolguy]

All i ever wanted was to be understood by someone who's not me....

[theuncoolguy]

I feel like im losing myself. Im not 'me' anymore.

[theuncoolguy]

I've spent more time with your memory,

than I ever did with you....

But now that we've ended,

I hope someone loves you the way i couldn't....

[theuncoolguy]

I saw it coming,

thinking I was prepared,

But,

Why did it still hurt?

[theuncoolguy]

"you keep forgiving someone until you unlove them"

[theuncoolguy]

"Maybe sleeping forever is the only way to stop being tired."

[theuncoolguy]

No one hears you when you are drowning but everyone will start to panic at your floating dead body.......

[theuncoolguy]

Surviving

"The Present", it scares me, the thought of slowly losing myself, scares me. I feel so helpless, so vulnerable, defenseless. I've started to hate everything around me. These days are so tough, they're messing with my thoughts. Erasing myself feels a better option than surviving. Being constantly bombarded with your mistakes, reminding yourself that the stakes are high, feels as if giving up would be better. I am running away from everything, maybe that's what I want now. My thoughts are so chaotic, I know I won't last long. The thought of surviving in this world, when you realize it's all just facade, is it even worth it?

[theuncoolguy]

I don't know what im doing.

[theuncoolguy]

It is the help that I didn't get that helped me the most.

[theuncoolguy]

25/02/24

Who am I to you?

Why does my name cross only when you're bored?

No you don't get it,

loving someone who doesn't love you back is one thing,

But loving someone you believe loves you,

Always, stumbling around the fences of your heart just so you could notice me,

It hurts a little, but,

Why am I the only one ignored?

I hate being distant from you, and you know,

Then why am I the only one getting hurt,

Everytime?

Then why do u remember me in your darkest nights?

Tell me why am I the only one waiting for you,

Always, so patiently,

If not, then why do I feel so lonely?

All left alone, I am always waiting for you to come back,

Now tell me, are you really sure?

[theuncoolguy]

Solitude.

It feels different this time, it all feels so complicated, I'm wandering around like a clueless being trying to find the small cracks. They are covered in dust, by someone, they are hidden, for some reason. If and only someone could be my personal vault, help me to find myself. Are people even worth these days? The person so close to you is also too far to hold on to. Yes it is quite different this time, difficult for me to choose, again, I wander around just to buy some opinions from my ancillary market. "Many options but the choice is yours." they say, but sometimes you just need someone to make a decision for you. Yes I am confused, I am mentally confused. In the solitude of my dark room, deep down inside I can hear the screams. Yes it's already so hard being alone with myself. Everything feels so chaotic, the continuous vibrations, they're tearing and ripping my heart apart. All I feel is that I'm torn into pieces, it's all red, yes my eyes are bleeding. Now the war is with me. Yes I do pretend "everything is fine", is it? Am I getting used to it, I don't know, please? Being surrounded with many but why do I feel so alone, does writing this all helps? "Maybe", all the suppressed feeling have been a dead weight on my chest. Why it feels so hard to breathe nowadays? As if I'm drowning in the dark, I'm falling apart, all I see are the 'bleeding emotions'. But it doesn't matter, cause I gave you my heart, and i don't care even if I bleed myself dry.

[theuncoolguy]

Bleeding Emotions

Yes she's walking away, but i couldn't see it cuz tears came to blur it away. Taking away her faint scent and her watery eyes off me. My heart was into pieces, and I felt like I was lost in the echoes. Finally the voices came, whispering that it was my fault, but I couldn't trust them again so I asked the pages if they'll listen me and they did. My wrist kept on bleeding the emotions which I couldn't confess to her. I was all alone again, in a dark room where all I could hear was my heart pounding, and me surviving. I kept on writing till the dawn, still it couldn't reach your heart. I kept on screaming, my throat was burning, and my hands bleeding, still you kept on walking away, only leaving the footprints that said you had crossed my way. We met at the wrong time. That’s what I keep telling myself anyway. Maybe one day years from now, we’ll meet in a coffee shop in a far away city somewhere and we could give it another shot. I said maybe.

[theuncoolguy]

The first tale.

Just like when it feels cold,

You want it and don't at the same time,

Cruising at 60, Windows down,

And when you feel the cold Zephyr up your skin,

You crave their touch,

Next to my own skin, her pearls,

It feels so tranquil, puzzled by the faint, persistent scent of hers.

The warmth,

But Grandma's clock keeps on ticking, and you think,

It's a frightening thought, that in one fraction of a moment you can fall in the kind of love that takes a lifetime to get over,

The future scares you, the thought of not having them, scares you,

Just like autumn, leaves fall and the trees replace them, cause they have no other option,

I ask myself,

What would be the state of a destroyed world?

Umm, I think Rotten memories will have nowhere to go, maybe that's what you call love,

But right now, I'm with you, even if we are apart,

It doesn't matter,

After all it's the first tale of my heart.

[theuncoolguy]

In my dreams,

I see those trains every night,

I'm all alone, I scream,

But I wipe my tears and stay quite,

Hoping that I'll be alright,

Unwittingly, I felt a cut in my heart,

My hands were bleeding red in the dark,

Far I see a light,

Bewildered in the mist,

With my eyes squinting,

A train passes really fast,

I remembered, it was,

Just like the day you became my past.