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Too Early Week 1 Predictions
The big question is, has Cam stopped crying? The obvious answer to that question is no. He hasn’t stopped crying. Week 1 against the Super Bowl champions and, for the most part, the exact same team, isn’t going to help things very much. Sorry Camilla. Get it? Camilla is like Cam but it’s a lady’s name. Cause he cries like a small woman.
1 of only 2 teams get amass 3 wins all season last year, the Tennessee Titans are quite terrible. Home field advantage will do very little to stop Adrian Peterson from running wild. Neither will DeMarco Murray for anyone wondering.
This one was tough. Bad QB vs unproven QB. Bad RB vs unproven RB. Hopkins… but Jeffery. See what I mean? That being said, J.J. Watt is a monster, Clowney is destined to break out at some point, Vince Wilfork is a monster, and Cushing is sort of crazy. In a good way. That and it’s Houston in September. Actually it really isn’t that close is it? No it’s not. Never mind.
If I have to explain the score to you, you don’t watch football. I’m not sure what brought you here. Thank you, though, for checking out the site. You should watch football sometime, it’s actually a lot of fun.
Oh boy oh boy! The Bills season is looking up. The Patriots season is in question after losing their compulsive cheater of a QB Tom Brady, and now they get to play a 5-11 team in week 1. Could life be any better for the Bills in 2016?
That is unfortunately the last thought that will go through the minds of Bills fans when they watch the Ravens dismantle the Bills in a way that could only be described as violent… and sort of beautiful. You see, what the Bills fans fail to acknowledge is that the Ravens BENCH went 5-11. Not the Ravens. Flacco, was out with a torn ACL, Steve Smith lost his season to a torn Achilles, and Forsette was out for the year with a broken arm… They aren’t hurt anymore. They will actually be playing football in week 1.
When you combine the delusion the Bills will have about being able to trounce a terrible team with the rage pent up by the Ravens (mostly Steve Smith Sr. He’s an angry little man) it’s going to end up being one of the worst beating of the season. Count on it.
There is nobody on the planet that believes Jamaal Charles is going to make it all 16 games. Even Jamaal knows his time is limited for the 2016 season. That said, he should be able to make it through the first game and when that guy is able to touch the ball, it’s scary.
“What about Joey Bosa?” If that thought went through your head at any moment please stop watching football. In fact, walk away from your computer and kindly ask your wife to kick you really hard in the eye. I’m sure she’ll do it. She hates you. Everyone hates you.
Turn on any channel which houses a collection NFL experts and those no nothing morons will tell you that this game features an up and coming, Super Bowl bound super power versus an offensive powerhouse headed by an elite quarterback.
A more reasonable analysis of the game would be, two 7-9 teams will try not to be quite so terrible this year. Unfortunately, neither team will be able to figure out how to win. They both lose this game.
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers beat the Atlanta falcons twice in 2015 and many feel the Buccaneers look to start the season the same way they ended last year.
HAHAHA… oh man. That’s pretty good. No, no that won’t happen. Matt Ryan will not be outplayed by Jameis Winston, Mike Evans will not outperform Julio Jones, and Doug Martin will not out-thump Devonta Freeman. Not in the Georgia Dome. No sir. Defense Shmefense TM .
The Jets strategy to success has become clear. Find a sub par team (Bears) and hire all of their over the hill talent. While there is still some game left in their….game… the two players (Forte and Marshall) are both in their thirties. Such a strategy is typically reserved for teams like the Patriots that are knocking at the door of the Super Bowl and simply need a boost. The Jets are barely at the door of the playoffs. As dumb as this is for the long term success of the team, however, it does have short term benefits, especially before week 6 when Marshall’s arthritis starts in and Forte breaks his hip.
The Bengals are a good football team. They have been for many years. They will almost certainly make it into the playoffs and lose. It’s a tradition at this point. For that reason, a throttling in week one will be good for them. Helps to prepare them for the inevitable heart break to come.
There are four things to consider when picking this game. First would be that Rodgers struggled to move the ball last year. Primarily it’s the fault of the receivers but there were times when you began to run out of excuses for him and started to wonder if he was loosing him mojo. Second, Lacy struggles to lay off the Fritos, and third, Florida in September for Wisconsinites is like a spider in my daughters room; very slim chance of survival. The fourth and final thing to consider is to not be an idiot.
Rodgers= Hall of fame bound
Lacy= Thor’s hammer
Jordy Nelson= White lighning
Packers= perennial Super Bowl contenders
Jaguars= They were pretty good that one year
These are the facts we have to work with. Sorry Jags.
Without Marshawn Lynch, the Seahawks are bound to find out they have a pretty good tight end on their team. It may take them a quarter or so to realize that running and defense aren’t the only option available to them but once they figure it out it’s game over.
The Dolphins paid quarterback money to a defensive tackle. That is still the dumbest thing that has ever happened in football and, as a rule, stupid teams tend to lose. I will never let that fact go and I hope they never win another game again.
The Giants will take this game by a thin margin. Having ODB helps tip the scales. Overrated Ezekiel Elliot, on the other hand, contributes no points, gets benched, gets fired, and gets a job he can actually handle. Probably something stupid like consulting.
The Lions lost a massive part of their offense. Actually they lost their offense… Still, the Lions should be able to stumble into 10 points as they figure out how to play football without the patented “throw it up to Calvin Johnson in triple coverage” play.
Andrew Luck will be back to his old self. Detroit is terrible. The end.
Tom Brady is amazing. He can win games being the only person on the team with any talent at all. That being said he is also a compulsive cheater and as such he’s suspended. To make things worse, they have to play the Cardinals. This could (will) get ugly.
Considering it’s week one there is roughly a 65% chance that injuries and prison won’t plague the Steelers. If the stats hold true, and Bell can lay off the pipe for a week, the Steelers should be able to demonstrate how incredibly dominant they are. Between Big Ben itching for another 5 TD week and Le’Veon looking to take the title of “Glimmer Man” from Steven Seagal, the Steelers should have no problem putting up at LEAST 50 points. Washington did end the year on a high note in 2015 by sneaking into the playoffs and, at times, looking like a real football team. For that reason I’ll credit them with an admirable 28 points.
Week 1There couldn’t be a better example of a team on the rise and a team falling apart. The Rams have a new city, a new flashy stadium set to open in 2019, a new hot shot QB, and a second year RB that is drawing comparisons to Adrian Peterson. All of this was added to one of the better defenses in the NFL. Regardless of Goff’s talent, Todd Gurley is talented enough to ensure at least 2 touchdowns against the 49ers. I’ll credit Goff with 3 extra points.
The 49ers, on the other hand, are the worst. Kaepernick is a garbage heap. He managed to muster a 47.1 QB rating and get benched in favor of BLAINE GABBERT! Easily the worst QB I have ever seen play football… Ever…and he was played over Kaepernick. Good lord! Out of respect Phil Dawson I’ll credit the team with 6 points.
