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@theventilationshaft
Sometimes I wish I was actually suicidal instead of just idealizing it and just ended it man, instead when I experience extreme anguish I get the overwhelming urge to just hurt myself, basically make it worse. My heart is heavy and I just want to tear into my arm with my knife or punch something until I bleed or tear my hair out or scratch myself or hit myself anything to not feel so hurt in my head. Iām so alone, the only person I think Iād trust with this more personally, I donāt want to burden. They have so much going on themselves.
The urge to self harm hasnāt been this strong in a while
God Iām such a piece of shit
every time i finish watching a lesbian porn I always reflexively say good for them
Iām so alone, but I am a good person I know. Iāve yet to meet anyone truly like me. They say opposites attract but I donāt really see that being a good thing for me. I want to meet a cute girl whoās like me to truly be unalone. I hate myself for being alone. Iām sad and drunk. Fuck you.
I have a really rough time figuring out what I am or who I wish I was. I feel like Iād have been happier if I was born a woman or maybe I just think people would like me more if I was one. I love yuri but canāt be super public lest I get criticized for fetishization and while I certainly enjoy nsfw I think love between girls is so sweet. I wish I could just shape shift to try things out but thatās a pipe dream. Iām afraid I guess of being honest because I fear my issue isnāt that I wish I was a woman but that I really dislike my body. Iām so envious of androgynous people that can present as whatever gender they feel they are. I cross dress but I think it might just be as a joke I donāt want to admit is one. My body has hair pretty much everywhere except where I want, my hairline started to recede when I was about seventeen. Fucking seventeen. Everywhere else thereās hair so unless I constantly shave my entire body, which is time consuming and stressful for an already depressed person, I canāt convincingly dress as a woman; and thatās not even considering my clearly masculine voice. I just feel gross, liking yuri as much as I do. I think I might be bi curious because of very feminine guys but I think thatās just me pushing to be apart of the LGBTQ community so I wonāt get criticized for my love of yuri. Iām just so upset constantly. What am I? What do I want to be? I just want to feel at peace with myself.
Well Iāve legitimately thought/think I might die tonight at my fathers hands on a gun. Iām scared. Very scared
āYou never apologized for hurting me, But I apologized numerous times when I got angry about it.ā
ā I forgave you because I wanted to keep you in my life
I hate my existence
Why do bad things always happen to me?
Things were going pretty nice for me and now Iām crying again.
Every time I think maybe things will stay good, but they never do.
I havenāt been this badly depressed in a while(relatively).
But like always, the universe seems to have it out for me.
Why does the universe always take important things away from me?
Why do bad things always happen to me?
I am extremely upset.
I canāt describe it any other way, is this grief?
Am I going through the stages?
I hope that means Iāll get to acceptance, but I doub it.
I hate this.
I hate this.
Why do bad things always happen to me?
Iāve cut myself in the past because I was curious and didnāt really feel any particular emotion but my life is so bad right now that I canāt help but inflict physical scars since that seems to be all old people care about not that walking around saying āhey look at these!ā Itās a confusing thing. Iāve always wanted to die but in a āI wish I wasnāt bornā sort of way never āI want to kill myselfā. But it eventually turned into being alright with being killed in an accident or by some ailment; going to bed and never waking up. Now its to the point where I do think about slitting my wrists or hanging myself. The only thing keeping me here is my outrage, my anger and a lust for revenge if I lose that I donāt know whatāll happen. I donāt like this.
Well I wrote my suicide letter today. I am very sad. The only thing keeping me here is my anger, my outrage. My hatred for those whoāve abused me is strong
Would the urine equivalent to fat dumps be massive pours?
I feel as though my issues and sadness are seemingly so unwarranted that I feel like Iām unworthy to even exist if I canāt even deal with such things. I just cut myself for the first time in long time and Iām so confused as to why I did/do it. I just feel bad. Itās not just difficult to get out of bed because that implies I actually managed to get out. I donāt. Is it my genes or something else that molded me into such a sad specimen.
Why is men peeing while sitting down so stigmatized? Itās such a nonissue and it drives me nuts