My darling dearest, I love you
The fragmented ego, the carefully-concealed narcissism
that balks and bawls at all that hair that you shed for the last ten years, the pathetic attempt to cling to the fantasy of a naïve youth, but you know so well that there is none left except for silly notions that furnish your delusional daydreams, and you can't even fully indulge them, you never do things all the way, painfully ordinary tendency to fantasize and then pull back at the last second,
And I adore that, my darling dearest, I honestly mean it
All that has rot inside you and bloomed fuzzy mold - you want them gone, you want godly cleanliness, you want an enlightened emptiness, but instead things pile up and die and grow and die and grow into a self-sustained system
Oh, my love, how bloated full of life you are, whether you want to or not
Crying your face wet at 2 in the morning with the screen glowing bright, gorging on an anger so ugly you feel transformed, mythically monstrous, the kind that will be struck by lightning, and yet you will wake up groggy once the sun has broken through the city smog, and plaster on a face of a person who is kind of good and sort of kind
When you walk your way on those cracked pavement, expensive pastry in a brown bag in hand because they make you feel urban hip and a bit less like a loser, know that I am deeply fond of your uncertainty, of the lack of a shape, of an outline, of you not knowing if anything you do is true or is it all mimicking.
When you wonder if you are any important to anyone, absolutely important, without conditions, without circumstances, know that your petty hurts delight me like nothing else, yes, turn your face away from the crowd and let its features be distorted, the world may not see it, but I do, and I cherish all those moments
My darling dearest, come to my arms,
As you are, small, unfulfilled, filled to the brim with misery, slightly warped, teeth clenched so tight that I will have to pry them open to see your insides
Come, as you are, for I love you so.
germansingergirl
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