Lost My Whole Life

| Tenth Doctor | The Oncoming Storm | Please read Rules/FAQs before asking questions/interacting! Please ask before reblogging my asks to make threads. Tag: thewanderinggod Blog started 2/25/13; Revamped on 8/25/14

[thewanderinggod]

Baby Steps || Closed

[rosetylerthevaliantchild-blog]

“Oh hush.” Rose muttered, smiling despite herself. She sighed, toying with the the drawstring on her sweatpants. 

“You mean it though? Cause it’d be nice to learn to get around. Do a few things for myself. Gettin’ a bit tired of the TARDIS handing me stuff…”

[thewanderinggod]

“Of course I mean it,” he said firmly. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t. I’ll start working on the hover chair tonight if you want. It’ll be up and ready to go by the time you’re strong enough.”

He was determined to get her out of bed -- not to let her become bedridden.

It would be the end of it if she did.

[thewanderinggod]

Baby Steps || Closed

[rosetylerthevaliantchild-blog]

“I know…” Rose murmured, resting her back against the Doctor’s front. “I’ve never really been good at bein’ patient." 

She was quiet for a moment, thinking. "When am I gonna be well enough to have that hoverchair?”

[thewanderinggod]

“Oh that I know well,” the Doctor said with a bit of a smirk, poking her arm. He pressed his lips thin, thinking.

“Not much longer, honestly. You’re recovering well believe it or not. You’ve got more color, your strength is coming back...that’s all really good.”

[thewanderinggod]

Baby Steps || Closed

[rosetylerthevaliantchild-blog]

“I know but I feel like one. I feel so… Useless.” The blonde sighed, shrugging slightly. 

“I’m sorry I just hate this– I do, I hate it. I just wanna… Do dumb stuff like stand up in the shower, or walk around in the TARDIS garden room… Or run with you. I hate not being able to do anything…”

[thewanderinggod]

“I know you hate it Rose. Believe me, I know.” He held her close, resisting the urge to kiss the top of her head.

“But you need to be patient. You’ll be able to run again. And before that you’ll be able to get around the TARDIS on your own. It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.”

[thewanderinggod]

Baby Steps || Closed

[rosetylerthevaliantchild-blog]

“I mean this… This… This thing where I sit here in pain and useless while you carry me around, wipe my face and change my sheets for me. Like I’m a bloody child." 

Rose hung her head, sighing. 

"I don’t think I’m gonna like this.”

[thewanderinggod]

“Rose...you’re not a child. And I’m not going to be carrying you around forever, we already talked about that,” he reminded her gently.

“And there’s nothing wrong with needing a little help when you’re severely injured. It would be worse if you were trying to drag yourself around and you know it.”

He couldn’t even imagine. The thought made him shudder.

[thewanderinggod]

Baby Steps || Closed

[rosetylerthevaliantchild-blog]

“I know it will.” 

Rose murmured, leaning into the Doctor, letting him hold her. Somehow, it made her feel even more like a child than before. Like he was her caregiver… Not her best mate… Not the man she loved.

“I just hope this will…”

[thewanderinggod]

The Doctor made a face, a bit confused. I know it will…I just hope this will. That didn’t make any sense.

“What do you mean?” He looked down at her, shifting so he could lean in and see her face.

Useless, useless, useless. 

The word reverberated in his head.

[thewanderinggod]

Baby Steps || Closed

[rosetylerthevaliantchild-blog]

“Thank you…” Rose murmured, feeling a bit loopy from the painkillers as the Doctor managed to help her clean up a little and change her bedsheets for her. She felt like a child, sitting and watching him do all of this work for her. Sure, her spine still throbbed with pain and her brain was fuzzy but…

She was so bloody useless.

Closing her eyes, a tear of a different kind slipped down her cheek.

[thewanderinggod]

The Doctor saw the tear as he settled her back into bed. He assumed it was still a pain reaction and very carefully wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight.

“It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay. The pain will go away soon. Don’t worry.”

God he was useless.

[thewanderinggod]

Baby Steps || Closed

[rosetylerthevaliantchild-blog]

By the time he’d injected her with the painkiller, Rose stopped sobbing and instead was crying gently.

“T-Thanks…” She murmured, finally lifting her face slightly out of the bed, resting her cheek on her stuffed toy. She was soaked in sweat and tears, but the drug was just beginning to take affect.

“I can do this… I made it through ten minutes…”

[thewanderinggod]

The Doctor stood up again, throwing the needle out and going to bathroom, retrieving a washcloth and wetting it. He also grabbed a change of sheets and went back to Rose, sitting beside her and wiping her face down gently.

When that was done he carefully took her into his arms, setting her down in the chair he usually occupied and silently changing her sheets so she could have fresh linens.

It was all he could do.

He finished and got her settled back into bed.

[thewanderinggod]

Baby Steps || Closed

[rosetylerthevaliantchild-blog]

The second the device was taken away from her back, Rose collapsed into what was essentially a pile of mush. All her muscles gave out from the tension, and she collapsed face-first into her bed.

She didn’t stop crying for another few minutes, but finally, she muttered, in a quietly proud voice:

“I did it.”

[thewanderinggod]

The Doctor brushed her hair back for another moment, nodding and feeling sick to his stomach.

“Yeah, Rose. You did it.”

He stood up, going to retrieve a needle from the table of medical supplies he had moved in the day before. He sat back down with her and carefully slid the needle into the crook of her arm, pushing in the painkiller.

“It won’t help completely, but this should take off the edge of the pain,” he muttered, voice almost dead.

[thewanderinggod]

Baby Steps || Closed

[rosetylerthevaliantchild-blog]

“T-Three m-more minutes?!”

She couldn’t help the pained surprised in her voice as she groaned, trying to steel herself for three more minutes of this pain. It was so slow, grating and excruciating. 

I can’t do this…

But she had to. She had to get better.

“I… I’m alright… I can d-do this…”

[thewanderinggod]

God the Doctor could not have hated himself any more if he bloody tried.

“Almost there,” he murmured, brushing Rose’s hair back again. Useless. Useless, useless, he was so bloody fucking useless what was he doing how could he put her through this pain this was all his fault--

Five hundred ninety-eight…five hundred ninety-nine…

Six hundred.

“Done,” he whispered, switching the device off and pulling it away.

[thewanderinggod]

Baby Steps || Closed

[rosetylerthevaliantchild-blog]

“H-How much… How much longer?”

Rose asked, in-between the biting sobs tearing from her throat. She clenched her eyes shut, hoping against hope he’d say she was almost done. She couldn’t take this much longer– And she had no concept of time with her spine on fire like this.

“I c-can… I can d-do this…”

[thewanderinggod]

Four hundred nineteen…four hundred twenty…

“Three more minutes, Rose,” he said gently, still brushing her hair back. There was no point in saying It’s almost over. Time. Pure time. That was what she needed to know.

No softening it up. Just facts.

“Three more minutes.”

[thewanderinggod]

Baby Steps || Closed

[rosetylerthevaliantchild-blog]

“I can do this. I can do this… I’m strong… I’m strong…”

She muttered to herself, her voice strained with pain and agony. She was crying now, openly and loudly, sobbing into the stuffed elephant she was clinging to. But still, she didn’t scream…

And she didn’t ask him to stop.

[thewanderinggod]

Three hundred ninety eight…three hundred ninety-nine…

Four hundred seconds. 6.6666667 minutes. Just over halfway there.

The Doctor’s free hand clenched into a fist as he forced his eyes open. If she could endure this than the least he could was return the favor.

“You can do this,” he whispered with her. “You can do this. You can do this.”

[thewanderinggod]

Baby Steps || Closed

[rosetylerthevaliantchild-blog]

Instantly, Rose began to squeal. It was high-pitched, an obvious scream held caught in her throat as her spine refused itself. Tears stung at her eyes and she buried her face in the stuffed elephant she cradled.

But she did not cry. She did not scream…

And she did not beg him to stop.

[thewanderinggod]

The Doctor squeezed his eyes shut, hand still in her hair as he tried desperately to resist the urge to turn off the device, to save her this horrible pain.

One part of his mind was raging about how unfair this was, how it should have been him in pain, not her.

The other was counting down the seconds until he could release her from this.

[thewanderinggod]

Baby Steps || Closed

[rosetylerthevaliantchild-blog]

“Ten minutes. Okay…”

She sucked in a breath, steeling herself against the invitable pain she was abut to recieve. She was never going to get better if she didn’t push herself to survive it– She had to push herself.

But that didn’t mean she couldn’t have her favorite stuffed animal, a little blue elephant that had seen better days, clutched in her arms as she laid on her stomach.

“Yeah… I’m ready. I can do it this time.”

[thewanderinggod]

The Doctor sat down on the edge of the bed, near her head, one hand tangling in her hair as he tried to provide all the comfort he could. He hated himself for this. He hated himself so much.

This shouldn’t have been necessary.

She should have never fallen.

“Alright.”

He turned the device on.

[thewanderinggod]

Baby Steps || Closed

[rosetylerthevaliantchild-blog]

“Even as bony as you are,” But there was no humor in her joke. Instead, she looked particularly terrified, but like she was trying to swallow it all up under a brave face.

Nineteen year-old Rose Tyler wasn’t particularly adept at swallowing her emotions.

“Well… Might as well get it over with. How long do I have to stick it out this time?”

[thewanderinggod]

He carefully shifted to get out of bed, rolling Rose to lay on her stomach as he went to get the tool he needed.

“Ten minutes this time.” He wasn’t going to go beyond ten minutes until she could manage to achieve that. There was no point in bumping it up to fifteen or twenty or an hour if she couldn’t even handle ten.

He came back with the device, carefully pressing it to her back. “Ready?”

[thewanderinggod]

Baby Steps || Closed

[rosetylerthevaliantchild-blog]

“Pretty well, actually.” Rose smiled, loathe to pull away from him. She also knew how hard it would be to pull away from him given her condition, “You’re pretty comfy, you know that?" 

She sighed though, knowing what had to come next. "When do you want to start my treatments again?”

[thewanderinggod]

“Glad I can be a good pillow,” he said with a slight sigh. He knew she wasn’t looking forward dot this.

But they had to.

“As soon as possible, honestly. Very soon.”

[thewanderinggod]

Baby Steps || Closed

[rosetylerthevaliantchild-blog]

For a few long hours, Rose slept in the Doctor’s arms. It wasn’t often she got to sleep all snuggled up to him like this– His arms around her, his hearts beating against her ears in double time. 

But eventually, she woke, yawning and turning closer to his chest. 

“…‘mornin’…” She muttered, clearly having no actual idea what time it was.

[thewanderinggod]

“Morning,” the Doctor murmured, not bothering to mention that there was no time here, no morning. It wasn’t worth it and he wasn’t really in the mood.

“How are you? How’d you sleep?”

Stalling, he knew. Stalling because of what they had to do now. He wanted to start her spine treatments again. It would be better to do it now, before she’d eaten. Pain and a full stomach were never a good thing.

[thewanderinggod]

Baby Steps || Closed

[rosetylerthevaliantchild-blog]

[thewanderinggod]

He pulled the covers up to wrap around her, holding her tight. Nothing would never hurt her again.

He wouldn’t let it.

She was right -- he wouldn’t take her advice. He couldn’t. His mind was still buzzing, anger still simmering under the surface. Anger at Jackie, but mostly at himself.

It was only a matter of time before that broke free.