Men are so fuckin weak dude I swear. Women are out there grindin like nothing’s wrong while bleeding out of their vaginas 7 days a month, cramps so bad we can barely function, pushing a human out of our hoohas, taking pills that fuck with our horomones just so you can hit it raw and you have the damn nerve to judge the size of our hips that have birthed the civilizations of the world like they were made to be admired by you? No. Next time you get flicked in the balls I don’t wanna hear u talk about how it’s so much harder being a man. Damn. Shout out to women. Don’t let men tell you shit.
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Originally posted on SimplySprout’s Blog. Written by yours truly.Â
As always- I’m a little late. But here’s 5 things I wanna do in 2016. The consequences of not getting them done? Maybe I die.Â
1) Go To 5 States I’ve Never Been
In 2015 I actually accomplished this goal. It was awesome. I still haven’t been too far west. One of the perks about my day-job is that I get to go places I would NEVER go on my own. Last year I found myself in the middle of North Dakota, and later in an impoverished village in Puerto Rico far from the amenities of San Juan. Next week I’ll be in McAllen, Texas - so far south it might as well BE Mexico. (Just kidding, Texans. You’re obviously American AF.) I’ve also got Oregon and Louisiana on my upcoming destination itinerary (two States I’ve never been!) I think this goal is totally doable.
2) Move North
Okay- so not back to Vermont. Just to the northern part of Washington D.C. Right now I’m located in the South West section, and I love my apartment, but I don’t love my location. It’s time to go get a non-condo apartment in an area I don’t have to take a effing $18 dollar uber to my favorite bar to meet my friends.Â
3) Get A Raise
My life is pretty much a hand-to-mouth situation right now. I’m making it on my own. I’m completely cut off from my parents (and have been for well over 2 years). I eat well, and I’m pretty healthy. This is all great, and I’m thankful for what I have, but I really really really wish I could be saving more. I’ve been enjoying freelancing, but I would rather freelance for spending cash rather than to break even every month. A raise in my day-job is in order. I’m going to earn it this year.Â
4) Adopt A Furry Friend
A cat. I’m going to get a cat. I’ve always wanted one, and I live by myself, and I’m ready for some responsibility. But only after that raise happens!
5) Quit Smoking
I’ve been good for the last 6 months- I only smoke when I drink. The catch is: I drink a lot. It’s time to drop this nasty habit, for all of the obvious reasons, but also because less drinks get bought for me at the bar when I smell like an out Parliament.Â
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