Keni
art blog(derogatory)
wallacepolsom
Misplaced Lens Cap
titsay
YOU ARE THE REASON
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
No title available
Kaledo Art
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
will byers stan first human second
RMH
Peter Solarz
Janaina Medeiros
izzy's playlists!
Cosimo Galluzzi
shark vs the universe
taylor price
we're not kids anymore.
tumblr dot com
seen from Singapore
seen from Canada
seen from France
seen from Japan
seen from Germany
seen from Japan
seen from Georgia
seen from Brazil
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from Ireland
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Saudi Arabia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
@thewookie78
Love is a thing you have for something that is in it's very nature is finite. The the thing that ends the love never does. Losing something that only lasted for a short time that felt like a eternity. A moment that felt like It would never end. Living like it could last for ever. Where ever you are data I miss you. Thank you for being who you were.
The Road
The road not taken is often the road we fear the most. The roads of all the journeys we could take.
With all the different version of ourself. Waving to us like a half membered childhood friend. The road could lead to any of these possible selves on if we believe we deserved this possible walk into the light.
The road seems longs and unforgiving to our fears and our second third forth negative thoughts. The street lights flicker and hide the many pot holes of possible traps and broken signs of failed goals. The roads from where we are standing is a straight line but in reality its a curvy bending lines of unfathomable direction. Like a ball of yearn.
All around us are the different roads all promising the promise land. No sign if there are any that are there to distract us from a truth we fear to see. The roads seem like they wants what's best for us. How can we tell the truth from the many bad signs pointing us to a unseen doom of our own making..
as we stand in the moment. The moment we have tried so hard to run away from. Not because we don't believe we deserve a better instance of happiness. Because we think if we had that moment we could pick a road. A road the we never saw coming. Where the lights worked the signs were clear.
We only look up the road because we fear the road behind us. We see our finite and bitter journey behind us. If we could turn around and see our past self. We would see the pain but we would also see how far we have come. How far down this road we are. The road we was always on for better or worse.
The road could be anything we want. It could be the storms of our trauma or the sunshine of recovery. We could bring so many with us. We could show them the truth. The road ahead is not written for us but by us. The courage to take that first step... Is everything
The secret hiding place of my childhood
There was tree where I would hide. Hide from the monsters wanting to steal my sweets. My tasty rewards of the family groceries. The heavy bags full of the things my mother could have done when I was at school. But alas that was not to be. The task of being forced to carry more than my weight in shopping was not a concern of the one person that should.
Many a times I would hide so I could have some time to myself. Only for my mother to find me demanding I do another unrealistic task. Walk down this dark foreboding road late at night for milk.
Like there was no monsters out there to attack me at my most vulnerable. A child by himself. With money and the demand I not take my time in this dark unfavourably dark maze of roads and long gulf of endless car parks roads.
I find myself dreading the voice of my mothers requests that in reality were demands. Not because it was a thing she did to extend trust in my ability to complete a task. But simply because she had no intension of doing it herself. It wasn't a character building exercise. Nor was to teach me a valuable lesson in everyday tasks.
It was always to avoid the task herself. The many times this was true made it feel like all I was worth was the task and not what it meant to complete it. I get it kids should help with the household choirs. But it never felt like a thing I did because it was for the good of the family but the good of her. Like the centre of the universe there was was her and only her. No thanks no congratulations. No pat on the back. Just the face of a person. that bastard she didn't want. Th person she almost killed.
Preventing me from living before I ever had a chance to see the sterile light of that hospital room. I ask myself what if I could have changed the course of that day. Would I have help her take my life knowing what I now know. The truth is no I would not not because for any noble reason but only to piss this self centred person that claimed to love me while allowing the monsters to have their wicked way with me.
I hid in plane sight no one suspecting that I had made a friend. A secret so deep I forgot it was a thing I did. A friend I ultimately lost because true friends came to pick up the broken piece. of this pile of regrets and lost moments of true happiness. I hid so I didn't have that conversation. The one that revealed My shame. My scars. My empty soul broken from so many betrayals. From the promises broken that was built on a foundation of lies.
Writing this hurts but I have the truth now. No hiding possible no place to run. All that I am is wrapped in the darkness of those days where sun was only a dream. and escape was a fantasy only found in half forgotten books.
The person in the bed.
Sarah was walking towards her cousin's flat to pick up some stuff for him. He was in hospital all the way in London. He had been visiting family and sight seeing when he fell over and bumped his head on the pavement. He was currently in saint Thomas's hospital by the Thames River. In a coma. Doctors didn't know when he would wake up. But they were hopefully it shouldn't be too long.
Sarah approached the flat pulls out her keys. The keys her cousin gave to her incase she needed to be alone when he was in London. Sarah was not the sort of person that was very sociable. Yes she had friends but no one close. She had always got on with her cousin Adrian. He was a older male and quite nerdy. They both had the same love for doctor who and would share fan theory via text messages.
Sarah turns the key and opens the door. As she walks into the flat that she was in early that day to relax and do some cleaning. She thought she heard something in Adrian's bedroom. The windows were closed the doors locked no one should be in the flat at all. It sounded like someone was in the bed tossing and turning trying to get comfortable.
Sarah had been called to get some stuff for Adrian like clothes and possibly one of his many hand held consoles. He was a gamer and could not help himself buying the latest games consoles. His current favourite was a Xbox. Sarah thought that's what he called it.
Sarah walked the corridor to the bedroom to see who or what was there. Walking quietly as not to wake the possible person in the bed.
Sarah popped her head around the corner and saw Adrian. That can't be right Adrian was in London in a coma. No way he could be here. One he didn't even have his keys she had his keys. And no one knew where the spares ones were. Not even Sarah. They might have got lost in all the boxes after the move to her new flat down the road.
Leaning against the wall Sarah pulls out her phone and calls the only person who could help. Her uncle Roger.
Roger was walking towards the shops to get food for a family lunch. Members of the family were taking turns being next Adrian's bed in the hospital hoping he would come out of the coma. Burgers that would be a good idea he would have to get some salmon steaks for his wife to be Gabbi. He could make a mature fish cake instead of a beef burger. Roger walks into the shop picks up a basket and continue to pick up the ingredients he would need for his culinary master piece.
The music being some what upbeat but with a slight hint of flat. Like the music was in another room. Roger walks towards the till to pay when he hears his phone ring. He quickly packs the shopping and pays then runs out of the shop to answer the missed call.
The first thing Roger hears is Sarah saying you need to ring the hospital to see if Adrian is still there. This was odd of course he was still there in a coma. Coma patients don't just walk out of hospital and do so without anyone noticing. Roger responds with What is the matter. Sarah sighs and says she is currently in Adrian's flat to pick stuff up for him and he is currently in his bed snoring like he always did. Roger pulls the phone away from his ears on utter shock. He puts the phone back to his ears and says I will ring them as soon I get back to my place. Will call you back with and information. Please send a photo I need to see this.
At a small desk in a corner of a small room a nurse is sitting drinking a cup of tea it's been a hard few days this gentleman had fallen over in Trafalgar Square. The phone rings the voice says there's this guy on the phone to ask if his nephew is still there in the hospital. The nurse nurse finds this odd. She says who should I be looking for. The voice on the other end says the gentleman is called Adrian. The nurse looks at the phone in utter confusion. She had not long seen Adrian his aunt Sue. Who was reading a magazine about boats in the chair next the bed.
Nothing out of the ordinary. No sign that he had moved a inch. The nurse says I will have a look but I don't understand why I would need to. The voice on the other end of the phone says his cousin claimed to have seen him in his own bed in his own flat in his own home town in Devon.
This can't be right that's hundreds of miles away. No way this is true it's got to be some type of prank. The nurse walks the ward towards the bed on one with the gentleman called Adrian. As she does she looks for hidden cameras.
Sarah is sitting in the sitting room. Quietly panicking. Walking back and forth. Then a voice says could you not do that Sarah. I'm trying to get some sleep here. Then she hears a head hit the pillow yawn then nothing. It was quite again. This did not help Sarah one bit. She decides to sit down. Holding her phone for Roger's update.
The nurse walks towards the bed the aunt still reading the magazine about boats. The bed completely empty no Adrian. No one at all. This can't be right this is impossible. Coma patients don't just walk out of hospital without someone noticing. The nurse runs towards the nurses desk in the ward and picks up a phone and calls the security personnel.
Some where in a alleyway a security guard having a sneaky cigarette. Leaning against a wall outside in one of the blind spots that none of the cameras could see. A phone rings the security guard picks up the phone and answers it. To hear the voice of his boss shouting a patient had gone missing and where hell was he. The security guard put out his cigarette and runs back to the office to find out what the hell was happening.
The head of security was sweating bullets leaning against a wall with one hand. How the hell could a coma patient just disappear. Every person that was supposed to be in the hospital is here and accounted for. Except this one guy called Adrian who was in a coma. What the hell is happening. How was the question running around his head Ross and been doing security for this hospital for over 4 decades. And not one person in that time had gone missing. His wife had called him. Martha was not the sort of person who panicked about anything.
His wife was the calm one in the relationship. She worked in the coma wards for as longs has he been working here. That's were they first meet many years ago. Looking after his mother. She was a young beautiful lady that he could not take his eyes off. It was the first thing his mother noticed when she woke up. It's was like a sign from god that he found the one.
Roger was in the kitchen trying to cook but the photo of Adrian in his own bed and not at the hospital was just distracting him. He had shown the photo to everyone but they just looked at it and said this has got to be a joke. A prank. Roger felt like no one was taking this seriously. Like they couldn't except that something like this was even possible.
It reminded him of disc world characters walking passed death and not being able to believe it because that sort of thing was impossible. The phone rang with the nurse saying that Adrian was currently missing and no one could find him. They had called the police to go and find him. Roger tells the nurse she need to see this. Roger sends the photo.
Next minute he hears a gasp. The nurse says that's him that's Adrian. How the Holly shit did he get there. There's no way he could get down there between the time I saw him to when I got the phone call. No way what's so ever. Roger now in grips of the sort of panic he only joked about. With Adrian nah that just a coincidence. A unlucky flook. Roger calls Sarah to give her the update. The update he knew she was dreading.
Sarah now looking at her phone not wanting to make a noise. The idea Adrian was in he bed was under any other circumstances was perfectly normal but not today. Sarah had a odd feeling all day like it was going to be one of those days. Where nothing made sense.
The phone rings Sarah had forgotten in all the shock. To turn the phone onto vibrate. Next she hears foot steps coming towards sitting room. In the doorway is Adrian yawning and stretching. He turns to Sarah and says good afternoon I'm going put on some coffee want any. On the other end of the phone Roger stands still in total shock. He drops the phone onto the floor and calls out to everyone to tell them what he just heard on the phone.
Sarah shake her head. That's a shame I got some cool coffee when I was in London the lady said it was so nice it would make you transported to a place you love. I thought that was a weird way to describe a coffee. The nice old lady gave me a cup and omg it was a delicious coffee. Not bitter not burnt tasting. A smooth taste and feels of being in my own bed sleeping.
Adrian continue to look for the coffee but has a problem finding it. He turns towards Sarah and says. I must have left it in London silly me always forgetting stuff and leaving it at Rogers place. Do you fancy a cup of tea instead. Sarah laughs out loud. Yes cousin I would love one.
The nagging whispering of a mask
I used to wear a mask to hide from the world. The mask would shield me from the harsh realities of the world. My friends helped banish it and it was gone.
It became a distant memory. A half forgotten time I that I missed and haunted me in my worst nightmares. Like a monster from a horror movie. Waiting to return.
The silent whispers have returned part of me is happy the side of me that saw the good in the mask. The side still scared from my past. But I now know it was a lie. it was always a lie.
I hope I have the strength to resist the allure of the mask to hide from everyone especially me. It was a drug a numbing sensation. I am happy I no longer can or want to experience anymore.
The mask is always waiting for a moment of weaknesses. But I now know will never come.
In and out of sleep
It's hard to get to sleep. It can be hard to know if you are already asleep listening to the empty room as the wind blows outside. A owl twit twooing on a tree looking for his mid night snack.
It feels like I'm laying in bed but everything is off. Levitating of the ground like the bed is a lie. like it never really exited. I feel it but it feels empty like the room.
the sounds feel like a recording. a repeat of a show you once saw as a child. The echos bend and warp the room into a impossible shapes. The shapes feel empty like the room.
As I lay there on my bed in and out sleep the world is not there anymore the weight and the pull of both sleep and awake feels like a game of tug of rope. Being played by some unknown people.
Either way it's out of my control. It could be heads or tails. The Coin never lands flat. Just my luck the empty room is fall of them. Either way I lay there on the bed wondering what I will do tomorrow. But at this rate it may never come.
Mindless sleep for a sleepless fool
I can't get any sleep. I try and i try but my brain won't let me. All I'm doing is looking at the ceiling. When I could be flying in the sky with the eagles. Floating with the clouds but all I'm doing is looking at my ceiling.
I Mindlessly think to myself all the things I could be doing. Even if they are only in my dreams. but I can't get any sleep and all of I'm doing is looking at that ceiling.
I could be swimming in the blue ocean. Looking at the reflection if the sky. Watching the sun fall and the stars rise. But I can't get any sleep and all I'm doing is looking at that ceiling.
I lay in my bed slowly looking at all the little details I can see in the dark. Of that ceiling. I would welcome a nigtmare at this point. I would even take one of those nightmares you see in a creepy pasta. But all I'm doing is looking at that ceiling.
Over the years I have had many nights where sleep was never a option. Never something my brain would allow. Why I have ask myself. I do not know. Sometimes I just lay there waiting for something i never remember.
The wind is lound tonight and I have thoughts of the dreams of yesternights and I cry. I Remember those dreams where I was happy where the world made sense. Maybe that's why I am crave mindless sleep. I'm a mindless fool wishing things were different.
The thoughts late at night
When the day ends and the night begins I start to wonder for tomorrow.
The thoughts I have late at night the ransoms thoughts of sadness. The thoughts of unrecognisable hope that feels fleeting.
The kind of thoughts that keeps me up not allowing me to sleep. Because I fear my nightmares will polute the these late night thoughts into twisted visions.
The late night thoughts may be of a person I miss a long lost loved one. Some buried some alive.
What am I to do. I can't control these late night thoughts. No logic no pattern. Just randomness of my traumatized soul.
I lay in bed crying why does all my late night thoughts are sad. It's like my brain. the part that hates me wants it that way.
I am I worthy of any of the thoughts that sunlight brings. Do I deserve to be happy. To be loved to live without fear.
One day I will know that answer but it will come at a cost. I hope I am brave enough to pay the price.
The empty room
a room is rarely empty even when theres nothing there. no chairs no tables nothing but the four walls and the floor and ceiling. even then a room is not really empty. the room is a blank canvas. the empty room could become anything by so many types of people.
it could become the first room for a new born baby to the last room of a dying elderly person breathing their last breath. it could be the room where a new world is discovered through a lens of a telescope. where a war is ranged and peace is obtained all by the same people who would one day be called heroes.
an empty room is a reflection of who we all could be become. the idea that this room could be anything is a wonderful idea. so full of potential. so full of days of so many things. the memories those walls will hold onto like a secret keepsake. hidden in plain view for the next time the door is opened.
the empty room is and as always been more fuller than anyone could ever know. the room is all of us at our best and and sadly also at our worst. the room is the contents of our hearts and minds. the room is our soul
A knock at the door
Many years ago a knock at my door saved my life. A simple act of knocking a door allowed me to write this.
The person who knocked did not know the impact this simple action caused. I doubt it even crossed their mind.
now many years later a knock at my door is a simple reminder that everything that has happened since that dark day when nothing was worth living for. Was possible for better or worse.
I now realise a knock on my door was a new begining instead of the full stop it nearly was.
I imagine if the knock never came. My guess it would be deathening.
The count down to 40
I turn 40 this month . i know where did all the time go by. And so fast. I would hope I had more good than bad days. I hope I made more friends than enemies. I hope I brought more sunshine for people than dark clouds . I hope more good than bad. That I gave more than I took. I hoped dad would have be here to see the man I am. The person I was told by so many people . that I for the longest time would not believe because the voice in the back of my head .had some hopes and none of them involved me being happy even for a second. I hope in another 10 years that dark passenger in the back of my head is gone.
@rabbitdadisw0rried is the hero of this story, and I @branwyn-says the humble narrator.
Fuckyeahfivehundreddollarbread dot tumblr dot com
I read this and I still have not a. Clue how to same money on bread.
When you "bow to pressure" to condemn Nazis, you don't get credit for condemning Nazis.
If you have to be pressured into speaking out against Nazis and White Supremacists, for whatever reason, you’re a garbage human.
So no matter what the guy does you will find things to hate him. Yes that's sound mature and productive.
There are times in life when you are called things that deep down you know that are not true . Things to shut down a person self worth the accusation that you are a bad person . I could never claim to be a angle nobody can Not honslestly . Not really we all have the side of our ID that is dark. the side where the nightmares come from. They say we are the only specie that understand that one day we will die. I fear not existing and that fear flares up when I see in the news that innocent people have died . Not because of natural causes instead by evil people who loves death more than life. In these times it's so easy to be angry and hate to cone out of it. I try with every fibre of my being not to hate. I don't hate the whole because a small part of that group.that would be unfair of me to do. The flip side to that is we need to be honest with ourselves why this happens. No problem can't be solved if you think there is no problem to solve . There are times in life where I am called a bad person for trying to be honest with myself . Asking the questions even I don't want ask. They need to be asked they won't vanish if we ignore them. Why would they.
Coffee the magic brew
There’s something magical about a great cup of coffee, the instance you take your first sip transport you to . I don’t want to say flavour town that’s so lame . Because it’s not so much the taste but more than pick me up.
As i take my first of many sips the music is in the air. Other people are doing other people things . And I am concidering if I should go up to the counter to buy a really naughty cake. I look to see if my slimming world consultant is there. Then I think what would katrina do. I sit back down.
The staff look at me like they knew what I was thinking. Giggling to themselves I don’t blame them because I am giggling to myself. I take a big mouth full of coffee thinking about the things I need to do today.
Slowly as the coffee in my big cup slowly disappeare I feel more awake . And slightly sad my coffee break is almost over . But that’s life I suppose fun while it last a short time when I can be alone and around people that randomly will do something funny or amazing .
Random kids playing hideee boo to . Dogs lying down waiting for that promised walk they heard their master talk about.
The music changes and a song comes over the speaker that reminds me of a previous coffee break it brings a smile to my face. My coffee is done now I must leave. I say good byes and I leave
That was a nice coffee break .
Coffee the magic brew
There’s something magical about a great cup of coffee, the instance you take your first sip transport you to . I don’t want to say flavour town that’s so lame . Because it’s not so much the taste but more than pick me up.
As i take my first of many sips the music is in the air. Other people are doing other people things . And I am concidering if I should go up to the counter to buy a really naughty cake. I look to see if my slimming world consultant is there. Then I think what would katrina do. I sit back down.
The staff look at me like they knew what I was thinking. Giggling to themselves I don’t blame them because I am giggling to myself. I take a big mouth full of coffee thinking about the things I need to do today.
Slowly as the coffee in my big cup slowly disappeare I feel more awake . And slightly sad my coffee break is almost over . But that’s life I suppose fun while it last a short time when I can be alone and around people that randomly will do something funny or amazing .
Random kids playing hideee boo to . Dogs lying down waiting for that promised walk they heard their master talk about.
The music changes and a song comes over the speaker that reminds me of a previous coffee break it brings a smile to my face. My coffee is done now I must leave. I say good byes and I leave
That was a nice coffee break .
Coffee the magical brew alternative version
I thought I lost the first version so did another version I hope people like both versions
There’s something magical about a coffee. The hot beverage that brings a smile to my face . The first sip is the best . Wamth of the flowing liquid awakens me.
The music on the speaker is a nice thing to have relaxing and welcoming. Other people around doing other people things Kids playing with that space ship or that weird teapot. The one that makes weird teapot sounds .
The thought come to me should I have a cakes . I look around to see if katrina is near by . Should I go to the counter . the staff knowing all to well what I was thinking giggling to themselves. I don’t blame them I will be giggling my myself. I sit back down.
The seat I am sitting in is comfortable . As I read my book thinking about the things i need to do today. The random tasks I have on my to do list. While I am in another world formed by the words in the book in my hands .
I take a big mouthful of my big coffee. The coffee does its thing . I see other people doing the same in unison like they are having their coffee break possibly thinking and feeling the same has me. In my individualism I am like everyone else.
As my coffee slowly disappeare I feel a little my coffee break is almost over . Sip by sip . The brief moment in this place is a rest bit a mini vacation .
I finish my coffee and the cheeky cake I hope no one saw me buy I put my things into my bag and say my goodbyes and I leave through those doors to the outside world . My coffee but a memory.
That was a nice coffee
