Asshole Extraordinaire

((AU!Worth where he is Lucifer in disguise.)) Current Status: Healthy Magic!Anon: None, accepting.

[disasterghaster-moved]

            “I am OVERQUALIFIED to deal with this.”

✔ Indie!OC (Urban Sci-fi/Fantasy-ish) ✔ Open -Verse/Fandom ✔ OC & Canon Friendly ✔ Flexible Narrative Style (para/script/long/short/whatever) ✔ Mun & Muse of Age ✔ Open to all types of character relationships, even negative ones. ✔ Reliable use of readmores and tags where appropriate.

✖ NSFW; Violent/Dark Themes/Graphic Language (Not prone to excessive sexual themes.) ✖ Tags; May or may not reliably tag triggers. (More effort applied when and if requested)

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[kavtari]

Reblog if you RP using Discord

[wolfrider-ruavi]

Do me a favor. Reblog this if you welcome the use of ask memes as icebreakers between characters that have never, or rarely, interacted before.

[sodoffyabuggers]

theworldismyfuckingashtray‌:

[To his credit, Luce actually did try to keep it in. Just not very hard. Pressed his lips in and everything. It does not stop the wheeze from eeking out of his throat. And once that’s out, the full belly laugh is soon to follow.

Takes a minute to stifle it again.]

That was definitely funnier the second time around.

[Punched his arm.] Oh shut it, ya wank. It’s been forever.

[theworldismyfuckingashtray]

[Small cackle.] It has. Still fuckin' hilarious.

Least yer not a sad cloud of ethereal static anymore.

[sodoffyabuggers]

theworldismyfuckingashtray‌:

sodoffyabuggers‌:

theworldismyfuckingashtray replied to your post: Mass text to everyone I know: stop going to hell….

Don’t wanna.

TOO BAD. 

Wait–are you one of th’ ones that have my face but are actually th’ fuckin’ devil ‘er somethin’? I can never keep track of you fuckers.

Well shit, I’ve been told.

Real question is if I was, would I tell you? Y'know, fuck with ya a lil’.

[Had to think about that one.]

Yanno, ya might be right. If you were ME, but th’ actual DEVIL, you’d jus’ be like… even more insufferable. So yuh, you’d probably string me along for god knows how–

[AND THEN IT HIT HIM IN A FLASH OF MEMORY.]

WAIT A MINUTE YOU ARE THE DEVIL.

[Just loud enough for everyone in the neighborhood to hear.]

[theworldismyfuckingashtray]

[To his credit, Luce actually did try to keep it in. Just not very hard. Pressed his lips in and everything. It does not stop the wheeze from eeking out of his throat. And once that's out, the full belly laugh is soon to follow.

Takes a minute to stifle it again.]

That was definitely funnier the second time around.

[boozepriest]

theworldismyfuckingashtray:

[As Mickey goes on, the lopsided grin on Luce’s face grows wider. He only looks more interested and amused as the story goes.

Til the Hebrew gets mentioned.]

Y'actually know any Hebrew or was this one o'those speakin’ in tongues sort of things?

[A snicker.]

Based off of y'previous answers, imagine it’s got a fun story behind it. But we can save that f'another day.

Mm. Interesting. I like it. Also wrong.

[Mickey stares back at the comment. He doesn’t exactly expect someone to ask if he actually knows the language, anymore. He figures people just believe him when he says he can. But, maybe it’s been a good while since he’s had to give lectures.]

Uh, yeah. Hebrew, Greek, a little bit of Aramaic and Syriac. Irish if you squint. I spent years and years learning how to translate the book of Enoch, if that means anything to you.

[A grimace when he realizes he’s wrong again.]

FUCK, alright. I’m just gonna call you a handsome zombie in a pimp coat. Final offer.

[theworldismyfuckingashtray]

[His brows slowly raise as Mickey lists off languages and Luce can't help but nod in appreciation.]

Decent list. One o'those classical studies nerds, huh?

A lotta long nights is what that means.

'Ey, don't feel too bad. Titania'd get a kick outta th'idea a'me bein' fae. Aaaannd also wrong. I do know a decent lookin' zombie so that counts as close.

[boozepriest]

theworldismyfuckingashtray:

’S impressive. The tooth an’ th’ autopsy.

[Can’t help chuckling as he fetches his own cigarette and a lighter from the pocket of his labcoat.]

Good question. There’s a story here I’m dyin’ t'hear now. And don’t worry. I don’t deal with cops.

[Not unless you gave him really good reason to. Even then, he’s more likely to take care of things himself.]

Nahp. Nice guess though. They are fun fuckin’ buggers.

Trust me, walking home in the scrubs I stole off an unconscious coroner with no shoes and glass in my feet and a massive gaping hole in my chest. The best part was I found fifty bucks in the guy’s wallet and I got a bottle of peroxide to chug.

[A looooooooong drag.]

So, I got caught out for “reckless endangerment” and “felony-class property damage” when I drove my old camry straight through a Church’s chicken a few years ago. Cops found me trying to waterboard myself  with a soda fountain and a massive chunk of windshield in my neck.

I uh, went to court, and in court had a moment? I sort of, well, stopped speaking English and spoke entirely classical Hebrew until my attorney nearly beat me shitless.

[Mickey whistles]

Two years in a local prison! I got out on parole with a permanently suspended license, and an ankle monitor. You do not wanna guess how I got rid of that.

[A sigh.]

Fuck, you totally give me fae-y feelings. 

[theworldismyfuckingashtray]

[As Mickey goes on, the lopsided grin on Luce's face grows wider. He only looks more interested and amused as the story goes.

Til the Hebrew gets mentioned.]

Y'actually know any Hebrew or was this one o'those speakin' in tongues sort of things?

[A snicker.]

Based off of y'previous answers, imagine it's got a fun story behind it. But we can save that f'another day.

Mm. Interesting. I like it. Also wrong.

[sodoffyabuggers]

theworldismyfuckingashtray replied to your post: Mass text to everyone I know: stop going to hell….

Don’t wanna.

TOO BAD. 

Wait–are you one of th’ ones that have my face but are actually th’ fuckin’ devil ‘er somethin’? I can never keep track of you fuckers.

[theworldismyfuckingashtray]

Well shit, I've been told.

Real question is if I was, would I tell you? Y'know, fuck with ya a lil'.

[fatmaninalittlesuit]

Put yours in the tags.

[thecorefather]

i have a tooth kingdom to build

[fridayindulges]

[boozepriest]

theworldismyfuckingashtray:

[The blue flame gets his attention for a moment, eyes darting at the gesture. There’s a small quick cock to his head.]

Y'get in scraps a lot, don’t you?

Ooh, Dartmouth. Fancy.

[Come to think of it, he doesn’t really remember how fancy Dartmouth actually is.]

I mean, guess all y'want, kid. Doesn’t mean I’ll give ye hints. More fun for me.

[He gives him an incredulous uh-dooooi look, holding his cigarette to curl up his lip and reveal an absolutely smashed incisor that’s grown in a little crooked.]

Do I get into scraps; I had a guy at the bar smash my face into the bar! Broke my tooth a few weeks back! I set his head on fire and had to dump the body in the alley, and don’t get me STARTED about the time I woke up during my own autopsy–

[There’s a pause. Oh Christ.]

Do NOT tell the cops about that. I can’t go back to trial, I’ll get held in contempt AGAIN, and I already lost my ankle monitor and stole the camino– why am I telling you this? [Another pause, a slow drag on the cigarette.] 

It was fancy for the year I taught there. And with all the garbage I learned in that year, I wanna guess that you’re probably a, y’know, whats-its-dick,  Nightmare? Boggart? 

[theworldismyfuckingashtray]

'S impressive. The tooth an' th' autopsy.

[Can't help chuckling as he fetches his own cigarette and a lighter from the pocket of his labcoat.]

Good question. There's a story here I'm dyin' t'hear now. And don't worry. I don't deal with cops.

[Not unless you gave him really good reason to. Even then, he's more likely to take care of things himself.]

Nahp. Nice guess though. They are fun fuckin' buggers.

[theworldismyfuckingashtray]

voodoodisneyland‌:

theworldismyfuckingashtray started following voodoodisneyland

A’right, if people are gonna make passes about me wearing women’s track pants, yeh can’t be runnin’ around in a bleedin’ pimp coat. How’s that fair?

Yer first mistake is givin’ a flyin’ shit about what people think. Yer second is thinkin' this is a fuckin' pimp coat.

[boozepriest]

theworldismyfuckingashtray:

[That frankly adorable wheeze only widens his grin. It’s not long after that Luce doubles over in what can be disguised as a guttural sounding giggle fit.]

Y'should see yer goddamn face, Christ, that’s beautiful. Look like a fuckin’ deranged goldfish.

[When he’s able to stop laughing, his lips form into a crooked smirk. Small one.]

Mmm, you don’t get that yet.

[Oh, so now this motherfucker is laughing at him! Mickey pockets the flask and shoves a cigarette between his teeth, snapping his fingers to strike up a tiny, tiny blue flame and give himself a light. 

Calm thyself, you sonnuvabitch.]

I usually get called an “impudent crackhead” and “a deranged zombie”, so the goldfish thing is new. At least goldfish are cool, I used to keep a goldfish in my office back at Dartmouth–

[He’s rambling. Shit. But he doesn’t miss that comment, though.]

Oh, boo, you whore. I don’t even get a hint? Not even a teensy-tiny guess?

[theworldismyfuckingashtray]

[The blue flame gets his attention for a moment, eyes darting at the gesture. There's a small quick cock to his head.]

Y'get in scraps a lot, don't you?

Ooh, Dartmouth. Fancy.

[Come to think of it, he doesn't really remember how fancy Dartmouth actually is.]

I mean, guess all y'want, kid. Doesn't mean I'll give ye hints. More fun for me.

[boozepriest]

theworldismyfuckingashtray:

[His diaphragm spasms as he does his best to hold in the cackle that’s threatening to bust out. The sputtering was funny, the expression after had been hilarious.

He takes the flask and gives it a good swirl before sniffing it’s contents. Certainly smelled like Windex.]

Oh I believe you.

[The flask promptly tips back and Luce takes one, two gulps before handing it back with a toothy grin.]

Magic does strange things t'a person.

Yeah, see, I didn’t believe Cass when he told me the same shit years ago, and now–

[Oh, he just fucking drank that shit. Chugging right along. The inhuman wheeze-squeak that comes out of his chest is pitiful. He knows it’s pitiful, and now he’s standing here flabbergasted with his flask in hand.] Alright, alright, alright, okay cool– That’s fine! That’s normal! What the fuck are you, now?

[Smooth. Real smooth.]

[theworldismyfuckingashtray]

[That frankly adorable wheeze only widens his grin. It's not long after that Luce doubles over in what can be disguised as a guttural sounding giggle fit.]

Y'should see yer goddamn face, Christ, that's beautiful. Look like a fuckin' deranged goldfish.

[When he's able to stop laughing, his lips form into a crooked smirk. Small one.]

Mmm, you don't get that yet.

[boozepriest]

theworldismyfuckingashtray:

Y'know, ’m sorely tempted to see that.

[He lives for chaotic bullshit like this. Free entertainment.]

I- You- I don’t- ugh. 

[He holds up his flask, and works up the energy and thought command to screw the dingy little top off, before taking a belt, shaking his head and holding the flask out to him.]

Magical Windex chuggery. If you don’t believe me, you can take a sample. Also, before you ask, no– I don’t know how the hell I’m able to do this.

[theworldismyfuckingashtray]

[His diaphragm spasms as he does his best to hold in the cackle that's threatening to bust out. The sputtering was funny, the expression after had been hilarious.

He takes the flask and gives it a good swirl before sniffing itw contents. Certainly smelled like Windex.]

Oh I believe you.

[The flask promptly tips back and Luce takes one, two gulps before handing it back with a toothy grin.]

Magic does strange things t'a person.

[theworldismyfuckingashtray]

TXT: Hey nerd, long time no hear.

Txt: hey scales

Txt: could say the same to you