How To Navigate Online Conversations With Potential Sugar Daddies
You now have your best face forward with stunning profile photos. Potential sugar daddies will be impressed and are more likely to visit your profile to learn more about you.
You also have been doing some screening yourself by looking at the quality of their bios and profile descriptions. You’ve hopefully “favorited” their profiles to let them know you’re interested.
You’re pretty much ready to start having conversations!
Important thing to recall now: your demeanor speaks volumes. Your demeanor will show through your initial online conversations.
First off - it is best if the SD messages you first, not the other way around. Why? You sending them a message can make you appear desperate. It makes it seem like you aren’t getting a whole lot of attention on your profile, because if you were, why on earth would you need to reach out to anyone?
You also lose power in negotiating a high allowance if you reach out to an SD online. If a genuine SD reaches out to you, it means he is super interested and more willing to give you an allowance you deserve. If you do the reaching out, you are setting yourself up to be lowballed by sending a subtle message that your profile isn’t attractive enough to garner attention, and that you are desperate for something.
If you aren’t getting genuine messages within a week that don’t look like spam, check your profile photos and bio section for quality.
By the way, you will receive more messages if you have a premium account - there are a lot of scammer and cat fishing sugar babies out there too, so a premium account will make you look more credible. You’ll be able to verify that your photos are real and that will make your profile even more attractive.
You’ll also get access to SD profiles that have been background checked and verified. Use an edu email or pay the subscription fee for an upgraded account. Remember - $19.99 a month / $14.99 for 3 months is a small investment in comparison to the high allowance you are aiming for.
So an SD has reached out to you! This is where the convo begins, but this convo also serves as another screening tool.
Some points to remember on your part:
• Your main objective out of this conversation is to set up your first date - that’s it. Your profile should state that SDs can contact you for a date if they are interested in getting to know you better.
• This first date serves as a gesture to show how much he is willing to spend on you. He is already impressed by your profile, so he needs to impress YOU with this date.
• You can find out more about him and his career on the date - you don’t need to do that on this site. Talking to several POTs online at the same time, trying to get to know them, is exhausting and drains energy unnecessarily. It’s a waste of your time. You can get to know them better on the date, plus, you’ll actually have something to talk about!
• Your general compatibility and what each of you are looking for should be clear in your profile info, and it’s much more important that you vibe well together in person and not just through messages.
• Your tone should be pleasant but firm, a neutral tone you might use in sending a corporate email, for example. This makes you appear poised and sends a message that you expect them to meet you at your level.
• Do not mention an allowance right now. You need to have at least one date before discussing an allowance with a potential SD.
• Do not give a stranger your real phone number. You can give them a Google Voice number. This is so that if they end up being a weirdo or a creep, you can block them on Google Voice and they won’t ever have access to your real number. Your real number may also have a caller ID that reveals your real name.
• Don’t put all your hopes and eggs in one basket - you should be going on multiple dates with multiple POTs.
Important things to note on their part:
• See if they mention something you wrote in your bio - that’s how you know they have taken the time to read it and didn’t just gawk at your photos.
• They need to come up with the time and place for your date. Since they reached out to you, they are the ones who need to put effort into planning the date.
• When they tell you where the date will be, if you aren’t already familiar with the place, look it up and find out how upscale it is. Look at the menu prices. This is how you can immediately tell not only how much money they really have, but how much they are willing to spend on you.
• If they suggest any of the following places - Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, Panera, an ice cream parlor, Applebee’s, or any other cheap places or activities such as walking in the park 😒 this tells you he is either broke, stingy, or both. You don’t need to waste your time leaving your house dressed to the nines for a walking date or a date at Panera, and genuine SDs with money know better than to even suggest such a thing. Not to mention, your profile photos show you with your makeup and hair on point - that lewk costs money, and a suggestion of a cheap date should greatly offend you!
• Acceptable dates: fine restaurants, upscale bars, lounges, and other similar places where you can actually have a convo (so not a movie/show.)
• If they bring up allowances/PPM, tell them that you would like to see how the first date goes before discussing that. This makes you appear level headed, patient, and not the least bit desperate, and it always works in your favor.
• If they try to small talk, firmly redirect the conversation. A lot of men try to butter you up with words. You need to make it clear that doesn’t work on you.
Here’s an example of the ideal conversation:
SD: Hi there beautiful. I’m impressed that you’ve been running your own business successfully for 4 years. I would be interested in getting to know more about you and your work in person. I am available on Friday - I would like to take you to XYZ restaurant. How does 7pm sound?
SB: I happen to be available Friday evening too. 7pm sounds great.
SD: Great. May I have your number so I can contact you before the date?
SB: Sure, it’s (Google voice number)
SD: Wonderful - see you then.
He understands that your time is not to be wasted, so he gets straight to the point and sets up a date quickly. That’s what we’re talking about.
Another conversation example:
SD: Hello there, I am impressed by your profile. You are gorgeous!
SB: That is sweet of you to say, thank you.
SD: So what kind of arrangement are you seeking?
SB: I explained what I’m looking for in my profile, but we can discuss it more in detail on a date.
SD: Okay, I should be available this weekend. How does XYZ restaurant sound?
SB: I don’t like seafood. Could you suggest something else please?
SD: No problem, how about ABC restaurant?
SD: Great. Are you available at 6pm this Saturday?
SD: Awesome, see you then.
Examples of how to redirect conversations back to your main objective:
SD: You look super sexy in your photos! You look like the perfect lady to spoil!
SB: Thank you. I trust that since you’ve seen my photos that you have read my profile and you are contacting me to set up a date.
SD: Well, I think we should get to know each other better before setting up a date.
SB: I have a well written profile that tells you what you need to know about me. We can have a deeper conversation on a date.
SD: Okay, well I am free this Wednesday. Let’s go to XYZ restaurant.
You can get to know each other more on the date. Chatting up strangers is exhausting and you don’t have time for that, especially if he is not making it worth your while by taking you out somewhere nice.
SD: Hey there gorgeous! I love to see a bright young woman with so much ambition. It is such an attractive quality to have.
SD: So what are you up to?
SB: I am waiting for you to set up a date 😉
SD: Well, shouldn’t we have a little convo going before we go out?
SB: We can have convos on the date.
SD: Alright then, I will let you know when I am free. Can I have your number?
SB: I don’t give my number to anyone who hasn’t set up a date with me.
SD: I don’t know when I am free and I’m not on here that often, so I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just give me your number?
Any resistance to your rules and standards, especially concerning your safety/privacy, is a red flag. He doesn’t need your number if he hasn’t shown you that he’s serious about taking you out and getting to know you. It’s really that simple. You can just block him at that point.
How to deal with terrible date suggestions:
SD: Let’s go to XYZ restaurant (cheap spot)
SB: That is an unacceptable place for a date with me.
SD: How about a walk in Central Park?
SB: I don’t do walks in parks for dates.
This can now go two ways - he can either wisen up and suggest a better place, or argue with you.
SD: Fair enough. How does ABC restaurant sound?
SD: Well, this is just a date to know each other better. In the future we can go somewhere nicer.
SB: *blocks*, because we don’t argue with online strangers about our standards 💅🏽
This first date is a gesture to show how much he is willing to spend on you. He is already impressed by your profile, so he needs to impress YOU with this date.
Your standards for this date need to be high. You need to be consistent with your high quality profile by accepting only high quality dates.
If an SD offers a cheap date - it means he is also cheap, can’t afford anything beyond that, and doesn’t value you highly. You have already shown you are high value through your profile pics and bio alone, so he needs to meet you where you are or get lost.
You also need to be careful about giving your number to a stranger. Your number is how people have access to you, and you shouldn’t be giving it to just anybody and letting anyone have access to you, even if it’s just a Google voice number.
That is why if an SD gets upset over you not handing out your number when you haven’t even planned to meet up yet, you need to stay clear of them. They do not respect boundaries and you need to avoid them for your own safety.
Takeaway points: Your main objective in an online conversation with a potential SD should be him setting up your first date. Chit chat is unnecessary and a waste of time. This date is his first gesture and how he shows you how much you are worth to him, so do not accept cheap date suggestions. Your tone should be calm and indifferent which makes you appear poised and not desperate.
In my next posts I will write about how to prepare for your first date, including appearance, safety tips, and more 💕
Questions? Feel free to send me a message or an ask!
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