I'm living the dream! @theworstkindisalright - Tumblr Blog

May 1, 2020: When my computer stopped working and I was so sad because I can't watch the first Ridin' stage

April 29, 2020

April 30, 2020

hey i’m back

And I might convert to Buddhism. Just yesterday, while my brother was driving me to work, “Weed & Memories” by Jean Michael started playing. It’s one of the songs of his top 2019 in Spotify and is also one of my favorites. He said one of the reasons why he loved this song is that it made him understand how some people, like the songwriter, believed(chose to believe?) in a greater being.

“Can't do this by myself I know you're helping me up there Nudging gods arm like answer his prayers”

I don’t personally believe in god or heaven and hell. Sorry ma and dad. I think my brother’s the same to. But it’s clear to me why people do. Life’s shitty most of the time and you need something to help you get by. And most of the time, it’s religion that does the job. So maybe, probably, hopefully, I just need something different to believe in to help me get through this shitty timeline.

Why Buddhism? Because EXO. Specifically Junmyeon of EXO. I’m currently watching their radio star episode and i’m at the part where he talks about his fan telling him he looks like a church boy

Of course, i’m joking. It’s not just because of him(or is it? hmm.) I have thought about it before but not enough to do research. And since EXO has been my driving force lately (maybe they should be my religion) I started doing a little bit of research (when I say a little bit, I meant 2 pages from the google search result) after JM mentioned it. Found out that I am sorta been or trying to practice Buddhism without me knowing.

Followers of Buddhism don’t acknowledge a supreme god or deity. They instead focus on achieving enlightenment—a state of inner peace and wisdom. When followers reach this spiritual echelon, they’re said to have experienced nirvana.

Some scholars don’t recognize Buddhism as an organized religion, but rather, a “way of life” or a “spiritual tradition.”

So you know what, let me just give this a try. It has always been the goal for me, to get that inner peace and wisdom. Or at least the feeling of contentment. Of being sure of myself and what I want.

tnx suho. love u long time.

My heart is so heavy today. I can't read my book it's all i want to do. I don't feel like waking up tomorrow.

Scenes that hit too close to home: American Ultra (2015)

“That car down there has moved so much. Like, it was built in a factory on a production line, and then it was shipped here. But all that time, like for years, like decades really, this one tree has been sitting in this one place not doing anything until tonight when it stopped the car.

This tree that has never done anything, is fucking, like... destroying this really beautiful and fast-moving thing.

Am I that tree? I think I’m that tree, and I think you're the car, and I think I’m stopping you”

#american ultra #kristen stewart #jesse eisenberg #scenes that hit home

Me: what if it's a mistake and I ruin everything?

Person: what if it's not?

Me: ....

Me: wow... ok. but i dont think that way so ummm i'm still not doing it thanks.

I miss talking to people. Thinking about their how are yous and whats ups is really draining and makes me want to avoid them forever though. Sucks big time.

#how did i end up so miserable?

Neurotypicals: You have the CHOICE to be HAPPY OR SAD and CONTROL over your own thoughts. CHOOSE to be HAPPY and then you'll be GOOD it's NOT THAT HARD

Me: YOU should CHOOSE to SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Scenes that hit too close to home: A Brilliant Young Mind (2014)

“So, there's this person I like, but I know how bad I'm gonna get. And it's very difficult to imagine any sort of a rosy future or anyone wanting to be a part of that future with me.

...that really, really scares me.”

#A brilliant young mind #x+y #scenes that hit home

I can't believe this. I randomly decided a month ago to watch Season 17 of Big Brother US just to find out how different it is from what we have in our country, and I cannot believe what it has done to me. I already stopped paying attention to our Big Brother because it definitely pales in comparison. I just finished watching the entire Season 16 this afternoon because I just needed something to fill in the time waiting for the next episode of the current season. I have missed a lot from my tumblr feed because I am living in the bb16 and bb17 tag. If you check my youtube history, it's all just clips from the livefeed. It's 3 in the morning right now, and I just finished listening to a podcast with Derrick as their guest. It's ironic how detached I am from what's really happening in my life right now because of a reality TV show of a country I don't even live in. My reality is irrelevant. Who cares if I am unemployed in a third world country and is running out of time? Oh god. Why did I let this happen to me? I honestly thought I could not hate myself more.

Being positive is taking too much effort right now lemme tell you.

Past me from 10 years ago would have said happiness is a choice. Present me wishes she could smack her past self on the face.