No Pokeballs Allowed
Chapter 11: Sinking Ships and Burning Bridges
The difference between mass and weight isn’t usually something one considers on a day-to-day basis. This is presumably because in general, most people don’t need to worry about mass. But as people have pointed out in the past, there is a significant difference between the two.
Mass represents the amount of something that exists. This is a constant thing - it never changes, no matter where the object in question is. Even something that seems to have no presence at all is still in fact present as long as it has any mass. As a matter of fact, some things that cannot be perceived at all still have mass. In the summer, we do not see the breath coming out of our mouths. And yet, even though we have not seen it in a long time, we know it is there. We can feel it.
Weight, however, is different. Weight matters entirely on the gravity of the situation and is situational depending on how much mass one object has when it pulls others towards it. Denser matters tend to make everything on them feel heavy. If you were to wear a shirt while standing on a neutron star, your entire body would collapse under its own weight.
The past week had been taxing on everyone. Squirtle had not left her office. The door had stayed closed, and no one had seen it open. Mew had tried calling somewhat comforting words through the door, but she received no response. They had all stood in front of the door for a good while, looking at each other helplessly as their eyes asked the same question of what to do. Finally, Monty had broken away and gone to the bulletin board out front to take a job. Coran and Mew reluctantly took this as a cue, and work resumed.
Coran knocked at the door, calling out a weak ‘good morning’ like he had for the past four days. He fetched two or three berries from the break room, then came back to the office door and leaned his back against it. He held his stance for a moment before slumping to a sitting position on the ground.
“…Squirtle, I don’t know how long we’re going to be able to keep this up,” he said, his head sinking to his knees as he chewed on a berry. The berry chunk went down his throat slow and laboriously. “We need someone like you around to keep morale up. I… I know that what happened isn’t easy to deal with. I’m dealing with it, too. But… I just think… I don’t know if sitting in your room is going to solve anything, I guess? I’ve had time to think this all over, and… i-it sounds bad, but missions are a good way to sort of distance myself from the problem and just look at it from a different perspective, y'know? Maybe… if you tried one-”
“I don’t think you should rush her, Coran,” a voice called softly from the front. Coran turned to see Mew approaching him. “This isn’t something that can be really taken lightly, and some deal with it harder than others. I know all three of you aren’t as used to this sort of thing as I am, and…” She looked sunken, averting eye contact with Coran.
“What do you mean?” Coran asked, looking up at her from the floor. “You’re used to… to death?”
Mew gave a slow nod. “When you’ve been alive as long as I have, you see a lot. And I have seen a lot.” She descended from the air, landing on her hind paws beside Coran and sinking down to a sitting position beside him. “There’s a burden on us. And it’s hard. But after a few millennia, you just… you start to go numb.”
“That’s kind of scary,” Coran mumbled as his shoulders sunk. Mew could only nod in agreement.
They sat in silence for a while. Coran took a few deep breaths, leaning his head back until it connected with the door with a soft thunk. “I’m gonna go check the mail,” he said finally, getting up.
“Hey, Coran,” Mew called as he walked past her to the front.
He turned his head, slowing his pace. “Yeah?”
“How are you taking all of this? I’ve done some talking with Monty, but…” She smiled softly. “I don’t really talk to you enough. I know that our first hellos were a little…” She frowned. “Strenuous.”
Coran grimaced a little. She was right. “I’m not going to hold that against you. I don’t know why you did it, but I’m trying to put it behind us. If I’m really special, and I’m really going to help save the world, then I think we’re going to be working together a lot. And… it’s good not to hate your co-workers, right?”
“That’s… that’s really comforting to hear,” Mew said, putting a paw to her forehead as she slumped down further. “I swear, this transforming thing gets to your head when you do it for too long.”
Sensing that she was trying to change the subject, Coran obliged. “What is it like? Transforming, I mean. I feel like it’d be pretty cool to be something completely different.”
“The novelty tends to wear off after the first four centuries,” Mew said, giving Coran a somewhat playful smile. “You’re still you, but… your mind gets rewired. Since you’re in a new body, you’re not desensitized to all the instincts that come with it. So if you’re not used to it and ready for it, you end up acting really stupid and feral.”
“Like you did with the Chandelure?”
“Yes,” Mew admitted. “Though that was because I stayed in that form too long. The same thing happens.”
“Really?” Coran’s ears pricked. “But don’t you get more used to a body the longer you stay in it?”
Mew nodded. “There’s a middle ground, to be sure, but being in a body too long tends to make you lose your sense of self. There were a few times in my early life where I legitimately forgot I was Mew.”
“…Whoa,” Coran breathed. “Scary.”
“Though Latios was there to snap me out of it, it was pretty scary,” Mew nodded. She was silent for a moment. “Though I should probably get back to work.”
Coran sighed and got to his feet. “Me too, I guess. Not really looking forward to it.”
“Who does?” Mew said with a small chuckle. “Oh, just remembered, there’s mail for you by the front.”
“Really? From who?”
“Go and see,” Mew said, flicking her tail as she floated out of the headquarters towards the bulletin board outside.
Coran followed after her, stopping at the mail basket right inside the door. Inside was a small neatly folded yellow envelope. He reached inside, picked it up, and ripped open the top.
Dear Coran,
It feels like it’s been absolute ages since you’ve been over last! I know that you are most definitely busy with your job – I hope Squirtle isn’t overworking you! I’ve heard some pretty nasty rumours of things going on in Nuzlocke. You’re all safe, yes? The world certainly seems to be swirling around the gutter nowadays, doesn’t it? Though I will say that I’ve seen it in states like this before, and we got out of it relatively unharmed! Though I must admit, my motives for writing this letter aren’t entirely selfless. There has been something bothering me as of late, and I need someone who is skilled at both talking and listening (you!) to aid me. If you’re having trouble, simply present it to Squirtle as a job. I will reward you for your troubles, it’s only fair! Along with the usual accompaniment of tea, of course!
Please come soon, Phari
The sand felt good under Coran’s feet. He’d been up on Mt. Maelstrom for the past few days, clearing off all of the missions that had to do with it at once, so having a warm, soft surface to walk on was a pleasant change to the stark, cold stone the summit provided.
Coran looked out over the beach as he walked across it, watching the beachgoers relax along the shoreline.
They know about the state the world’s in, right? Coran thought to himself. They have to understand that everything’s going down the drain, right? How can they be so happy?
Things still felt somewhat different from his usual visits. Despite there being Pokémon after Pokémon lying on the warm sand of the coast, the atmosphere felt moderately thick compared to earlier times.
He shook his head to clear himself of that. He was going to Phari’s to rid his mind of these thoughts, not keep them going. Continuing past the palm trees, he eventually got up to Dusky Cape, on which Phari’s villa was perched, looking over the bay.
The walk up to the cape felt a lot longer today than it usually did. The cut stone steps were smooth under his paws as always, the setting sun stung his eyes a little as always, and the windows of the villa filtered the sunlight into beams streaming eastward, as always. But the walk was a lot slower. Coran wasn’t entirely sure whether he liked that or not. A gentle wind blew past him as he stood at the doorstep. Coran had been here a few times in the past, and all of them had been pleasant. Phari was an excellent host. He’d grown to like tea in the past few months, what with Phari and Monty figuratively shoving tea leaves down his throat. He raised his fist and knocked on the door, before stepping back. “Coming!” a voice came from inside, followed swiftly by the door opening. A familiar Ampharos stood in the doorway, beaming down at Coran. “Ah, you came! Come in, come in. I was just dusting off some pictures.”
Coran gave a nod and slipped past Phari into the house as she shut the door. Looking around, a small frown crossed his face as he saw the state of the house. The box of checkers and chess was still out from his last visit, leaning up against the coffee table. The checkerboard itself was still there on the table, the game abandoned midway. Giving it a quick look, Coran chuckled to himself as memories of how horrible he was at chess came flooding back to him. A guitar leaned up against the chair that Phari had sat in - she had played a few tunes that had been taught to her by Cappy. It was only simple picking since her flippers didn’t let her play chords, but Coran still found it impressive.
“You’ll have to excuse the mess,” Phari said, her voice still coming from near the door. “I’ve been somewhat preoccupied lately. As have you, isn’t that right? I’ve heard some awful things about Nuzlocke!”
Coran turned back to her and nodded, watching her swipe her paw across the top of a picture frame near the door. “Yeah. A Pokémon went rogue in town, and…as we dealt with it, he…” The words died in Coran’s mouth. Even after that talk with Mew, he still had trouble saying it. Especially to someone like Phari. How could he communicate to her that they had basically murdered someone? What would she think of him after that? Would she be scared?
“He’s no longer with us, is he?” Phari said softly, causing Coran to jump as if he’d been statically shocked. “Like I mentioned before, Coran, I’ve lived through the apocalypse once before.”
Coran just stared at her for a good few moments, unable to shake off the impact she’d had on him. “Sorry, I just thought-”
Phari held up a paw and shook her head. “It’s alright, Coran. I understand you’re scared. We all are. But it’s admirable that you’re trying to stop it. That’s more than I did.”
Thinking about this for a moment, Coran took a seat next to the coffee table. “…I know it’s not what I came here to help you with, but would you mind telling me about that? Maybe after I help with what you wanted to talk about?”
Phari stood still, pondering something before she nodded. “Of course. The tea’s ready, but I was just making biscuits. Would you mind helping me wash the dishes, Coran?”
He got up from the chair and stretched. “Sure, I don’t see why not. Good to do something else while talking.”
“I could not agree more, Coran,” Phari said, walking past him to the kitchen.
As Coran followed, he was presented with the alluring smell of peanut butter cookies baking in the oven. He couldn’t help but relish a bit in the aroma, letting out a quiet mumble of satisfaction. “Mmm…is that peanut butter?”
“Good nose you’ve got there,” Phari said with a giggle. “I will admit I made these specifically for this occasion. I didn’t expect you to drop by so soon though! The post is so unreliable nowadays, I tell you…” Coran picked up a chair from the kitchen table and put it up near the sink, hopping on so that he could reach. Picking up a rag, he soaked it in warm water and began to rinse out a bowl. “So…what’s bothering you, Phari?”
Phari paused from putting ingredients back into the cupboards. She took a deep breath. “When you came in, I was dusting off those picture frames by the door.”
“There’s a lot of them,” Coran noted. “Those are of you and Cappy, right?”
Phari nodded. Coran felt a small pit in his stomach as he began to catch on to a possible route that this conversation might be taking.
“I love him so much, Coran,” Phari continued, resuming her storage of the biscuit ingredients. “I miss him every day. Each night I close my eyes, and I see him staring at me with…with that dopey grin on our wedding day. He looked at me like I was the most valuable treasure he’d ever laid eyes on.”
“What happened?” Coran asked, looking up at her from the bowl he had begun to scrub.
She shook her head. “Nothing bad, for the longest time.” Phari paused. “Well, that isn’t… entirely true. We did find out that I was unable to have kids, but you knew about that. He didn’t let it get to me. And so we kept on living. And then…then he…”
Phari stopped, her paw shaking as she carefully eased a cabinet door closed.
“He started to go sailing,” she finally let out. “And he loved it. He’d be gone for a week at a time, but he’d always come back with that same dopey grin I’d come to love. And he’d come with so many tales and stories of things he’d done in the wonderful lands he’d sailed to. He always offered to take me with him, but…” She let out a quiet laugh. “The open sea is a scary thing, isn’t it?”
Coran stopped and thought about it. “I wouldn’t know,” he said after some deliberation. “I’ve never really been out at sea before. Have you?”
Phari shook her head. “No, but the thought of it shakes me up quite a bit. Just imagining miles after miles of water in every single direction, with who-knows-what lurking in the freezing depths below you… If your boat sinks, you’re more or less… You’re more or less done for, aren’t you?”
Her voice faltered, and she leaned against the kitchen counter as her eyes lowered. “…You’re done for.”
Coran stared at her for a moment, the pit in his stomach from earlier flying up into his throat. Was she saying what he thought she was saying? “Phari…”
“He’s been gone for ten years, Coran.” Her voice trembled slightly. “I’ve been wrestling with the truth for such a long time. Ten years, I’ve been running possibilities through my head, and…none of them are pleasant. None of them.”
Coran’s first instinct was to tell her not to lose hope. That Cappy was still out there, that he was still alive. That he could feel it. But the more he thought about it, the crueller that option became. She was already hoping. She had done it for ten years. Coran could only imagine how long ten years could feel when you’re waiting for someone to come back. Telling her that Cappy would come back would be beyond despicable. But what else could he say?
“It’s alright, Coran.” Phari said, placing a flipper on his shoulder. “ I know already. I… I’ve known for nine years. I didn’t want to face it, but…I don’t know if I really have much of a choice anymore. It’s just hurting me more than helping me at this point, I just…I need to come to terms with it. I need to face it.”
“Phari…”
“I…I apologize, Coran,” she continued, wiping her eyes as she looked up at him. “I shouldn’t be in this sort of state when I’m hosting a friend.”
“No, I-” Coran cut himself off. “This… I can’t say I understand what you’re going through. Not entirely. But I think that what you and Cappy did have was something extraordinary. And if you’re going to be remembering anything, you should remember that.”
Phari held his gaze but didn’t say a word. He continued.
“I think I told you, but I’m not really from here. I haven’t seen my family in months, and I don’t even know if they know I’m gone. And…” And what? Coran thought to himself. You’ve barely thought about them. “I think the fact that you’re feeling so awful about this says so much about what you did have. The fact that you’ve fallen so far means that you had to have been on the top of the world. The fact that you’ve been thinking about him for ten years says that you love him, that you value him, that you were important to each other’s lives. I think…it would have been worse, if…if you didn’t miss him. If you just kept going, kept living your life for months on end, without…without giving them a single thought. With just distracting yourself with other things, letting them fade away because you simply don’t care enough. You don’t…”
You’re not talking about Phari anymore.
Coran fell silent.
“Coran?” Phari had worked herself to a stand. “Are you alright?” He slowly shook his head. “I’m here for you, Phari. I want to help you.“ The atmosphere hung in the room, swaying softly from the ceiling. Back and forth, back and forth. Phari looked past Coran to the large window facing towards the fiery sea. The sound of the waves, though quiet, lapped gently against the shore beneath the cape. And beyond, the reflection of the setting sun shimmered dimly, skipping across the waves as a gentle breeze worked its way to the shore.
“I’ve known this for a while, Coran.” Phari began to walk past him, still staring out the window. “What Cappy and I had was truly wonderful. But the sooner that I come to terms with it being over…the sooner I can move on.” Her steps were slow, almost as if she were being guided. Bending down, she picked up the guitar that had been leaning up against the coffee table and walked towards the patio door to the left.
“I think I’m going to go sit outside for a moment,” she said, her voice just above a whisper. “You’re free to join if you want, Coran.”
Coran slid off the chair and shuffled beside Phari as she stopped, looking outside. He hesitated for just an instant, then he hugged her. “I have to get going anyway, Phari,” Coran said. “But you’re a friend to me, Phari. If you ever need me again, please write. Or even if you just want me to visit.” He paused. “Alright?”
Phari froze up for a moment but squeezed Coran back. “I will.”
Eventually, she separated and floated out onto the patio. The door hung open, a warm wind wafting into the house, along with the unsteady yet gentle notes of a picking guitar.
A deep sigh escaped Squirtle’s lips as she looked out over the ocean. She’d spent a lot of time sleeping. Probably more than was healthy. She’d spent more time looking inwards at herself than she had since she had first left home. And this time she didn’t really have much more to show for it than worried employees and wasted time.
She closed her eyes for a moment before focusing them back on the rocky cliffs and the orange coast beyond. If she imagined hard enough she could visualize bubbles being blown across the horizon, the translucent film sparkling in the setting sun like she’d heard about so many times before. Krabby always used to come out and blow bubbles, her mom had told her. It was one of her fondest memories of the western continent, she’d said.
“…Squirtle?”
Startled, Squirtle stood up from her perch on the rock to see Coran approaching her like she were a feral. He didn’t really look the best of sorts, either.
“Hey, Coran,” she said, giving him a small smile. “How’ve you been holding up the past week?”
“Uh…things have been kind of tough, but we’re managing,” Coran said. He was looking at her from the side, as if examining her. She couldn’t really blame him, though. She was pretty sure nobody saw her come out here to Sunset Beach, and she’d basically been a cryptid lately.
“How was your ‘mission’?” she continued.
“…Kind of taxing, actually,” Coran mumbled. “Phari’s been having personal problems, and… They kind of got me thinking about myself.”
Squirtle motioned for him to come closer. “What do you mean?”
Coran, inching closer, sat down on the sand below the rock Squirtle lied on. “It’s not important. Just had me thinking about my past. Or lack of it, I guess.”
“The human stuff?”
He sighed. “I know you don’t really like talking about that.”
This put Squirtle off. She supposed it did kind of weird her out a bit - it wasn’t exactly a common occurrence, having a human turn into a Pokémon, and sometimes the ‘Coran is crazy’ thought bubbled up into her consciousness. But she pushed it out. He’d been working for her for months, and he’d shown that he was a hard worker, and was dedicated to proving himself to Squirtle. And honestly, she considered him a friend. That wasn’t wrong, right? And she wanted friends to feel safe talking to her.
“What’s wrong?”
“Isn’t there more important things we should be talking about?” Coran asked. “Like, the cause of you being in your room all week?”
Squirtle flinched. “I was…I was thinking.”
“About the whole ‘save the world’ thing?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I’m just seventeen. I’m not even that strong. My only reason for hiring you in the first place was because I can’t fight at all. I’m not that smart, I’m not fast, or cunning. Literally the only thing I am good at is managing a business and given my track record of previous partners I’m not even sure I do that right.”
Coran looked up at her, his mouth hanging open as if he were to say something, but nothing came out. “I mean I was basically comatose the entire week,” she said with a sigh. “I just ate and slept and thought. It…” She let out a little chuckle. “It probably wasn’t good for my health. But…but the more I thought about it, the more I just thought about my family. And…” She laughed again. “I just kind of find it all fitting, I guess?”
“…Your family?” Coran echoed.
“I guess I haven’t really told you about them, have I?” Squirtle said, looking down at Coran. “I grew up in Coastline, on the far west of the Eastern Continent - that’s the one we’re on. Adopted by my mom, Judy, and my dad, Barry. Blastoise and Feraligatr, respectively. I was the youngest.” She looked back over the ocean. “Youngest of three, for the first five years of my life. In a family of Water-Types. As an Eevee. I felt kind of…too normal, for lack of a better word. I saw my siblings making blades out of water, freezing stuff, taking huge bites. Leonard was training to be a battler, and you should have seen the bites he took out of the punching bags Dad kept getting him. And here I was, scratching and tackling my little heart out.”
Squirtle frowned as she recalled. “I never thought I’d be anything, watching Leonard and Trish grow up. They could do things with water, and I was just…I was just normal. So one day, when I heard how unstable Eevees apparently were, I got super excited. They can turn into nine separate evolutions! Nine!” She smiled wistfully. “So I went out one day, looking for a Water Stone. I packed up all my things, and I set out. I was gone for three days, just looking for my ticket to be good, be tough. Eventually I ran out of food, and had to come home with my tail between my legs. And man, was I in trouble.”
Realizing about halfway through the story that she was more talking about herself than her family, she laughed again. “Mom grounded me for three weeks. And then she told me that… I guess, that I shouldn’t take the easy way out of improving myself, just by evolving? I don’t think she really knows how ‘easy’ it was, honestly. It wasn’t a cakewalk looking for the Water Stone! I wanted to be strong. And I went out, all on my own, because I wanted that so bad. I didn’t care how dangerous it was, or what’d happen, but I wanted something really bad, and I wasn’t going to let something like common sense stop me then.”
“I think I’ve been thinking too hard, if I’m gonna be honest with myself,” she finished. “I might not think I’m the one for the job, but I want this world to exist tomorrow more than I wanted to evolve back then. So I’m going to stay determined, and I’m going to try.”
Squirtle turned to face him. “I still don’t think I’m very strong. I’m still not sure if I’m going to be able to help at all. But I’m going to try. I’m going to try for you, for Monty, for Mew, and my family.”
Coran didn’t respond at first, looking down at his lap. Finally, he gave a quiet nod. “Yeah.”
Her face fell, her emotion quickly turning to concern. “Things will be okay,” she said. “We’ll all be okay.”
“Yeah.”
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