They Call Me Catalyst

"The past is just a story we tell ourselves."

[theycallmecatalyst]

Jesus fucking Christ if I could catch a break that would be a shock

[theycallmecatalyst]

Dont fucking waltz in acting like I don’t know shit and throw fake information around and then just backpedal to make me look like the asshole.

That’s not how you interact with friends

[theycallmecatalyst]

I know I’m losing it because yesterday I watched an entire season of survivor just for something to do.

[meladoodle]

If you ever wondered what its like to live in New Zealand here’s a bunch of headlines from the last year

[stevenbuckys]

what was the point of having red skull reappear in endgame if he wasn’t gonna come face to face with steve, he’s literally one of the most well known captain america villains😭 and then the writers saying steve wouldn’t recognize him, bitch he literally has a red skull, what’s there not to recognize😭

[lezz-paul]

[theycallmecatalyst]

Ain’t Steve taken it upon himself to return all the stones? He had to meet him at some point right?

[theycallmecatalyst]

You know what’s fucking wild? Half the people I used to want to keep up with here are gone thanks to the adult content ban but all the shitty sex blog bots are still following me on a regular basis.

This is why I barely check in anymore

[nasa-official]

how can you not think space is cool???? how can you not look at the sky and get completely fucked up thinking about it???? how can you think science is boring???????

[theycallmecatalyst]

I had a wild dream. Here are the details I recall.

I’m on stage with a band, I’m playing w guitar and shouting gang vocals mostly but on the last song I sing lead vocal. No one in the band really had a face that I could tell so idk if they were meant to be s famous band or just some friends.

Anyways as I’m packing up my gear a girl that had been in the front row is walking across the stage and she places a hand on my shoulder and runs it across my back as she says “hey beautiful” and just before she slips out of reach I grab her hand. She’s clearly a manic pixie dream girl type. As I grab her hand she spins back around to me playfully. I can’t remember exactly what she said but it was something about being in a band being hot. I shrugged it off but asked if she’d like a drink.

Holding my hand she leads me through the bar but the next thing that I can’t recall is that we are in the bathroom and she’s inside the stall while I’m leaning up on the wall across the room. I’m talking and talking and finally I ask her if I could get her number.

Suddenly the camera cuts to inside the stall, she’s on the floor vomiting into the toilet while I’m asking for her phone number and she wipes her mouth and says “it’s not a great time”

I’m a little frustrated and completely oblivious to the fact that she just wants to stop puking before having further conversation. And then I turn and catch s glimpse of myself in the mirror. I look like Christian Bale in full Dick Cheney costume.

And then I walk out of the bathroom.

[theycallmecatalyst]

I need you to understand that when you are mentally unhealthy and you know it, your task is not to make everyone around you change to service your needs, it’s to learn how to cope with your needs and avoid engaging in situations that might trigger you or make you worded

[theycallmecatalyst]

Legitimately my dad told me that he’s sure the reason he and i didn’t get along when I was 22 was because of the influence of my destiny raid group.

Like I can’t express enough my emotionally abusive father who abused my anxiety and openly mocked it when I tried to ask for help thinks that some 20 something year olds from the UK that helped me kill Crota repeatedly were the problem.

[theycallmecatalyst]

Me: I suffer from anxiety.

My clinically depressed father: I’m sure all the people in your generation have anxiety of some kind, between the social media and the video games.

Me: I’m serious, my anxiety is debilitating at times.

My medicated bipolar father: Well you just have to work on it, put yourself out there and it will go away.

Me: -blinks-

[theycallmecatalyst]

I think that I thought one day I could just flip a switch and become well adjusted.

I thought the fever would settle in me and I could smile and say I’m okay and actually believe it.

I thought that I would crawl into bed and close my eyes without seeing red.

At the very least I thought I would wake up one day and rub the red from my eyes.

[theycallmecatalyst]

Lifeless

I open my mouth

only to shut it

without drawing breath

in my lungs

stale air

nothing worth saying.

Find fragments

of sentences

floating

on the surface

of a shallow bath

drowned

and drowned out

[theycallmecatalyst]

And to those that question me for no reason? Walk away. My age does no define my knowledge nor my capability. I don’t do what I do for no reason. I don’t ask what I ask for no reason.

If I want to double check something because I’m unsure if you have passed me correct information it’s not an attempt to insult you, the insult is your specialty. To know you are dealing with someone who might have insight and still act like their request is intended as a slight.

If I wanted to insult you I’d do it to your face. Instead I want to check for myself. Why is that worth spitting back in my face when it has proved helpful countless times before.

[theycallmecatalyst]

Do I think I’m above everyone? No.

Do I think I’m above you? Yes.

It’s simple really. I didn’t show up to overtly insult you during pleasant conversation. That’s all it takes to be the bigger person.

[theycallmecatalyst]

These people who condescend you when you think that they are your friend do my head in.

Dont say shit like “I don’t live on the Internet” or ”I have a life” in response to perfectly reasonable questions or requests.

[theycallmecatalyst]

Sorry I only come back here to vent sometimes but sometimes that’s what I need