KornZombieMoment-pocalypse
Growing up, I had that rebel phase. It wasn’t even really a rebel phase, per se, but more of a “I enjoy rock” kinda phase. I got into Korn. I started out with Life is Peachy in 96, followed by Follow the Leader in 98. I enjoyed every album, and really “socked it to the man” by playing it at volume 100 in my tiny bedroom in my parents house.
Fast forward to now. I’m old, (okay, 32, but who’s counting) and I’ve got a family. I don’t get crazy anymore. Crazy for me is when I stay up past 10pm.
Anyyyyyyways. One warm night in early 2016, I had a brilliant idea. I happened to see that Korn was doing a tour with Rob Zombie and In This Moment. And they were coming to a nearby hood. And tickets were within my broke ass budget.
I threw the idea to my main squeeze, M-dawg and his man BFF, G-man (who happens to be H’s main squeeze from none other than Thezebitches). They loved it. I asked H, and she was in. Tickets were bought. Children were heaved onto other caregivers. Plans were made. It was on. On. Like. Donkey. Kong.
The concert was at a now defunct outdoor amphitheater about 2 hours away at a peak traffic time. The four of us (me, H, M-dawg and G-man) left about 5 hours before the concert, gleefully happy and listening to a custom playlist, hoping that with traffic, we would be somewhat on time. Nope. We weren’t.
After fighting what felt like every vehicle in the good ole’ US of A on the road in traffic, we stopped for some grub at the nearby Wendy’s. We ate excitedly, and headed towards the venue. Keep Wendy’s in mind. It plays a big role in the evening.
We get to the venue, and park in our “premiere” parking. Heading to the entrance we notice the longest lines. Ever. We had our blankets ready- this was an outdoor venue after all- and we wanted in. That’s when our bubble was first burst- the cranky security person yelled at us that no blankets were allowed. Fine. Be that way. After running back to the car to put the blankets away, we continued to wait. Standing in one of the lines, we happen to notice a line for specific car owners- if you showed your keys, you got in faster. Sa-weeeeet. It just so happened that H and G-man have the car they were looking for. Heading to that line, we didn’t even need to show the keys- we were frisked and let right in. Looking back, that probably should have been our first clue.
Upon entry, we heard In This Moment playing their first song. We hurriedly got two drinks each, and trekked to our grassy knoll and got good seats. It was awesome!! We were sitting (key word here- sitting) amongst fellow music lovers, we had our drinks, and we really enjoyed the set. Up next was Rob Zombie, and I decided in between sets I was going to use the restrooms.
I calmly walk up the little hill we were sitting on, alone, and go to the restroom. It was still daylight outside- about dusk. There was a line, so it took me about 20 minutes. I heard Rob Zombie start up, and I wasn’t too concerned. I, myself, am not a huge Zombie fan- I was there for Korn and In This Moment so I wasn’t too upset I was missing the first song. After washing my hands, I calmly left the restroom and went to head back to our spot.
Do any of you remember the Watts Riots? I was young, but I sure remember the chaos. After walking back to the grassy knoll, it looked like the Watts Riots. It was dark. People were everywhere. Chaos ensued. There were three mosh pits happening. I didn’t know where everyone was. I couldn’t believe my fucking eyes. What the hell?!
I walked to where I thought everyone was. I was wrong. Instead, I was being pushed around by a man, and the group of shall we say angry white men with grudges against anyone with a tan that was next to me had a reallllll problem with it. They pulled me into their circle, and let the man pushing me know that it was unacceptable to be pushing a lady. In so many words.
I thanked them, got lost some more, and finally, H called me. Neither one of us could see over the crowds. I kept telling her I was by the mosh pit, but we were at the WRONG mosh pit. I gave up and went to higher ground- I mean that’s what you’re supposed to do in a disaster situation, right?? I’ve watched enough Dual Survivor to take a shot at surviving.
M-dawg called me, located me, and then led me through the apocalypse to our spot, which was now being taken over by someone lighting a shirt on FIRE and swinging it over his head. At that point, I think we all realized that help wasn’t coming, and we were only halfway through Zombie. Good. Lord.
Korn can be summed up like this. People were pushing and stomping other people. H socked a dude in the face because of it. Moshing was happening in the most chaotic way. I was smashed into a railing. G-man and M-dawg got into a fistfight (the guy lost) which consisted of M-dawg holding a guy in a headlock, G-man had his leg immobilized, and H had ripped a piece of his sweaty shirt off and was slapping him in the face with it. I stomped someone’s body part whilst yelling “I. JUST. WANTED. TO. WATCH. KORN!!!!” Probably not my finest moment. There was so much beer drunk amongst H, M-dawg, and G-man because some sucker kept buying them drinks. I watched a dude grab a girls cell phone and throw it like he was a third baseman for the Dodgers into the crowd below, knocking someone in the head. SO. MUCH. FIRE. I honestly thought a huge brush fire was going to start. There was not a moment of peace. It was literally survive or be stomped. Where was security, you ask?
We left early, mostly because physically we couldn’t handle it, and also because of the crowds swarming the exit. In the bathroom on the way out there was a poor girl with a gash across her face. Chaos. It was at the exit that we noticed security and police. Umm. Yes, Mr Officer. You are certainly most helpful yards away from the surging crowd of angst and fury.
Sitting in the parking lot, waiting for the crowd to leave, we assess the situation. G-man has a torn shirt, we all have various injuries, but we all made it out alive. After about 45 minutes of waiting, we left. I drove, M-dawg was next to me, H was behind him, and G-man was behind me.
Remember I told you to remember Wendy’s? That’s because what happened next was what I affectionately refer to as “The Wendy’s Incident”. Not too long into our drive, G-man thought he had to burp. I had already asked if he wanted me to stop, because I could tell he was feeling the effects of the free beer train he had earlier. He said no, so when he burped, it wasn’t a burp. Projectile vomit landed on me, landed on my seat, in my hair, and started rolling down my back. This wasn’t any vomit. No. It was partially digested Spicy Chicken Cesar Salad and lots, and lots of beer.
I immediately pull off the freeway, not giving a shit that we are in the shadiest of shady areas. I pull into a Sevvie, and buy cleaning products and Febreeze.
While my car is being cleaned, it turns out that the 7-11 guy called the cops on us, cuz you know, were suspicious. They roll up, saying “oh you’re pretty far from (insert my anonymous town name here)”. Uh. Yeah. So I saunter up, and being the sweet talker I am, reassure them that it’s just vomit being cleaned from my car so vigorously and not blood, I’m not dealing drugs or murdering my friends, and they slowly, slowly drive away.
We ended up home, much later than anticipated. A year later, we still aren’t over this experience.
Guess what? Korn is coming back this year.
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