hostile self-love

food for thought or thoughts for food

[thingsicantsharewithhim]

my body is private property

though i only rent this skin,

i own the insides

and trespassers will be shot

on site

my dirt paths are not yours to travel

nor are my gardens for your viewing

this home is not for you to decorate

even if i do like it when you show me off

get your hands off my mantelpiece

get your mouth off my sink

get your filthy fucking footprints

away from me

before i call the police (again)

[thingsicantsharewithhim]

the main character of my story

is not me

nor it is him

though, he thinks it’s him, of course

it’s actually that other guy

red locks and wonky teeth

and lashes higher than me

he doesn’t know he’s the main character

because all i do is stand ahead and look back at him

yearning

and he’s turned away, looking right at the sun

so our eyes never meet

[thingsicantsharewithhim]

you can never be lonely

if there’s two people living inside you.

[thingsicantsharewithhim]

i miss him so much.

no, not him.

him.

he used to live in this heart of mine

the rent was high, but it was warm and nurturing.

and before he was ready

for the world that was at his door

he was evicted

and faced all the evil and all the pain.

water is sweeter than blood, that’s for sure.

so i wrapped him up,

shoved him back down my throat and

beat him into my organs again.

though, now he is mangled in my lungs

and not foetal in my heart.

he i may never recover.

[thingsicantsharewithhim]

i want to be taught about all the beautiful things

[thingsicantsharewithhim]

it only took

1 winter

for me to get into smoking

a few dark afternoons

and cold nights at the bar

one s.a.d episode

wrapped up in a strangers love

for just a moment

it only took

one university assignment

to take the leap

and order a pack of malboro reds

how do i quit now

yours faithfully,

carcinogen girl

[thingsicantsharewithhim]

i’m drunk, of course

i had a nice night, yet i had an awful time

hoping to find some good in the world

find me first, angels

[thingsicantsharewithhim]

it only took

1 winter

for me to get into smoking

a few dark afternoons

and cold nights at the bar

one s.a.d episode

wrapped up in a strangers love

for just a moment

it only took

one university assignment

to take the leap

and order a pack of malboro reds

how do i quit now

yours faithfully,

carcinogen girl

[thingsicantsharewithhim]

relapsing again, in secret

is like owning the stolen mona lisa

what precious artwork i have, and what to do with it next?

i run my fingers across golden frames

chip at painted canvasses and smudged eyeliner

press my lips against the glass until all that's left of me is

a smear of 'cotton candy pink'

but at the end of the day

when i'm foetal in my bed

skinnier than i was when i woke up

with just a headache and a rush of the heart

it feels as though I have fallen in love all over again

like butterflies in your caving stomach

and nothing else

i feel guilty

of course

someone has watched me recover, and loved me for it

but what he doesn't know won't hurt him

[thingsicantsharewithhim]

I am raw meat in a slaughterhouse Packaged according to what you are hungry for that day I am identified by my thighs

and my moans

and my sighs Even though you keep telling me I shouldn’t be making noise in the first place Keep your mouth shut unless I’m the one putting something in it It’s funny, the ones who cry whore the loudest are the ones who are thirstiest for my blood

hi, i'm a slut by Savannah Brown

[thingsicantsharewithhim]

nobody heard a tree in the forest

did it even fall?

if i died without leaving my mark on the world

did i even live at all?

[thingsicantsharewithhim]

the ghost in this home

haunts you like a memory

[thingsicantsharewithhim]

the days are so long

but the years are so short

do you have a minute to talk?

it's alright, i'll catch you another time.

for now, i'll be here

engrossed in star falls and news headlines

shaken to the core and yet

so empty, from the lining of my pockets to my ribcage

that all that rattles is one singular "i miss you"

caught in the cavity of my chest

clawing it's way up my throat and then swallowed back down again

are you free to call?

i'm crying for help but all you do

is try to solve problems

i don't want answers

i need comfort

i crave anniversaries and flowers sent to my door

do men like you do these things anymore?

we've all got our hopes up

that's what makes us girls

[thingsicantsharewithhim]

aspartame

is almost as sweet as you

from one addiction to another

i fluctuate between hating myself

and loving what you see in me

i get lost in the edges of my hipbones

and in yours

from the skin that meets your thighs

to coffee dates and grey skies

lets skip lunch and get to the good bit

to fingertips on necks

and crushing and choking

it's nice, though

from the car to the bar to the bed

and from the party to the bathroom

a tactical shot, so it all comes up

with all of my words i drunkenly confessed

to "i want more than this"

to arguments on the balcony with your friend

who has never known love like ours, anyway