Agent 007
Agent double oh seven's in there, plus a couple of bears, and a big, crazy lettuce.
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Cosmic Funnies
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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shark vs the universe
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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izzy's playlists!
YOU ARE THE REASON
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Cosimo Galluzzi
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@thingsjoesaysinhissleep
Agent 007
Agent double oh seven's in there, plus a couple of bears, and a big, crazy lettuce.
My six foot
M: aww look who is handsome! J: not as handsome as my six foot cock! M: pardon? Six foot cock? J: yeah because I found this bag of hello kitty miniatures. And they're all messed up. So I'm going to refurbish them and sell them for Christmas. If I can't sell them for Christmas I'm going to sell them for thanksgiving. M: sounds like a solid plan. J: yeah except they keep talking about my six foot cock! M: well maybe that'll make them a quick sell this thanksgiving. J: (laughs) maybe. hey did I say anything in my sleep? M: nope!
Back
I don't think you should crack my back for a while. I don't want you to break it!
Bank
I had a dream I robbed a bank for you. I was one of those damn meddling kids!
The Meaning of Life
J: Hey Mirabelle. Guess what the meaning of life is?
M: What's the meaning of life?
J: Onions! [Uncontrollable laughter followed by snoring.]
Perverts
This nation was built on the backs of perverts.
Fish
J: Hey Mirabelle! Mirabelle!
M: (waking up) Yes Joe?
J: Did you know that you are the most beautiful fish?
M: ...
Uganda
J: If you keep acting like that, I'm gonna have to cover you in oil and chase you around the house.
M: Well, that sounds fun! Sign me up!
J: UGANDA!
Japanese
J: Hidekimomo des ka.
M: Joe... Are you speaking Japanese in your sleep?
J: Momomomomomomomomomo.
Mullet
J: What would I do if I had a 9 inch mullet?
M: I don't know Joe. What would you do if you had a 9 inch mullet?
J: I'd cut it off!
Grandma's
It's like we're trapped in this exponential grandma's house!
Fuel
The dead ones can be used as fuel.
Ambulance
I'm so glad I'm home and not in an ambulance. A boo hoo wagon. A baby wanna ba ba mobile.
Poems
That's why there are so many poems. Because charcoal turns into diamonds and the diamonds turn into poems.
Cattle Blaze
I had a dream about the cattle blaze. I could have fed a whole herd. It's a mutation that causes cows to grow vegetation right out of their skin. All kinds of vegetables. Some of them were turning into lions.
Dove Coat
[M puts arm around J]
J: Awwww, you're my dove coat.
Boots
Yep, wearing boots and being a lesbian.