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I'm a hopeless 21 year old simply (and ironically) hoping for a peaceful death. This is a side blog where I vent my depressing thoughts and feelings.

[smoke-n-breath]

When you’re too sweet & too kind that you help people out when they’re feeling down but you cant find anyone to help you out when you are feeling down. Damn. You think its getting better while actually life is a bitch & making you think things are getting better then BOOM. There it is you fall even harder than u did before :/ :(!

[timid]

[ughh-reality]

fuck :)

[requiem-for-silence]

meeeeeeeee

[artemis-crock]

my entire life is just a test to see if i’ll commit suicide or homicide first

[haunting--thoughts]

[little--panda-deactivated201411]

[whitebloodocean]

[dirtyboy420-blog]

[thingsthatiwouldnttalkabout-blog]

Depression is so weird because it’s like, obviously I don’t want it, yet sometimes it’s what I find myself going back to if not for the fact that it’s familiar and ‘comfortable.’ Like, no I don’t want to be depressed, but when I’m not it sometimes feels too foreign or like I’m not feeling anything at all, and I find myself going back to it even though I just end up feeling like shit again. It’s like I’ve built up this co-dependency on something so awful yet I can’t shake it for one reason or another, and that in itself is pretty depressing.

[thingsthatiwouldnttalkabout-blog]

i think if i fell asleep right now and didn’t wake up, i would be totally ok with that

[thingsthatiwouldnttalkabout-blog]

i feel so shitty. i feel like i’m unintentionally abusive in every friendship i have. i’m not trying to be, but i’m just so emotionally unstable/easily irritable that certain things set me off. not that i start shouting or punching or anything, but yeah. 

and the worst part is that no one even brings up their issues with me until it’s too late and then they just explode on me. but i’m not purposefully trying to be this way which is why i’d like someone to tell me earlier. i know i may not have the best reaction at the time depending on what it is since i have so many insecurities that get triggered, but in time i’d like to talk them out and hopefully fix them. what can i fix when it’s only presented at the last second?

i’m not trying to be a bad person. i want to be kind but i don’t want to be taken advantage of is all. i want my feelings of anger/sadness/etc to be considered valid as well. i don’t want anything to be one sided. fights happen, but one should try to work through them if possible, right?

i’m not even sure anymore. i’m not sure of anything. i always thought i was nice with a mood swing streak but maybe i’m actually just a horrible person. maybe i really am an awful friend. maybe i don’t deserve friends. maybe i don’t deserve anything. maybe every bad thing someone said about me was right. and maybe i wasn’t wrong all those times when all i wanted was to die. this aren’t getting better, they’re only getting worse and i’m so so so tired. i like to think i have a good heart, but perhaps it’s just a dark void and the only person i’m fooling is myself. 

the world would be better off without me...

[thingsthatiwouldnttalkabout-blog]

If I hear “Everything’s fine!” or “Everything’s gonna be fine!” one more time, I will destroy something.

[unbeliefs-deactivated20180212]

People get tired of you being sad.

// "… and then they leave, even when they promised they wouldn’t." (via bl-ossomed)

[drinkbleachwme]

[cry-baby-in-the-love-club]

XX

[that-simple-bitch-deactivated20]

Depression isn’t tiny girls in baggy sweaters and messy buns reading John Green and sipping tea. Depression is all the evils your Mother warned you about, trapped inside your own body.

Vienna Jeffrey’s slam poem ‘depression’ (via that-simple-bitch)

[thingsthatiwouldnttalkabout-blog]

so tired

i’m so tired of everything. i’m tired of not having a best friend, someone who’s day doesn’t feel complete without talking to me. i’m tired of not being good enough for someone to be their number one. i’m tired of being so weak, so unlikable, so not worth it. i’m so tired of things never working out and not being able to do anything about it. i’m tired of being so out of control of every facet of my life. i’m tired of people constantly lying, not caring. i’m tired of everything. not even the distractions seem to be enough for me anymore...

[spiritedawkwardness-deactivated]

i feel like i’m drowning and there’s no one I can trust to save me