mooscles

she/they

[thinkingofbananas]

hi people on the asexual spectrum!!! please reach target audience please. i’m hella confused rn because i think i’m on the ace spectrum??? but i don’t know like how to explain everything, so if anyone is open to talking to me about it please let me know. i am so confused? like i’m not upset about it i’m just unsure of everything rn.

[thinkingofbananas]

tw: school shootings, gun violence (mentioned)

i forgot to include this in my last post, but i would like to stress just how much schools (especially in texas) have practiced active shooting drills. i did it every year from k-11 and will be doing it next year. they start showing us an “i love you” video (made by the parents of a girl who had been shot during a school shooting) in the third grade. they show a lower level more “age appropriate” one in k-2. even in the k-2 years we had kids, teachers, and other staff that were assigned to close blinds, lock doors, run into the halls and sweep for kids before inevitably having to close the doors leaving kids in restrooms. kids caught outside of a class would either have lock themself in a stall and stand on a toilet seat or run out of the building into the neighborhood that bordered the school. in sixth grade i had a teacher that would tell us that whenever a shooter comes into school locked doors certainly help but they don’t always work so we needed to make sure to keep something sharp or barricade the class. at the ages of 11 and 12 we had plans on who would do what if a shooter got in the room. mine was to grab the scissors and flip over the desks and chairs in order to attempt to trip the shooter. it was a futile attempt to feel safe when thinking about that, but it was helped us feel like maybe we would be okay whenever it may happen. at the age of 15 i was helping my friend through a panic attack when they had an unannounced drill and we were ushered into a librarians room kids weren’t allowed in. now at 16-18 we all have grown accustomed to it (not that we weren’t before but now we’re old enough to know that if it happens it happens and we will do all we can to stop them because our state government won’t) and we sit and play truth or dare or listen to music together while we wait for an administrator to come knock on the door. i have no doubt that even if my teachers aren’t fond of me they would stop at nothing to protect those that they teach and now as old as we are, we know we would do the same. it shouldn’t be this way. i shouldn’t know this information for years and just now reach the age to understand and speak out on it. again i am still a minor and yet my classmates, friends, and teachers are familiar with the idea that one day we may go into school and never go out. it sounds dramatic because it is a very serious issue that shouldn’t be political. it shouldn’t be an issue to restrict access to the object that makes kids feel the need to try and decide if they wanna risk getting up to close the windows, knowing they may be shot. again my love and condolences to those in uvalde and those victim to school shootings and gun violence previously. please look into ways to support the people at uvalde at this time. protect the kids of texas who are born and making decisions like the ones i listed above.

[thinkingofbananas]

tw: school shootings, gun violence, SA

i memorized how to tell if i was out of view from a school window or window on the door in kindergarten. my school constantly has bomb or gun threats. i live in texas. i watch all of these things happen a few hours away. a kid at my school brought a handgun with him one morning and i was not informed about it until 6 pm because they “had the situation under control.” multiple people at my school have fallen victim to gun violence in their neighborhood a few miles or less from my own. i was much more naive in middle school, i had hope that every time we got a threat it would be the last one, i thought i was going to go to highschool and something would have been changed. yet here we are. i am lucky enough that they caught the kid before he did anything and i am lucky enough that threats never got inside before that. i am not lucky enough to not have to text my friends if they are okay when a 9-10th grade campus somehow didn’t notice a student with a military grade gun. i am not lucky enough to feel safe at my school. not just because of gun control but that has been the most consistent worry of mine. which is insane to me because i walk by my rapist everyday. i had people coming up to me in the halls and talking behind my back because they thought i was just faking it to cover for the fact i’m gay. i am bisexual, i am still attracted to men, and i had already been out for at least a year. and the school administrators asked me if i was promoting people to give him threats of being beat up or telling them to be mean to him despite the fact that i had not spoken to him in two weeks at that time. i walk by that man everyday and yet i worry about “bigger things” like when is the next day we’ll get a threat? when is the next day someone will come on campus with a gun unnoticed? when is the next day someone will have access to guns and try to use them in the middle of my school day? and my friends school days, and the kids in my city, and the kids in my state. i am going to be a senior this year and nothing has changed since kindergarten. i’m tired of empty promises and solutions that only include the increase of guns in police force and to citizens. i’m tired of it not being changed so i am asking for adults and all of the people voting next election to please look out for kids that have already been born and are living with this news right now in texas. too many lives have been lost. my love and condolences extend to those in uvalde. please consider donating to any organization that is actively helping the people in uvalde!! help kids in texas please.

[thinkingofbananas]

thought dump: i don’t understand how grown adults expect me, a high schooler, to know exactly how many calories are in one scoop of boba or one spoon of peach syrup? like yes i can read the label but the spoon doesn’t have it’s measurement it’s legit just a spoon??? and also why are you asking me of all people why we got rid of a flavor? like really? one about me makes you think that ik wtf is going on with international shipping prices and how it effects some random ass flavor you’re requesting??? all ik is it’s gone sorry not sorry. then i’m still expected to treat them like the ruler of the world like bro idgaf who you are like you do you but man i’m a minor and i straight up cannot make business decisions for a business i don’t know and i can’t bend to your every need despite what you think i’m supposed to do??? i don’t get it??? like why are you being rude to someone much younger than you who is simply trying to give you the information they know and being honest when they don’t know what’s going on??? like i may be the manager according to the mall but i am not the boss. i am simply a 17 yo trying to pay for gas okay? i don’t get why we’re out of kiwi either sorry? i guess? i am #livid. i don’t get it anymore i am trying my best and smiling and being polite and trying to make sure you get what you want yet i am getting hate for simply existing as a customer service worker for a small business. slayed.

[thinkingofbananas]

so upset that i can’t just walk out work like nick walks out the van whenever someone says something remotely offensive. i want that for myself.

[thinkingofbananas]

love it when you babysit for your drunk family and then someone comes back after months and you’re like relief! finally! and then you babysit them as well. and then it’s all “why do you smoke” like bitch if you’re not sober IM not sober. anyways matilda broke me thanks mr. styles

[thinkingofbananas]

pov you are me 36 heartstopper edits to don’t blame me later still trying to find even more

[thinkingofbananas]

PB&J(ust thinking about how nobody will ever treat me as good as nick and charlie and tara and darcy and tao and elle and isaac to his friends treat eachother so now i have unrealistic expectations but they shouldn’t be unrealistic because people should be treated that well in relationships and yet they aren’t and i will never find love or if i do it will be with someone who will never love me back tbh i’ll probably fall for someone straight) ANYWAYS SANDWICH

[thinkingofbananas]

when the lord said let there be light do you think he actually meant the sun or did he have his own jesus lamp and some hoe unplugged that shit and he said that. not thinking of the consequences. and now there is sun and the earth exists and evolution. the earth could be flat how would we know that nasa is lyingx:)&:

[thinkingofbananas]

do you ever think about how nick sturniolo was right when he said that birds can fly. damn. crazy wejrhebd