This is my best friend and me on the very first day we ever hung out together, in 2011:
A few days before I moved away from him in 2011, he introduced me to @taylorswift‘s Speak Now album. I hadn’t really heard many of her songs before then, but I remember the feelings that welled up in my heart and started slowly spreading throughout my entire body, warming me up from the inside out as he played “Back to December,” “Sparks Fly,” “Mine,” “The Story of Us,” and “Mean” for me.
Speak Now became my anthem. It became the soundtrack of my life when I moved to New York City for winter. I remember being on the subway and crying as I heard Taylor sing:
“So here I am in my new apartment in a big city, they just dropped me off
It’s so much colder than I thought it would be, so I tuck myself in and turn my nightlight on…”
Taylor has been a central player in our friendship since day one. We would relate about those who had hurt us, or who had slandered us, or who had broken our hearts, and we would assign certain songs to each person, each relationship, each heartache.
I moved back in 2014, just before 1989 came out. We went to Wal-mart at midnight to purchase the album (having begged one of the employees to open up the box at 12 am SHARP), and listened to the album on loop til 4 in the morning. In full-blown 80′s costumes, no less.
We went to see the 1989 tour twice, in Miami and Tampa. And Taylor blew our hair back and our skirts up.
We listened to Look What You Made Me Do the moment it was released. And my bestie SCREAMED “Because she’s dead” seconds before Taylor said it. And we listened to it and watched the lyric video on loop.
I had no idea how relevant that song and the entire album would become to me over the next month.
In late November, my best friends utterly betrayed me. Knowing me to my core, all my triggers, my insecurities, all the things I’ve dealt with in my life, and after having made several promises to me to always work through conflict and to make it back to “warm fuzzies,” after being promised to be in their lives and a part of their family forever - they disregarded all of it and kicked me out of the house, claiming I was causing them to have problems in their marriage and that I had to go.
They made it clear my best friend was not being kicked out. That he was welcome to stay with them. That it was just me that was being kicked out. That I was the one with all the problems and had to be removed, but they wanted him to stay.
My best friend did not do this. He had several different options in front of him, and he chose me. He has spent countless endless nights listening to me doubt myself, listening to me cry, listening to me wallow in self-pity and wonder if I was even lovable.
Every single time I had doubts, he assured me they were unfounded. When I would come home at night, he would light candles, and then tell me he built a fire just to keep me warm.
Reputation has taught me the value of keeping your cards close to your chest. To being careful who you trust and let in. It has helped me see the necessity of privacy. Of keeping some relationships out of the public eye.
Reputation has taught me that it’s important to be ready for it when life and people attack you; to pay it no mind when people blame you and say you’ve done something bad, call you a witch and try to burn you at the stake. Reputation has taught me to find people who like you for you, even when your reputation has never been worse. That it’s OK not to like some people, and the importance of getting harder in the nick of time. To let your broken bones mend and look forward to the end of all the endings; that when things get broken, you have to take them away. The importance of finding somebody who will run away with you in late November. To find that person who wants your midnights.
My best friend gave me more than I can ever say. I’m writing all of this to @taylorswift and @taylornation, because I want to tell Taylor all of these things, to give her a hug and say, “Thank you for doing what you do, for rising above the bullshit and shining brigther than ever.” But I also want to give my best friend the gift that he gave me all those years ago. And that’s the opportunity to introduce him to our girl, Taylor Swift.
Atlanta: 8/11, Sec FLR-E, Row 5, Seats 7 & 8;
Tampa: Sec L, Row 35, Seats 5 & 6;
Miami: Sec 130, Row 11, Seats 19-20
PLEASE REBLOG AND SHARE SO @taylorswift AND @taylornation SEE IT!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
janainaart
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