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Our love was just like the empty bottles of whiskey we drank till 3am, and I want to throw them all at you. But who am I kidding? I’m the only one who is going to be bleeding from the shattered pieces.

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How do you keep your heart whole, knowing that everything that you believed in was just another beautiful lie?

somebody please save me, please

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He used to love me, And now, He's just a stranger Who happens to know All of my secrets

Mouthful of forevers

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I wish I could forgive myself for the things I’ve said and put you through. But I won’t, because I deserve all of the pain for the trouble you went through. And I will carry the weight of my consequences till my deathbed.

im so so sorry, but I really did love you, even if my love wasn’t right

[thirteenapril-blog]

Find someone who loves you even on the days you don’t love yourself.

Lessons I've learnt from heartbreak #15

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Occasionally, you still revisit me in my dreams. Sometimes I wonder if it was my fault, for running away when things are good, for doubting your words when you told me you were falling in love with me. Because the way your eyes fell on mine those sleepless nights still haunt me in my sleep. Though the world may never know about us, and all that's left is the pieces from tearing each other apart, I still see you as a lover I wish I loved better. Tearing you open till the end is one of my biggest regrets. And I'm sorry, for breaking your heart.

@thirteenapril

[thirteenapril-blog]

I'm sorry to my unknown lover Sorry that I can't believe that anybody ever really Starts to fall in love with me Sorry to my unknown lover Sorry I could be so blind Didn't mean to leave you And all of the things that we had behind

@thirteenapril

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Sometime someday, someone will come into your life not to forcefully break down the walls that you’ve tried so hard to build. Instead, patiently, they will knock on the bricks stacked up high even if it means bruised knuckles and wishful waiting. And I hope that when that time comes, you’ll be able to free up some of your heart by letting go some of the pain that you’re so used to holding, just so there’s a little room in there for them too.

Lessons I’ve learnt from heartbreak #14

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She gets so excited each time she talked about her passion, but all he did was tell her she was talking too loud.

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I don't remember how your voice sounds like anymore, but some of words still echo in my head.

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I remember it hurt like hell when we had to say goodbye. But there was no turning back for us. So we kissed each other for the last time and moved forward because that's the only way we knew, and cried swearing that we would never hurt anyone as bad as we did each other.

the young love that made me wiser @thirteenapril

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I hope there won't ever come a day where you will stop looking at me like that.

@thirteenapril

[thirteenapril-blog]

I used to think that to love, means to love ‘no matter what’, regardless the obstacles that may come my way. To me, ‘no matter what’ was an infinite promise. But I have learnt that that is not true.

Sometimes, you will have your heart torn to pieces. Sometimes, you would not be loved equally in return, or loved at all. Sometimes, ‘no matter what’ had terms and conditions attached to it. 

I once promised him that whatever we had was something I would fight forever to keep. Even when our love was seemingly absent at our worst moments, I held onto that promise, wholeheartedly, without a doubt.

When he decided to let us go, I was shattered. He ripped out the pieces of me that I’ve given to him, only to leave me bleeding while he moved onto the next one almost too quickly. My self-esteem was smashed to an all-time low. I didn’t know how to live for a future without him in it.

But days have lead to months and it has over been over a year now. Maybe I haven’t completely healed, but my future is more hopeful, and I’ve finally dug up enough courage in me to let someone else in. Someone whose smile makes my day a little brighter.

And while my past still hurts and breaks my bones, I guess his leaving has taught me something. 

Don’t cling onto a promise, don’t put purpose into a person. Learn to love yourself before having the capacity to love someone else. Know that life is always worth living for, with or without someone to love. But with him or her around, life is happier. The only person promised to be in your future is you, and my dear, look at how you’ve rebuilt your life from the rock bottom you thought you’d never come out of. Moment by moment, day by day, choice by choice, you’ve made the conscious decision and effort to be better. Know what you deserve and choose the battles worth fighting for.

If your fuck ups and bitter end have taught you all these and more, then perhaps, all that heartbreak you survived would not have been in vain.

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For you to be this sad, you must have once felt so happy. You will find that feeling again. And I promise, when that time comes, it will be beautiful.

Lessons I’ve learnt through heartbreak #13

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I used to believe that we were burning on the edge of something beautiful, but then he made me realise I was just trying to helplessly grasp onto the remaining wisps of smoke, when I deserved more than the battles you never fought and the painful words you left behind.

Lessons I’ve learnt through heartbreak #12

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I once thought I’d never run out of words for you - whether it was about our memories that left a bittersweet aftertaste on my tongue, or the way it ended so abruptly before we could take it into something more. I’ve always had something to say, even when what we had shattered my bones and left me speechless. But lately, I’m left with no words except for the way you were just a painful “almost”. 

Being with you was like being on a high point on the rollercoaster before the biggest drop and having the ride shut down. All the anticipation, high hopes and adrenaline was built up to meet no end. There was no reward for the bumps on the road we served, leading up to the final end point. It was a fun ride filled with unbounded hope and potential, but what I found at the end of it all was nothing I expected to find. And there was no one to blame.

But maybe that was all it was ever supposed to be. Because our love was just that - almost. Almost worth committing, almost deserving of trust, almost something better and final. I could almost love you, or maybe I already did. I never found out. And it’s crushing, trying to write an ending for whatever we had before there really ever was a beginning. 

[thirteenapril-blog]

He likes my bruised knees, and I like his tired eyes. We may be made of scars and abandoned skin, but despite his broken parts, the love he had to give wasn't incomplete, and maybe that's all that matters.

@thirteenapril